Into Naruto's World
by Karaoke
Summary: Two girls get sucked into the computer screen while watching Naruto...and Konoha will never be the same! First few chapters will be a bit boring, but the pace will pick up, don't worry. A bit of SasuOc later. CHAPTER 24 UP!
1. The Beginning

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Unfortunately.

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CHAPTER 1

"Bailey, shouldn't we be going to bed soon? It's two in the morning." Abigail Wilson yawned and stretched, leaning back in her chair. She was a tall, 13-year-old girl with dark blue eyes and a pale face full of freckles. Her hair was an inky black curtain that hung down to her mid-back, half-covering her face most of the time.

"No way!" squawked Bailey Vernes, a short, slender girl with super-straight dirty-blonde hair a few centimetres longer than Abigail's, tied up in a tidy ponytail, and amber eyes. She threw a pillow from the couch beside her at her friend, and missed by a mile. "I'm watching the next one! I can't watch Naruto at my house because I have dial-up, and it'd take me a whole day to download one crummy episode!" She scowled at the computer, as if it was its fault for being better than hers.

"All right, keep your hair on." Abigail glanced at the pillow on the floor a few feet away, and grinned. "You're a lousy aim."

Bailey didn't hear; she was too absorbed in the characters on the screen. "I wish I knew Japanese," she muttered. "It's such a pain to have to read the subtitles."

"Hey, be glad there ARE subtitles, or you wouldn't understand any of this!" Abigail said. Again Bailey ignored her. Abigail sighed. Her friend had only been introduced to Naruto a week ago, and she was more obsessed with it than anyone else Abigail knew; including herself. Abigail had downloaded a few of the episodes, and once Bailey had watched them ,she demanded that Abigail download the rest, saying it wasn't too big a favour, since she had high-speed and it wouldn't even take too long.

They watched in silence for a while, Bailey's eyes pasted to the screen, flickering from the English captions up to the picture, and back. It was close to a gale outside, and every once in a while a flash of lightning would light up the dark room, followed uncomfortably closely by a rumble of thunder. Abigail thought it would be a more suitable night for watching horror movies, instead of Naruto, but Bailey was stubborn as a mule, and she knew there would be no point in suggesting they do something else.

"That scumbag!" Bailey yelled, as Kakashi was trapped in a water cage by the opposing jounin. "Hand me that pillow!" She told Abigail. Not even bothering to ask why, Abigail did. Bailey took it and flung it forcefully at the computer screen, knocking off a pop bottle that was resting there, and spilling Mountain Dew all over the monitor.

"Bailey!" Abigail protested. Her friend collapsed into giggles. "I'm going to have to clean this up now." Abigail said, frowning as she mopped it up with paper towel, but soon she was laughing too.

"Now I've missed some of it." Bailey sighed and rewound the movie back a few minutes. It was back to where Kakashi was winking at Naruto and saying he wouldn't let his friends die. The moment that the screen displayed Zabuza in the midst of the three child ninjas, saying "it's over", several things happened at once. A bright flash of lightning lit up the room at the exact same time that they heard the boom of thunder, there was a horrific crack somewhere above their heads, the computer flashed off, and Bailey and Abigail both fell off their chairs. Neither of them knew how; if they didn't know better, they would have said it seemed like the chairs had just evaporated beneath them. Without the blue glare of the computer screen, the room was plunged into entire darkness, and was it just Bailey, or did it seem colder? _I didn't know computers gave off heat, _she thought wonderingly. "What happened?" She asked.

"I think lightning must have struck a telephone pole or something. We have a power outage."

"Darn it, I want to know how that episode ended." Bailey said crossly. "And why is the carpet wet, and where is my stupid chair?" She got to her feet and felt around beside her.

Indeed, the carpet _did _feel damp. And the air in the room was definitely colder. "Maybe some of the Mountain Dew spilled on the carpet." Abigail said, getting to her feet as well. "I wish there was some light…"

"Brrr, it's cold. And I think your chair ran away." Bailey rubbed her bare arms. She was wearing her pyjamas: a tanktop and sweats. Abigail's pyjama suit at least had long sleeves, Bailey thought enviously.

"As I said, power outage. The heater must have shut down. And I'm sure we'll find the chair someday, hiding out as a refugee in the neighbour's haystack." Abigail stretched her arms in front of her to keep from bumping into a wall and stumbled blindly forward. "If I can… find the bathroom, I know there's a flashlight in…a-aaack!" She screeched piercingly and there was a loud thunk as she tripped over something; almost instantly there was a muffled curse from where she had fallen.

"What the hell? Who's that!" Bailey asked, slightly freaked out. Abigail started to scream something, but her voice was drowned out by others' voices and motions around them.

"Don't move you die!"

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Not really a cliffhanger, as you can probably guess what's happening, but I had to end here anyways, because of very important matters I must attend to (cough, cough)... also because I just felt like it. The next chapter will be coming in soon (hopefully). 


	2. Discussions

A/N: In chapter 1, I meant to type, "don't move OR you die!" not, "don't move you die!" Haha, my bad.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, although I do own some ramen. Mmm... ichiban...

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CHAPTER 2

_"Don't move or you die!" _That was a female voice, but not Abigail's. Someone –Abigail- squeaked in fear, but her voice sounded stifled, as if something was in front of her mouth.

"What's happening?" A male voice, slightly higher than normal.

"Someone tripped over me!" That was the muffled voice from before, but it was no longer muffled, and it wasn't coming from on the ground either. Despite the confusion and fright of the situation, Bailey felt her insides squish at the sound of that voice. It was quiet and slightly angry sounding, but it was the kind of voice that makes you want to run to the owner and say your name a thousand times.

"Who are you?" Bailey asked fearfully. _And how on earth did you get in here so silently? _"Just what is going on!"

"There's another?" Came the first voice.

"How many are you?" Asked the female voice. "And what are you doing here?"

Bailey started to say "what are you doing here," was a bit of a weird thing for the _intruders _to say, but the male voice that made you melt interrupted her. "We aren't going to get much sorted out if we're all talking in the dark." There was the striking sound of a match, and a circle of pale light sprang up from a candle being held by…

"Sasuke!" Bailey gasped, stumbling back. He looked shocked that she knew his name. "This…what…" she looked around. Sure enough, the "slightly high pitched" male voice belonged to Naruto, and the female voice came from Sakura, who had her hand in front of the mouth of an anime girl with black hair that Bailey didn't know, and was holding a dagger to her throat. Seeing that they were all staring, Sakura lowered her hand with the dagger and moved away.

"I thought she might have been attacking you when I heard you yell, Sasuke-kun."

_But wait a minute… _Bailey thought, _wouldn't that mean… _"A-Abby?" She squeaked? The girl with black hair looked at her, looking just as gobsmacked as she felt.

"Bailey? You're… we're anime! And… what…" She shook her head, looking at the ground, which was not "wet carpet" after all, but wet grass. "This… can't be happening…"

"What can't be happening? Who are you? Your names are weird." Said Naruto.

"That's because we're not Japanese." Bailey said. Somehow she was able to talk calmly, and think straight, despite the strangeness of the situation. _Abigail said I was anime, too? _She thought, peering down at her hand. Sure enough, it was too smooth, too white, too much like a drawing for it to be her normal hand.

"You speak the language pretty fluently." Sakura said, an eyebrow raised.

"We do? We do!" Bailey said, amazed. She hadn't even noticed until now.

"Uh, yeah..." Naruto seemed confused, like everyone else. _Except Sasuke, _Bailey noted; he merely looked bored and was examining his fingernails with mild interest.

"So if you aren't Japanese, why are you here? And why are you sneaking around in the middle of the night?" Sakura asked, suspicion creeping into her voice as she fingered her kunai.

"We weren't _sneaking around._" Bailey countered hotly, starting to dislike Sakura on a new level. She had never liked her in the TV show, but face-to-face, she was even worse.

Abigail yawned hugely. "Could we talk about this tomorrow? I'm exhausted," she said, casting an accusatory glance at Bailey. "_Some_one kept me up late."

"Suits me just fine," Naruto said, also yawning and already retreating back to his sleeping bag. Sasuke put the candle on the ground a few feet away from his sleeping bag and lay down on top of it, not bothering to actually crawl inside. He lay on his back with his head on his hands, staring up at the starry sky.

"But what if they kill us in our sleep?" shrieked Sakura.

"You seriously think they could?" asked Sasuke scornfully, not even bothering to look at Sakura.

She blushed. "They have the element of surprise." She mumbled, looking down at the ground.

"We also have the element of no weapons, you 'tard." Bailey rolled her eyes.

Naruto leapt up. "Don't insult Sakura-chan!" He warned.

Bailey started to say something snide, but Abigail stepped on her foot. "Look, you guys, you can argue all night for all I care, but _I _am going to sleep." _On the nice cold, wet, ground. _She added distastefully to herself. Oh well, she was too tired to care very much.

Unfortunately, Bailey wasn't. "How am I supposed to sleep without a blanket or anything? It's cold!" She complained.

"I believe that's your problem." Sakura said icily, already having burrowed down back into her sleeping bag.

"What, you think we _tried _to get sucked into the computer? I think not!" Bailey said. All three of the ninjas sat up.

"What are you talking about?" Sasuke asked.

"Please, I don't want to explain right now! Bailey! Just shut up for once in your life!" Abigail pleaded. "I'm tired; we can sort this out in the morning, as I said before!"

"Not if I don't get a blanket!" Bailey contradicted stubbornly. "_You _have warm pyjamas; I only have a tank top! And pants." She added uncomfortably when Naruto's head whipped around to stare at her.

"We don't have any spare blankets anyways." Sakura said, lying back down. "So you're out of luck."

Bailey opened her mouth to say something, but again was interrupted. "You can use my sleeping bag." Sasuke said, getting up. "If you unzip it all the way, it'll be like a blanket." He picked up the still-burning candle and began to walk away from the campsite.

"Wait, Sasuke-kun, where are you going?" Sakura called.

He barely glanced back. "I'll be back in the morning." He said.

"Uh…thanks!" Abigail and Bailey yelled. He didn't respond. They grabbed his sleeping bag and unzipped it, with some difficulty, for the light was disappearing rapidly with him. It was still barely light enough for Bailey to see Sakura give them a jealous, venomous look as they curled up under _Sasuke's _sleeping bag. She resisted the urge to comment on how nice and warm it was, but only barely. After all, Sakura may not be half as strong as Sasuke and Naruto, but she still had a kunai, which Bailey did not.

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Sneak peek for chapter 3... 

_"What's going on here?" Kakashi looked at Bailey and Abigail, their hair full of noodles and broth. "Who are you?"_

_Bailey ignored the question. She stared at Kakashi's spikey hair with wide eyes."Whoa, your hair is wicked. Is that natural, or did you play with an electric socket when you were a baby?"_

But I refuse to post chapter 3 until I get at least 3 reviews. See, I'm making it easy, three isn't many. Just do it...(hah, I said "do it", gibble gibble snork snork)...it's not difficult...


	3. Food Fight at the Ramen Stand

Well, some of those reviews were very rude… I'm wondering what the point of writing flames is, I mean, if you really hate the story so much why do you waste more time than necessary on writing crap about it? But oh well, I suppose some people just have no life. So anywho, I got more than 3 reviews (thank you all!) so here is my next chapter!

CHAPTER 3

Bailey woke up reaching for the TV remote. Her hands grasped damp, dewy grass instead of carpet, and she sat up, alarmed.

"Oh, yeah…" She said to herself as she saw Naruto sleeping a few feet away. As it had been too dark to take in her surroundings the previous night, she looked around curiously. They were all in a large clearing, surrounded on all sides by dense forest. Several of the trees had slash marks all the way up the trunk to some of the higher branches, and Naruto's backpack lay next to him in his sleeping bag. As mentioned before, he was still asleep, but Sakura was gone.

Bailey crawled out from under Sasuke's sleeping bag/blanket. She shrieked as her feet touched cold, wet grass, and leapt for safety onto Naruto's sleeping form, holding her foot.

"Ah!" He yelled, sitting upright so that Bailey was tossed back onto the grass. He was halfway to reaching for a weapon when he saw who it was. He glared at her. "What was that about?"

"My, you're a fast operator." Abigail commented, having woken up from the ruckus. Bailey grinned.

"Damn straight! Naruto, will you marry me?" Bailey rolled over so that her head was on Naruto's blanketed lap, gazing up at him coyly. Abigail snickered, but Naruto blushed.

"What? No!" Naruto yelled awkwardly. "Get off me!"

"Your wish is my command." Bailey said dreamily, obediently sitting up. Abigail laughed harder. Naruto got up uncomfortably, avoiding Bailey's eyes. "Hey…where's Sakura-chan?" He asked, looking over at Sakura's rumpled, empty sleeping bag.

"I dun-" Abigail stopped talking, looking at a place over Bailey's left shoulder. Bailey and Naruto both turned.

Sasuke was walking rather quickly out of the forest, Sakura trailing behind him, clinging to his arm. Bailey scowled at her.

"Sasuke-kun, you shouldn't have left all by yourself, especially during the night. It's dangerous."

"I can take care of myself. I don't need anyone's help." He glared at her. Bailey hoped to hear an, _especially yours, _but it didn't come. She was sure he was thinking it, though.

"But I thought you had gone off on your own again. I was worried." Sakura clutched at his arm. Bailey turned back and rolled her eyes at Abigail. Naruto looked furious.

"Oh, _Sasuke-kun!" _Sang Abigail, earning her glares from both Sasuke and Sakura. Bailey noticed that she'd rolled up the sleeping bag, and she was now holding it out to Sasuke. "Your sleeping bag."

"Thanks so much for letting us use it!" Bailey chirped. "It was so comfy… so warm… and it smelled so nice, like, like…" Sakura was grinding her teeth. Sasuke reddened slightly (to Bailey's surprise), and snatched the bag from Abigail, stuffing it in his backpack. Sakura and Naruto did the same. When they had finished packing up, and buckling on their kunai holders and belts and such, they sat on the grass (Bailey did so reluctantly) and looked expectantly at Bailey and Abigail.

"You have some explaining to do," Sakura said coldly, "Like why you were in our private training grounds in the dead of the night."

"Well, you see," Bailey began excitedly, "we were walking home from the ramen stand yesterday, when we heard this snarling behind us, we turned and saw two ferocious, hairy, red-eyed werewolves. Calmly I whipped out my katana, and said, -ow!"

Abigail had elbowed Bailey in the side of the arm. "What _really _happened,"

"Spoilsport." Grumbled Bailey, rubbing her arm.

"was we were watching Naruto at home- "

"What?" Exclaimed Naruto, looking at them in disgust.

"No –no! I mean, we weren't watching you, we were watching… Nar- ugh! You wouldn't get it!" Abigail threw up her hands.

"That's why we should've stuck with _my _story." Bailey said, sticking her nose up in the air snobbishly.

"Just tell us the truth."

"Uh, well, we were just watching a TV show at home, the lights went off, and then I tripped over Sasuke, and we were here all of a sudden." Abigail said. She could tell no one believed her.

Bailey changed the subject. "And my name's Bailey Vernes, and she's Abby Wilson!"

"Abigail." Abigail corrected.

"That's what I said, Abby. We already know _your _names." Bailey said, as Sakura opened her mouth. "Uh, because, we uh… heard you guys calling each other by them." She said hastily as they all gave her strange looks.

"I'm hungry!" Abigail yelled. "And I'm tired of introductions!"

"Me too! Lead us to the ramen place, fools!" Yelled Bailey.

Sakura was still grumbling suspicions about their two new tagalongs, but Sasuke and Naruto seemed to have accepted them. Bailey continued to flirt shamelessly with Naruto, just to make him feel awkward. She noticed that Sasuke always looked slightly puzzled (at least she thought it was puzzlement) when she pretended to hit on Naruto, and she guessed that must be because he was used to girls falling for him, not his dim-witted friend.

They arrived at the ramen stand a few minutes later, and Bailey and Abigail sat down with a flourish as though they owned the place.

"Oh, wait. Do you have any money, Abigail?" Bailey asked as she realized she was broke. Abigail dug in her pockets and came up with a few crumbs of white fluff.

"Do they accept lint?"

"We could say it's some foreign currency."

"No, I don't think it would work."

The girls turned to team 7 expectantly.

"No way." Said Sakura. Sasuke and Naruto both backed up, shaking their heads. Bailey narrowed her eyes.

"We are LOST and BROKE! We have no idea how we got here, or how we are going to get back! You would just let us starve, cold and miserable, in a foreign world, where everyone has huge eyes, and tiny noses, and whose mouths go all triangular when they yell, and jump in slow motion?" She jumped on the ramen counter and stuck a dramatic pose. Abigail leapt up beside her and pointed down at the three stunned kids.

"You would be so cold-hearted to leave us stranded in the midst of a country we don't know, hungry but with no way of paying for our food, crying anime tears, shivering in our pyjamas, while you all have safe, warm houses to go to and lots of food to eat, and proper clothes to wear? How? How could you?" Abigail and Bailey both burst into tears.

"Where is the humanity?" Yelled Bailey, tears streaming down her face.

"Where is the justice?" Sobbed Abigail.

"Where is the LOVE?" They yelled together.

"OKAY!" Yelled Sakura. "We get the picture!"

Naruto heaved a sigh, digging some change out of his pockets. Bailey squealed and hopped down from the counter. Abigail slid off after her, all traces of tears gone from both their faces.

"My hero! I knew you would be the one to save me, in times of need, in times of sorrow and suffering!" Sighed Bailey, throwing her hands around his neck. She gazed down at the coins in his hand. "That is some _weird _money."

Naruto jerked away from Bailey. "I need you two to chip in as well, I don't have enough for some for myself if I have to pay for all of theirs as well." He told Sasuke and Sakura, who both sighed.

A few minutes later all five of them were sitting at the counter (with footprints all over it) eating their food. Naruto was sitting at the far left (in an attempt to get rid of Bailey), then Sakura, Sasuke, Abigail, and Bailey.

"You know it was really rude of you to make us pay?" Sakura said huffily. "That was the last of my allowance for this month."

"Oh, boohoo." Said Abigail through a mouthful of noodles.

"Shut up, forehead girl." Said Bailey. Naruto leapt to his feet angrily.

"Stop insulting Sakura-chan!" He yelled. Sakura rolled her eyes. Bailey pretended to be taken aback.

"Don't yell at me, Naruto! Oh please!" Bailey sniffed, scrunching up her face to look like she was about to cry. "I thought you loved me!" She started to howl.

"Well, I don't!" He said, but he seemed to be feeling quite bad for making her cry.

"It's over!" Yelled Bailey, going from the depths of despair to fury in a split-second. She grabbed her cup of ramen and threw herself at Naruto with a battle cry. Unfortunately, she tripped and instead of hitting its intended target, the cup of ramen splattered against the back of Sasuke's head.

There was a stunned silence. Sasuke slowly wiped a clump of noodles from his ear. His raven-black hair was plastered to his head, dripping salty, soup-based water. He turned slowly to face Bailey, who smiled nervously. She had always thought he was gorgeous, and this was not the best impression to make.

Sakura suddenly screamed in rage. "How could you! After he helped pay for your food, you waste it? And in such a way?" She balled her fist up, but instead of punching her, like Bailey expected her to do, she grabbed her own soup and emptied the cup over Bailey's head. Bailey gasped as scalding broth poured down her face and into her shirt.

"Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot," she chanted, hopping around, wiping her face on her sleeve. Abigail avenged her friend quickly by hurling the contents of her cup into Sakura's face, who also gasped in pain and fury. Naruto in turn sloshed Abigail with his soup. Bailey, regaining her composure, grabbed Naruto's cup before he could finish bathing Abigail with it, and poured the remaining half down the back of Sakura's dress, laughing maniacally as Sakura leapt like a salmon, with a shriek that would continue to ring in their ears for a long time.

"You...you...how dare you!" Yelled Sakura, lunging for Bailey, who merely put out a hand against Sakura's forehead, holding her at arms length so that she couldn't attack her. Sakura flailed wildly, trying to reach Bailey, who merely laughed.

"I think your forehead was just made for people to be able to do this." Bailey said thoughtfully. "That's why there's so much room!" Naruto heard this and quickly ordered another ramen, flinging it at Bailey when he received it.

"Come on, Sasuke, join the fun!" Yelled Abigail, scooping up a handful of noodles from the counter and mashing them into the side of his head. He yelled in alarm, grabbed some noodles on the ground beside him, and threw them in her face. Sakura changed her target from Bailey to Abigail, and Bailey ordered a ramen (even though she had no money) to get Naruto back.

The food fight had been going on for several minutes when somebody cleared their throat very loudly behind them. Sakura, the first to hear it, turned her head (in her left hand she held a bowl of ramen, poised to throw, in her right hand she had a clump of Abigail's hair). "Kakashi sensei!" She breathed, horrified.

Everyone turned slowly to face team 7's leader, frozen in their positions. Bailey had a fistful of Sasuke's shirt and was holding a dripping ramen cup above his head, and Abigail had a fistful of noodles ready to be thrown at Sakura, the other hand was clutching Sakura's, trying to pry it off her hair. Sasuke was also armed with a fist of noodles, and he had a hold of Bailey's arm (the one that had grabbed his shirt) so that she would stay in place while he threw his food at her. Finally, Naruto was just sneaking up behind Sasuke, with a full cup of ramen, ready to be dumped. Kakashi stared at them. The eye that wasn't covered up by his headband was widened with surprise. The five children sweat-dropped and grinned nervously.

"H-hello, Kakashi sensei." Sakura said, attempting to sound dignified. She let her cup of ramen fall to the ground with a soft splat, and stopped pulling Abigail's hair. Abigail loosened her death grip on the pink-haired girl's arm. Slowly everybody else let go of each other and their "weapons".

"What's going on here?" Kakashi asked finally. He looked at Bailey and Abigail, their hair full of noodles and broth. "Who are you two?"

Bailey ignored the question. She stared at Kakashi's spiky hair with wide eyes. "Whoa, your hair is wicked. Is that natural, or did you play with an electric socket when you were a baby?"

"It's so silky." Abigail chimed in. She moved forward and tentatively stroked a strand. "Do you use herbal essences?"

Kakashi cleared his throat nervously and moved away from the black-haired girl, who laughed. Bailey continued to stare at his hair, making him nervous.

"Uh, well… actually, I prefer head & shoul-" he shook himself. What was he saying? He wasn't going to tell them what shampoo he used! "You still haven't told me who you are, and what the hell went on here!"

"Well, it's quite simple." Abigail said, cutting off Bailey's "Head &shoulders? Dove is better,". "This is Bailey, and I'm-"

"Abby." Bailey supplied.

"_Abigail._" Abigail said, glaring at her friend.

"And what happened was no more than a friendly little food fight!" Bailey threw her empty ramen cup into the air with a cheer. Sasuke took the opportunity to smash his fist of noodles into her face. She spluttered and charged at him, half-blinded by broth.

"Do we have training tomorrow, Kakashi sensei?" Asked Sakura, looking jealous of Bailey, who was now trying to keep Sasuke still so she could braid his hair. She tried not to look at them.

"Uh, what? Oh, uh, yes. Training." Kakashi seemed to be having trouble focusing, as Naruto and Abigail started grabbing noodles off the ground and continuing their fighting. "Um, no. That's why I was trying to find you, to tell you the day had been reset. You have a mission tomorrow." He had to raise his voice over the sound of the fighting.

"Yay!" Yelled Bailey and Abigail. Abigail had Naruto in a headlock and was face-washing him with ramen, Bailey was clinging to Sasuke's neck, still trying to sabotage his hair.

"A mission!" Yelled the blonde girl, sliding off Sasuke's back. He massaged his throat, looking relieved.

"We'll come help!" Exclaimed Abigail, letting go of Naruto, who staggered away spitting out ramen.

"Uh, actually, these are missions for ninjas, not…"

"Are you saying we can't fight?" Yelled Abigail, stepping forward and planting a hand on her hip. Bailey joined her friend's side, and they glared at him.

"We must help them! That's what friends are for! To help in times of danger! It's one for all, and all…for one!" They yelled together, putting one hand to their heart and the other in the air.

"Whatever you say." Mumbled Kakashi. He really didn't feel like arguing with two hyperactive, potentially psychotic teenagers. "Meet me at six at the training grounds tomorrow."

"Since when did we become friends with these maniacs?" Sakura grumbled, but at that moment she had that feeling where you no longer hate someone, where you still might not like them, but you accept them anyways. And she could tell they would be together for a long time.

Well that was a VERY long chapter! But you have no idea how fun (nuts! Don't ask about the "nuts". Look at my profile if you want to figure it out.) it was to write it! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Again, I absolutely refuse to post another chapter until I get at least 3 reviews! And I really don't care about flames, so all you negative people out there, have a blast you losers!


	4. The Mission

Well, here it is! Thank you so much for your reviews, everyone! They mean so much to me! . They help me through the troubled times, when I am not sure I can make it...gasp... just kidding, but really, I appreciate it! Here's chapter 4!

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CHAPTER 4

"Wakey wakey, eggs 'n' bacey!" Bailey yelled, pouncing on her sleeping friend. Abigail had always been the late sleeper, while Bailey was always awake before anyone else. The two girls were staying at Sakura's house, much to Bailey's dismay, as it was the most convenient.

"What?" Muttered Abigail grouchily, without opening her eyes. Bailey smacked Abigail's face none too gently, but her friend was fast asleep again. Bailey narrowed her eyes. She grabbed a corner of the sleeping mat Abigail was lying on, and tugged it into a bright beam of sunlight filtering through the window. Abigail squinted, but instead of getting up, merely turned onto her stomach so that her eyes were out of the offending glare of light.

Bailey scowled at her lazy friend. She yanked open the door of the spare room in which they had been staying and ran into the hallway. "Sakura!" She yelled.

The door to Sakura's room opened and Sakura's head popped out of the doorway. "What?" She snapped.

_Geez, everyone's crabby in the morning. _Thought Bailey. "Where's the kitchen?" She asked. Sakura sighed and pointed down the hallway to a staircase.

"In the room at the bottom of the staircase, there's a doorway on the right hand side."

Bailey raced across the hallway and leapt onto the top stair. She landed on the very end of it, and her foot skidded out from under her. She toppled down the staircase with a loud squeal and crashed into a chair. Sakura and Mrs. Haruno's doors both crashed open and they sprinted to the top of the staircase to see what had happened.

"I'm fine; I'm just hemorrhaging slightly from the nose." Gasped Bailey. "No, really, it's okay!" She said bravely, holding out a quivering hand and closing her eyes dramatically as Mrs. Haruno started down the staircase worriedly. "There are more important matters at hand. Defend your stations and don't worry about me; better lose one warrior than the whole army!" She wiped the blood streaming from her nose onto the back of her hand, and darted through the doorway on her right. She grabbed a clean glass from a cupboard in the kitchen, and filled it with ice-cold water. Trying not to spill too much, she dashed back into the living room, up the stairs (where Sakura and her mom were still standing in confusion), and back into the spare room.

Abigail was snoring peacefully, hugging her pillow. Bailey lifted up the glossy mop of Abigail's hair, and emptied the icy water onto her friend's bare neck, relishing the scream that she got. She heard Sakura and her mother coming to investigate again."We have a mission, soldier! Snap to it!" Yelled Bailey, throwing the glass aside.

"Oh, yes!" Abigail's anger evaporated at the mention of the mission. She sprang to her feet at an alarming rate.

"That's the spirit!" Said Bailey approvingly. She eyed Abigail critically. "Chin up! Shoulders back!" She barked. Abigail struck an exaggerated military pose and saluted Bailey.

"At your command!" She yelled.

"Now that's what I like to hear!" Bailey laughed.

They marched out the door, slamming it open just as Sakura and her mom were about to open it themselves.

"Well, glad we're all ready then." Sakura mumbled.

"I'll go make breakfast." Mrs. Haruno bustled off.

When they had eaten, Mrs. Haruno told her daughter to lend Bailey and Abigail some clothes instead of their filthy pyjamas. Bailey thought Sakura would refuse, or give them horrendous clothes, but, up in her room, Sakura totally surprised her by turning to them and saying, "I'm sorry I've been a bit mean to you two, I think we just got off the wrong way ("She said, 'got off,'" snickered Abigail. Bailey elbowed her. Sakura didn't seem to have noticed, luckily.) and I wanted to, kind of... start over. I don't think we have enough in common to really be friends, but at least we could stop being enemies."

"Sure!" Said Abigail brightly.

"Of course." Bailey said sweetly. "It'll be a love/hate relationship, like with Ino and you!"

Sakura stared at her. "How do you know Ino-pig?"

"Uh, we uh… I mean..."

"Bailey is kind of psychic." Abigail provided quickly.

"Oh. Wow!" Exclaimed Sakura in awe. Bailey decided to steer the conversation out of these dangerous waters.

"So, uh, about the clothes…"

"Oh! Right!"

XxxxxxX

A few minutes later, Abigail, Sakura, and Bailey were on their way to the training grounds in the forest, Abigail wearing black biker shorts, and over that a light blue skirt with slits up the sides. For a top she had a plain dark blue t-shirt. Bailey was wearing an olive green tank top with a picture of a white cat head (anime of course) and a short black skirt. Sakura had apologized that there hadn't been many outfits to choose from, but the girls didn't mind. Bailey was frankly astonished that Sakura had any clothes other than her famous red dress. She started wondered if Naruto had any different clothes than his orange outfit, and Sasuke other than his dark blue t-shirt and beige shorts.

The three girls arrived at the clearing at the same time Naruto and Sasuke walked in from different directions.

Amazingly, Kakashi was on time today. Everyone stared in shock at the teacher. Bailey and Abigail both forced themselves not to stare at his hair.

"Glad to see you on time, everyone." Kakashi smiled through his mask. Abigail thought this was a rather paradoxical statement coming from someone who you could count on to almost always be late. "Your mission today is to look after and protect somebody very important."

"Who who who?" Naruto practically yelled. Everyone leaned forward in anticipation.

"Yes, somebody important, very vital to this village, whom you should be honoured to be in the presence of, especially for a full day…"

"Stop beating around the bush, Kakashi!" Screamed Sakura.

"Who is it?" Naruto yelled.

"Konohamaru, grandson of thethird Hokage. I believe you've met him, Naruto?"

"Whaaaat?" Naruto's eyes went extremely wide, with the pupils reduced to little dots, and the background around him went all funky and psychedelic, like it can only do in cartoons. It was quite an experience for Bailey and Abigail to see it in real life, if you could call this real life.

"Not that annoying kid!" Abigail yelled before she could stop herself.

"You know him?" Kakashi scrutinized her suspiciously.

"Uh, I uh…"

"Oh, Abigail, do you have psychic powers too?" Squealed Sakura in excitement.

"Wha – oh, oh yes. Yes I do! Hahaha…" Abigail grinned, sweat dropping. Sakura shrieked and clapped her hands.

"What are you talking about?" Kakashi asked.

"Oh, never mind." Bailey said.

"Yes, never mind! We have to babysit that brat? That's not an honour; that's a nightmare!" Protested Naruto.

"An outrage!" Yelled Abigail, punching her fist in the air.

"A scandal!" Bailey joined in, leaping to her feet.

"A torment!" Was Abigail's next one.

"An offense!" Bailey yelled.

"A–"

"That's enough!" Yelled Kakashi. "You girls are beginning to get on my nerves! You're the ones who wanted to participate in this mission, so you can cooperate or go home!"

Bailey sniffled, her eyes filling with tears. "We don't have a home."

"We just…just wanted to be… accepted!" Abigail whimpered, her voice cracking on the last word.

Kakashi took a few deep breaths and turned away. "You are expected at the Hokage's home in about half an hour."

"But–" Naruto began, but Sasuke smacked him over the head.

XxxxxxX

"This sucks." Bailey whined to no one in particular, switching off the vacuum and brushing a few wisps of hair that had escaped from her ponytail back from her face.

Abigail came bouncing over and sat on the coffee table. "Hey, did you know –"

"Don't sit on the table, you baka!" Screeched Bailey, diving forward and shoving her friend onto the floor. "I just wiped it; I don't want your fat butt-print all over it!"

"Bailey! There are children around!" Scolded Sakura. Bailey stuck her tongue out.

"Yeah, like you, forehead girl." She shot back, forgetting their truce. A red anger mark popped up at the side of Sakura's (overly large) forehead.

"I will refrain from starting a fight with you because of present company." She said, glaring at Bailey.

"No, I don't mind!" Konohamaru said eagerly.

"Be quiet and drink your apple juice or whatever. Take a nap." Snapped Bailey crossly.

"I'm not five!" Yelled Konohamaru. "I don't take naps or drink apple juice all day long! Although he does." He added, pointing at Naruto, who was chugging a juice box and didn't seem to hear what they were saying. Konohamaru snickered, looking oddly furtive.

"Weird kid." Muttered Bailey.

"_As I was saying_." Abigail said impatiently, turning to Bailey. "Did you know you look kind of like Ino, with your blonde ponytail and all? Only your hair isn't quite such a light blonde."

"Whoa, really?" Bailey wasn't sure whether this was a compliment or not.

"Yeah, and you don't have blue eyes." She looked at Bailey's eyes closely. Bailey started to feel a bit uncomfortable. "Your eyes changed colour a bit in this world. They're more golden than amber now. They look kinda like, uh…" She was leaning closer to Bailey, who started to bend backwards.

"Owl eyes." Said Sasuke, passing behind them. They both jumped.

"Are you saying I have bulging, lashless eyes that blink upside-down!" Bailey yelled at his retreating back, shaking her fist. He turned and gave her a strange look before continuing to his destination.

"I think that's chickens that blink upside down." Abigail said.

Bailey grabbed her arm. "Come on, we have to find a mirror. I haven't even thought about my appearance until now, but now I'm curious."

She dragged Abigail along the hallway, peering into rooms for a mirror as she went. In a room with a large window she saw a large orb lying on a cloth on a small table surrounded by cushions. "Hey look, it's the crystal ball that old dude used to spy on Naruto and the others so many times!" Yelled Bailey, starting towards it.

"That 'old dude' is the Hokage." Corrected Abigail, grabbing Bailey's arm and yanking her back into the hallway. "And we're looking for a mirror, remember?"

"No!" Bailey struggled against Abigail's grip, but her friend picked her up and slung her over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Bailey screamed and pounded Abigail's back.

When Abigail finally put Bailey down in front of a large, 5 foot high mirror, Bailey forgot all about the scrying orb. Abigail, also, forgot everything else.

"Whoa. That's really me?" Bailey's eyes were wide. _They _do _look like owl eyes. _She thought in wonder, _only not in a bad way like I thought. _Her hair was no longer such a dirty blonde, but more light a slightly faded version of Naruto's hair colour.

"I never realized how freaky it would feel to look into a mirror and see an anime person." Abigail said, tugging a strand of pitch-black hair and narrowing her eyes, which had also changed considerably. They were a clear, light blue with slightly darker blue lines spreading out from the pupil and forming a blurry ring of that same colour around the rest of her iris.

They stared at their reflections for quite a while, when they heard a loud crash from the living room. They jumped, turned around, and skidded into the hallway. Bailey landed in a spider-man crouch, with her hand outstretched, fingertips brushing the floor.

"Which way? Which way?" She asked wildly, looking back and forth. Abigail smacked her head.

"Quit being over-dramatic. There _is _only one way, you retard." She ran towards the end of the hallway. Bailey resolved to punch Abigail later, but her angry mood evaporated soon as fears of what could be happening flooded her mind. She followed her friend, whimpering things like, "It's Zabuza, I know it's Zabuza! Or maybe –"

Abigail spun around and Bailey crashed into her. "Zabuza died, you moron." She said as Bailey staggered back, and promptly continued running. Bailey decided to punch her twice later.

They entered the living room, and their eyes widened in shock at what they saw.

* * *

Yes! Finally I get to end a chapter with a cliffhanger! I've been wanting to do that for some time now.Oh, just so all of you know, even if I get a kazillion reviews (which would be really nice!)I probably won't be posting another chapter til at least the 20th, because I'm going on vacation to the Queen Charlottes, end of the end of civilization. Almost. Anyway, I'm sorry you're going to have to wait quite awhile. And on a cliffhanger, too! Tsk, I'm so evil... buahahahah.

Well, ciao! Try and guess what happens next! And hope that my ferry doesn't do a Titanic on me!


	5. The Shard of Truth and Justice

Finally back from my trip to the Queen Charlottes! I'm posting this a bit earlier than I thought I'd be able to, but I know it was a really long time, sorry.

Some little notes: for all people who are offended about how I am portraying Sakura as such an -ahem- unpleasant character, for your sake I am putting her in a bit of a nicer light. But Bailey will still be kind of mean to her, cuz Bailey is based on me, and I can't stand Sakura. Sorry.

Also, thanks to purerandomness for correcting a (really dumb) mistake of mine in chapter four; it now correctly reads "Konohamaru, grandson of the _third _Hokage", not fourth.

* * *

CHAPTER 5

Konohamaru, in a heroic pose, stood over Naruto, who was lying immobile on the floor, mouth slightly open. He obviously wasn't dead; a trickle of drool flowed from the corner of his mouth, and he was breathing, but rather shallowly. Sasuke and Sakura seemed to have only just arrived upon the scene also, for they were standing in confusion like Abigail and Bailey. A shattered blue-tinged glass plate lay on the floor a few feet away from Naruto.

"What did you do, you sadistic little creep?" Exclaimed Abigail finally, bending by Naruto and shaking him. He didn't wake up.

"I defeated him!" Konohamaru answered proudly. He had donned his cape as usual. "_I _will be the one to become the next Hokage!"

"You defeated him?" Sasuke said sarcastically, an eyebrow raised.

"Right. What did you really do, poison him?" Bailey asked. "Some sneaky, underhanded…"

"Shut up!" Yelled the kid. "We're rivals! I said I would beat him, and I did!"

"Let's just wait till he wakes up. We can hear the story from him." Said Sakura. "We better clean up this glass before someone steps on it." She glared at Konohamaru, who no longer looked so pleased with himself.

"Ooh, let me!" Yelled Abigail, bouncing up.

"Uh, sure, why not." Sakura looked oddly at her and left the room, dragging Konohamaru with her. Sasuke, sighing, picked up Naruto and dropped him on the couch, and then he also left. Bailey, remembering how Abigail had been so rude to her in the hallway, slapped her friend's face.

"Ow! What was that for!" Abigail snapped.

"Sorry." Bailey said, her eyes wide, as if she had been possessed to do it. Abigail turned away, bemused, and Bailey whacked her head again.

"What are you-" Abigail's face was rather red and her hair was slightly messed up. Bailey stuck out her tongue; Abigail lunged for her, but Bailey quickly moved out of the way.

"Uh, about the glass." She said hastily, trying to divert Abigail's mind from its murderous path. She went to get the broom, but Abigail leapt in front of her and hissed. "My job." She snarled.

Bailey hissed back, raisinga clawed hand(A/N: Not _really _clawed,I mean like, outstretched with the fingers bent, like claws, oh you know what I mean!).Abigail snapped at it.

"Why do you want to clean up the glass so bad?" Bailey asked, backing off.

Abigail winked at her friend but didn't respond. She picked up a slab of glass about the size of her palm and put it aside. After cleaning up the other shards, she picked it up again and held it up, so the light caught it and reflected in eerie blue patterns on the floor. "Behold… the shard of truth and justice!" She announced in a hushed voice. Bailey gasped and sank to her knees. She put her arms over her head and bowed down so that her palms and forehead were flat against the floor.

"We are not worthy." She murmured.

"Arise, thou of little worth." Abigail said graciously. Bailey got up, trembling.

"We must both go through the pledge of devotion." Abigail said solemnly. She clasped her left shoulder with her right hand, and with her left hand held out the slab of glass to Bailey, who grabbed the other side of it with her left hand, and took the same position as Abigail.

"I, Abigail Wilson," Abigail started.

"I, Abigail Wilson," Bailey repeated.

Abigail tilted her head back in exasperation and rolled her eyes. "You don't repeat my name, you nitwit. You say your own."

"Oh. I, Bailey Vernes."

"Hereby pledge my life and soul to the Shard of Truth and Justice, that what I forthwith do and say shall reflec-"

"Not so fast! How am I supposed to repeat it all if I can't remember what you said?" Bailey objected.

"God!" Exclaimed Abigail angrily. "You are so useless!" She flung her hands up in the air at the same time that Bailey let go in indignation. The glass fell onto the floor between them and broke in two, along with little glass sliver accessories. There was a short silence.

Abigail breathed a sigh of relief. "At least it didn't –ah!" She sucked in a sharp breath and sat on the floor, examining her foot, where a bit of blood was seeping out from between her big and second toe. "Got some glass stuck between my toes," she explained.

"Are you okay?" Asked Bailey, walking forward into the mess of glass fragments. "OUCH!" She hopped next to Abigail and sat down too, picking a few slivers of glass from the sole of her foot.

When they were finished extracting glass from their feet, they sat cross-legged and gazed at the blue remains of the Shard of Truth and Justice. "Well, I guess we should probably get rid of that stupid glass." Said Abigail.

"Blasphemy!" Yelled Bailey, smacking Abigail over the head. It was getting quite fun. (A/N: NUTS!)

"But it injured us! We can't –"

"Shut up, scum." Bailey ordered. She leaned forward and reverently lifted the biggest piece of glass that remained above her head, getting up to her knees. "We have fought between ourselves over this, shed blood and tears over it…"

"What tears?" Abigail interrupted. Bailey glanced superciliously down.

"These tears." Swiftly she licked the fingertips of her right hand and swiped them down her cheek, leaving a glistening trail. Before Abigail could knock her hand away, she reached down and left a smudge of "tears" down her cheek as well. Abigail stumbled back with a cry of disgust.

"You are revolting." She said, wiping her cheek. But she didn't really seem mad.

"Anyways." Bailey continued, taking the glass in both her hands again and lifting it up, "we are now bonded to the Shard of Truth and Justice more deeply than we had expected to become. And now, without further delay, we must take the pledge of devotion."

She got up and put out a hand to help Abigail get to her feet as well.

"Um, I think first we should clean up the gla–"

"Screw the glass! Just take the stupid pledge!" Yelled Bailey impatiently, thrusting the Shard of Truth and Justice at Abigail and clapping her right hand to her left shoulder again.

"Okay, okay!" Abigail yelled back, taking her side of the glass. She took the stance, took a few calming breaths, and cleared her throat. She opened her mouth and closed it again.

"Any day now, Abby." Bailey said.

"Don't call me Abby. I, Abigail Wilson,"

"And I, Bailey Vernes," Bailey said.

"Hereby pledge my life and soul," Abigail continued.

"Hereby pledge my life and soul,"

"To the Shard of Truth and Justice, that what I forthwith do and say,"

"To the…um, to the Shard of Truth and Justice, that what I forthwith say…"

"_Do _and say," Corrected Abigail, disguising it badly in a cough.

"Oh, yeah. That what I do and say,"

Abigail rolled her eyes; her friend had forgotten the "forthwith", but she didn't say anything."Shall reflect its principles and let its spirit show through my actions forever."

"Shall reflect its spirit…"

"_Principles."_ Abigail said through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, that, and let it um…show through…"

"Let its spirit show through my actions forever."

"Let its spirit and, I mean, its spirit show through my actions forever."

They both exhaled heavily and lowered their hands. Abigail held the Shard, now small enough that she could close her hand around it, by her side. "Man, your reciting ability is the absolute worst." Abigail stated, shaking her head. She laid the Shard of Truth and Justice on a table and sat on the couch next to Naruto's lifeless form. She looked down at him. Something went "ba_ding!" _in her head. She wouldn't have been surprised to see a light bulb.

"Just because you're a Shakespeare wannabe… uh, what are you doing?"

Abigail had gotten up and was rummaging through the drawers of a large cabinet against the wall. She didn't answer.

"Ooh, now we're becoming snoops. Excellent." Bailey rubbed her hands together gleefully and cackled. She was about to join Abigail in going through the contents of the drawer when Abigail stood up, triumphantly clutching a black permanent marker in her hand.

"Oh, so we were actually looking for something?" Bailey asked.

"Oh yes. And we found it." Abigail was grinning in a rather scary way.

"And what are we going to do with it?" Asked Bailey, still rubbing her hands together.

"Think, my little nincompoop friend." Abigail glanced at the sleeping form of Naruto.

"Uhh…" Bailey stopped rubbing her hands and looked at the marker, genuinely confused. "Paint our nails?"

"Man, you're slow. Let's try this again." Abigail held up the marker. "And what are we going to do with it?" She looked pointedly over at Naruto.

"Excellent." Breathed Bailey, finally catching on and resuming her hand-rubbing. "You are a genius."

"I know. What can I say." She crept over to Naruto and outlined the bottom of each of his eyes thickly with black marker. "You next," she said, handing the marker to Bailey.

Bailey eyed his make-up critically. "He looks like a raccoon." She said, "He just needs some whiskers." She paused, and looked at the three scars on each cheek. "Oh wait, he _has _whiskers. And now he has more." She drew an elegantly twirling French moustache below his nose, and a little goatee on his chin.

"Ooh, a sophisticate." Abigail said snootily, taking the marker. "I'll have to change that, won't I? Good thing his mouth's open already." She gently lifted his upper lip back a bit, coloured one of his front teeth and some other random ones black, and did the same to some of the bottom ones. Bailey collapsed into silent hysteria. He looked like a hillbilly. Abigail finished shading one last tooth just in time, for he mumbled something in his sleep and then closed his mouth. He seemed to be in a lighter sleep now, driving Bailey into a bit of a frenzy.

"My turn, my turn." She hopped up and down excitedly as Abigail handed her the marker. She contemplated for a second, then connected his eyebrows into a wild, bushy unibrow. When she was finished, she was rather surprised to see a bit of a resemblance to Rock Lee.

Bailey was in the middle of drawing gigantic crows feet in the corner of his eyes (after Abigail had drawn lines coming down from the sides of his nose to the corner of his mouth, giving him rather droopy looking jowls), when Sakura and Sasuke came into the room. Sakura said, "I thought you cleaned the glass up!", but Sasuke seemed more interested in what they were doing. He narrowed his eyes and looked at Naruto, then looked up at the two girls, Bailey hiding the marker behind her back and trying to look innocent. "You're so immature." He said, but as he turned away Bailey was positive she saw a hint of a smirk on his face.

Sakura walked over and looked at Naruto's decorated face, which looked about fifty years old, and burst into laughter. Then, remembering how Sasuke hadn't been so enthusiastic, she straightened her face and said, "It's a bit childish, though."

**I think it's hilarious! **Raged the Inner Sakura.

Naruto's eyelids fluttered open, making the black lines under his eyes even more noticeable. "Sakura-chan?" He asked groggily.

"H-hai?" Sakura said, trying to keep a straight face. "I was just…checking to make sure you were okay." She said.

"Oh." He sat up, rubbing the back of his head, and grinned, displaying his many "missing" teeth. Sakura made a kind of whimpering, snorting sound, and Bailey let out a howl of laughter, while Abigail emitted a strangled, rather deranged choke as she tried to hold the laughter in. Even Sasuke definitely looked amused now.

"Are you guys okay?" Naruto asked, his forehead and artificial unibrow furrowed. Bailey tried to make her uncontrollable laughter sound like crying, which was actually quite easily convincing, as she had tears of mirth streaming down her cheeks.

"We were just so worried, I mean, you were in such a deep sleep," Sakura said quickly, wiping away a few tears of her own and biting her lip to stop from grinning.

"You were worried about me, Sakura-chan?" Naruto seemed positively delighted. Sakura frowned.

"Well, a bit, but not really." She said, regaining her composure.

"So how did Konohamaru 'defeat' you?" Sasuke asked, carefully avoiding looking at Naruto's face.

"Defeat me? No one defeated me!" Yelled Naruto. "I am Uzumaki Naruto! No one defeats me!"

"Well, how did you come to be lying in the kitchen half of the living room with a broken plate beside you and Konohamaru standing right there?" Abigail asked. Bailey, at the mention of the plate, picked the shard up off the table and held it.

"Huuuuh?" Naruto's gaze was blank. "I wasn't even in the kitchen except to get something to drink earlier."

"Wow, this sounds fishy." Abigail rubbed her chin thoughtfully.

"Sounds like a job for…" Bailey said, pulling a hand back.

"The Detective Duo of Wonders!" They both yelled, punching their hands into the air. There was a clash of symbols.

"Whoa, where'd the symbols come from?" Bailey asked wonderingly.

"It was also kinda creepy how we both came up with the same name right on the spur of the moment." Abigail said, her eyes wide and her mouth all crooked. They both looked at each other and whimpered.

"What are you talking about?" Asked Sakura.

"Wish I knew." Bailey sighed.

"That's just how it is." Abigail said, shrugging.

"Anyways," Sasuke said impatiently, "what exactly happened?"

"I don't even know what you are all talking about!" Yelled Naruto the fifty-year-old. "This afternoon I came here, was bored, cleaned up and ate a bit, fell asleep on the couch. And then I woke up and everyone was acting like I'd been in a coma!"

"You almost were, you moron." Sasuke said. "You were in a really deep sleep."

"Assonance! Wicked assonance!" Abigail yelled.

"Don't be vulgar." Scolded Bailey.

"I'm not, you dimbulb. Assonance is when a series of words have the same repeated vowel sound. He said "really deep sleep", which has a repeated "ee" sound."

"Uh?" Asked Naruto, looking confused as ever. Bailey blinked, but she understood after a few seconds of concentration. Sakura and Sasuke looked like this was nothing new to them.

"And this is relevant how?" Asked Sasuke, an eyebrow raised.

"Uhh… I'm just being... educational." Said Abigail, her eyes sliding from side to side uncertainly.

"So you never fought Konohamaru or anything?" Asked Sasuke.

"No! Where is he, anyway?"

"I put him in his room until he was ready to tell the truth." Sakura said smugly. "I'll go get him."

She re-entered the room a few minutes later followed by a sulky looking Konohamaru. When he saw Naruto's face, his eyes widened and one side of his nose twitched in shocked disgust. "What the hell happen—" he began, but Sakura stomped on his toe.

"Well, here is what we know already." Sakura said, pretending stepping on the Hokage's grandson's toe was a perfectly normal thing to do. "From what I've gathered, I can tell…"

"Good job, little buddy!" Said Abigail with a big plastic grin on her face. Bailey smashed her head. Abigail grabbed Bailey around the neck and started choking her. Bailey grabbed Abigail's arms and kicked her in the shins.

"Uh…" Sakura looked away from the raging fight between the girls. "Well, anyways, I think we all know this much: Naruto says he merely fell asleep, and Konohamaru was trying to make us believe you fought him and he won, so Konohamaru obviously dragged Naruto off the couch and laidhim in the kitchen, and then broke the plate and made it look like a fight." She looked immensely pleased with herself.

**Hell yeah! I'm not called the smartest ninja in the village for nothing! **The Inner Sakura yelled.

There was a short silence. "I knew all that?" Said Bailey.

"You are such a retard." Said Abigail. Bailey hissed.

"So now all we need to know is what put Naruto into that deep of a sleep." Said Sasuke.

"Assonance!" Yelled Abigail, pointing a finger dramatically.

"Konohamaru? Ready to tell what happened?" Asked Sakura. Konohamaru opened his mouth, and then closed it suddenly.

"I already did." He said stubbornly.

"It's your word against Naruto's, and I don't see why he would have to lie about this." She countered.

"Unless!" Said Bailey suddenly. "Konohamaru really _did _beat Naruto, and Naruto is just trying to defend his pride!"

Naruto jumped up. "I am Uzumaki Naruto! No one can defeat me!"

"Yeah, yeah." Bailey smirked.

There was a short pause. Then…

"I'll kill you!" Yelled Naruto, leaping forward. As usual, Sakura and Sasuke held him back.

"Total moron." Muttered Sasuke.

"Doesn't this scene happen in practically every episode?" Bailey asked Abigail.

"Huh? Episode?" Asked the three ninjas. Bailey grinned with squinty eyes and sweat-dropped.

"Er...nothing. I was talking about something else. Inside joke. Heh heh!"

"That little midget could never defeat me." Naruto grumbled, sitting down, when he had finally calmed down enough for his friends to let go.

"Alright, well… Konohamaru! What _did _happen?" Asked Abigail sternly. "And tell the truth!"

"Yeah! The truth!" Chorused Bailey; she thrust the Shard of Truth and Justice under the nose of the kid, who was still staring in astonishment at Naruto's make-over. "In the name of the Shard, tell the absolute truth!"

"The truth!" Echoed Abigail.

"The truth!" Repeated Bailey again.

"And nothing _but _the truth!"

"So help me God!"

"What?" Asked Konohamaru, looking up at the two girls as if they were mental (which, many people may argue, they were). The three ninjas merely stared at the Shard blankly.

"Is that part of the broken plate?"

"Shut up, forehead girl!" Yelled Bailey. "It is the Shard of Truth and Justice; do not dishonour its holiness by speaking of it in such a way!" She and Abigail quickly bowed their heads and muttered something with their palms clasped together. When they were finished, in about two seconds, they straightened up and Bailey brandished the Shard under Konohamaru's nose.

"Now hurry up and spit it out, kid. Then go colour in your colouring books or whatever."

_"I AM NOT A BABY!" _Yelled Konohamaru. _"I don't play with colouring books!" _

This tweaked something in Abigail's memory. It obviously made Sakura remember something, too, for they both creased their foreheads and looked into space pensively.

"Are you alright?" Bailey askedwith wide eyes."Are you making prophecies? Are you hearing…voices?"

"Hey… Naruto…when did you say you fell asleep?" Abigail asked.

"Er… I didn't. But I think it was about… uh, right after lunch."

"What did you have for lunch?" Asked Sakura, starting to look comprehending.

Abigail looked at Konohamaru through the corner of her eye. He looked rather nervous and fidgety all of a sudden. She smiled. She was pretty sure she knew now what had happened, and so did Sakura.

SAKURA AND ABIGAIL'S FLASHBACK:

"_Be quiet and drink your apple juice or whatever. Take a nap." Snapped Bailey crossly._

"_I'm not five!" Yelled Konohamaru. "I don't take naps or drink apple juice all day long! Although he does." He added, pointing at Naruto, who was chugging a juice box and didn't seem to hear what they were saying. Konohamaru snickered, looking oddly furtive._

"_Weird kid." Muttered Bailey._

"You drank a juice box at lunchtime, didn't you, Naruto?" Abigail asked.

"Um, yeah. Oh yeah. I did. Why?" He scratched his head.

"Where'd you get it?" Asked Sakura.

"Uh, well… I was thirsty, and the tap water here is gross, so I asked Konohamaru if he knew where his uncle kept something better to drink. Then he brought me a juice box. Which I think he already drank from." He frowned at the kid, who was sweating now.

"Why do you think he drank from it?" Sakura asked, starting to grin triumphantly.

"'Cause it was open."

"Ok! Ok, I confess!" Yelled Konohamaru. "I put a sleeping powder in his drink and then made it look like we had a duel. There, are you happy!"

"What!" Yelled Naruto. His eye twitched. Everyone knew what was coming, so when he yelled, "I'll kill you!" Sakura and Sasuke had already grabbed the back of his shirt and he could do nothing more than flail wildly about.

"What? How did you figure that out?" Bailey asked, not having understood what Abigail and Sakura had realized. Abigail looked at her pityingly.

"Damn smart kids." Bailey muttered.

* * *

Whee! This was probably my favourite chapter. The Shard of Truth and Justice will most likely be popping up in later chapters again. And thank you, thank you everyone who reviews! I have only one request: review some MORE! Byeeeeeeee! 


	6. Icha Icha Paradise

Either people are losing interest in this fanfic (noooo!), or they are just too dense to realise that I am sticking with the "not-posting-more-until-I-get-three-reviews" rule, even though I didn't specifically mention it on the last chapter. The reason this chapter took a while is because it took a long time (well, it's a long time for _me_) for me to get three reviews. But don't worry. I still love you.

* * *

"So now what?" Bailey asked, swinging her arms left and right as far as she could and slouching along the road. The five children had just left the mission centre thingy (A/N: Don't remember what that place is called) and had told the Hokage of the trouble that his grandson had caused, and Bailey was already bored. The only amusing thing that had happened at the mission centre thingy (A/N: there it is again) was Naruto finally seeing his reflection, trying to wash it off, and the soap having no effect on the strong marker. He had retreated into a sulky silence as they walked, and every once in a while would lick his fingers and scrub his cheek energetically.

"I wanna do that training stuff Kakashi was talking about yesterday," the blonde girl complained, swinging her arms even harder and scuffing her toes into the dirt.

"You look like an orangutan," Abigail stated.

"Ook, okk, eek!" Hooted Bailey, exaggerating her movements even more.

"Please don't; it's scary." Requested Abigail.

"You know what I wanna do?" Bailey said suddenly, straightening up and walking normally.

"What?" Everyone faced her.

"It has to do with Kakashi." She hinted.

"SEE HIS FACE!" Everyone yelled enthusiastically.

"Geez, you people are predictable." Bailey sighed, rolling her eyes. "Nope. I want to… see what's in that book of his!"

"Oh, no you don't," countered everyone fervidly, grimacing.

"Oh, yes I do." Bailey grinned wickedly.

"It's dirty. It's porno or something." Sakura said with a disgusted contortion of the face.

"Exactly."

"You're sick."

"Who's in?"

"Me!" Everyone yelled.

XxxxxX

Kakashi walked along the road with his face buried in his book. At the opposite end of the street, the five children turned a corner and Abigail saw him.

"Look, look, there!" She squealed, pointing.

"Shh!" Everyone hissed, putting a finger to their lips. Abigail pouted for a few seconds, but was full of the same enthusiasm as everyone else as they snuck along on their tiptoes. Kakashi suddenly turned, and the group dove behind a garbage can to hide. Except Bailey, who accidentally dove into it.

Kakashi saw a foot flailing from inside the garbage can, blonde spiky hair sticking up behind it, and a flurry of movement as well as some loud "shhhh!"s.

He sighed and kept walking.

"He's gone," whispered Sakura.

"Do you think he saw us?" Bailey asked. Her voice was hollow and echoed in the garbage can.

"No way!" Exclaimed Abigail, ever the optimist. "Well, except he may have seen your foot."

Bailey struggled to get out of the garbage can but couldn't, so she continued speaking from inside it. "He'll never suspect us." She said confidently. "He's way too slow."

"Well anyways, he must be getting away!" Said Naruto impatiently.

"Let's go!" Said Sasuke. The ninja trio ran off.

"Wait up!" Yelled Abigail, racing after them.

"Hey!" Bailey protested. She rocked back and forth in the garbage can, trying to tip it, but as she was now anime and therefore was of some unnatural weight like 60 lbs, she couldn't budge it.

"This sucks." She said to herself.

XxxxxX

Kakashi, still reading his book, suddenly heard rustling in the hedges beside the street, and a girl whispered excitedly, "There he is!"

"How shall we get him?" Came another girl's voice. Normally he would easily have been able to identify the voices as Abigail's and Sakura's, but as the sound was muffled by the bushes, he couldn't tell. _How nice! I've got a fan club now! _He thought happily.He looked in the direction of the voices and saw some blonde hair sticking up over the leaves. _One of those girls has hair like Naruto's! _He thought in amusement. _Hey…wait a minute…_

"Naruto, stay low; your hair is sticking up. And keep it down," hissed Sasuke at the two girls. "Okay, we should spread out and surround him from all sides, keeping undercover, of course." He added specifically to Naruto.

"We should choose one person specifically to grab the book, or else we'll all be grappling for it and getting nowhere," said Sakura wisely.

"Me! Me! Me!" Naruto yelped.

"Shut up! He'll hear us!" Everyone made frantic flapping motions with their hands in Naruto's face. Abigail raised herself up on her knees and peered cautiously over the edge of the shrubbery, but Kakashi was walking normally, not appearing to have heard them.

"Sorry. Good idea, Sakura-chan!" Beamed Naruto. Sakura forced a smile, while the Inner Sakura fumed about not having impressed Sasuke.

"Anyways, I think Sasuke-kun should do it," simpered Sakura.

"No way." Snapped Naruto.

"He'll do better than _you _would!" Sakura said crossly.

"I think," Abigail said aloofly, "_I _would be the best choice."

Everyone stared at her.

"You?" Scoffed Naruto finally, "you aren't even a ninja!"

Abigail narrowed her eyes and put her face close to Naruto's. "I am from a foreign land," she growled, "How would _you _know anything about me?"

"Uh…"

"Just let her, we can always try again if she doesn't manage." Sakura said.

"I agree. We'll lose him if we wait much longer," said Sasuke.

"But-"

"Excellent, it's settled. Let's go." Abigail started to creep away before Naruto could protest. Following her example, the other three each took a direction and spread out.

_He should come around that corner pretty soon, _though Sasuke, peeking over the top of the fence he was hiding behind. He could see Abigail northwest of him, hiding behind a garbage can again. Across from her, easily visible, was…

Naruto was crouched on top of a low building. He could see Kakashi a few metres away from the corner, with Sakura following a ways behind. In a few seconds he would turn the corner and Naruto could pounce…

Sakura was the one to attack from behind, so she was tailing her sensei carefully. She pressed herself into a shady doorway and watched. Soon he would turn that corner, where she hoped the other ninjas were waiting and ready, like her.

_Naruto's not very sneaky, _Abigail thought. She was across the street from the building he was on top of, and he was quite easy to see. Well, they would just have to hope Kakashi didn't look up. And speaking of Kakashi…

Kakashi turned the corner. The four children waited a few more seconds, until he was right in the middle of them all…

CRASH.

"Ow!"

"What's this smoke?"

"KKgglackk!"

"Who's on my leg?"

"Mrffmffl."

The world was a jumble of thick smoke, coughing, and muffled voices. Finally the smoke thinned a bit, to reveal everyone tangled up in a heap, with Naruto on top (having jumped, while the others had charged). He, of course, was the only one who wasn't hurt.

They staggered to their feet, waving the remaining smoke away from their faces. It took a few seconds to realise Kakashi was nowhere to be seen.

"It was a clone!" Sakura wailed, "He must have heard us planning to ambush us!"

"No! Damn, damn, damn!" Yelled Naruto.

Abigail looked at him quizzically. "Why do you say everything three times? Like, 'who who who', and 'what what what', 'me me me', and now,-"

"Oh, shuttup." He huffed.

"Don't you mean, shuttup shuttup shu-"

"I can't believe we didn't manage it." Sakura interrupted angrily.

"We will try again! For the… er…"

"Sake of success," said Sasuke.

"Good of the world," said Sakura.

"Hell of it," said Naruto.

"Yeah, I like that one!" Exclaimed Abigail. "Let's go!"

XxxxxX

"Dum de dum…" said Bailey, watching a fly land on an apple core. Her eyes had adjusted to the dark, which was probably a bad thing, because now she could see all the gross stuff she was surrounded by.

The fly was rubbing its front legs together vigorously.

"Ah, good, I see you are a good mannered little insect." Said Bailey approvingly, "your mother even taught you to wash your hands before a meal. No, wait!" She said suddenly, "You aren't an ordinary fly! I know your vile secret, ickle beastie; you are a brain-sucking Flurgie Fly from Venus, come to take over the world, and you are rubbing your hands together, plotting how to bring about the destruction of this planet!" She paused. The fly continued to rub its legs together. "You evil creature. You shall not win! _Evil never prevails!" _Bailey hissed.

The brain-sucking Flurgie Fly zoomed out of the garbage can. "Yeah, that's right! You fly away! Muahahahahaaa! Tell your comrades they will never win, for they have Bailey Vernes to deal with! That is _the _Bailey Vernes!"

Bailey paused and craned her neck so she could see a sliver of light from outside shine past her legs, and sighed jealously. "That's not fair. How come the Flurgie Fly could escape, and I can't? Maybe evil _does _prevail sometimes."

"Bailey?" A familiar voice sounded right outside the garbage can. Bailey jumped (or would have, if she wasn't upside-down).

"Ack! Kakashi! _You're _my conscience!"

"Uh…"

"No wonder my conscience has been giving me a hard time! I'm sorry! It was _I _who told the others we should steal your book! I'm sorry!"

"You were trying to steal my book?"

"Uh… you're _not _my conscience?"

"No."

"Crap."

The garbage can started to move and Bailey felt him grab her leg. "Nooo! Don't kill me! I _said _I was sorry!" She kicked out as hard as she could and heard a satisfyingly loud clunk and a "ow!"

"What are you doing? I'm trying to get you out of here!" Kakashi snapped.

"Oh. Um... hehe, whoops. My leg twitched."

The garbage can tipped upside-down and Bailey slid out, the contents of the trash pouring onto her head. Kakashi was rubbing the side of his face, which looked bruised. In his left hand he held… the book. Bailey looked at it hungrily. Kakashi must have noticed, for he stopped rubbing his face and looked at her.

"What were you saying about my book?" he asked. Bailey tried to look small and innocent, with a hint of confusion.

"Your book? What… you have a book?" She babbled.

"Bailey."

"Oh… that book!" She laughed nervously. "Uh, well, it was Abigail's idea, actually, she said we should steal your book, and well, I said we shouldn't, so they stuck me in that garbage can, because uh, to make sure I wouldn't tell." She pretended to wipe away a tear.

"Oh." To Bailey's glee, Kakashi looked like he believed her. "I thought I heard you say… well, whatever. So that's why they were following me."

Bailey nodded, and was suddenly struck by a brainwave. "Kakashi?"

"Huh."

"I don't mean to sound rude… or, well I hope this isn't personal… but what happened to your hand?"

"What?" He raised his gloved hand to look at it (it had absolutely nothing wrong with it). Quick as a wink, Bailey snatched the book out of it while his guard was down, and tore off down the street.

_"I've gooooooooot iiiiiiiiiit!"_

XxxxxX

"Let us savour this moment," said Abigail excitedly. The five of them were crouched in a dingy alley, hoping Kakashi wouldn't find them.

"First, I think we should honour the hero who got the book." Bailey said hopefully. Everyone turned to her.

"Naw," they all said together, except for Naruto, who huffed, "_I _could have done it just as well!"

"Fine, then, be that way." Bailey grumped. "Ingrateful little… mutter, mutter…"

"Let's open it now!" Naruto said. Bailey held the book in her lap.

"Bailey gets the honours," said Sakura. Everyone nodded.

"Okay. A-hem. 'Icha Icha Paradise,'" read Bailey off the cover. Everyone leaned forward in anticipation. Bailey started to open the book.

And hesitated.

There was a silence. Finally: "Well?" prodded Abigail.

"Um… well, you know, I think someone else can open it, just to be nice."

"Me me me!" yelled Naruto.

"Go for it," Bailey shrugged, handing the book over to Naruto.

"What!" Abigail leapt to her feet. "You didn't let _me? _What kind of friend _are _you!"

"A bad one," Bailey said, surprised that Abigail hadn't figured out something that obvious.

"No kidding," grumped Abigail, sitting down again. Bailey patted her on the back. Naruto contemplated the cover for a second, opened the cover a fraction of an inch, and then closed it again.

"Well, uhh…" he looked a bit nervous, and suddenly thrust the book into Sakura's hands. "Sakura-chan, I'll let you open it! Because I'm a nice person!"

"He just didn't want to see it. He's too chicken to open it," scoffed Sasuke.

"Well, go ahead, Sakura!" Abigail seemed impatient. Sakura looked terrified.

"Um, you know… now that I think of it… I don't really want to." She said hesitantly. "Sasuke-kun?"

"Uh…" he looked at the book being offered to him. "It's a bit childish."

"Okay, okay! Let's just admit it! None of us really feels like being scarred for life! It was fun getting the book and all, but we don't want to look at it!" yelled Bailey.

"You're right," said Sakura, looking relieved.

"Yeah," agreed Sasuke and Naruto.

The four of them smiled, glad that was cleared up. Abigail looked from face to face incredulously. "Are you kidding!" She yelled, snatching the book from Sakura's hands. "_I _want to see it!" Holding the book so only she could see its contexts, she ripped it open to a random page. The four watched her eyes widen, her face go slightly green, and she hurled the book across the alley where it hit the far wall.

"Let's never mention this day again," she suggested.

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Haha I really didn't want to go into that part of my imagination which holds the possibilities of that book's context, so I took the easy way out. Abigail will be having nightmares for a very long time...

Remember to review

Or no more chapters for you!


	7. The Training

Aaaaaand, here it is! Chapter 7! I don't really haveany comments about it to tell you right now, except that I am rather proud of the "poo" chant. Not as proud of it as I am proud of The Shard of Truth and Justice, but still.

A/N: So, school is back siiigh. I was so excited about it at the beginning (yes, I am a nerd), but I have ALL my least favourite teachers, except one. Still. It sucks. Plus my best friend is away for the first week of it (the traitor). Anyways, I will probably be having homework piled on me like so much rancid jelly, but don't worry, I'll still have time to add more to my fanfic! Like when the teacher is talking.

Disclaimer: Yes, I do own Naruto, and I make millions every year because of it!...wakes up... aw damn. I do not own Naruto.

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CHAPTER 7

"Good morning, group and guests!"

"You're late!" screamed Abigail.

"Yes, well, over breakfast I began to ask myself what exactly my purpose in life was, and I got a bit carried up in it, so…"

"Your friggin purpose in life is to teach us ninja stuff, dammit!" yelled Bailey. Kakashi's eye twitched. Bailey waved and smiled.

"Anyways," Kakashi carried on, looking a little peeved, "your training today –"

"Hey, Kakashi!" interrupted Abigail, not knowing it was rude to call him that without a sensei, -san, or –sama at the end, "Do you want to know how your book ended?" She seemed to have gotten over how disturbing it was, and it wasn't a sensitive subject at all to her anymore. "I think Rodriguez –"

"No!" yelled Kakashi, putting his gloved hands over his ears. "Stop!"

"Yes, I think he dies. But that's not before he –"

"Quit it!"

"Oh, don't be mean," said Sakura.

"Yeah, not to mention we don't wanna hear the details," chipped in Naruto.

"Ok, ok. Sorry Kakashi. I can't be cruel to anyone with such cool hair, anyways." Kakashi hesitantly uncovered one ear, then the other.

"That was low, Abigail." He said, fuming. "Now, onto the _original _topic at hand." He drew his kunai and twirled it idly while he talked. Bailey stared at it in fascination. "Team 7, you have already learned to focus your chakra into a part of your body in order to gain strength or speed. Today you will learn how to expand that concentration of chakra, so it will not just be in your body, but around it, acting somewhat like a shield."

"Do we have to use hand seals?" asked Sakura. Kakashi shook his head.

"No, you don't, which makes it all the more difficult. I'll show you a demonstration. Naruto, take my kunai." He tossed the kunai over to the blonde, who caught it by the handle. Bailey could practically see the words written on his forehead that today he would beat Sasuke.

Kakashi held his arm out, his hand clenched in a fist. "Throw the kunai at my fist, as hard as you can."

Naruto whipped the kunai at his teacher, but trying to put tons of power into the throw influenced his accuracy. Everyone gasped as the kunai flew, too swiftly for anyone to stop it, towards Kakashi's shoulder.

An inch from Kakashi's green vest, the knife suddenly bounced backwards and dropped harmlessly on the ground. Bailey gaped. "Whoa, Matrix style," she said.

"What's a Matrix?" Asked Naruto. Bailey didn't bother answering, but he wouldn't have heard even if she had, for at that moment Sakura clobbered him over the head.

"You moron! You could have hurt Kakashi sensei!" She chided. Bailey doubted it, but she had to agree that Naruto was a moron.

"It's okay, Sakura," Kakashi said, picking up the kunai and sticking it back in its pouch. "Nobody's hurt."

"That's what _you _think," mumbled Naruto, rubbing the side of his head where the pink haired girl had hit him.

"Well, anyways, you see what I have done. I focused my chakra into my shoulder so intensely that the power surpassed where I was physically and acted as a shield in front of it. It's easiest to do that in the hand area," –he glanced at Naruto, who sweat dropped- "which is why I was going to demonstrate it there. Okay, then, group!" He clapped his hands together. "It will of course be dangerous to start out throwing kunais at each other, so you can start by throwing small pebbles or something. See you, have fun!" He waved once and leapt into the air.

"Hey! Hey! What about us?" Bailey and Abigail called, but he was gone. Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto had already gone to work taking turns throwing rocks at each others fists.

"Him and his little Superman thing," grumbled Bailey.

"What do we do? We can't try this when we've never done any of the previous chakra focusing activities!" cried Abigail, crossing her arms grumpily.

"Hey…" said Bailey comfortingly, slinging an arm around her friend's shoulder. "Cheer up. We can throw the rocks." Abigail shook herself free and stuck her nose in the air at Bailey's suggestion.

"Oh, well, I just thought you would like throwing rocks at people. _I _do." Bailey shrugged.

"No, no, hey, I know!" Abigail said excitedly all of a sudden, "we can do that running up trees thing!"

"What running up trees thing?"

"What do you mean what running up trees thing?"

"What do you mean, what what running up trees thing?"

"Oh no, I've gone cross-eyed." Said Abigail, both eyes fixed on her nose.

"Will a slap get it back to normal?" Bailey seemed hopeful.

"No, you sadist," Abigail replied, shaking her head and making her eyes straighten out. "Anyways, what were we talking about? Oh right, what what what running up trees thing."

"I believe it was two 'what's."

"Just shut up, you'll make me go cross-eyed again. Anyways, I guess you didn't see that episode yet."

"I guess not."

"Well, they like, focus their chakra into their feet and then they can run up trees."

"Sweet!" Bailey charged.

"No!" Abigail held her back to prevent injury.

"What, do we have to meditate now?"

"Pretty much. You have to concentrate, at any rate, not just go all kamikaze."

"I had a cat named Kamikaze once," said Bailey offhandedly.

"Wonderful. Please don't tell me why."

"Why not?"

Abigail ignored her and closed her eyes, frowning slightly. Bailey tried to distract her by whispering, "Pooooo. Pooooooooo," in her ear, but after a few minutes of no reaction, she gave up and decided to do some concentrating as well. She closed her eyes and looked down. _I feel like I'm praying, _she thought. The "poooooo" chant was now stuck in her head as well, and whenever she tried to find some inner force inside her to gather into her feet, her meditations would suddenly be broken by "poooooo"s in the background.

Eventually, she subconsciously started making a tune to go along with the chant. It was quite catchy actually, and soothing…

She woke up, staring at a dark blue sky scattered with stars. She was lying curled up on the ground. "Abby?" She called. Shadowy outlines of trees moaned and swayed in a light wind.

"Wow, perfect murder scene," commented Bailey to herself. She looked around at the empty clearing. "Those bastitches left me! I will get you for this, Abigail! I will hunt you down and slit your throat! Unfortunately, I am lost." She looked around some more. She had terrible bearings even in daylight, and at night she was had utterly no hope in finding her way anywhere.

"I need some light, and then maybe I could find a trail. Oh Mr. Sun, sun, Mr. Golden Sun, please shine down on meeeee," she sang, walking around in a crooked circle. She flopped down on the grass. "Guess I'll spend the night here," she said simply. She sighed and rolled onto her side. In her path of vision she could see the base of the tree she had been planning on running up before. She sat up.

"Hey, wait a minute and a half!" She said to no one in particular, "I wonder if Abby managed to run up a tree! It's late now, and we were here at noon… she'll have had lots of time to practice. No fair! I can't let her get ahead of me!" She jumped to her feet and sized the tree up. "This should be easy shmeezy for a professional uh, tree runner upper like me. Now, how do I focus chakra into my feet anyways? Maybe there's a hand seal that makes it easier." She locked her hands into some random position that she thought looked cool, and yelled: "sticky feet no jutsu! …That should work." She ran towards the tree at top speed, managed to run about two feet up the trunk, and fell over backwards. Instinctively she twisted sideways so that she wouldn't land on her neck, but her foot caught on one side of the tree, yanked her around, and she landed in a crumpled heap.

* * *

Oooh... alone...at night... in the woods... injured... woooooh! Does weird hand swishy movement thingy. 


	8. Awkwardness and Sasuke's Hair

Well, this chapter is, I think, my longest yet. Aaaand, I love it! Though the first part is a bit too serious for my liking (warning: this is where the hint of romance comes in... woot woot! HAhaha I'm hyper don't mind me... anyhow...) the second half is still humorous; at least I hope it is. If you've stuck with me through the other chapters (and yes, Miya-kun, they were getting quite short... I sowie --...), you can manage this one!

Disclaimer: How many times must I say this?...I do _not _own Naruto... geez.

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CHAPTER 8

"Owww, owww," Bailey moaned, clutching her ankle. "Dammit, stupid chakra, you have failed me. I am most displeased… guh!" She gasped and rocked back and forth, trying to hold back tears. "Ninjas don't cry. Ninjas don't cry!"

"Bailey?" Bailey looked up into Sasuke's face, pale in the moonlight. "What did you do?" He demanded.

"I think…my ankle's broken," gasped Bailey, not even trying to over-dramatize the situation for once. Sasuke, too, must have realized that she wasn't faking it, for his face went from annoyed to serious.

"You were trying to run up the tree? Stupid…" He muttered. "Here." He bent down and put an arm underneath her armpit and around her. She slung her arm around his neck and leaned against him, hobbling along. It was quite awkward.

"Why were you… still here?" Bailey managed, her breath steadying slowly as they walked.

"Practicing," Sasuke said simply. "I thought everyone had left ages ago, but then I heard you talking."

"They left me behind." Bailey muttered obscenities under her breath.

They walked in silence, swerving through the trees. Bailey hated silence. "How much is that do-ggy in the window, arf arf! The one with the wag-uuu-ly taiiiil…" she looked over at Sasuke and elbowed him. "Come on Sasuke, sing with me!"

"No thanks."

"Well, just do the little 'arf arf' acoustics then?"

"_No._"

Bailey heaved a sigh. How could people resist doing 'arf arf' sounds? "You are one of a kind," she muttered, shaking her head in slight confusion.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing. Are you sure you don't want to sing?"

"Positive."

Resigned to having to put up with silence, Bailey resorted to her imagination to keep her company. She thought of how Sakura or Ino would act if they saw how their crush and Bailey were walking, and stifled a laugh. _But... _she thought, _if they saw the limp, they would know. Dratted. Man, I would like to walk like this with him under _normal _circumstances. _She tried to walk normally, but as soon as she put pressure on her leg, it buckled and she dropped towards the ground, dragging Sasuke almost to his knees before he heaved her back up.

"What now, you tripped?" He snapped. Bailey glowered at him as best as she could about five centimetres from his face.

"Well, ex_cuse _me for injuring myself and not being able to walk properly!" She retaliated angrily, but then felt bad, for it _was _her fault. "Actually, I had been attempting to walk without a limp, that's why I lost my balance." She confessed.

Sasuke raised his eyebrows. "And why?"

"Because," she explained brilliantly.

Sasuke looked oddly at her. She decided she'd better clarify more. "Because I hate walking with a limp. It makes me feel like an old lady."

"Hn."

They continued walking along, and Bailey realised the "poooo"s were starting to creep back into her head. _That does it. I have to start talking some more_. Even if he got bored out of his skull, he wouldn't be able to leave her until they'd gotten back to Sakura's house, for he wasn't cold-hearted enough to leave a crippled person by herself in the woods at midnight. "Hey, Sasuke, I'm sorry that I'm always annoying." She said, "I'm just naturally a very energetic person, and I don't really have any other outlet."

He didn't respond. She went on. "I know you don't think that's a good excuse, but I mean, think about it. You get rid of pent-up energy by ninja-izing bad dudes, but since I never got training or anything to be a ninja, I can't exactly do that. You saw what happened when I tried; I ended up with this bad ankle. So I have to release it somehow in other ways."

Sasuke glared ahead and said through gritted teeth. "You know nothing about me. I'm not a ninja because of 'pent-up energy.'"

"No, I know, you're a ninja because you want revenge, but even as you're kicking the bad guys' asses, you're unintentionally releasing energy, so of course you never have it bottled inside you."

Sasuke was staring at her. "How do you know I want revenge?"

"I can see it in your eyes." She said softly. She was lying, but she did it so smoothly this time, she almost believed herself at first.

"Huh. That's that 'psychic power' that Sakura is always rambling on about?"

"Something like that."

They fell silent. Bailey had a feeling the conversation was over, and they still had a ways to go. She refused to let the poos get the better of her. _Think of the Shard of Truth and Justice, have faith… and force out pooish thoughts!_ "So…" she said, "did you master the force field thingy?" She asked conversationally.

"Why do you keep talking about pointless things?" Sasuke said abruptly.

"Why do you keep being rude when I'm merely starting harmless conversation?" Bailey shot back.

"Maybe I don't _want _harmless conversation! Maybe I would rather get you home safe for the night and then be able to practice some more without interruptions!"

Bailey felt anger flare up in her. "Well, maybe you can stop taking your anger out on me, because believe it or not, breaking my ankle was not something on my "to do" list, and I didn't plan this out! Just because you're anti-social! If you hate me because you think I'm another member of your fan club, you're wrong, because I am not like the other girls all fawning over you because you have a pretty face! In fact, at times like this, to me you are just a pig-headed, obnoxious, self-centered, uh, uh…" after listing a bunch of adjectives, she couldn't think of a noun to end it with. She fumbled for a word and finally finished lamely with "…person!"

Sasuke looked blankly ahead as they staggered along. Finally he said quietly, "I don't hate you."

Bailey's eyes widened. That was just such an un-Sasuke like response, and she wanted to say so, but when she opened her mouth to respond, nothing came out.

They didn't speak for the rest of the way. When they finally came to the Haruno house, Bailey took her arm away from him and leaned against the door. She was just reaching for the knob when a hand grabbed her wrist. She looked up, bemused, at Sasuke, standing beside her looking uncomfortable.

"Look…Bailey…" He licked his lips and looked anywhere but at her. "I'm sorry if I …hurt your feelings, or made you think I hated you. I really don't."

If Bailey had been gob-smacked before, it was nothing to how she felt now. She looked at Sasuke in amazement. Had those words really come from that mouth? Was this Sasuke? Perhaps it was someone using henge no jutsu to take his form. No, from what he had said before going all weird on her, she was sure this was the real Sasuke. Maybe he did have a different side from what she saw in the TV show all the time; one that had been almost completely buried after being traumatized so early in life. Almost… but not entirely.

Finally she shook her head, as if clearing cobwebs from it. "I-It's okay." She stammered. She thought it would be very amusing right now to do some dancing, but she suppressed the urge. She didn't think he would find it quite as funny as she did. But when had that ever stopped her before? Never. But it was stopping her now. _What's wrong with me? _She thought. Him acting strange had triggered a change in her attitude as well. "Well, uh, g'night," she said, avoiding his eyes. "Thanks for helping me back."

"Yeah. See you." He said.

They continued to stand like that. "Um… aren't you going to go?" asked Sasuke finally.

"I would, but you see, you're still holding my arm." She said. Sasuke looked at his hand in surprise, still clasped around her wrist. He let go like it was on fire.

"'Night," laughed Bailey, opening the door. The warm light from inside washed over the front step and made everything behind it turn black.

"Goodnight." Sasuke replied, turning away and stepping into the darkness outside the circle of light. Bailey closed the door, laid down on the floor, and waited for someone to find her in the morning. With what had just happened, even her wonky dreams were dull by comparison.

* * *

By the next day,Baileyhad decided she would never forgive them. Sasuke and Mrs. Haruno, were, of course, her heroes (Sasuke for helping her back home, Mrs. Haruno for getting her to a doctor in the morning when she found her; Bailey now had her foot in a cast and used a crutch), but Naruto, Sakura, and Abigail were dead to her. Deady dead dead. Forever.

"Hey, let's bake a cake!" cried Bailey, jumping up. She lost her balance with the crutch when she landed and crashed into the stove.

"I thought I was dead to you," remarked Abigail, who had been reading a magazine.

"Well, I knew how much it was hurting you to be ignored by me, and I've taken pity on you."

"Actually, I was thinking how nice and peaceful it was for a change." Abigail teased, but Bailey knew she was lying. After all, Abigail couldn't stand peace.

"I'm going to ask Sakura where the ingredients are!" yelled Bailey, scurrying off.

"Squee!" Abigail, who loved baking, threw her magazine into the air and raced after her.

Bailey lounged in a chair with her feet up on the counter, flipping through cook book pages. "I want a chocolate cake, nyahahah," she cackled. Abigail wasn't listening; she was busy standing on a stool and rummaging through the cupboard where Sakura had told them most of the ingredients could be found.

"Look! Sprinkles!" Abigail exclaimed, holding a small, plastic jar of colourful stars and whipping around with so much force that her stool tipped over, and she crashed to the floor. It looked rather painful, but she didn't seem to even notice; she was busy unscrewing the lid of the sprinkles jar. "I love sprinkles," she said warmly. She licked a finger and dipped it into the jar, then shrugged, tipped her head back, and upended the jar above her mouth. She held her bulging mouth closed with a finger, smiled like a chubby rodent at Bailey, and chewed her prize.

Bailey sighed sadly. "I like sprinkles too…" she whined, kicking her non-injured heel on the countertop.

"Bailey, get your disgusting feet off the counter, you slob!" scolded Abigail, pounding on the cast on Bailey's right foot. "I can get the cheese out of the fridge!"

"Itai!" moaned Bailey, moving her feet out of harm's way. "They're clean!" She inspected the one that wasn't covered with a cast. The sole was black. "-ish." she added. "And you shouldn't have eaten those sprinkles, they aren't yours," she said. It wasn't like she would have cared about that if it had been her with the sprinkles, but she was jealous and therefore had to try and invoke guilt upon Abigail.

It didn't work. "So?" Abigail said, tossing the sprinkles bottle into the trash. Her eyes shone with evil; the sugar was kicking in already. "Sakura's practicing her jutsu upstairs, so she'll be occupied for a few hours, and Mrs. Haruno is shopping today, so she'll be out of the way, too. Well, let's start!" she finished cheerfully.

"We can each make a separate cake and see whose is better!" suggested Bailey.

Abigail's competitive spirit fired up. "You're going DOWN!" she cackled evilly with a thumbs-down sign. Bailey sweatdropped, hoping she didn't go Black Abby (A/N: If you watch Fruits Basket you will understand this. If not, sorry).

"Nuh-uh!" Bailey yelled back. They glared at each other before rushing to find cookbooks.

Abigail, high on sugar, chose the gaudiest, biggest, and bestest cake in her book: a wedding cake. Bailey, who sucked at cooking but denied it blatantly, picked a fancy two-layer cake.

"Now… where's the sugar?" she wondered aloud. Her head whipped around to glare suspiciously at Abigail. Sure enough, Abigail was measuring a small amount of the white crystals (A/N: "white crystals"… snicker) onto a teaspoon. Despite being hyper, Abigail was meticulous about her cooking. "Gimme that!" Bailey yelled, snatching the sugar bag from Abigail. _Why was she taking so little? _She wondered. _Her cake's gonna suck if it's got so little sugar. _Her recipe called for one and two-thirds of a cup sugar, but she liked her sweets, and she upped the amount to two-and-a-half cups. She measured the amount carefully, determined to beat Abigail at this baking contest.

Next it called for flour. Bailey raced Abigail to the bag. Her crutch slipped underneath her, and she slid and collided with the bag. Flour exploded from it and puffed around the room.

"Yes!" yelled the girls together. Abigail scooped up flour from the biggest pile on the floor and poured it over Bailey, who didn't mind, as she was lying on the ground making a snow-angel.

"Aw, it's settling," sighed Bailey as the air cleared.

"We can't have that," gasped Abigail. She grabbed the stool she had stood on earlier, positioned it under the ceiling fan, and grabbed two large handfuls of flour. Bailey helped her pile generous amounts of flour on the ends of the fan blades.

"And… go!" yelled Bailey, pulling the string. The fan whirred; flour whizzed across the room. "It's like it's snowing. How very pretty," she sighed happily. Her gaze fell back onto the bowls of cake mix on the counter beneath them. "Well… back to the cakes!" she said, hopping off the stool and grabbing a cup to measure out her flour. Abigail followed suite.

The next ingredient was baking powder. Bailey grabbed the container from the shelf and dumped a few teaspoons into her mixture.

"Are you making something with a citrus?" asked Abigail.

Bailey snatched her cookbook and held it to her protectively. She wasn't going to let Abigail see what her awesome cake was going to be. "Why do you want to know?" she asked distrustfully.

Abigail shrugged. "Because that's baking soda, which you usually use in baking to neutralize an acidic ingredient."

"Don't go all scientific on me!" Bailey snapped. She put a finger to her lower lip. "Wait… did you say baking _soda_?"

"Mm-hmm," Abigail nodded, smiling wickedly.

"Damn it! Damn you all! Arrgh!" screamed Bailey, shaking her fist at the sky.

"Hey… Settle down there, buddy!"

"Make me! You're all against me! It's a conspiracy!" Bailey stopped her fist in mid-shake. "Hey… I just said a pretty big word, didn't I?" she smiled sunnily. "Oh well. That felt good." She looked dejectedly at her cake mix. "Now what'll I do?"

Abigail tried to look casual. "Oh… I dunno. You could… forfeit?" she suggested innocently. Bailey's head whipped around, her eyes big evil triangles.

"Never! Burn in hell! My cake's gonna kick ass!" Bailey grabbed the baking powder from Abigail and put some spoonfuls in, muttering darkly to herself. "I'll just add some apples to the recipe, then the baking soda'll neuterize them out."

"I think you mean neutralize."

"Whatever. Where are the aaaapples?" she called breezily, prancing (yes, she could prance, even with a crutch) to the fridge. "Ooh, look! Bananas!" she pulled out a clump of bananas from the fridge (A/N: I have no idea if they get bananas in Japan, but they do now!). "I'll use bananas; they're even better than apples," she told Abigail, slicing up a banana.

"Uh…"

"Don't even start. I'm using bananas and that's final," she said grumpily.

"Ok then. Whatever floats your boat!" smiled Abigail. "But you might want to peel them first," she added as Bailey tossed banana chunks, half peel, into her bowl.

Bailey stared blankly at her bowl and the banana chunks, knife still poised to cut up another. Her eye twitched. There was a moment of silence. Then she whipped around, flailing the paring knife. "I don't like your tone there, boy!" she yelled.

"Hey… watch the knife, you spatz! And… _boy!"_

"You heard me," snickered Bailey, now peeling her bananas before cutting them up and throwing them into her mixture. Abigail plotted revenge as she continued on her cake mixture.

The next ingredient was eggs, which even Bailey managed to get right, and then milk (Bailey accidentally added coconut rum, as, to her, anything white and in a bottle was instantly milk). They both put their cake mixes into the oven at the same time.

"Icing time, icing time," chanted Abigail, grabbing a ketchup bottle and squirting at Bailey.

Bailey sputtered as ketchup hit her face. "You will pay for that," she growled, grabbing a bottle of vinegar.

"No… no, Bailey, not vinegar, that's just not… no, Bailey…" Abigail said, backing up as Bailey advanced with a bottle of vinegar. "AAAH! MY EYES!" she screamed as Bailey sloshed vinegar at her face.

"Oh shit!" Bailey said, plunking the vinegar onto the table and running to Abigail. "I forgot it hurts the eyes!" she wailed.

"_Hurts _them? You blinded me, you friggin psycho!" yelled Abigail, clutching at her face.

"Don't die!" yelled Bailey, panicking.

"I won't… but you will! Sucker!" cackled Abigail, letting go of her face. Her eyes were perfectly fine. Before Bailey could realise she had been faking, Abigail had ran out of the room. Bailey followed. This could not be good.

"Wh-what are you doing? Abby?" she called nervously, looking around at the empty doors around her. Where could Abigail have gone? She ran upstairs and encountered Naruto and Sasuke standing in front of Sakura's door. She momentarily forgot about Abigail.

"Hah gahz," she chirped (Translation: "Hi guys", but with an odd accent). "What're you doing here?"

"We had to come get Sakura-chan so we can all practice together!" said Naruto. "But she told us to wait a moment."

"Oh, I would love to come…" Bailey said sorrowfully. "But I have to finish my cake…" seeing them all looking at her in confusion, she asked, "Have you seen Abigail?"

"She just ran past that way," said Sasuke in his usual block-of-ice voice, pointing towards the bathroom. Bailey looked at the half-closed door, confused. Warily she approached it. "Abby?" she called.

As if that was the cue she had been waiting for, the door slammed open with a WHAM! To display Abigail with a huge tub of something held high over her head. "Payback!" she yelled, and hurled it at Bailey, who ducked, and…

SPLASH. Bailey whirled around to see the tub rolling slowly across the floor at the feet of Sasuke, whose hair was no longer spiky and dripped beads of liquid from the ends of the strands. It was strangely similar to the incident at the Ramen stand. Strangely enough, his face was dry.

"Oops," whispered Abigail, nervously giggling.

"What's going on?" came the voice of Sakura, opening the door of her room. Her eyes widened at the sight. "Sasuke-kun?" she whispered.

Sasuke didn't say anything as he stalked past Bailey, pushed by Abigail, and slammed the bathroom door behind him.

"Geez, just like, makes himself right at home!" Abigail said, shrugging. An idea seemed to hit her suddenly and she promptly spun and tried to peer through the keyhole.

"Abigail!" yelled Bailey.

Abigail turned her face slowly to face Bailey, her eyes wide and gleeful. "He's taking his shirt off," she whispered hoarsely.

There was a second of silence. Then… "Move over!" squealed Bailey, shoving her friend aside.

"Stop it! You both are such hentais!" Sakura was bright red in the face. It clashed quite nicely with her hair.

"Why would anyone want to see Sasuke-teme without a shirt? That's gross…" muttered Naruto. Bailey looked at him scornfully.

"Just 'cause you're jealous cuz you're scrawny," she said, sticking her tongue out. Naruto's eye twitched.

"Oh, he's washing his hair," announced Abigail, her face back at the keyhole. Bailey tried to see under the crack of the door and failed. Exasperated, she turned to Abigail.

"Does he like, read the ingredients or smell the shampoo first? Cuz if he does… that's just feminine."

Abigail laughed. "Oh yeah. What a girl. Hey… Now I'll know which shampoo Sasuke prefers, as well as Kakashi! Oh, he doesn't like the Dove…"

"I wonder why his face wasn't wet, though," Sakura mused. The other two girls weren't interested at all, but Sakura rambled on in her usual annoying intelligence. "Oh! I know!" she said with a start. "That shield thing Kakashi-sensei taught us… Sasuke must have learned it so quickly and now he managed to use it in time to keep his face dry!" She paused for a second, her eyes turning to big hearts. "Kyaaa! Sasuke-kun is _soooo _cool!" she squealed, clasping her hands by her pink-glowing cheek as her eyes turned to upside-down "U"s. (Like Kakashi's visible eye when he smiles. Just to clarify.)

"Hey, hey!" said Naruto desperately, leaning towards Sakura. "I learned the shield jutsu, too! I practiced the whole night!" Sakura's eyes turned weary and annoyed.

"That's great, Naruto," she said dully.

"I know, I know! And!" he began, but was cut off by Abigail.

"His…his hair!" she cried.

"What about it?" yelled Bailey in alarm, hip-checking her friend to the side violently so she could peer through the keyhole. "Oh… oh my," she managed, paling. She regained her composure abruptly when she threw herself back from the door so quickly that she fell over. "Get back, he's coming!" she hissed in panic at Abigail.

Sasuke emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed again and smelling of Garnier Fructisse. "Wh-what?" he asked, as Sakura and Narutos' jaws dropped and Bailey and Abigail continued to gape at him. He began to wish he had looked in the mirror in the bathroom.

"Y-your hair…" Sakura began weakly.

* * *

Hah, Garnier Fructisse (I can see it now... Sasuke on a Garnier Fructisse ad... oh, should I put a disclaimer about that, too? I don't own Garnier Fructisse. Except for one bottle, but that's off-topic.)

Well, here's your cliffhanger. So exactly what did Abigail chuck at him, and _what _did it do to his hair? Who knows... maybe he's bald, muahahaha! You'll only find out if you review!


	9. But What About The Cakes?

Finally... finally! Chapter 9 is HERE!

First off, I apologize a kazillion times for being so late... I'm really, really, really, double sorry with knobs, really I am, especially because I left you on such a cliffhanger.I got my three reviews ages ago and it still took me until now to finally update, and the worst part is that I don't even have an excuse. I just didn't get around to it 'til now.

So... as apology to all you guys, I'll post chapter 10 tomorrow (unless something really serious happens, like, for instance, I die. Which, hopefully, will not happen), despite how many reviews I get (or more like, _don't _get) for this chapter. (long-suffering sigh) So, here is the next chapter, and the answer to what happened to Sasuke's hair!

Disclaimer: Whatever the hell I said for all the other chapters.

* * *

"Okay… just out of curiosity, Abby…" Bailey began.

"_What was in that bucket?" _Sakura shrieked.

"Uh, peroxide." Abigail grinned weakly, sweatdropping.

"Peroxide…" said Sakura faintly. She anime fell over backwards. Sasuke's eyes were big pupil-less circles with the edges frazzled.

His hair was the creamy colour of a peeled banana, not platinum blonde but not bright yellow like a canary either. It suited his pale face actually quite nicely, though with the onyx eyes it looked a bit odd. At any rate, he was still a sexy beast!

Bailey was the first to giggle. "You look like Naruto only cuter," she said demurely. Sasuke's hand floated up to his blonde spikes of hair, as if he could feel the colour, and without a word he started to walk down the stairs. An uneasy silence rested on the four at the top of the stairs.

"Wait Sasuke-kun, where are you going?" cried Sakura after him.

"To train," answered Sasuke without turning around.

"Oh!" Sakura said, remembering. "Wait!" She rushed after them, with Naruto on her heels like a pet poodle.

Abigail and Bailey watched them go. Dead silence… Then they suddenly swung around and high-fived each other. "Sasuke with blonde hair!" Abigail squealed as they hopped around. "It's like a friggin' fangirl's dream come true!"

"I wish I had a camera, camera, camera," Bailey chanted. "Hey!" A new revelation had struck her. "I wonder if we could dye Naruto's hair black… or Sakura's… um… green," she mused thoughtfully.

"No, I don't think it'll be as easy next time," Abigail said. Grudgingly Bailey agreed.

"Ugh, Sakura's gonna be even more sickening than usual now," moaned Bailey. "Sasuke-kuuuun!" she squawked in quite a good imitation of Sakura's voice.

"Like you don't call him that too, you hypocrite!" accused Abigail, who didn't mind Sakura.

"Not to his face!"

Abigail sighed and rolled her eyes. "Hey… wait a moment," she said suddenly. "What about the cakes?"

"The cakes?" Bailey was confused, and then remembered the cakes in the oven downstairs. "Oh! The cakes!"

It felt like it had been half an hour since the cakes were put in the oven to bake, but the kitchen timer said they still had another twenty minutes to wait. "Well, that's okay," said Abigail cheerily. "I still haven't made my icing."

"I haven't made my filling either," responded Bailey, skimming through her cookbook to look for a chocolate sauce. She tried to sneak a look at Abigail's choice, hoping to find out what kind of cake she was making, but her efforts were in vain. Abigail guarded it too well, and she still had the ketchup bottle by her side of the counter.

The first thing she did to start her sauce was crack a few eggs into her bowl. "Just think," she said as she did so, "these are chickens. That's like having feathers and claws and chicken guts and poop in your cake sauce."

"Okay, that's just _disgusting." _Abigail's head shot up with a look of repulsion. "What goes _on _through your mind?"

"It's like eating body fluids inside a chicken!" continued Bailey.

"Yuck!" Abigail covered her ears. Bailey snickered as she read the next ingredient for her filling recipe: butter or cooking oil.

"What is that smell?" asked Abigail suddenly, wrinkling her nose, as Bailey hobbled along on her crutch towards the fridge. Bailey stopped and sniffed, but she had a cold from her night spent sleeping outside. "I dunno, I've got a plugged nose and can't smell anything," she said, shrugging it off. She was more focused on finding the cooking oil: she didn't want to use butter because she would have to melt it and that would take too long. Before she reached the fridge she saw a bottle filled with clear liquid that she thought must be the cooking oil, as it was in the same kind of glass bottle that her mom had her vegetable oil in. "Oh, there it is!" she said happily, grabbing it and making her way back to her bowl.

"Well, phew… it stinks," said Abigail, still talking about the mysterious smell. "But I think it's clearing now."

Bailey sloshed cooking oil into her bowl. The next ingredient was unsweetened chocolate squares, which she found in the fridge, and lastly, sugar. She searched for the sugar bag she had used before and heaped double the amount the recipe called for into her bowl. Then she grabbed a spoon for mixing.

She glanced at Abigail's, which was a sugary, thick white sauce. "Can I try?" she asked the other girl.

"Yup. I'll test yours," replied Abigail, but hesitated when she peered into Bailey's bowl. "Uh… is it supposed to be bubbling like this?" she asked, pointing. Bailey looked at the gooey, dark brown liquid, where a few fat bubbles would occasionally rise to the surface and pop squelchily like the scummy surface of a swamp.

"Uh…yeah! That's what… makes it original, of course," she said, though the recipe hadn't mentioned anything like this happening, and she wasn't quite sure if it was natural."It's what makes it such a… rare delicacy," she assured her friend a bit nervously.

"If you say so," Abigail said, shrugging.

Bailey turned back to Abigail's bowl, took a teaspoon from the drawer and sampled some of the white icing Abigail had made. "Very good," she said, sneaking a few more hasty teaspoonfuls into her mouth. "How's mine?" she asked, without turning around.

A gagging sound answered her. She spun around to see Abigail wobbling away from her bowl, clutching her throat. "Uhh…" Bailey said nervously, hoping she was faking again.

Abigail rushed to the sink, spat in it and stuck her head under the tap, gulping down water. When she finished, she drew several deep breaths.

"Well… it may be a bit sweet…" Bailey apologized, remembering how much sugar she had put in.

"Sweet?" Abigail exploded finally, having regained her voice. She gestured madly at the bowl. "That tastes like cat pee with essence of rancid pork!"

"Hey, now, that's a bit harsh," Bailey said huffily. "I'm sure it's not that bad," she contradicted as she advanced towards her bowl with her spoon; but it was with a tingle of apprehension that she scooped a spoonful of the goo up and brought it to her mouth.

Rich, rotten flavours exploded in her mouth, some acidic and tangy like bile, others putrid and thick like –as Abigail had clarified- rotten meat. Bailey staggered to the sink and puked out the sauce, following Abigail's example of rinsing her mouth out and glugging down some water.

"Well?" said Abigail. "I told you."

"It's not just cat pee and rancid pork," Bailey gasped, clutching the rim of the sink for support. "It's rotten eggs and roadkill."

Abigail didn't even bother pointing out the use of alliteration (A/N: flashback to her yelling of "Assonance!" in an earlier chapter… don't remember which one, though). "Rotten eggs! _That's _what I smelled before!" she said, snapping her fingers. "You used _rotten _eggs!"

"Well, I didn't know, I can't smell anything!" Bailey protested desperately.

"You could have checked the expiry date on the carton!"

"Well…" Bailey muttered something under her breath, not knowing how to escape from that one.

"And why was it so damn salty?" insisted Abigail.

"I don't know, I didn't add any salt!" cried Bailey. "I used the sugar, right th-" she stopped, in the middle of pointing at the large bag she had thought was sugar. "SALT" it read. "Ehehe," she siad nervously, grinning with a sweatdrop and scratching the back of her head Kakashi-style.

"Oh my God," Abigail muttered, rolling her eyes and sweatdropping too. "Grant me strangth," she murmured in exasperation at the ceiling. "You baka!" she screeched at Bailey, though she felt like laughing.

"I thought it was sugar, because I saw you using it in your cake before and all I saw was the white grains, and… and -!" Bailey stuttered. "Chotte matte…" she said slowly, as something dawned on her. "Does that mean I used it in my cake as well?" She groaned and banged her head on the counter as Abigail continued to laugh.

"How many other ingredients did you get wrong?"

Bailey shrugged, rubbing a bruised forehead. "Well, the chocolate I think is all good. And the cooking oil." She pointed at the bottle of cooking oil.

"Bailey," said Abigail levelly, not taking her eyes off the bottle. "That is not cooking oil. That is the vinegar you assualted me with before."

"Eh? EH!" Bailey's head whipped around. "Noooooo!" she grabbed the bottle and hurled it against the wall.

"Temper, temper," Abigail tutted innocently, and suddenly started laughing again, harder than before. Red anger marks ticked up around Bailey's head.

"AAAARGH!" she yelled.

"Well, you maybe should read the labels and not just go by sight," Abigail suggested, now howling with laughter.

"It's not funny!" yelled Bailey, but suddenly started laughing herself. "Well, maybe it is. Huuuh," she sighed. "I guess I'll just have to make another."

"Oh my," Abigail muttered. Bailey scowled at her.

"What was that, Abby-teme!" she yelled again.

"Nothing, nothing…" Abigail started in surprise as the oven dinged behind her. "They're done!" she beamed, opening the oven door. Her cake was immaculate, fluffy golden brown. Bailey's spewed thick clouds of black smoke like a steam engine and sagged in the middle. The blackened banana slices on top were warped and twisted like banana chips. Bailey was unphased, however, and grabbed oven mitts cheerily to draw her cake out. "I'm sure its okay," she said. "If I just sprinkle sugar on top you won't notice the salt!"

"Right," Abigail agreed, just to keep her happy.

Bailey snatched the sugar bag –making sure it was sugar this time- and poured it on top of her cake. "I probably shouldn't cut it, but I have to taste it," she told Abigail as she drew a knife from the cutlery drawer. She placed it on top of her cake and tried to cut. It rasped through the thick layer of sugar on top, and then stopped like it had hit a rock. Bailey frowned and bit her lip as she tried to saw through her cake, which was a lump of coal now by texture as well as colour. "Why is it so damn hard!" she demanded.

"Probably due to your substitute of baking soda instead of powder. Baking powder is what makes it light."

"Crack it," Bailey swore, chucking the knife aside, and instead grabbed a shishkabob skewer from the drawer.

"What are you doing?" asked Abigail curiously.

"Wait and see," responded Bailey, rushing from the room. Abigail heard the front door to the house open and close. There was a short interval of quiet, and then the door was reopened and closed, and the scurry of footsteps –and clunk of the crutch- announced Bailey's return. She came back into the kitchen holding a fist-sized rock from outside. Abigail watched as her friend took her shishkabob skewer, placed it tip down in the middle of her cake, made sure her fingers were out of the way, and proceeded to pound on the top of the skewer with the rock.

"Um…" WHAM. WHAM. WHAM. "Bailey –" WHAM. WHAM. "Ba-" WHAM. "Bailey, I don't think –" WHAM. WHAM, WHAM. Abigail sighed and didn't bother. Bailey couldn't hear her over her poundings. Finally, with an almighty crack, the shishkabob skewer shot through the cake's middle, cracking it so suddenly that half of the cake went flying and landed with a "CLANG!" in the metal wastebasket. The other half skidded off the plate but stayed on the counter. Bailey stopped and looked at the half of her cake blankly. "Well…" she put her index finger to her lower lip as she looked around, "That didn't work." She grimaced at her cake. "Dammit, why won't you cooperate! Just because the texture is a little, uh, imperfect doesn't mean it isn't okay! I'm sure it tastes good!"

"I'm sure it does," Abigail said innocently. Bailey shot her a glare. "What?" she asked. "I was agreeing!"

"I'll soften it," Bailey grumbled, picking up the cake and lugging it to the sink, where she poured water over it full blast. It absorbed the water like a sponge and wobbled on her hands like a jelly fish, bits falling off with wet splats into the sink. "There we go," Bailey muttered triumphantly, trying to hold the waterlogged cake together as she ported it back to her plate. She scooped a piece off with her fingertip and stuck it in her mouth. It was salty as a ham, disgustingly bitter from all the baking soda, felt like a wet tissue in her mouth, and the banana bits were crunchy and tasted like charcoal. Bailey shrugged. "It's not too bad," she told Abigail, who looked sceptical, and was throwing the disintegrating black mass distrustful looks. "Well…" Bailey corrected herself, "at least it'll taste a bit better with some sauce. Though not _that _sauce," she said resentfully, indicating the stinking, still bubbling pool of ooze on the counter corner.

"Bailey, it _is _a sauce," Abigail exclaimed, as the cake collapsed into a shredded, pulpy mass onto the plate.

Bailey perked up visibly. "Good! Then I can use it as the filling and just make another recipe for the cake!"

"Good job!" Exclaimed Abigail enthusiastically. She was just sitting on the counter, drawing patterns in the veil of flour on the surface.

"Why aren't you doing anything?" Bailey asked, looking at the large cake beside Abigail. "That's all you're doing?"

"Of course not!" said Abigail indignantly. "I'm not letting you show me up! Although… uh, nevermind," she said quickly, deciding she'd better not gloat over Bailey's obvious failures. She steered away from the topic of Bailey's cake. "While you were annihilating your cake, I finished two more layers. They're in the oven."

"Oh. Well, I'd better hurry up and make another recipe!" said Bailey.

"Then when mine are done baking you can stick yours in!" said Abigail cheerily. Bailey looked at her suspiciously. "_What?" _asked Abigail in bewilderment.

"You're too happy for my liking," Bailey said. "But oh well! Happy is good!" She grinned and started to sing, "Here is a little song I wrote…"

"…you might wanna sing it note-for-note," Abigail joined in.

"Don't worry!" they both sang loudly together. "Be happy!"

"Du nu nunanana," bopped Abigail as percussion.

"Don't worry! Be happy!"

Bailey carefully checked the sugar and eggs, along with the milk, before putting them into a bowl. She was determined to make this recipe _perfect._

The song had ended. Abigail got up and stood on the counter, holding a wooden ladle as a mic. "And this next song," she announced, "is dedicated to Uchiha Sasuke!"

"Huh?" said Bailey, looking up from her recipe, which now called for flour. She grabbed at a bag full of white fluffy powder as she looked questioningly at her friend, who had started to sing in an imitation of Sasuke's voice:

_"Clairol, Pert Plus, and Dove_

_They are all so fine_

_Herbal Essences, Outrageous,_

_They just blow the mind_

_Head & Shoulders is wonderful_

_It really works for Kakashi_

_But Garnier Fructisse, so fruity and fresh,_

_Now that's the one for me!_

_It makes my hair so silky smooth_

_It makes me feel so clean_

_It gives the shine that a ninja's hair needs_

_If he wants to look real mean._

_But lack-a-day, oh dearie me,_

_Alas and even woe,_

_Today I happened to meet_

_With my darling shampoo's foe_

_Though it came to my rescue in the end_

_And it really, really tried_

_No matter how valiantly it cleansed_

_It couldn't beat the peroxide!"_

Bailey held her sides as she laughed. Abigail's long, wavering last note tapered into mad laughter as well, and she toppled off the counter with a crash. "Owww," she moaned, getting up to her feet and rubbing her head, though still bursting into fits of laughter.

"My turn! My turn!" said Bailey, jumping up and down madly. The oven dinged.

"Oh," said Abigail, opening the door and slipping on oven mitts. "Ooh, pretty," she gloated, bringing out two more perfect cake layers. One was small, the other bigger, but both weren't as large as the firt one she had baked. "I have to refrigerate these before adding the icing, or the icing'll melt," she informed Bailey with a big smile, her eyes closed, eyebrows raised, and index finger held up in a know-it-all way.

"Who cares," Bailey said, spying the baking powder right next to her bowl -she wasn't sure how it had gotten there- and spooning the right amount into her bowl. She mixed it all together and poured it into an already greased cake tin before plunking it into the oven and re-setting the timer. "As I said: my turn!" She grabbed the ladle from Abigail and scrabbled onto the floury counter top. She thought for a moment, then cleared her throat and said, "And this song I dedicate to my absolute _favourite _Naruto character: Haruno Sakura."

"I thought you hated Sakura!" said Abigail in confusion. Bailey looked at her.

"Sarcasm, ma petite nincompoop," she said.

"Oh."

Bailey grinned evilly to herself before starting a sort of pop song in a high-pitched voice:

"_Sasuke-kun, oh Sasuke-kun,_

_Oh why won't you marry me?_

_I know we're young, so young, so young,_

_And I know I aint pret-ty._

_But I loooooove you,_

_And you hate me, but that isn't the point,_

_And I waaaaant you,_

_And you only waaaaaaaant me_

_To leave you alone, but that is irrelevent,_

_Because I would do anything to be with you,"_

Bailey had been jumping around the counter like a pop star at a concert, but now she sank to her knees, closed her eyes and sang quietly and soulfully,

_"Anything… anything to be with you, oh Sasuke-kun,_

Abigail swayed back and forth with her eyes closed as she accompanied with _"ooh-oooooooh, ooh-oooooooh,"_

_"Anything to be with you, Sasuke-kun…"_

_"Oooh-ooooooh,"_

_"I waaaaaant to be with youuuuuuuu….."_

Abigail started another _"ooooooh…" _but jumped like she had just been stung by a wasp when Bailey suddenly leapt to her feet and screeched:

_"**AND I WANT MY WAY DAMMIT!**"_

"_Aah!" _Abigail screamed. "I think my ears are bleeding!"

"I have strong lungs."

Abigail slapped the side of her head. The ringing subsided. "Nice rhyming there," she said.

"Well, the first four lines rhymed."

"It was a bit harsh, but I especially liked the heavy metal screaming at the end."

"Yes, well, that was the Inner Sakura coming out."

There was a pause. Then…"Mine was better, admit it!" said Abigail with a big grin.

"No!" Bailey lunged for her throat.

"It was, it was!" Abigail laughed maniacally, kicking Bailey's shins as the blonde choked her. The fight went on for a few long minutes when they heard the front door of the house open and someone call. Eyes wide, they froze in their positions (Bailey with Abigail in a head lock, Abigail with her teeth bared and about to flip Bailey over her shoulder). "Sakura-chan?" It was the cheery voice of Mrs. Haruno floating through the air. "Bailey, Abigail?"

"Oh crap, crap, crap," whispered Abigail vehemently, leaping to her feet as Bailey released her and scurrying to and fro, looking desperately for a place to start cleaning. Bailey, also, didn't know where they could start. The kitchen, which had been spotless in the morning, was in shambles. Flour coated _everything, _dirty dishes and cutlery lay all over counters and the floor, ketchup and vinegar dotted the walls -inone place especially, where the smashed vinegar bottle now lay beside the wall- and the bowl of brown goop, still emitting noxious smells and burping those foul bubbles, sat like a warning to the health of all who entered the room. Bailey tried to shove some dishes into the dishwasher and dropped a handful of cutlery with a loud, jangling clatter.

"Sakura-chan? Is that you?" the voice of Mrs. Haruno came closer to the kitchen. Bailey leapt to her feet and rushed to the door, holding it closed as Sakura's mother tried to open it.

"What's going on?" asked Mrs. Haruno, sounding bewildered.

"Kon'nichi wa, Mrs. Haruno," Bailey panted, straining to hold the door shut as the heavier woman tried to open it again.

"Bailey? Is that you? Is the door stuck? Is anything wrong?"

"No, no, no Mrs. Haruno," Abigail called, trying to laugh innocently and sounding like a choking hyena. "Everything's fine. Uh… one of the tables is in front of the door, that's all." Bailey could see her frantically trying to come up with an excuse. _Dammit, I wish Shikamaru were here! _Bailey thought desperately.

"A table? Why is it in front of the door?"

"Um, we aren't sure… "

"We were practicing a jutsu…" kicked in Bailey.

"Yeah, a jutsu, and we needed a table, I mean, a table and a door –" Abigail blabbered, wringing her hands and still laughing nervously like she was deranged.

Mrs. Haruno still sounded bewildered, and slightly weary. "Well, can you please move the table, girls? I have some groceries that need to be refrigerated. Where's Sakura?"

"Training with the two boys," answered Bailey, as Abigail replied, "Sure, we'll move the table. Make some "moving table" noises!" she hissed at Bailey, flapping her hands frantically.

"Why don't you just move the table over there?" Bailey hissed back, gesturing towards the kitchen table.

"It's too far from the door, she'll hear that and know it wasn't in front of the door –"

"What?" asked Mrs. Haruno, having heard their hushed voices. Bailey jumped. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, yes, fine, Mrs. Haruno!" Bailey almost shrieked, sweatdropping. "You make the table noises!" she pleaded in her whisper with Abigail, who shook her head with wide eyes. Bailey drew a dreep breath and made some loud screeching and grinding noises. "NnngggghhREEEEECHrrrrrr!" It was so wacky, it even made _her _jump in surprise. It didn't sound anything like a table so much as some posessed horror of the underworld strangling a cat.

"What was _that?" _asked Mrs. Haruno. She pushed on the door again.

"A cat!" said Abigail desperately at the same time Bailey said, "a bird!"

"It flew in-"

"Jumped through the window –"

They both winced and fell silent. "A cat or a bird?" asked Mrs. Haruno.

"Well…"

"Err…"

"Eheh… it was a very strange looking bird…"

Mrs. Haruno sighed; Bailey could hear her patience straining. "Mrs. Haruno, I'm sorry, we lied," she called as Abigail emitted a strangled noise like "Grk!" and made frantic gestures for Bailey to shut up. "There is no table in front of the door; I'm holding it shut."

"May I ask why?" Now a note of apprehension crept into Mrs. Haruno's voice. "Girls, it's alright. I won't send you away if you've done something wrong. Please will you tell me what you've done?"

Abigail caught onto Bailey's plan -to lie- and sighed sorrowfully. "I guess we have to," she said. "Well… don't worry, it's nothing bad. "She crossed her fingers. "In fact, we had been baking some cakes and had been hoping to surprise you with them when you came home… you know, for putting up with us… but you came back too soon and so we panicked because we didn't want you to know and… held the door shut." It was mostly the truth, though a bit coloured and, ahem, lacking in a few, uh… details.

There was brief silence. "Really?" said Mrs. Haruno, her voice softening. "Oh girls, that's sweet. I'm sorry I made you spoil your surprise."

"Yep, well, it's out now," said Bailey, and almost relaxed. She had to jump back to attention when the door started to open, taking her by surprise. She snapped it shut again before it could open enough to permit a view of the room. "No, Mrs. Haruno, you can't come in!" she said desperately. "We can't let you see the cakes!"

"Oh." Mrs. Haruno sounded mollified. "Well, what if you just hide them so I can put my groceries away, okay?"

"Here, I'll just take them," said Bailey generously, opening the door a sliver before widening it just enough so that she could wedge herself in the crack and prevent Mrs. Haruno from seeing in the room. Before the woman could protest, she snatched the bag of groceries and closed the door in Mrs. Haruno's startled face. "Don't worry about a thing, Mrs. Haruno," she called. She made sure she heard the lady's footsteps reside into the distance before letting go of the door and wiping her sweating face.

"That was close," Abigail said, letting out a relieved anime puff of smoke as she sighed. "Here, I'll put the groceries away while you sweep up the flour?"

TWENTY MINUTES LATER

"Finally!" said Bailey, flopping onto the now sparkling clean floor. The room was uncluttered, the walls were wiped off, the floor swept, and the counters were once again unnaturally spotless. All-in-all, the place looked surgical... just as it had at the start of the day, at least other than the half a bag of flour, half of a rock cake, and bowl of sludge in the garbage. Other than that the only thing wrong was…"My cake still isn't done. Ten more minutes," Bailey consoled herself.

"Mine's all nice and cold now," Abigail announced, taking her bowl of icing and the three layers of cake from the fridge. She spread a layer of icing on top of the bottom slab of cake, placed the second neatly on top of it, and did the same to the second and third.

"Hey!" Bailey said, realising finally what Abigail had been making. "A _wedding cake?" _

"Why not? They taste good!"

"You're just trying to show me up!"

"Of course! What do ya fink? And it worked, di'nnit?" Abigail flicked a gob of icing at Bailey. It landed on her nose.

"Psh." Bailey wiped the icing off and ate it, regaining her composure. "Who bakes a wedding cake? That's just lame. Nobody's getting married."

"I am."

"What?"

"Yup."

Bailey leapt to her feet. "To who!" She yelled. Abigail calmly continued to spread icing on her cake.

"I dunno… do I want to tell you?"

"Who would want to marry you?"

Abigail grinned slyly. "Loooots of people, Bailey my friend. More than you could ever hope for."

"What, all your imaginary friends?"

Abigail sighed dramatically, put the rubber spatula aside and plunked her elbows on the table. She linked her fingers together and leaned her chin on them, looking up wistfully. "Yes, them too," she said dreamily. "It was a hard decision, you know, but in the end I decided I wanted someone everyone else could see, as well."

"Eeeeeh?" Big question marks popped up around Bailey's head. "I was joking."

Abigail laughed. "So was I, nitwit." She grabbed the rubber spatula again and continued spreading icing.

"I knew that!" Bailey lied, inside breathing a relieved sigh.

Abigail finished her icing spreading and grabbed some sugar roses and other such decorations from the shelf, placing them carefully on the cake. Finally she decorated it with swirls of icing from one of those icing thingies that look like a syringe (ooh… professional explanation, eh? o.O). "All done!" she said happily, while Bailey grumbled enviously. She put her dishes in the dishwasher and the conatainer of sugar decorations back in the shelf. "I'm going to go put this up in our guest room so Mrs. Haruno can use the kitchen," she told Bailey, carefully holding the huge cake and tottering out of the room.

"I'll stay and wait for mine to finish baking," Bailey called after her. She got out her platter of mush, a.k.a. her sauce that used to be a cake, and looked at it dejecedly. "Looks like friggin half-digested pabulum," she muttered. "But!" she said cheerily. "It'll all be okay! The sun'll come ouuut, tomorrowww! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrowwww, there'll be suuuuuun…" she jumped and stopped singing when there was a loud creaking noise from the oven. "Huh?" she ventured nearer, and opened the oven door.

A puffing wall of whitish brown dough greeted her. Without the restraints of the oven door, it expanded like a balloon, straining on the sides of the oven and swelling rapidly out of the oven into the room. "No! Bad dough… bad dough!" yelled Bailey. The dough didn't obey. The part that had crawled into the room was already twice the size of the oven. "Why do cakes hate me?" Bailey wailed, backing up as the dough expanded. The oven groaned perilously. The mass of dough was as tall as Bailey and even wider than it was tall, and still growing. "Yeaaaaagh!" Bailey screeched, running from the room, slamming the kitchen door behind her and colliding with Sakura, who had just come home.

"Oof! Watch it! Bailey… what's wrong?" She asked in fright, taking in the other girl's terrified face.

"It's gonna take over the world! Run for your life!" She screamed and ran upstairs to tell Abigail. Sakura, confused, opened the kitchen door and saw the colossal, puffing mass of cake, now halfway across the room.

"Now what did they do?" she groaned in misery. The Inner Sakura yelled for their deaths. Upstairs she heard Bailey babbling something at Abigail, but they were too far away to hear exactly what. Then, clearly heard even from where Sakura stood, Abigail's voice resounded through the house. _"THAT WAS THE BAKING POWDER… NOT THE FLOUR!"

* * *

hah, "TO BE CONTINUED"...(always wanted to say that) (well, not really) _

Even though I promised to update tomorrow, please review, if you have a heart! It doesn't take long, really. Even if you're signed out, signing in from the review window only takes like, five extra seconds. So review! It will make me feel happy and warm inside.


	10. Abigail's Special Icing

Well, it's 9:00 PM, but it's still today for another three hours! So, here is your chapter ten! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I finally own ramen, again! You know how long I had to go without it before today?

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CHAPTER 10

Bailey tried to look small and insignificant for a few hours after the incident, after the mess was finally cleaned up and the repairman had come in to see if the oven could be saved, but for her, that was impossible.

"You got a bigger piece than me!" Bailey accused Abigail, pointing with her fork at the piece of cake on Abigail's plate; the piece she was convinced was bigger than hers.

"I _made_ it!" Abigail defended herself.

A raging fight sprang up between them, resulting in a fork duel. Everyone around the table sighed as the girls crashed around the room, the sound of their forks clanking together mingled with their war cries.

"It used to be so peaceful around here," Sakura sighed wistfully.

"It's really good cake, though!" Naruto exclaimed enthusiastically through his mouthful, spewing cake crumbs over the table. Sakura bashed him over the head and scolded him about keeping his mouth shut while eating.

Abigail and Bailey had invited as many people as they could think of from the cartoons: of course, Team 7, including Kakashi, then Iruka, Ino, Shikamaru, and Chouji (who kept sneaking second pieces), Hinata, Kiba, Shino, Lee, Neji, Tenten, and of course Sakura's mom was there, too. They had invited Kurenai, Gai, and Asuma, but they had politely declined. Bailey had wanted to invite Haku, until Abigail reminded her that he was dead, and she had to be tied up at first to prevent her from trying to find the Sand Village just so she could invite Gaara and his siblings.

Everyone was still eating, except for Abigail and Bailey, and Kakashi, who had managed to eat while everyone blinked, and had therefore once again eluded their plots to see his face. The town members who hadn't before met Abigail and Bailey thought they were very amusing, albeit scary, and nobody even bothered to ask why on earth they were having a wedding celebration when no one was getting married.

Abigail parried a swing of Bailey's fork and took advantage of the opening Bailey created to stab at her. The blonde hopped back just in time, and with a quick downward slash, knocked the fork out of Abigail's hand. "Haha, I won –" she began, but Abigail merely grabbed the fork out of Bailey's hand and poked her in the stomach. She stuck out her tongue.

"No, I just stabbed you. You're dead."

"That's not fair!"

"You wanna go again?"

"No, no, I don't want to humiliate you." Bailey smiled superiorly.

"Oh, you're asking for it…"

Chouji burped. "Can I have another piece?" he asked. Abigail waved a hand in assent, but Bailey charged forward and leapt between the Akamichi child and the cake.

"No!" She yelled. "It's mine!"

"Chouji, you shouldn't eat so much anyways," Ino scolded, snatching his plate away from him. Chouji's eye twitched as he looked angrily from girl to girl.

"Actually, I was joking…" Bailey said, grinning nervously.

"You're supposed to back me up!" Ino insisted, but Bailey had already retreated to find something else to do. Chouji managed to grab his plate back and shoveled a large slice of cake onto it before Ino could do anything else about it. She sighed in resignation.

Abigail and Bailey sat on the couch and watched the other people at the table. "Can you believe we're seeing them in the flesh?" Bailey sighed in wonder. Everyone stared at her.

"Inside joke," Abigail supplied quickly. They threw her confused looks, but nobody bothered to ask.

"Yeah…" Bailey said, dropping her voice so as not to confuse the Naruto characters more. "It's so weird. I _do _look sorta like Ino, don't I? Man, she and Sakura are such fanatics about their weight. Diets are dumb," she scoffed.

"I know. Did you see the tiny pieces they took?"

"Yeah, and they scraped the icing off first."

Abigail blinked in disappointment. Her face crumpled in despair. "They did?" She looked like a close friend had died.

Bailey was startled by Abigail's emotional reaction. "Yeah. Why are you—it doesn't matter, don't be upset. Don't worry! Be happy!"

Even her attempt at starting a song didn't cheer Abigail up. "It _does _matter, though," she told Bailey, turning her upset face towards her friend.

"Why?"

"Because I spiked the icing with sake that I found in Mrs. Haruno's freezer while you were occupied with softening your cake."

"What!" Bailey leapt to her feet. "Are you kidding?" she shrieked with glee. This was going to be a fun afternoon.

"Yeah, but it looks like Ino and Sakura'll be sober."

"Oh well, it's only two people. Abigail, you are a genius." Bailey cackled evilly, rubbing her hands together. She stopped suddenly. "How come I don't feel tipsy?"

"You're _always _tipsy. It doesn't make a difference to us; we're naturally slammed," Abigail told her. Bailey laughed.

"Yeah, that's true." Bailey was hit by another realization. "Holy skittles, Chouji is going to be piss drunk." Her eyes grew wide. "Did you see how much he ate? He is going to –"

She was cut off by a sudden yell of "Chouji, what are you doing?" from behind her.

"Here we go," said Abigail as they slowly turned to see what was going on.

The Akamichi offspring had pulled the little glass box containing his special multicoloured pills out of his pocket and was preparing to guzzle all three. Ino intervened just in time, snatching the box from her teammate's hand.

"What are you doing?" she asked in shock, looking up from the red, blue, and white spheres in the container to Chouji, who was being held back by Sakura as he struggled against her grip to get at his precious pills. "You almost died last time you ate these!"

"I… don't… care!" Chouji was foaming at the mouth as his arms flailed at the air. Sakura called for help, but no one got up. They were all watching in amused interest, except for Mrs. Haruno, who was talking with Kakashi, flipping her hair and batting her eyelashes a little more than was neccessary. "I heard someone call me fat! I know they did!" growled Chouji.

"No, Chouji, no one called you fat!" Ino said desperately, backing up as Sakura was dragged forward on her heels a few inches. Chouji was gaining headway. "In fact, you're looking slimmer than ever… er, very fit… and lean…"

"Really?" Chouji stopped so abruptly that Sakura, who had been leaning backwards trying to keep him back, toppled over. "I am?" He patted his hair with a self-satisfied smile.

"Uh… yeah. Why don't you… go home and get some sleep or something, Chouji?" Ino looked rather perplexed and more than a bit nervous. "Sleep is good, ne? You'll feel better when you wake up, and…"

Chouji's expression was darkening again. "Sleeping will just be bad for my body. I need to continually exercise to keep this shape, you know!"

"What shape is that?" Bailey sniggered. Abigail shushed her, not wanting to miss the show.

Chouji was still ranting about how vital exercise was. "Who wants to wrestle?" he challenged. "I need to keep fit!"

"Uh…" Ino clearly didn't want Chouji practicing his ideas of exercise around her. She licked her lips and said hesitantly, "but, you don't really need to exercise. I mean, you're really fit already. So… why don't you just go get some rest, like I said?"

"But –"

"Really, Chouji, you can't improve your body any more. It's like… wow. Seriously. Just go home and take it easy, okay?"

Chouji was looking vain as a peacock again. He looked proudly at a chubby arm. "Really? Can't improve at all?"

"Sure… I mean…" Ino threw her hands into the air. "Screw it, I don't want to humiliate myself just to keep you calm! You're fat as ever! Sakura, get him!" she screeched as Chouji lunged for his pills with a roar again. Sakura tackled Chouji from behind. He fell to the ground with a thunderous crash and lay immobile. Sakura got up, dusting her hands off.

Ino took one look at the unmoving form face down on the floor and freaked out. "Augh! Did you kill him?" She grabbed Sakura's shoulders in a panic and shook her.

"N-n-n-n-o, of co-o-o-o-ourse not," Sakura stuttered as Ino shook her like a rag doll. Ino let go, relieved.

"Then what's wrong with hi—no, I don't believe it…he's asleep," Ino exclaimed, kneeling by the lifeless form on the floor and poking him with a toe.

Sure enough, a snore rose from Chouji.

"I think that's all the fun we'll be getting from him," Abigail told Bailey with a sigh. "By the time he wakes up it'll probably have worn off." They could hear Ino and Sakura discussing what on earth had caused the odd attitude in Chouji. They were oblivious as to what else was going on around them amongst the others, from the totally slammed-drunk to the only mildly tipsy.

Naruto was one of the utterly wasted ones. He could barely talk for the hiccups. "Hey –hic- Sasuke," he drawled, leaning on the now blonde-haired boy's shoulder. "Wanna duel? –Hic- I just learned Bage Kunshin no Cuckoo, it'll ass your kick."

"Ass my kick?" scoffed Sasuke. "You dobe. You mean ass my _punch." _

"Oh, that I would live to the day to see Sasuke drunk," Bailey sighed ecstatically.

"Naruto! Shut up and shtand ashide!" Lee socked Naruto to the side. "Shashuke'sh fighting me! Yeah, that'sh right!" he told a stunned Sasuke. "Prepare to go down! For the love of Shakura!"

"I don't want Sakura's love!" Sasuke said, horrified.

Sakura, who had turned when she heard her name, heard the last remark. "Wh-why… Sasuke-kun?" she wailed.

"Cuz you're ugly and like, besides. I don't like girls," Sasuke flapped a hand girlishly.

"_NANI!" _Sakura and Ino both screeched. They toppled over backwards next to Chouji, forming a kind of pile of seemingly dead people. Bailey, also, paled.

"I _knew _it!" Crowed Abigail triumphantly. "No one as hot as Sasuke could ever be straight!"

"Shut up; he's drunk! This means nothing!" Bailey insisted, hoping she was right. Abigail rolled on the floor laughing.

"Could we shtop talkin' 'bout Shashuke?" Lee said crossly. "Let'sh focush on _me." _

"Let's not," Hinata spoke up. Bailey could think of nothing odder than hearing Hinata talk like that, in such a superior tone. It was quite creepy. "Gosh, you people are _so _immature," she continued, sounding quite the snob. "Let's elope, Naruto." She held an arm out to Naruto, who linked his with hers.

"Of course, my love," he responded seriously. They walked from the room.

Lee, tired of everyone beating around the bush, landed the first blow on Sasuke. Sasuke flew backwards and crashed into the table. For a second his eyes looked sober, before they glazed over again.

"Is that the best you can do?" he laughed derisively. Lee charged forward, spinning around to gain momentum, yelling something about a Konoha Whirlwind. His foot connected with Sasuke's jaw. Sasuke slumped to the floor.

"Wait… oh, NO!" yelled Bailey and Abigail at the same time, both suddenly remembering Lee's freakish strength and anger when he was drunk. "This is getting out of hand—stop, Lee!" yelled Bailey, as Lee lunged forward to punch Sasuke again. Bailey leapt and grabbed his arm, so he couldn't finish his punch. He spun to face her. Bailey shut her eyes, waiting for the clobber she could feel coming.

"Wait! Sakura loves you!" yelled Abigail frantically. Lee paused.

"Really?" he gasped, thrilled.

"Yeah, she does! She just went running off to the Hidden Sand Village! Hurry, maybe you can catch her before she marries Gaara!" urged Bailey.

"Marries Gaara!" Lee's expression went darker than an angry thunderhead. "Yaaaagh!" he charged out the door, not even noticing Sakura was actually unconscious on the floor, not at the Hidden Sand Village.

"Um… Bailey, do you think that was smart?" Abigail said hesitantly. "He's gonna go attack Gaara and get killed."

"Nah, the drunkenness'll wear off before he reaches the village, anyway," Bailey assured her. She had been checking the unconscious Sasuke's jaw, though she had no idea about how to tell if it was alright or not. "Ah, whatever," she said, shrugging and getting up. "He'll be okay. I wanna see more action!"

It was not an empty wish in any way. Action was alllll around them.

**TBC**

* * *

Sorry it's so short. And ending in a dumb way. I wanted the chapter to go on longer, but my brother is kicking me off the computer. At least I managed to uphold my promise and update today! So, anyways, please review! Three minimum before I continue, remember! waggles three fingers 


	11. Slowly Sobering

Konnichi wa! Sorry this chapter took a while (no, I'm not posting the next tomorrow -hmph-), but I was banned. Like usual. My parents are ban-happy. Example: 

Me: "Do I have to take my dogs for a walk?"

Guenther (my stepdad, who has a hilarious German accent): "Do you have to go on the computer?"

Me: "I'm not on the computer."

Guenther: "Oh, so you won't mind if you're banned for a week!"

Me: "What does this have to do with taking my dogs for a walk?"

Guenther: "Because if we don't remind you, you don't take your dogs, and you're always on the computer."

Me (not seeing the connection): "Uh... okay..."

Guenther: "Good, so you don't have to go on the computer."

Me: "I'm taking my dogs, okay?" (rolls eyes)

Guenther: "And if you roll your eyes I think you don't need the computer for the rest of the month!"

Me: "I just-"

Mom: "Go take your dogs!"

Me: "I'm going!"

Mom: "But not until after an argument! Like always!"

(Guenther says something in German.)

Mom: "Yes, I think that's a good idea. Caitlin, you're banned from the computer for the next two weeks!"

Me: (sweatdrop)

Yes, well, that's my life. But luckily my ban only lasted until the weekend, so I'm updating today! Thank you all for the many reviews I got for the last two chapters -I got them all in one day, and they're all so nice! Thank you! Love you all!

Disclaimer: You might say I own Naruto.

Naruto (tied up in a corner): HELP!

Me: (snicker)

* * *

CHAPTER 10

"Where's Naruto?" came a voice from behind Abigail. She turned to see Iruka, with glazed eyes, swaying on his feet.

"Oh, I don't know, some place or another," she said vaguely, too preoccupied with watching Neji, Kiba, Tenten and Shikamaru with their arms linked, swaying back and forth as they sang off-tune Christmas Carols.

"He eloped with Hinata," piped up Bailey.

"Did he? Ah… he's grown, bless his little soul." Iruka wiped away a fond tear. "It's almost a shame I have to kill him."

"Huh?" asked Bailey and Abigail, alarmed.

"Yes… you see, he's grown too strong for my liking… I can't let him compete with me for the title of strongest in the village—"

"You're not strongest in the village, ya loser. Even Kakashi's stronger –uh… what's with…" Bailey cut herself off, pointing at a point over Iruka's shoulder, at a loss for words. Iruka and Abigail turned.

Kakashi was on bended knee, proffering a cheap, purple plastic ring like the kind that comes in cereal boxes, to a blushing Mrs. Haruno. She giggled like a school girl and fanned herself delicately with a hand.

"What the hell?" asked Abigail, looking disgusted, "Isn't she about ten years older than him?"

"Well, I guess we can't blame Sakura for being a messed-up kid; her mom's a pedophile," Bailey tsked. She continued to stare at the two, now sharing a seat and gazing stupidly into each others eyes. "My God… how much icing did they eat?"

"Maybe old people are even more susceptible to drunkenness," Abigail supplied. "Which would explain Iruka." She pointed at Naruto's old sensei, who, fed up with being ignored by them, was standing on the table and loudly announcing the names and effects of several special new jutsus he had just learned from the other members of the Akatsuki, all of which he would use against Naruto when he found him. When he saw that nobody was listening, he started dancing madly to silent music.

"He's part of Akatsuki?" Abigail gasped suddenly, registering what he had said. "A spy! I must tell Kakash –er… maybe not. Well, I'm sure he doesn't mean it, anyways."

Bailey, who hadn't been listening to Abigail at all, gasped suddenly. "He did that move wrong! Iruka!"

"Eh?" Iruka turned forty-five degrees to face her. "What?"

Bailey bounded up to the table and hoisted herself up easily. "Look, look. The Drowning Fish movement –you did it all wrong. You have to -look."

Abigail sighed, feeling left out, as Bailey demonstrated the proper implementation of the Drowning Fish. Soon Iruka and Bailey were dancing crazily on top of the table, almost looking like in a music video, with the moves all the same in their coordination and timing.

"So bored. Tres tres tragicement," Abigail sighed pathetically, twisting a strand of black hair. "I'm all alone... there's no one here... besiiiiiide me..."

It happened, by freakish coincidence, that it was during one of the rare, short lulls in the yelling and singing that there was a sharp, short gasp from somewhere in the room. Normally it would have never been heard, but in that brief second of silence, it reached everyone's ears. Heads turned.

A tragic scene lay before them all. Bailey and Iruka, standing on the table, and Shikamaru, who for some reason was standing on the ceiling, had the best view of it. Violins moaning and the "Sadness and Sorrow" song from the Naruto soundtrack wavered sadly through the background, while the otherwise sudden silence was punctuated by loud, wracking sobs from Mrs. Haruno, who was kneeling beside the motionless form of her daughter, cradling her head in her arms. "Sa- Sakuraaaaa," she wailed in the most heart-rending cry Bailey and Abigail had ever heard. "She's dead... dead! Why, God? Whyyyyyy!" She shook a wobbling fist at the sky and collapsed beside Sakura, her body quivering with snivels.

"Huh?" Sakura sat up, apparently having been woken by her mother's bawling. "What's going on?" She looked down at her mom, curled into a ball on the floor beside her, and her face grew worried. "Mom? What's wrong?"

Mrs. Haruno's head shot up, her watery eyes blazing, and her hand came around and walloped the side of Sakura's head so hard that she spun around and collapsed. "Can't you see I'm mourning over my dead daughter, you insensitive moron!" she yelled.

"What are you doing? Mom!" whimpered Sakura, sitting up again shakily and rubbing her head. She looked at her mother in a mixture of resent and terror. Mrs. Haruno poked a finger to her lower lip. She looked confused for a second. Then she smiled sunnily.

"Oh, you're okay. Well. All right then!" She smiled around at the stunned crowd watching the drama before them. "Never mind, you guys," she said airily. Everyone went back to what they had been doing before, except for Bailey and Abigail, who were spooning pieces of the special icing off the cake as they continued to watch, interested.

"Anyways, Sakura," Mrs. Haruno was saying conversationally, as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened. "Before I'd thought you were dead and had a nervous breakdown, I had been looking for you to tell you we're moving to the Hidden Rainbow Village."

"Hidden what?"

"You know it exists, Sakura. Deep inside you. You must only search." This came from Kakashi, who had been standing behind Mrs. Haruno the whole time looking awkward, and now he leaned over to stare earnestly at Sakura. "The place where rivers run full with honey and it snows sugar. Where flowers are lollipops, and gummy bears grow on trees."

"I wanna go there!" Bailey and Abigail said simultaneously, their eyes goggling.

"Um... what are you two talking about?" Sakura asked, looking from her mother to Kakashi, both of whom were talking about the Hidden Rainbow Village passionately.

"I know you'll be sad at first to leave your friends," Mrs. Haruno said, giving her daughter a sympathetic gaze, "but you'll love it there."

"So... why are we going?" asked Sakura nervously.

"Oh, it's for our honeymoon," Kakashi said, smiling sideways at Mrs. Haruno warmly.

"WHAAAAAT!" Sakura's hair stood on end.

"Well… technically we aren't married yet, but –"

"Wait, wait, wait," Sakura said, closing her eyes and shaking her head fiercely. "First Chouji, now you… something's going on here." She turned her head to Abigail and Bailey, standing serenely and watching the chaos, and glared at them.

"What?" asked Abigail innocently.

Sakura got to her feet and stalked menacingly towards them like a panther (wouldn't that make her the pink panther? Hah, wow. What are the chances, eh?), pointing a finger threateningly. "You two," she hissed. "You're always –somehow- you did something—I know you did…"

"That's not fair!" Bailey protested. "It was her!" She pointed at Abigail.

"Hey!" she said, looking betrayed. "Bailey!"

Bailey looked confused, until she realized she'd just given themselves away. "Oops," she giggled.

Sakura's glare turned to Abigail, who glared back. The air between them crackled. "So you did it," the pink panther growled. "You did something that made everyone act mental. How, I don't know, but it's because of _you _that-"

"So? What are you gonna do about it?" Abigail took a step forward until she was right in front of Sakura. She was a few inches taller. Sakura stumbled a step backwards until she realized _she _was supposed to be intimidating _Abigail, _not the other way around. Abigail slapped the side of Sakura's head, not hard, just hard enough to infuriate her more. "Huh? Huh?" she pressed, smacking Sakura's head from side to side. "Watcha gonna do? Huh?" Sakura's attempts at speaking were senseless, angry splutters.

"When you're done getting beaten up, dear, you'll find us at the chapel, okay?" said Mrs. Haruno over Abigail's shoulder, smiling cheerfully. "Or wherever people get married around here." She held Kakashi's arm in her hands and walked out the door.

Sakura managed to jerk her head free of Abigail's hands. "No!" she screeched, careening out the door after them.

Bailey drew The Shard of Truth and Justice out from under her placemat at the table, where she had hidden it for safekeeping, and solemnly placed it to Abigail's forehead. "The Shard of Truth and Justice bestows an award of nobility upon thee, Abigail Wilson, for flustering and embarrassing Sakura."

"Yay!" cheered Abigail, pleased with her award. Bailey began to put the Shard of Truth and Justice back under her placemat, when it was suddenly snatched out of her hands by hands coming down from the ceiling. Bailey gasped with rage and glared up into the eyes of Shikamaru, who was still standing upside-down on the ceiling.

"A piece of glass, ehhh?" he drawled, looking at The Shard of Truth and Justice suspiciously. "A weapon. Now look here, you troublesome little girl, weapons are bad for the health of people they're used against, so I can't allow you to carry this." He tucked it into one of his scroll container pockets on his chuunin vest. Bailey's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Give back The Shard of Truth and Justice if you know what's good for you," she warned.

"No, no. I don't think so," Shikamaru said, as if talking to a small child. Bailey's face started o glow a faint reddish tinge, but he didn't notice.

"I'll count to three," she said. "One…"

"Bailey, what are you doing?" asked Abigail curiously.

"Two…"

Shikamaru looked unworried.

"Three!" Bailey lunged upwards and grabbed Shikamaru's ponytail, which, as he was upside-down, was dangling handily.

"Ow! OW! No hair pulling!" he yelled. Bailey clung on, swinging a couple feet off the ground as she clung onto Shikamaru's hair. "I give!" Shikamaru yelled frantically, dropping The Shard of Truth and Justice.

"Nooooooo," Bailey yelled in slow motion, letting go of Shikamaru's hair and dropping to the ground, twisting in mid-air to try and grab The Shard of Truth and Justice before it shattered. Inches from the ground, she managed to grab it and hug it protectively before rolling to break her fall. "Yayyy!" she crowed triumphantly, holding the unscathed piece of blue glass. Behind her, there was a crash as Shikamaru's concentration of chakra into his feet was broken and he toppled to the ground.

"Wow, that was pretty cool for someone who's not a ninja," Kiba, who had been watching, remarked. He looked a bit strange, with a rather red nose from drinking. Someone had drawn a smiley face on it. Bailey spun around angrily.

"Who are you to say who's a ninja or not, Mr. Inuyasha wannabe!" she accused.

"How dare you insult me! Wait… who's Inuyasha? Dog-demon?" Kiba looked down at Akamaru. All he saw was a humongous paw. "What the –oh right, I forgot I fed you my whole supply of soldier pills," he said, looking up… and up… to see the rest of Akamaru looming above him, drooling and snarling at whatever was pissing him off, i.e. everything. "Well, I guess he is pretty much a demon sometimes," he confessed. Bailey and Abigail just gaped at the huge red dog.

"Hey… it's like Clifford all over again!" Bailey finally managed to say. "Clllliiii-foooooord!" she called. Akamaru looked down at her. "My… what big…teeth, you have," she squeaked, faltering.

"Your dog is so not as cool as _my _pets," someone scoffed from behind Akamaru. Walking around the huge tail, a boy with spiky black hair, wearing a pink shirt,who Bailey didn't recognize, came into view.

"Who's that?" she asked Abigail elbowing her. "Is that a character who comes later and I've never seen?"

"No, I don't know him either," Abigail said, frowning darkly at the party-crasher. "Though something looks a bit familiar…"

"Oh yeah? Let's see your pets!" Kiba challenged angrily. His attempts at looking angry were slightly diminished by his red happy-face nose, unfortunately.

The boy held a hand out. There was a scuttling noise behind Kiba. He turned to see a mass of bugs charging towards him.

"What… _Shino?" _yelped Abigail and Bailey. The boy in pink turned.

"What?"

"You wear a pink shirt under your coat?" Bailey scratched her head.

"Where are your glasses?" asked Abigail. Tenten emerged from a different doorway, wearing round, black shades. "Oh."

"No, I don't usually wear a pink shirt," Shino confessed, plucking at the bright pink shirt. "I prefer lime green, but today I –" he cut himself off with a scream. "AAAAAAAH! A BUG!" he screeched, pointing, horror-struck, at a bug crawling up his arm. "GET IT OFF ME!" he screamed, slapping and brushing at the bug on his arm madly. When the poor thing finally fell off, dead, he let out a shuddering breath and closed his eyes. "I hate bugs," he said in a small voice. When he opened his eyes, everyone was staring at him blankly. "What?" he demanded. "They're icky and have too many legs. AUUUUGH! ANOTHER! GET IT OFF ME!" he did another funky dance on the spot, trying to shake the bug off his shoulder.

"Well, that could be a problem for him," Abigail commented to Bailey. "Hey… don't you wonder where the bugs come out of him? It always just shows them crawling out of his collar or sleeves in the show, but I've always wondered exactly where…" she trailed off.

Bailey stared at her. Abigail could see the sick thoughts traveling through her mind. "Never mind," she said.

"Hey look! A dog!" Exclaimed Tenten suddenly, pointing at Akamaru.

"No kidding," said Bailey, raising her eyebrows.

Tenten ignored her. "Oh my God! It's so fuzzy! Let me hug it!" She ran up to the enormous, salivating creature and threw her arms around a front leg. "Aww, whooza fuzzy wuzzy wittow baby, hn?" she cooed. A sinister snarl rumbled from the dog's throat. A glob of drool landed on Tenten's head. "Awww, it's drooling on me, how cute!" she squealed. She poked Akamaru's nose as his head got close enough. "Such a pwecious wittow kawaii poochy!"

Someone groaned from by the table. Bailey looked over. It was Ino, back from the dead. "What… oh my," she said, catching sight of Akamaru snarling and growling at Tenten petting him. "What's going on?" she glanced over and saw Sasuke slumped against the table, still unconscious. "SASUKE-KUN?" she yelped, leaping to her feet. She grabbed the blonde boy's shoulders and shook him, looking around at the two other unconscious people, who just happened to be both her teammates, as she did so. Her eyes wandered over to Tenten, in Akamaru's mouth, yelling, "Aww, he's eating me, how cute!" to Shino, screaming and standing on a chair, one hand at his mouth and the other pointing in horror at a fly on the floor, to Bailey, who was now standing up there with him, assuring him it was a brain-sucking Flurgie fly and therefore adding to his worries, to Abigail, who was looking for Neji, and to the long-forgotten Iruka, who had fallen asleep under the table.

"Quit shaking me!" Sasuke snapped, swatting her hands away. Being knocked out had gotten him sober again. "What happened to me?" he mused, wiping blood off his chin and looking confused.

"I don't know, I passed out when you said… uh… well, nevermind… what were you saying before?"

"What are you talking about?" Sasuke snapped, glaring at her.

"Well… you were… being weird like everyone else…"

"Crap," Sasuke muttered, as a vague recollection of saying something girlish came back to him. "I don't really remember, but don't remind me," he said with a grimace.

"SAAAAASUKEEEEEE," someone yelled. Bailey leapt off the chair and charged towards him and Ino. "You're alive! I saved your life, you know!" she said seriously. "You owe me, mister."

"I helped!" Abigail protested from a different room.

"Shut up and look for Neji!" Bailey called.

"Why are you looking for Neji?" asked Sasuke. "And what's going o—"

"Because we want to see if we have chakra inside us. You know, we haven't been able to do jutsu, so we thought maybe the power's just not in us." Bailey shrugged.

"Okay, but what's –" Ino began.

"So if he uses the Byakugan and looks inside us, we'll be able to tell once and for all."

"Alright, so why is everyo-"

"It would really suck if we didn't have chakra," Bailey continued, frowning.

"_Okay." _Ino persisted. "But how come everyone is acti-"

"I hope I have chakra. But truthfully, I'm not sure, cuz remember when I tried running up trees?" she addressed this towards Sasuke. "I broke my ankle, and it's all cuz of my damn chakra, or lack thereof."

"But what's going-"

This time Sasuke interrupted. "Hey… speaking of which… where's your crutch?" he looked down at Bailey's foot in its cast in surprise. "You're moving normally!"

"I am? I _am!" _Bailey's eyes grew wide. "Weeeeeird!" She kicked her foot on the ground to test it. It didn't even hurt. Ino was close to tears at being ignored.

There was a "PLEAAAASE?" from a different room and Neji's voice saying "no!" Bailey tried to hear exactly what they were saying, but couldn't over Shino's screams, Kiba's frantic ordering of Akamaru to put Tenten down, and Tenten's laughing. She did, however, hear the loud clunk. Everyone went quiet briefly. There was a faint "oops" and a giggle from the room.

"Uh-oh," Bailey said, heading towards the room. It was a large, empty room, probably one where Sakura practiced jutsu, Bailey guessed. By the right hand wall Neji was in a heap, a large lump on top of his head. Abigail looked sheepish.

"I didn't know it would knock him out," she told Bailey.

"What did you do!"

"Well, he wasn't cooperating, so I kind of bashed his head into the wall –but it was only supposed to hurt a little, it wasn't supposed to knock him out!" she said, at Bailey's incredulous stares.

"You psycho!" Bailey accused.

"You're the one who tried to kill Shikamaru!"

"Well, let's get some water and bring him around," Bailey said, trotting back outside, through the living room, and into the kitchen. She filled a cup with water and headed back to where Neji lay, emptying it over his head.

"Ah!" he yelled, his head shooting up. "What… what's going on?"

"Hi!" Abigail said cheerily. "I beat you up!"

"Are you sober now?" asked Bailey wonderingly.

"Sober… uhh…" Neji looked alarmed, and then weary. "This isn't good…" he muttered, shaking his head.

"Yeah, that's right. You made a fool of yourself."

"You're lying!"

"You were singing Christmas carols!"

"No!"

"Don't worry, we won't tell anyone!" Bailey assured him. _Too bad they already know, _she thought, snickering. "If! You use your Byakugan to see if we have chakra!"

"Everyone has chakra," Neji said. "There's no point."

"Puh-weeeeze?" whined Abigail, doing her puppy dog eyes play. "We're from far away, we don't know if we have chakra. Anyways, I made cake!" she raged.

"Yeah, me too! You all owe us!" said Bailey. There was a silence as heads turned towards Bailey. "What?" she asked. "I did. Just because you didn't taste it…"

"Bailey, your cake blew up the oven," Abigail said.

"Fine! Just be difficult, then!"

Neji rolled his eyes; however, nobody could tell, as they had no pupils and therefore looked exactly the same as always. "Oh, be quiet. I'll check if you have chakra."

"Thank you!" Abigail squealed. "You're such a nice person, as well as a sexy beast!"

Neji stared at her.

"Ehehe … did I say that out loud?" she giggled nervously.

Neji just shook his head. "Byakugan!" he yelled, performing the hand seal. The creepy veins spread across his face. He turned his white eyes to each of them, and they suddenly widened.

* * *

Hmmm... what does Neji see? I would laugh if they were like, Shino's relatives and they were all full of bugs... or spiders. No, just kidding. It's nothing like that. Oh yeah... more mysteries... why is Bailey's ankle all better? (Answer: partially because I forgot to mention it in past chapters and when I made her dancing on the table I realized it could be a problem. But never mind that.) So... review, review, please! The more the better the happier I getter.

KarAokE


	12. Eviction, Without the Notice

Fifty review anniversary! YAAAAAAY! You guys rock! Without you the world would not go round, or at least this story wouldn't.

A small note. I found it odd that, when looking back at my story, I had two chapter tens. Chapter eleven, sadly, does not exist. Some people leave out chapters (or stories on houses, etc.) that exclude the number thirteen, but what did eleven ever do? It's really quite tragic. Anyways, the odd part about it is that no one noticed. Or if they did, they were like, "hahaha, that dumb kid forgot chapter eleven. I don't feel inclined to tell her; I'll just let her make a fool of herself." To which I reply, "Oh yeah? Well, come back tomorrow when I have a sizzling burn that will grind your pathetic ego into the ground! Until then, just use your imagination and pretend I said one."

Disclaimer: Naruto, I do not own. Yoda, I also own not. His tone, however, I may borrow while writing disclaimers am I.

CHAPTER 12

Neji gaped.

"Just can't take your eyes off us, can you?" Bailey said demurely. Neji shook himself.

"No, I mean, what? You… how are…" he didn't appear to have taken in what Abigail, or it was unimportant at the time. He looked at them in wonder, the Byakugan fading from his face. "Where, exactly, are you from?"

"Far away. Why?" Abigail leaned forward in anticipation. "Do we have chakra?"

"Do you have chakra? Do you _have _chakra!"

"Yes, that's what I said," Abigail said, scratching her head.

"Do you HAVE chakra?" Neji squawked.

"Wanna try it a fourth time?"

Neji's mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. Bailey was getting excited. She'd never seen Neji get worked up like this. She bounced on the balls of her feet excitedly. "Sound it out," she told Neji encouragingly.

"You two—you have more chakra than Naruto. You're not… jinchuuriki…? Are you?"

There was a dramatic pause. A sly "maybe" was on the tip of Abigail's tongue. Unfortunately, Bailey was faster than that.

"What's that?"

"Damn you Bailey, we coulda had fun fooling people!" Abigail yelled. Neji looked relieved, but only slightly.

"Jinchuuriki are people with a tailed demon –a bijuu- sealed inside them. Like Naruto or Gaara," Neji explained. "But… if you aren't… how do you have so much chakra?"

"Advanced bloodlines," said Abigail promptly.

"That's right" Bailey added; "we're Canadian!"

"Not sure what that is. I thought your last names were, uh…" Neji tried to remember.

"V…" Bailey began, to help. "Vuh, ver…"

"Vernes, that's it. And… Williams?"

"Wilson," Abigail growled.

"Right. So what do you mean, you're Cadanian?"

"Canadian," Abigail corrected. "It's not our last name; Canada is the country we come from. The, er, Hidden Beaver Country."

"And everyone in your country has as much power as you?" Neji choked in amazement.

"Um, something like that, I'm sure."

Bailey had been in her private world without listening, giggling about something. "Abby Williams," she snickered.

"Wilson! And don't call me Abby!" Abigail snarled. "I'll use my oh-so-powerful chakra on you, and you're at the disadvantage, cuz I've watched the show longer than you and know more moves!" Actually, she had attempted to use jutsu many times already, and to no avail, but just the knowledge that she had more power than Naruto gave her the inspiration to try. She could feel that she would be successful this time. Her hands were a blur as she performed complicated hand symbols that she'd practiced back at home before getting sucked into the computer screen. "Forbidden Jutsu: Demonic Ice Mirrors!" she yelled finally.

"No, don't!" Neji yelled, starting to raise a protesting hand. Bailey flinched.

With the tiniest whisper of a tinkle, a bead-sized piece of ice dropped between the three children.

There was a long silence.

"You baka!" Bailey screeched. "Are you trying to kill me?"

"Demonic Ice Mirrors wouldn't kill you. Just imprison you for a while." Abigail was looking in disappointment at her hands, still in the final position of the jutsu. "Why didn't it work? I thought I was jam-packed with power."

Neji took several deep breaths after the shock of thinking Abigail would kill Bailey. "I'm not sure… but I think you have too much power."

"How can anyone have _too _much—" Bailey began.

"Your chakra was flowing inside you so swiftly, and so powerfully, that I suspect it would be hard at first to figure out how to… loosen it up, in a manner of speaking, so it can get out of your body. Anyways, the first times are always the hardest; just with you two they'll be a bit harder than for most people."

"That sucks," Abigail grouched.

"But it's wicked that we have so much more chakra than even Naruto!" Bailey said. (Camera view-point starts to float up, towards the ceiling. The images of the three kids start getting smaller.)

"Yeah, it is."

"We can challenge people to duels!"

"Once we've learned how to use the chakra, that is."

"Yes, that's a point."

"It'll be hard."

"Which sucks."

"But!"

"You said 'but'!"

"Neji, are you scared of us?"

"No…"

"You're lying! Look, he's pale!"

"No I'm not."

"Don't be scared, Neji-kun!"

"I said—"

"Neji-kuuuuuun!"

(By now the camera view-point is above the house, looking down at it. The voices and lights fade-out.)

When Sakura came into the house she was too exhausted to even fly into a rage at Abigail. She merely glowered at her and the remnants of the cake and collapsed on the couch. Out of sheer niceness and perhaps a tiny bit of pity left in whatever small consciences they had, had driven Bailey and Abigail into cleaning the house up. The last of the invited people had left a while ago, when they'd started slowly coming back to their senses, except Iruka, who still snoozed under the table like a dog. Ino had helped clean the house up, but had left angrily when Bailey face-washed her with a sponge. Some people have no sense of humour, Bailey thought sadly.

"Hello, Sakura," Bailey said primly. "How are you?"

"Is your mother well?" Abigail asked innocently, fighting to keep her face straight.

Sakura huffed. Bailey thought she distinctly saw smoke puff out of her nostrils. "I managed to prevent them… you know… doing anything they'd regret when they went back to normal. Then they just passed out on the street a while ago. I had to drag them all the way back here." She heaved a tired sigh.

"Pouvre bebe," Abigail crooned.

"What's _that _mean?" Sakura snapped. "No, don't tell me. What did you do, anyways?" She seemed to be getting her wind back, and she glowered at Abigail.

"Well, it's your mom's fault for keeping alcohol in accessibility to children," Bailey said in defense. "You can hardly expect Abigail to resist."

"You… _spiked, _the cake?" Sakura hissed. She started to rise to her feet, then thought better of it and merely sagged back against the couch again. "Should've known not to trust anything you baked," she muttered. "How come I'm not drunk?"

"Ino and you scraped off the icing. _Anorexic," _Abigail muttered under her breath. Sakura didn't hear the last part, or ignored it.

"I see." Sakura looked at the small amount of cake still remaining. "A spiked wedding cake…" she muttered. She actually smiled shakily. Bailey and Abigail watched in astonishment as she laughed. "It's… I guess it is kind of funny," she admitted.

"Are you sure you didn't have any of the icing?" Bailey demanded. Sakura, laughing about the incident? WHAAAAT?

"But I just wish my mom and Sasuke-kun hadn't been part of it." Sakura's smile faded. "Anyways, I don't think my mom will find it amusing. You two are probably in lots of trouble."

"That's okay, Trouble's my middle name," Abigail said casually.

"How unoriginal," Bailey scoffed. "My middle name is Rebekah."

There was a short pause. "So?" Sakura finally said.

"Well… it just is."

"What's the punchline?" Abigail prompted.

"Um. That was it."

"I don't get it." Sakura frowned.

Bailey just realized she had made a fool of herself. She tried to look as if the joke was on them.

"Anyways," Sakura said, looking confused about Bailey's odd expression, "I'm going to go see if Sasuke-kun's alright." She scurried out the front door. There was a loud clunk, and "OW!" and a groan. Then Mrs. Haruno's groggy voice floated into the house. "What's going on?"

It took surprisingly little explanation. The excuses, now, those were a bit more difficult. In the end Abigail and Bailey managed to feed Mrs. Haruno a quite explicit alibi about rodents from distant worlds and something involving sleep-walking. She almost bought it.

Unfortunately, she wasn't any happier about it. Abigail and Bailey were kicked from the Haruno household. A while ago Sakura would have been in ecstasy about this, but right when they started rubbing off on her enough that she found spiked icing amusing, they were gone, and she felt vaguely disappointed that the household wouldn't be quite as exciting anymore. But above that, she had a horrible sinking feeling that they were going to see if they could stay with Sasuke. With this horrifying prospect in mind, she tried defending Abigail and Bailey from her mom's punishment, pleading with her mother to give them a second chance, but the only result of that was her mom getting mad at her as well, and Abigail and Bailey thinking she was going mental. Then again, with them around, she might have been.

"Well." Bailey looked around the street. Evening was just beginning to descend over Konoha. "We're on the road. We're like, wandering pilgrims, only ones that actually take baths and change their clothes. Speaking of which, it was nice of Sakura to give us the clothes we'd borrowed. As well as our pyjamas back. Abigail? Hey!"

Abigail hadn't been listening; she was somewhere on the far side of the road petting a cat. "What?" she asked, trotting back beside Bailey.

"Nothing. You'd just ignore it again."

"Look at this." Abigail sighed, shaking her head in disappointment and not concerned about how Bailey was determinately giving her the cold shoulder. She was immune to her sulking; she knew she'd cave and be talking to her soon again anyway, like after the night where Abigail abandoned her in the training grounds.

Sure enough, "what?" Bailey asked. "Look at what?"

Abigail waved a hand vaguely around them. "Everything. This is all wrong! People are supposed to be evicted in the dead of the night, in pouring rain. Not in this sunset of a warm day."

"Well, it's kind of pretty…"

"And we should be wearing long, dark cloaks. Not skirts and tank tops. Or pyjamas, in your case." After getting their pyjamas back, Bailey had donned her baggy sweatpants and tank top again. Abigail, who couldn't be bothered to change, continued to wear the dark blue shirt and skirt over shorts that Sakura had given to her. "Pyjamas are _not _heroic," she informed Bailey testily.

"They are to me. Especially 100 percent cotton."

"Mine are alpaca wool."

"Isn't an alpaca like a bird?" Bailey asked in confusion as they rounded a street corner.

"No, it's like, a llama thing. I think. Environmentally friendly."

"Ah." Bailey paused. "It still sounds like a kind of bird. Listen to that alpaca's beautiful song as it perches in the tree. The red-bellied alpaca, a rare specimen of songbird. It rolls off the tongue."

"It is not a bird. The prettiest song an alpaca could make would be if it choked on a bell."

"How romantic."

"I'm not worried about romance; I'm just concerned about—Sasuke!"

"You're concerned about Sasuke?" asked Bailey, puzzled. She didn't see Abigail speed-walking away.

"No, I'm concerned about fact, is what I was going to say," Abigail called over her shoulder. "I was just saying, 'Sasuke'! Hi!"

Bailey thought she was saying hi to her, and was getting confused, until she saw that Abigail had directed the last bit of dialogue towards Sasuke the blonde, who had stopped when he'd heard his name called. The two girls approached him.

"What?" asked Sasuke.

"Nothing," Abigail said, sounding surprised. "Just saying hi."

"Okay." He started to continue walking.

"Wait! Sasuke!" called Bailey. He stopped again.

"Yes?"

"Hi!" Bailey said. There was a short pause.

"Is that all?" Sasuke asked.

"I think so, yeah. Why?"

Sasuke shook his head and took another step. He actually got a few strides before he heard a sudden rushed whispering conversation between the two girls and heard "Sasuke!" again.

"Now what?" he asked, turning back to face them.

"No need to get rude," Bailey said, sounding hurt. Sasuke immediately regretted his tone of voice.

"Sorry," he said bluntly. "I—"

"Shut up, I want to talk," Bailey said impatiently. (_And she talks about not being rude, _Sasuke thought.) "We've decided… can we stay at your place?"

Sasuke looked taken aback. "What?"

"We were kicked out of the Haruno house because of the cake," Abigail told him conversationally.

"The cake…?" Sasuke's eyes narrowed. Suddenly things were starting to make a bit more sense, like why he had a massive hangover and a vague recollection of a household full of drunk people. "you-"

Bailey interrupted him again. "Please, just so we can sleep there, if nothing else. We won't bug you. Unless, of course, you're bugged by it."

Sasuke didn't find this statement too reassuring. "So in other words, you'll do whatever the hell you want and if I'm bugged by it, it's only my fault for caring?"

"Yeah, that pretty much sums it up," said Abigail earnestly.

Sasuke could never really understand how anyone could be so blunt about the truth and act bewildered when it rubbed people the wrong way. It was a unique trait, if nothing else. He sighed. "Why do you want to stay with me?"

Bailey laughed and opened her mouth to say something that would, no doubt, embarrass everyone, but Abigail spoke first.

"Because we need someone to help us with our jutsu, someone really good at it. Someone who also has uncanny amounts of it and still has learned how to control it."

"Naruto," Sasuke said immediately.

"I said someone who could _teach_," Abigail said.

"Well… Kakashi."

Bailey gave him a Look. "Um… I don't think we're… in his good books right now. Besides, we don't want to stay with a twenty-six year old hentai. A bit awkward. Yeah."

Sasuke tried to think of another excuse. It wasn't that he disliked either of them, but having two girls living in his house? He didn't think it would work out very well. (A/N:Get that out of your mind, you sick, sick person.) "Wait… did you say someone who has uncanny amounts of chakra?"

"Oh, don't be modest, you know you do," said Abigail.

"That's not why I'm mentioning it. And… you said, 'also'?"

They nodded.

"We have Canadian chakra," Bailey supplied helpfully. "Neji said there's more of it and it's stronger than a chuu… shuu…"

"Chuunin's?" asked Sasuke, frowning thoughtfully as he tried understand what she was saying.

She shook her head. "Shuu…ja…kiki…'s?" she ventured. She looked helplessly at Abigail. "What was the word?"

"Jinchuuriki, silly."

"That's the one. I forgot what I was talking about now, but Jinchuuriki is the word I was looking for," she told Sasuke.

"You say… you have more, stronger chakra than a Jinchuuriki does? Like Naruto? Stronger than him?"

"Yeah. Neji said it was like a mass of deadly, red-hot caterpillars from the hottest fires of Hell writhing through our veins amidst our blood, which, incidentally, is made of the raw essence of chakra," Bailey described with a fearsome, maniacal grin.

Sasuke blinked. "He did?"

"No. But that's the nub and gist of it."

"Ah."

"So can we stay with you?"

"I guess," Sasuke decided grudgingly. "But no spiked cakes."

"Okay," Abigail promised. He looked at her a bit suspiciously.

"_Nothing _spiked," he corrected himself. Bailey sighed in defeat; she'd been hoping he wouldn't say that.

"Why are you so worried about us spiking things? Besides, what would we spike it with, or are you admitting you have alcohol?" Abigail demanded.

"No," he said a little too quickly. "Certainly not."

Bailey had expected Sasuke's house to be spic-and-span. It was. How anti-climatic. She tried following him to his room, hoping to see a bit of friendly clutter, but he was unyielding in not letting them go into it. Bailey and Abigail both had their suspicions about why; Abigail, still convinced he was gay, was confident in her guesses that he had play-girl, and posters of…

"Shut up, Abigail. Don't wanna hear it," Bailey said.

Anyways, and Bailey's belief was merely that his room was where he kept his voodoo dolls. And his alcohol, which he most certainly didn't have.

Abigail wanted to sleep in Itachi's room, but Bailey urged her not to stir up memories in Sasuke's mind. So she didn't. She merely announced that she was sleeping in the evil, murdering brother's room.

"I _thought_ I was being subtle!" she wailed to Bailey as Sasuke stalked off, fuming.

As Bailey considered it bad luck to sleep in a psycho's room, she poked around the house until she found a closet of blankets and bedding, drew out a cheerful black blanket with red trimming and about seven pillows, and set up a tent in the corner between the living room wall and the couch. Sasuke made no comments at this arrangement, but merely raised his eyebrows.

"Don't you like it?" she said cheerily.

"Sure. It's… original."

"You can spend the night in it with me!" she yelled. She heard Abigail crack up from Itachi's room, though whether she was laughing at Bailey's antics or something else, like watching someone out the window get injured, a biker fall down, a mad killer murdering innocents, etc. was a mystery. Many things made Abigail laugh.

"No thanks," Sasuke said.

"You're going red! Abby, he's blushing! FIND A CAMERA!" Bailey yelled. She heard a crash from Itachi's room, suggesting that Abigail had fallen off of something, which she was quite prone to doing, or, also possible, that she'd run into a wall in her haste to see Sasuke blushing.

"Don't be stupid," Sasuke tried to keep his voice calm and superior, but he practically yelled the last part. And he most certainly was red. He turned to leave and was confronted by Abigail, who had just entered the room.

"Nice tent," she told Bailey. "Hey Sasuke, what colour is your red face?"

"More total morons in town," he muttered, trying desperately to stay mature. "I'm going to bed."

"Would you like me to come?" Bailey asked, sending Abigail back into hysterics.

"No," he said, already walking away. The blonde hair was already being useful; it was light enough that through the few thin strands by his ears, Bailey could see them turning red again, whereas with black hair, it would have been hard to tell, and she would have put it off as a trick of the light.

"I could read you a story!" she called as he ascended the stairs, away from them.

Sasuke felt vaguely annoyed that she was mocking him. In fact, she wasn't; she was merely trying to find a way of seeing his room. She also wondered what his pyjamas looked like. The prospect of their pattern, or if they were made of cotton or alpaca wool, was fascinating.

Umm... the end. Of the chapter, of course. I feel like I have to write a post-chapter ...thingy, every time, but I actually don't have much to say. Maybe I could sing? (collective glare from crowd. Cracking knuckles can be heard.) Or, then again, maybe not.

By the way, I have started writing a discworld fanfic (DISCWORLD ROCKS! Especially Rincewind. Unfortunately, the story isn't on the site yet), so... just to warn you, it may or may not interfere a bit with this one. It shouldn't, but just in case, I warned you, so I may not be updating quite as often. But I'll really try, okay? Please don't hate me. Anyways, with that cheerful note, I shall bid you adieu (twirls invisible french moustache).


	13. Bailey's Training and Some Blackmail

I don't know why all of a sudden the font on here has gone humongous and bold like some Easy Readers book, but I keep trying to change it and it won't, and it's REALLY pissing me off! Maybe it won't show up this way in the story. (shrugs) hopefully not.

Anyways. Cheerful note: MY BAN IS LIFTED! FINALLY! I am so sorry (gomen nasai, gomen nasai!) I couldn't update, but my stepdad was charging me $7 each time he caught me on the computer (I lost $21 that way) and so I really didn't want to take chances... anywho. At last, I have updated!

* * *

CHAPTER 13

"Pooooo…"

…

"Poooooo…"

Abigail opened her eyes through a haze of pain to see Bailey leaning over her with her customary good-morning grin.

"Abby, you're awake!" Bailey yelled happily. "Get your ass outta bed; Sasuke agreed to help us with our jutsu today!"

Abigail groaned. Her stomach was in knots.

Bailey burbled on, oblivious. "Hurry up! There's this funky rice-stuff that looks like snot but smells really yummy for breakfast."

"Un."

"Come on!" Bailey yanked the pillow out from under Abigail's head and socked her with it. "Aren't you excited? There's another big, bright day full of victims out there for us!"

"Ngh."

Bailey paused, finally realising something was wrong. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked, scrunching her forehead. Abigail, not trusting herself to open her mouth in case she puked, shook her head.

Bailey panicked. "OMG! And I thought you just had the morning grumps! Aaaaah! _Sasuke!" _she screeched, racing out the door and colliding with Sasuke as her ran towards her call. They both collapsed painfully. Bailey got up first, grabbed Sasuke by the shoulders and shook him. "Abby's sick! She's gonna die! She has to be really sick because not even the mention of breakfast got her excited! Help her, Sasuke, help!"

"L-l-l-l-let g-g-g-g-" Sasuke managed before he swiped Bailey's hands off his shoulders.

"Sorry," Bailey said. "But we have to get her to the hospital!" she wailed, wringing her hands. She grabbed Sasuke's arm and dragged him into Itachi's old bedroom.

Abigail wasn't there.

Bailey screamed. "She must have found a quiet, secluded place to die; that's what cats do…"

Sasuke cuffed her over the head. "Shut up, you're hurting my ears-"

Abigail walked into the room, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "Sorry I left, I had to go throw up," she mumbled. "You guys, I feel really sick…"

"So I've heard," Sasuke said. Bailey looked confused.

"You're not dying?"

"Well, I feel pretty crappy, but I'm not _dying_."

"Ohhhh," Bailey said, looking exasperated. "You mean you're just sick."

"Um."

"I thought you were _sick _sick," Bailey clarified. All traces of panic were gone from her face. "It's all good, then! Tell me when you're better! I'll go eat your breakfast." She walked off. Sasuke and Abigail stared/

"Anyway," Abigail finally said, plunking back onto the bed and holding her stomach. "I think I'll just rest for the day. If anyone disturbs me they will die. Ok?"

"Sure."

And so Abigail slept, or occasionally woke up and had to rush to the bathroom and puke, and went back to sleep and dreamt of many odd things, mostly consisting of drunken people, Tenten getting eaten by poodles, alpacas, and chakra. One dream she found rather amusing was one in which Naruto got mad at her and the Kyuubi awoke within him. Snarling threats and surrounded by ferocious red chakra, he charged towards her on all fours, fangs bared. When he got close enough, Abigail reached out and flicked a finger. It hit his forehead, and suddenly Naruto was blasted in a flat trajectory backwards, where he hit a wall so hard he smashed through. Abigail laughed evilly. "Looks like I'm stronger than your pitiful demon!" she taunted as Naruto groaned in pain. Abigail woke up muttering "muahahahaha," and promptly stopped because it hurt her throat.

Meanwhile, Bailey tried desperately to release her chakra. She had the hand seals for Henge no jutsu, Bunshin no jutsu, Kawarimi no jutsu, and even the great fireball jutsu (she had begged Sasuke to show her) perfectly memorized; she performed the seals flawlessly and concentrated fiercely, and yet nothing happened. Sasuke was patient at first, but in the end he gave up and announced he was going to work on his own abilities.

"Traitor," Bailey muttered darkly as he, in her opinion, ditched her, and disappeared among the trees (they were in the forest training grounds). "We'll show him, won't we, chakra? Henge!" she yelled suddenly, hoping to catch her chakra by surprise, so it would be startled out of her, but unfortunately it hadn't worked yet.

"Please, chakra," she wheedled. Her hands moved rapidly as she did all the different hand seals and concentrated on their purposes. "Henge! Bunshin! Kawarimi! Gokakyu! Sharingan! Byakugan!" she yelled, getting exasperated. "Kage bunshin! Sexy no jutsu! Damn you!" The last exclamation, which Bailey considered one of her own personal little techniques, was accompanied by a fist being shaken at the sky. "Grr!" Bailey sat on the ground, tired and exasperated. She had been at this for three hours already. She envied Abigail, getting to sleep all day, drinking orange juice and lazing around. Probably watching TV, too. Bailey sighed wistfully.

It was then that she heard a whistling sound behind her. She spun around faster than she ever thought she could, and saw the glint of sunlight on a kunai zipping towards her. On instinct, her hands went together. Her lips formed the essential word. Her purpose had never been clearer: _get away!_

Sasuke emerged from the bushes. He smiled at the sight of the kunai embedded in the log. He had been right: forcing the need to get away or die as an alternative had managed to get her chakra to work. Now, where was she…?

"BAKAAAA! You could have killed me!" Something blonde and furious and very, very scratchy dropped onto him from a tree branch. Instinct took over. Bailey found herself suddenly soaring through the air, and then lying painfully on the ground. Sasuke grimaced, hoping his reflexive counter-attack hadn't hurt her.

"Heyyyy," Bailey whined, getting up. "You're supposed to let me beat you up so I can feel better."

"Try it," Sasuke replied. Her chakra had awoken, and now he was eager to see its power.

_Geez, he's just full of violent ambition, _Bailey thought. She was still in a state of shock from three things: one, she had almost received a kunai between the eyes; two, she had successfully used Kawarimi no Jutsu and now that she was familiar with the feeling of using chakra, it felt like she had done it all her life; and three, she had just been flipped onto the ground faster than she could blink, and now that guy was _challenging _her.

"I will," she growled. "Because I am drunk with power which generally leads me to rash decisions, and because I am angry with you for almost killing me."

"Oh, it wouldn't have killed you," Sasuke assured her. "It was genjutsu. Kai!" he said, and the kunai in the log vanished.

Bailey blinked. He hadn't shown her _that. _"Oh," she said. "Well." She scratched her head. "Well, do I attack you now, then?"

Sasuke nodded. "I want to see what your chakra is capable of."

"But... but that's not fair. You can't expect me to do anything marvelous yet; I haven't practiced or anything, and I only know simple—" she cut herself off in an attempt to take him by surprise, and flew towards him. Despite her head start and her surprise opening, her punch was blocked, her elbow grabbed, and with a quick twist, Sasuke had her pinned to the ground, kunai at the back of her neck.

"I didn't say _taijutsu,_" he said with a smirk. "You can't expect to beat me with that."

He didn't see her grin into the ground.

"Of course I can't," came a voice behind him. "So neither can my clone."

With a puff of smoke, the Bailey on the ground disappeared. The real Bailey rapidly performed a string of hand seals, muttering the words. Recognizing the move, Sasuke's eyes widened. This move… and with her chakra…

"Gokakyu no jutsu!" she yelled, filling her lungs with a huge breath as she held the last hand seal. Sasuke held his breath, too.

(drum roll)

Bailey exhaled (clash of cymbals), breathing out… a puff of smoke. They both watched in silence as it drifted up and dissipated into the sky.

And then they burst out laughing.

Abigail woke up feeling very hungry. Her stomach was also feeling a bit better.

"Yay! I'm all better!" she squealed, leaping out of bed. She immediately felt dizzy and crashed into the wall. "Owwww." She rubbed her side and looked resentfully at the wall. It stared impassively back.

"Don't give me that look," she told it grumpily. "What's that?" She leaned towards it, pretending to be listening. "You can't help it? I don't think I like your tone."

Abandoning her fascinating conversation with the wall, Abigail held a hand to her stomach and grimaced in pain. Bailey's chakra had worked to heal her ankle. If Abigail's didn't prove as useful, she would be very pissed.

"I am a superhero, I have awesome pow-ers," she chanted, padding out of Itachi's room and into the kitchen. A few dirty dishes from breakfast were in the sink, but other than that the room was clean. Abigail scowled at the sight of _her _plate, which should have held _her _food, but was now empty.

"Oh well!" she chirped. "I'll find something to eat… mmm, cornflakes… no—" she gasped, "_pop tarts," _she said dreamily. She opened the fridge with a flourish, and her face fell.

"Damn, no pop tarts." She tapped her lip with a finger pensively as she surveyed the contents of the fridge. As she didn't recognize any of the brand names or food by sight, she inspected each item for a personal analysis, muttering to herself about "damn foreign food".

"Hmm… not sure what this is… eggs—meh… no way am I eating _that_…dum-de-dum… maybe, maybe… this looks okay… what the _hell _is this?" she paused in her commentary to examine a bowl of some particularly foul-looking sludge. "Bailey probably made that," she said as she shoved the bowl as far back into the fridge as she could. "Or maybe it's his health drink… heh… well, I guess I'll stick with this; at least it smells edible." (It was the stuff Bailey had told her they were having for breakfast.) Oh, and milk… he'd better have cocoa powder."

She found the cocoa powder in the pantry, and heaped in eight teaspoons. She was even thirstier after she'd drank it than before. "Now what should I do?" she mused, clattering her empty plate and cup into the sink. "Hmm…" her stomach still hurt quite a lot, but she felt like doing something.

A light suddenly went on in her head (metaphorically, that is). "Hey…" she said slowly to herself. "Sasuke is gone… I've got the house to myself…"

She bounced up the stairs towards his room. When she got to his door, she paused, savouring the moment. It seemed somehow sacred to see the inside of the Great (though not as great as _me, _she though smugly) Sasuke's room. She wished she had some incense to burn, but she would have to do without. She reached for the door knob.

It was locked.

"Nooo!" howled Abigail, punching the door and hurting her fist. "Right when I though I could finally see his room!" She sat down in a huff and slid bumpily down the stairs backwards.

"Ow," she commented as she got up. She was now at a loss for what to do. If she had managed to get into Sasuke's room like she'd planned, she would have had plenty of entertained time, but now she just had a bunch of empty hours.

"Only one thing to do, I guess," she remarked, shuffling out the door. "Go find them!" she looked around, wondering which way Team 7's training grounds were.

Suddenly Konoha seemed a much larger place. Abigail fiddled with a strand of black hair as she tried to remember which way it was to the part of the forest where the teams trained. Finally she came to a vague sort of conclusion and set off.

TWENTY MINUTES LATER

Abigail, picking twigs from her hair and considering giving up and just heading back to the village, finally stumbled upon a clearing. The first thing she saw was a straw dummy with a bulls-eye on its stomach tied to a tree. Wait a minute… did Team 7 have one of those…?

Apparently not, for the next thing she saw was Neji, and he wasn't part of Team 7. "Neji-kuuuuun!" she called happily. He didn't look surprised to see her; the Byakugan was just fading from his face and he'd seen her approaching a while ago. Abigail staggered up to him and threw her arms around his neck. He had to struggle to get her off; she had a grip like friggin' iron. When he managed to extract himself from her stranglehold and shove her off, she plopped to the grassy ground. He became suddenly aware that she had been talking this whole time.

"…and I was like, damn, I thought I'd recognized that tree, but for some reason this place is full of the stupid things, so I guess, yeah, and you're like, I mean I was so glad to see someone cuz before the only live things I saw were those damn badgers—I swear they were stalking me—and by the time I fell in the puddle I was totally lost, and I'd been walking so long—"

"Uh, yeah, look, I kinda have to—"

"…and, hell, I thought I was gonna out into some cannibalistic village where they cut my beating heart out and ate it while they gave my brain to some evil totem pole God or something…"

Neji tried to block out her voice so he could interrupt, but it bore into his skull like a drill and he couldn't help listening.

"…and by the way, you missed one rabbit in your blind spot," she concluded.

"I did?" Neji looked around, alarmed.

"How should I know? You're the one with the Byakugan." Abigail collapsed into laughter, apparently finding something hilarious. Neji was slightly perplexed.

"Then how did you know I… wait…" Neji's voice trailed off in confusion.

"I didn't." She flicked Neji's ankle with a finger from where she sat, laughing. "You have just had a blonde moment! Buuurrrrn!"

Neji glared down at her and moved his ankle out of her reach. "Why are you here, anyway?"

Abigail looked offended. "Weren't you listening to anything I said? I got lost!"

Actually, he hadn't really been listening; about all he'd heard was something about badgers and cannibals; but she looked so hurt that he improvised quickly into "yeah I was, but I mean why—uh—why were you in the forest in the first place."

Abigail scowled. "You _weren't _listening. I said, Sasuke and Bailey are training in the Team 7 area and I was looking for them."

"Oh." Neji wasn't sure what she was implying. She was looking at him expectantly, but he didn't know why.

Finally Abigail cracked. "Well, are you going to show me where they are?"

"Me?" Neji asked, startled. Abigail drew a breath to say, "No, the Michelin Man; he's right behind you," but Neji was talking again. "I don't know where Team 7 trains; only the senseis know where each area is."

"Oh," Abigail said, feeling thwarted.

"I could show you the way back to the village if you want," he supplied helpfully. But by the look of dawn spreading across Abigail's face, she had other ideas.

"No, wait… you're the genius dude, and you're just as good as Sasuke…"

"Ah, no wait, no, if you're saying—"

"Neji-kun! Will you teach me to use my chakra?"

"No," he said flatly.

"_Please…" _she said sweetly, her voice flowery and, if it were written, in curly handwriting. She made her blue eyes go big and bambi-ish.

Neji was unaffected. "No," he repeated.

"Aw… why not?"

"I'd rather invest my time in training for myself. I don't have time to teach you," he told her.

"But… don't you, aren't you interested in seeing my powers?" Abigail wheedled.

Neji shrugged. "A little, I guess, but not enough to—"

"Selfish!" she accused. When Neji merely shrugged, she tried persuasion again. Her voice trailed blossoms once more. "Are you sure? Think of that _amazing _chakra you saw. Think of what it could be _capable _of."

Neji hesitated, but still refused.

"Why don't you have another look, Neji-kun, all that abnormally powerful chakra…"

"No!" he repeated, sounding annoyed. "I said no, okay?"

_Geez, and I though Sasuke was a cold-hearted bastard, _though Abigail, narrowing her eyes. It looked like that track wasn't going to work, either. Next option. "Fine," she said casually. "I'll get Kakashi to teach me jutsu, and you can bet when I learn how to use my chakra in devastating way, _I will get you."_

It didn't have quite the effect she'd hoped for. "Is that a challenge?" Neji asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, it's a bloody threat," she snarled.

He still didn't seem intimidated. Abigail couldn't think why. "Why aren't you scared?" she asked, exasperated. "I thought you said my chakra was better than anyone else could ever dream of!"

"It is. But mere potential is nothing compared to talent. Your experience still pales next to mine."

_Besides, it's not your destiny to lose, right? _She thought sarcastically. This was not going how it was supposed to. It was time for drastic measures. "All right then, Neji-chan. I'll make you an offer you can't refuse."

Neji sighed impatiently, noting the demotion from "-kun" to "-chan". "What?"

"How about…" she said slowly, as if thinking it over, "you teach me how to use my chakra, and I don't tell your dear ol' uncle how you went to a friend's house and got _drunk!"_

Neji blanched and choked on his words. "**_You _**were the one who spiked the food!" he yelled in a voice strangled with incredulity at how she could threaten him this way. "I didn't even know there was alcohol—"  
"Ahhh, but does Hyuuga-san know that?" Abigail smiled wickedly as Neji sputtered and looked to be on the verge of homicide.

"You… you wouldn't," he said finally, initiating the use of the trademark response to particularly low blackmail. He glared at her furiously, but Abigail could hear the pleading "…would you?" unspoken ending to his statement.

"You don't know me very well, Neji-chan."

"He wouldn't believe you," Neji remarked, trying to convince himself. "You're just a newcomer in town, and he knows me." His ashen face didn't look very reassured.

Abigail smiled and shrugged. "Better be 100 percent sure of that, Neji-kun. I don't think strict Hyuuga-san likes alcoholic delinquents very much…"

"You're bluffing, anyway."

"Am I, now? Anyways, Mr. Hyuuga won't believe me, as you said, so even if I'm not bluffing, you don't have anything to worry about. Right?" Abigail gave him a small smile. It was a rather sad, sympathetic smile that clearly said, "You're screwed, sucker." "Bye, Neji-kun!"

She started to walk away. She could feel the helpless despair radiating from Neji. He would cave. She started to count down from 10… 9… 8…

"First she nearly concusses me.. now blackmail…" Neji muttered to himself. "Oh crap. Wait!"

* * *

Just for fun, I have a poll for my reviewers: who do you like more, Bailey or Abigail? (And Caroline, if you read this, you areNOT permitted to answer this, becauseyou're biased against Bailey just because Abigail is based on you.) 


	14. Gokakyu

Whew! Why are my days so busy, these... er... these days. Okay, that was a pretty bad sentence. But really; homewoooork! Urgg, and exams coming up... I am going to fail my science one, I know it... but whatever. I'm not here to tell you about my woes. Just my excuse for updating so late. X-) Anyway, that is my excuse, the really packed days. Plus I was really sick since Monday, and didn't really feel like doing much on the days I stayed home, even though usually that's my perfect opportunity to grow roots in front of the computer while no one else is home.

So... Abigail seems to have won the poll (pouts. hah, just kidding). Caroline (my friend, who Abigail is based on -I've mentioned that before, but for all you forgetful people I have said it again-)should be happy. Until I point out to her that I created both of them, so technically Abigail belongs to me anyways and therefore I take credit, bwahahaha.

I forgot my disclaimer for chapter 13. But you can't sue me, because I'm going to make up for it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Déjà vu.

* * *

CHAPTER 14

"Whee!" an upside-down, grinning face lowered itself into Sasuke's line of vision. "I can see up your nose," it said.

Sasuke rolled his eyes and turned. There was a soft thud as Bailey released the chakra from her feet and flipped onto the ground. "Am I ready to learn chidori yet?" she asked hopefully.

"No," Sasuke snapped. "Would you quit asking me that?"

"Alright then," Bailey sighed. Sasuke blinked in surprise at her easy consent.

"Good," he said. "It's not—"

"You're going to teach me chidori!" she barked. "Right bloody now!"

"What the hell?" asked Sasuke, rubbing his ear that she'd yelled into.

"You said not to ask," she stated simply. "So I'm telling you."

Sasuke gritted his teeth. "Listen, you stupid girl, _I'm not teaching you chidori. _Don't even mention it."

"Don't call me a stupid girl, brat. I'll have you know I'm eight days older than you."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "And how exactly do you know my birthday!"

"Uhhh…" Bailey sweatdropped. She'd seen it on a Naruto fansite once, but he wouldn't understand _that. _And if she didn't weasel her way out of this, he'd think she was a fangirl. "Psychic powers," she said brightly as she suddenly remembered using that excuse before. "Remember?"

"Right. Whatever," Sasuke grumbled. He wasn't sure if he believed the whole "psychic powers" thing. It seemed unlikely, but then again, after what he'd just seen her accomplish, he was almost ready to believe that she could fly. Half an hour after having a ball running around transforming into various people, creating clones—and not just any clones; _shadow _clones—and switching her body with nearby objects, Bailey had resolutely decided she wanted to try running up a tree again. And once Sasuke had told her how to focus her chakra to do it, she had tried… and succeeded. First attempt. On her first try she ran straight up to the top, but had lost her footing and had to climb down, but on her second go she could hold her chakra flow and walk leisurely upside-down along tree branches as she liked. Sasuke had never seen anything like it.

And now she wanted to learn chidori. But Sasuke refused to teach her. One of the reasons was, of course, because Kakashi wouldn't allow it, but the other was that Sasuke had this horrible sinking feeling that she would catch on straightaway, perform it perfectly after the third or fourth time, and then say something like, "now what"?

He brushed a pinecone off his shoulder, lost in thought. Another was suddenly there, and one bounced off his head. Frowning, he smacked the next oncoming missile to the ground right before it hit his nose, and glared at Bailey, who smiled innocently as she happily threw acorns and pinecones at him. The last few ones he deflected with the chakra shield Kakashi had taught them.

"So," said Bailey, feinting a throw to his left and then hitting him squarely on the chin, "if I can't learn chidori, can I try the great fireball jutsu again?"

"No, you cannot, you moron, we are in a _forest. _Full of _wood, _understand? We're both just lucky it didn't work the first time you—would you stop throwing those friggin' pinecones!"

"I was wondering when you'd snap," Bailey said with a smirk. She threw another pinecone. Sasuke caught it in mid-air and hurled it at her. An inch from her arm it hit an unseen barrier and bounced harmlessly away. "Ohhhhh," she crooned, eyebrows raised. "Somebody'slearned the chakra shieeeld," she sang tauntingly.

"Good for you," Sasuke muttered.

"I'm better than you, ne?" she boasted. "I haven't even practiced that one before."

"Don't get cocky," he warned.

Bailey snickered. "You said cocky."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Um… so?"

"Don't act innocent. You know you get it, you naughty boy, you."

Sasuke put a hand on the side of his head, exasperated, and shook his head. "You are such a childish, immature…"

"Stop insulting me, you wench!" Bailey got to her feet, stretched, and leapt into the air. Apparently the fight was back on; this was how they trained: sparring. To make it fairer, and more challenging for both of them, Sasuke had lent Bailey several kunai, shuriken, and even two explosive notes.

"…'Wench?'" Sasuke said cynically to himself. He shook his head and departed for cover.

"It's no use," Abigail said finally, throwing her hands up into the air. "My chakra is perfectly happy where it is: inside me. It clearly has no intentions of coming out."

Neji, who'd been jumping around on trees and doing something that involved pinning throwing stars in mid-flight to trees with throwing needles, paused and dropped down beside her. "Keep trying," he told her encouragingly.

"No," she refused. "I'll be the next Lee. The only difference being my eyebrows, I hope."

Neji smirked briefly, but it faded. "Are you sure?" he asked, frowning. "You shouldn't keep chakra like yours trapped inside you. What a waste."

"Oh, I'll keep trying later," she assured him. "But for now I'm sick of it. Let's do taijutsu!" She clapped her hands happily.

"Taijutsu… hmm. Okay. Well, first you should practice aim and power combined, not letting your attack lose force and still being accura—"

"Screw that, I took Taekwon-do in Canada," she said, spinning and kicking at Neji sideways. Taken by surprise, the Hyuuga child received the kick in his gut and went sprawling onto the ground.

"Oops," whispered Abigail. "Uhh… sorry 'bout that," she apologized, as he got up. "I thought you were ready, you know…"

"How could I be ready; I was talking!" Neji cried, holding his stomach. "Do you just enjoy harming me?"

"I'm sowie, Neji-kun!" she wailed, lunging for him. Neji yanked on her arm, and let her momentum carry her over his hip. This time it was Abigail lying on the ground.

"What was that for!" she demanded, sitting up. "I was going to hug you!"

_One minute kicking me, the next trying to hug me… this girl's out of her mind," Neji thought. _"Sorry," he said, offering a hand to help her up. She smacked it away and got up on her own, glaring at him.

"You're goin' dowwwn," she told him, circling. Neji didn't comment, but suppressed the urge to smirk at her presumptuousness. He would overcome her easily. But as she suddenly attacked, and blocked his retaliations, he found himself thinking twice about that. She was good.

However, he still managed to keep the upper hand. Though he didn't manage to hit her any more often than she got him, much of the time she was occupied defending and not on offensive.

Abigail was getting frustrated. She would get so close to landing a kick, or twisting an arm, but then he would have a surprising counter and she would be forced back to defensive fighting. She saw an opening perfect for a punch, and her arm shot out. Somehow Neji grabbed it, twisted so his back was to her, and yanked on the arm he held. She sailed over his shoulder.

Mere inches from the ground, Abigail had an inspiration.

Neji hit the ground and rolled a few feet in a scattering of fallen leaves and dust. Spitting out a mouthful of grit, he lay still for a second, wondering what had happened. He got up unsteadily, dazed and slightly bruised, and looked in confusion at Abigail, unscathed and looking very smug.

"How…" he began, when suddenly he understood. "Kawarimi?" he asked incredulously. "With my _body?"_

Abigail nodded happily. "I used ninjutsu!" she stated joyfully. "And it was easy!" She beckoned at Neji, her grin shifting from proud to creepily avaricious. "Now let's get serious. I already know a bunch of moves from the show—er, I mean, from Sasuke."

Neji almost hesitated. "Let's get serious" was not something her really wanted to hear from her. But if she wanted that, so be it. He wouldn't use the 64 move strike move, for her safety, but to be on the safe side, he put his hands together for the Byakugan.

Bailey didn't turn fast enough. The shuriken stabbed into her back so hard that she felt the prong scrape against her vertebrae.

The fact that before today she had never, ever even imagined that there could be searing, ripping, white-hot pain this excruciating was irrelevant. The only thing that mattered right now was that she was tired.

"Kai," she said almost nonchalantly, though her voice was strangled and breathless from the pain.

The shuriken in her back vanished, as did the Sasuke standing in front of her, who was the mere illusionary clone of the also illusionary Sasuke behind her.

"I'm… so tired," she announced, panting, at the sky, as she wasn't sure where Sasuke was. He emerged from the trees on her right, also breathing a bit heavily.

"Okay," he said. "Good job there. You knew that was an illusion?"

Bailey sat down to catch her breath. "Of course," she scoffed, unsticking a strand of damp hair from the side of her sweating face. "You wouldn't _really _bury a shuriken in me."

Sasuke gave her a blank look. Bailey paled slightly and coughed.

"I hope," she added nervously. She grimaced and tried to change the topic. "Well… that pretty much sucked," she sighed. "Couldn't even dodge a shuriken."

"Well, if you're tired, it can be…"

"Don't even try being comforting, Sasuke; you weren't made for it," she interrupted, getting up and turning her back on him. "That was pathetic and you know it."

Sasuke shrugged. "If you say so, mistress."

Bailey whipped around like she'd been slapped with a wet dish rag, eyes twitching in astonishment. "WHAT? Did Uchiha Sasuke just make a _joke!" _she asked incredulously.

"Pft," Sasuke said, not having a comment. _I guess I did, _he thought, feeling revolted and resolving to never accidentally do _that _again. He didn't want to turn out like, (_shudder),_ _Naruto _or something.

"The blonde is going to your head, laddie boy," Bailey said, turning away again. "Well!" she announced, clapping her hands together in a business-like manner. "Guess I should keep training."

"What? Why?"

She looked over her shoulder at Sasuke like he was an idiot. "To get stronger," she said in an "isn't that obvious?" tone.

"But… look at you."

"Can't. Need a mirror."

"I mean, you're exhausted. If you push yourself much harder you'll die."

"But I have special chakra!"

"Special, not limitless. Just come back," Sasuke said wearily. He wanted to go home now, but he couldn't leave if Bailey didn't come; she'd just get lost again, and he didn't need that on his conscience. (A/N: Yes, dear readers, Uchiha Sasuke _does_ have a conscience!O Weird, ne. It's like the twilight zone.) "Don't you want to see your friend?"

Bailey shrugged, the epitaph of a terrible friend. "She'll be fine. Unless she's dead, but then in that case she'll be in a better place anyway. So… no! I'm training!" She stuck her hands together. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" Sweat ran down her forehead and she trembled with the effort of using more chakra.

Two rather bedraggled-looking clones appeared with a puff. Bailey looked at them, peeved. She prepared to try again, though she was now white as a sheet and swaying on her feet.

Sasuke interrupted her in the middle of "bunshin". He smacked her hands apart from their seal and and tossed her over his shoulder. "No, that's enough," he told her firmly. "You'll kill yourself this way."

He realized he was suddenly talking to a small, perplexed squirrel on his shoulder. Cursing, he flung it aside rather cruelly. Bailey, in her attempt to use Kawarimi to escape, had not gotten very far. She laid in a heap a few metres away, twitching a little.

"Are you stupid?" Sasuke yelled. Bailey made a weak sort of squeaking "nack!" sound and tried to wobble away on all fours.

When Sasuke scopped her up again, she made a feeble attempt to kick his head. When she realized she was too drained of energy to do that, she sank her teeth into his shoulder. He yelled, dropping her, and she tried to muster up the energy to crawl away. She barely managed to slither sideways a bit before Sasuke had flung her over his shoulder again, grumbling.

_Will… not… let him… stop my training! _She thought grimly, locking her shaking hands together. She focused on a fallen branch on the ground and croaked "Kawarimi".

"Dammit Bailey!" she heard Sasuke yell as he chucked the branch aside.

"Heeheehee," Bailey giggled like a deranged madman who knows they are doomed but somehow finds something amusing in their situation. She drooled a little as she oozed forward across the ground, determined to get away.

Sasuke yanked her to her feet furiously and started carrying her again. Facing the ground over his shoulder, Bailey saw a place where the ground sloped sharply down. If she could get Sasuke to drop her, and not pick her up again right away, that would give her time to get to the hill. Then she could relax as she rolled down, and by the time she got to the bottom, she would hopefully have enough strength to escape this time. In the crevasses of her brain, she formulated a plan.

"Sexy no Jutsu!" she rasped. Sasuke screamed to find that what he was carrying was no longer a fully-clothed, female Bailey, but something of the opposite. Bailey didn't need to crawl; Sasuke threw her right over the edge of the hill in his horror. Bailey alternately laughed and said "ouch" as she bounced down the hill, resuming her original form. "Ahahahaha-ow-hahaha-oof-ehehahaOWhahaha…"

She came to a rest at the bottom of the hill, bruised and battered and half-dead, laughing insanely. She heard Sasuke yell from the top of the hill: "that's **_DISGUSTING! _**Naruto is bad enough, but at least he turns into a _girl! Ugh!" _

_Aha, _Bailey thought triumphantly, as she heard Sasuke storm off, yelling that she could just go ahead and kill herself, see what he cared, _I knew he wasn't gay._

And then she passed out.

Sasuke realized he must have taken a wrong turn in his temper somewhere, for he should arrived back at the village by now, but hadn't. His head shot up suddenly. He heard voices.

Going to investigate, he came upon a clearing. In it stood Neji and Abigail, in fighter's stances, breathing heavily.

"Forbidden Jutsu: D—" started Abigail, her hands' rapid motions a blur.

"No more forbidden justus!" yelled Neji, whipping a kunai at Abigail and forcing her to interrupt her jutsu by ducking. "The last one nearly killed me, remember? Where do you learn these things!"

Abigail shrugged. "Psychic powers." Looking over Neji's shoulder, she spotted Sasuke. "Sasuke!" she greeted him. "I was looking for you guys—" she stopped mid-sentence. Her eyes flicked to either side of Sasuke. When they locked back on him they were narrowed. "Where's Bailey?"

"I thought you were sick."

"I got better. Where's Bailey?" she repeated. "You better not have friggin' killed her."

Sasuke's face darkened. "I didn't kill her, but she's overdoing it; she may do it herself." He felt a pang of guilt as he said this. He had let anger get in the way of his decisions. _It's her own fault, _he told himself, but he remembered all the times he himself had been tempted to keep training and training when learning new moves, and the few times that he actually would have killed himself had it not been for Kakashi. He doubted Bailey was different. "I shouldn't have left…" he muttered to himself.

Abigail was already gone.

Actually, Bailey wasn't killing herself at all. She was snoozing peacefully at the bottom of the hill, snickering in her sleep.

Abigail put her face right in front of Bailey's, and drew a deep breath. "BAI-LEEEEE!" she sang at the top of her lungs.

"AAH!" yelled Bailey, snapping out of her sleep and sitting up so fast she bashed heads with Abigail. The both groaned and clutched their heads.

"So you're not dead?" asked Bailey cheerily.

"Nope. You neither?"

"Nono."

Oh, good. Because else it would be rather alarming, seeing as you're talking."

"Yes." Bailey leapt to her feet. "In fact, I feel completely recovered already. "And," she looked around wildly. "Sasuke's not here! Which means… Gokakyu! Yaay!" she punched a hand into the air.

"The great fireball jutsu? I wanna try!"

"Okay, okay, I know!" said Bailey excitedly, bouncing up and down. "Let's use it at the same time from different directions so they meet in the middle and see how big an explosion we can get!"

"Sounds good!"

The ground shook beneath Neji and Sasuke's feet at the same time the sky a ways away turned brilliant red. They both turned slowly to see distant treetops crackling with flame. Birds rose, screeching their protest, into the sky in a cloud darker than the billowing columns of smoke.

"I can guess," remarked Neji.

_…Shit… _though Sasuke. "I'll go get help," he said. "Go see if they're alright."

They both bounded across tree branches in different directions.

* * *

Wahoo! Funfun. I love fire.

Note to Dragonist: I love your sadistic idea! I will definitely put it in as soon as possible (i.e. probably next chapter).

Aaand, second note. Because I'm not finding very much free time to update my story, and it's becoming more popular and getting more and more reviews, I'm upping my request for reviews per chapterto... dun dun dun... four! Hahaahahah. I have definitely had too much Tylenol today.


	15. Secrets of a Messenger

AUTHOR'S NOTE! Aaaah, don't we love the author's notes. Firstly: hi! I've finally come up with another chapter! I had some trouble with this, because it was only now, with Bailey and Abigail getting in trouble with the Hokage, that I realized I was writing in a screwed-up time line. Because in chapter 2, Sakura says "I thought you'd gone off again," to Sasuke, and I had written that in reference to when he ditches Konoha for Orochimaru, thinking I would make the story's setting after that, assuming that he'd come back from the dark side and rejoined his pals. Buuut, then in chapter 6, I made the third Hokage alive and Tsunade not in the scene. Then I was thinking, okay, so I'll just make the setting in between coming back from the Hidden Mist country and the chuunin exam, but then I read chapter 11, where I just had to go and mention Shikamaru having a chuunin vest. So. I have pretty much screwed myself up. Finally I decided, to hell with it, this is a fanfic. So this is after the chuunin exam, pretending that it was finished without any interruptions like invasions from opposing villages. So… Shikamaru is the only chuunin, the third Hokage is still alive, and Sakura was babbling nonsense when she mentioned Sasuke "going off". It all works. Of course, something from this will probably conflict with something I'm trying to write in a few chapters, but screw it. I'll work it out somehow.

Disclaimer: mumblemumblemumbledon'townNarutomumblemumblemumblemumblemumble.

I also don't own Donkey Kong, which I believeI mention at some point in my closing author's note. Don't ask.

* * *

CHAPTER 15

(Camera pans down slowly from a blue, cloud dotted sky to a bench in Konoha, where two girls are sitting, looking dejected.)

"'Worse than Naruto,'" Bailey repeated incredulously. _"Worse, _than _Naruto,"_

_"Social services," _Abigail moaned, who really couldn't care less about being compared with Naruto when there was something terrible like having to _work_ looming ahead.

"And Sasuke's mad at me," sighed Bailey.

Abigail waved a hand dismissively. "Sasuke's always mad at everyone. He's naturally mad."

"Like a cow?"

"Like a cow."

"Yeah, you're right."

(Camera swivels to the left, where Sakura is approaching. As she comes closer she hears snatches of the conversation.)

"Hahaha, we may have been compared to Naruto, who is an idiot, but at least we weren't compared with _Sasuke, _who just happens to be... a cow!" Bailey yelled theatrically, bursting into laughter.

_"NANI?" _Sakura snarled, a bunch of anger marks ticking up around her head. Bailey and Abigail jumped.

"Oh, hi, Sakura! Ehehe..." Bailey laughed nervously, sweatdropping.

"_What_ did you say about Sasuke-kun!" Sakura said menacingly, cracking her knuckles.

Bailey pointed to Abigail swiftly without even looking at her. "She said it."

"Did not! I just said he was mad, _you're_ the one who said 'like a cow'!" Abigail defended.

"Nuh-uh--wait yeah. Ehehehe." Bailey scratched the back of her head and grinned nervously.

Sakura looked at her expression. "You _are _like Naruto," she said.

"No, supposedly I'm even worse."

"Oh yeah, I know how it feels to be called _that," _Sakura said sympathetically. "Who said that to you?"

"It doesn't matter; it wasn't Sasuke-kun," Bailey snickered evilly.

"Shut up!" yelled Sakura.

"The Hokage," Abigail told Sakura. "And... oh yeah. And Iruka. And Kakashi. And... Who else was there?" she asked Bailey.

"Well, pretty much all the senseis... a bunch of villagers... a few Hyuugas..." Bailey ticked off on her fingers.

"Yup," said Abigail.

"Wow," exclaimed Sakura. "So... what consequences did Hokage-sama give you?"

"Fifty hours of social services," Abigail lamented.

"Wipe that smile off your face," Bailey snapped at Sakura.

"I'm not smiling," Sakura said in an injured tone.

(INNER SAKURA: Fifty hours! Sasuke all to myself again! YATTAAAAA!)

"Whatever," Bailey grumbled suspiciously. "What are you doing?" she asked Abigail, who was hunched over wrapping a strand of hair around her neck and twisting it behind her.

"Trying to strangle myself," Abigail said.

"Oh come on... it's not too bad," Sakura said reassuringly, feeling very kind and gracious at the moment. "I mean, lighting the forest on fire... you actually got off pretty easy."

"Shove it," snapped Abigail and Bailey simultaneously.

"Well, you could have been kicked out of the village even!"

The other two looked at each other, then to Sakura. They started talking at the same time.

"I _wish!" _

"That woulda been so much easier!"

Sakura's jaw dropped. "You'd rather get _kicked out _of the village than do some work?" She scoffed. "How lazy can you get?"

"Fifty hours is a _lot _of work!" Abigail protested.

"No it's not."

"Sakura," said Bailey in a deadly tone. "I suggest you either stop contradicting us, or start running. Because we are not in the best of moods."

"Hmph!" Sakura flipped her hair. "There's no need to be so rude. And I'm not scared of you."

"We just burned down half of Konoha forest," Abigail reminded her. "Don't make us start on the village. Because your house will be first."

Sakura backed away. "I don't have to hear this," she said nervously, turning on her heel and walking swiftly away.

"Yeah, you walk away!" called Bailey. "Cusse you and the dead hoss you rode in on!" she yelled after Sakura's retreating back in an Australian voice. (A/N: "cusse" curse; "hoss" horse)

There was a short silence. A bird chirped happily in a tree.

"...Dead horse?" asked Abigail.

Bailey shrugged.

"Hmm. So. Now what?"

Bailey twitched and started spazzing out. "I don't wanna do community hours," she wailed, putting her head in her hands and rocking back and forth on the bench. "Maybe there's an alternative."

"I wonder what would happen if we simply refused."

"Yeah... what do we have to lose?"

They both turned to each other with wide grins. Bailey cracked first.

"Other than our pride," she said sorrowfully, hanging her head.

"Tch, who cares about pride?" Abigail asked incredulously. "As long as I don't have to work, I'm good!"

"Well, _I _have my pride," said Bailey snottily. "I'll go ask Hokage-sama if there's an alternative."

"You do that. I'll be waiting for you in hell."

Bailey set off.

After about ten minutes of walking purposefully in one direction, she suddenly realized she had no idea where she was going. "Erm… now which way was the, um, place?" she said, waving her hand vaguely to signify exactly what the "place" was. It was only now that she realized she had no idea what it was called (haha, remember, she is based on me). But, as she was talking to herself, it didn't really matter anyway.

"You asking me?" asked Shikamaru, sounding surprised. Bailey jumped. She hadn't realised he had been walking past a few feet away.

"Uhh… sure," she said nervously. Shikamaru gave her that customary look, the cross between total blankness and a bit of condescension, an eyebrow raised.

"Well, were you or not?"

"Not, actually, but if you wanna answer anyways go right ahead." Bailey shrugged.

"Um… what was the question again?"

Bailey sweatdropped. _Useless, I tell you! _she thought. "Where is that, um, place thingy?" she repeated patiently.

"Place thingy?"

"Where you like, get your missions… and the Hokage sits around smoking opium… the Konoha Hall? Mission Center? Y'know?"

"Ah. That place thingy." Something hit Shikamaru and his head snapped around to glare at her. "'Smoking opium'?"

Bailey cringed. "Uh… what? Did I say that out loud?" she giggled nervously.

Shikamaru gave her a disapproving look. "Don't you have any respect?"

"What's that mean?" she asked blankly.

He shook his head wearily. "…So troublesome…" she heard him mutter under his breath.

"Oh come on, I can't respect a Hokage who doesn't respect his village," said Bailey defensively.

"Of course he respects his village! What makes you think he doesn't?"

"Well, he puffs away on a pipe all day, pouring pollution into the air 24-7, that doesn't seem very respectful to _me."_

Shikamaru gave her a suspicious look, unsure of whether she was joking or not. "The smoke from his pipe pollutes the village, and the smoke from a burned-down forest doesn't?"

_Ouch, _thought Bailey. _Touché. _"Well… uh…" she stammered. "…But he's the _Hokage! _I'm just a guiltless little girl who doesn't know any better!" A halo popped up over her head and she smiled innocently.

"Oh yeah, sure," replied Shikamaru sarcastically. The halo disappeared.

"Look, can you just show me the way to the… that place?" she said impatiently.

"Why?"

"Does it matter?"

"Why wouldn't it?"

"Because you're nosey?"

"Are you just trying to avoid the question?"

"Why would I do that?"

"I dunno; do you have a guilty conscience?"

"Is this turning out to be that game where you have to try and carry out a conversation consisting only of questions and the first person to make a statement that isn't a question loses?"

"Why don't _you_ tell _me_?"

"Are you messing with my mind?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes!" Bailey smacked her head as she realized she'd just lost. "Damn!"

Shikamaru smirked. "Okay, because that was funny, I'll tell you." His smile disappeared. "But you have to promise to be respectful to the Hokage, okay?"

"Of course I will!" The halo popped up once again.

"Hmmm… sure," said Shikamaru sceptically. He sighed. "Oh, whatever. It's not my business. I don't want to get involved with anything troublesome." He pointed ahead to a street, a hundred or so feet away, that branched off to the right. "Go down there, turn left on the road beside the ramen hut, follow it until you come to the main street, and then it'll lead you to the Konoha Hall."

"Yosh! I got it! Thanks!" Bailey skipped off towards the street that he'd pointed to. Shikamaru watched her approach it…

…And pass by…

He watched in puzzlement for a few seconds, and then, when she didn't slow down or appear to realize she was getting farther and farther away from her destination, sighed and scratched the back of his head. "Stupid…" he muttered, and cupped his hands around his mouth. "OI!" he yelled.

Bailey stopped for a second, looking around uncertainly, not sure if she'd actually been called.

"Bailey," Shikamaru called again, confirming that she had. She turned.

"WHAT?" she bawled like they had three football fields between them. Shikamaru jumped.

"You don't have to scream like that," he called. "Talking loudly is enough."

"WHAT?"

"Or not," he muttered. "Apparently someone has bad hearing…"

"_WHAT?" _she hollered again, impatiently and even louder than the first two times.

"You missed the street you're supposed to turn onto!" he yelled at her. She looked around, startled. Her eyes locked on the corner she had been supposed to take.

"Oh. My bad. Thanks!" she yelled, running back towards it and turning the corner this time. Shikamaru heard her singing "Oh, we're on the road again, on the road again!" loudly as she ran, and then her voice and pattering footsteps faded away.

Shikamaru shook his head and continued on his way home. Both those girls gave him headaches.

XXX

Bailey finally managed to find the Hall, though she made so many wrong turns that she ended up not having taken Shikamaru's instructions at all. She walked in through the big doors nervously, trying not to bump into any of the customers filing out, or step on the heels of the ones in front of her going in.

"Ow!" cried a tall, attractive lady in front of Bailey, looking over her shoulder to glare at her.

"Sorry," Bailey whispered. She was intimidated by the woman's pale, beautiful face, the blood-red lips pursed in annoyance, and the dark, long-lashed eyes glaring down at her, but also by the very sharp high-heels she sported. The second that it took for her to look up at the lady's face, she walked straight into a rather -ahem- _large _man passing by.

"Watch it!" he snapped.

"My _bad!" _she snapped back, her hands flying to each side of her face and putting a dramatically "I'm so sorry, your highness" sarcastic, hushed tone into her voice. He certainly wasn't beautiful or wearing high-heels; he didn't scare _her._

"Geez, people around here are so grouchy!" she said to herself, as the man gave her a dirty look and marched away, grumbling. "I could just… kick them…" she muttered, booting at the ground angrily with her toe and jumping in horror as she accidentally kicked the heel of the lady in front of her again.

"Ex_cuse _me!" the lady said indignantly, planting her hands on her hips and spinning around to look down her nose at Bailey crossly. The glossy red and orange skirts of her kimono swirled around her with a whispering of silk.

"I'm sorry!" Bailey wailed, wringing her hands. The lady turned back. "…stupid… mutter mutter…" Bailey added darkly under her breath. "Geez… take a chill pill,"

the lady turned slowly and the "why don't you?" faded away on Bailey's tongue quietly. "Ehehe," Bailey giggled nervously.

"I heard that, you wretched little thing," the lady growled.

Bailey swallowed. "Heard what? I only said I wished I could one day be as beautiful as you, er, er, and, your hair is very pretty?" she tried.

The lady sniffed disbelievingly, but looked mollified. She walked backwards so she could continue to stare at Bailey. "Of course you could never be as beautiful as me, you silly little girl. And of course my hair is lovely" –she touched a slender hand to the gleaming mass of coal-black ringlets pinned to her head with jeweled combs- "as is the rest of me. I have to be beautiful; why do you think I'm such a popular"

_Geisha? _thought Bailey nastily.

"message-bearer?" finished the woman.

Bailey stopped walking. The lady did, too, still gazing imperiously down at her. "Um… I don't get it," Bailey said, frowning. "Why do you have to be beautiful to be a message-bearer?"

The lady smiled aloofly, as if she'd been waiting for the question. "Not too bright, either. Tsk. I can't imagine what you'll achieve in life if you don't get your act together. Ah, well, I'm sure you'll discover some hidden talent someday, my girl." Bailey's eye was twitching. The woman smiled fondly down at her like she was a favourite daughter. "Anyways. Why must I be beautiful to be a message-bearer?" She paused, tapping a finger to her full lower lip pensively. "I really shouldn't tell these secrets of the trade, but I'm sure a nobody like you won't be a threat to my job, right?" She gave a silvery little laugh.

Bailey's eyes narrowed. _I swear… _she thought. _One more comment like that and she won't be so beautiful anymore with a few missing teeth …_

"So listen closely." The lady bent down to be at eye-level with Bailey. "I carry important messages. Not silly little birthday greetings, or even inventory lists between villages… oh, no. I carry messages about political issues like war, and who is talking about war, and who is forming alliances with who…"

"What does that have to do with being beautiful?" Bailey interrupted loudly. "Get to the point, geez!"

The lady brought up a hand to smack Bailey, but stopped abruptly at the look on Bailey's face. (It was something like a cross between 'if you want to keep your fingers on, don't bring your hand _near _me' and 'yes, yes, just give me an excuse to start another fire, I DARE you'.)

Regaining her composure, the lady cleared her throat and pretended she had merely brought her hand up to smooth a strand of silky hair back from her face. "As I was saying. Often my messages are not very friendly, and the tempers of readers run high. Now, if I were some hideously disfigured, ratty-dressed slob, the recipient of the letter would feel that, on top of the bad news of the message, the sender of this post does not respect them, to send such a worthless messenger. But if the messenger is well-dressed, charming, and beautiful –like me- they will be so pleased with receiving this exclusive attention that it will almost without fail, greatly alleviate the dark moods of the letter. Do you see? So they are much more likely to, oh… agree with proposals in the message, or, or let slip small things that would normally not be the most… appropriate things to do."

There was a long silence. Finally Bailey spoke up. "So, let me get this straight… say you have a message that says 'hey, how ya doin', we just decided that we're going to start taxing the people on your country that live within a kilometer of the border' and the Hokage this is addressed to starts to get mad, so you bat your lashes at him and then he thinks, 'well hey, if this tax money is training young ladies like this into such charming people, I guess we can support them'?"

"Something… like that."

"That's deceitful and scummy."

The lady put on a pained expression. "Come now, it is merely appealing to the gentler nature of people. It is doing them a favour, for it saves them the trouble of arguing, which leads to fights, and those are never good."

"Suuuuuuuure."

"Please do not drawl like a country slob; I'm sure it will never get you far in life. It certainly won't win you the favour of any men."

"So?"

The lady looked at a loss for words.

"I can do fine on my own, thank _you," _said Bailey icily.

The woman straightened up in a rustle of satiny skirts. "You really must work on your tone and manners. And now, I have wasted my time on you _quite _long enough." She swept into the building, chin in the air.

"'Naa, I have wasted my time on you _quite _enough,'" Bailey mocked with a sneer, sticking her tongue out at the lady's back. "Stupid snob."

Inside, Bailey gave the lady a wide berth. She was going up to one of the senseis that listed people's requests and appointed the most suited team or ninja for the mission, so Bailey went straight up to the Hokage.

"Yo," she said, as he looked up at her. He raised his eyebrows. "Um. I mean. Good day… Hokage… sama…?" she tried, sweating nervously.

The Hokage gave her a small, tired smile around his pipe. "Ah, Bailey Vernes. What brings you here?"

For a second Bailey couldn't remember, but then she looked out the window and saw a huge patch of black tree skeletons. _Oh, right. _"Um… I was wondering… about the fifty hours of community help…"

"Yes?" asked the Hokage politely. A puff of smoke billowed out of his pipe.

"Is there, like… an alternative?"

The Hokage gave her a long, grave stare. Bailey twisted the hem of her shirt, glad that today she'd thought to change out of her pyjamas.

Finally the Hokage took the pipe out of his mouth. "No," he rasped. And put it back in.

Bailey stared for a second. _Is that it? _she thought incredulously. _That_ _was pretty unceremonious._ "Um. Oh? You couldn't, like," she tried.

"No," he repeated decisively.

"Um." Bailey scratched her head. "Oh. Okay then. Uh… thanks for your time? All… two minutes of it," she added grouchily to herself as she bowed, turned, and walked away. "Geez, all that walking, and that discussion with that stupid lady for nothing," she sighed to herself, leaving the shade of the building and starting out along the street. She sighed, still talking to herself. "Fifty hours. Geez. Heartless, I tell you."

When she approached Abigail, still sitting on the bench and picking at a leaf, she was still muttering to herself.

"How'd it go?" Abigail asked.

"It didn't."

Abigail groaned. "Run me a bath and fetch me a toaster."

"Ever wonder how a battery tastes?" Bailey asked.

"Probably like… Kakashi," Abigail muttered suddenly.

Bailey jumped violently and looked at her in disgust. "Excuse me? And you know how Kakashi tastes?"

"No! You sick baka!" Abigail lowered her voice and ducked her head down. "I meant… _Kakashi. _He's coming this way. Try not to attract attention."

"Ohh, I get it." Bailey ducked her head down, too. "You really have to stop interrupting yourself," she told Abigail.

"Hi, Bailey, Abigail," came Kakashi's voice sunnily from behind the bench. Bailey and Abigail slowly raised their heads. Kakashi's cheerful eyes looked down at them (the nn face, you know. Isn't there a word for the eyes being like that? If there is, can someone tell me?) The two girls sweatdropped.

"Oh. Haha. Didn't see you," said Abigail unconvincingly. "Hi, Kakashi-sensei."

"Have you seen any of my team?" Kakashi asked.

"Ouch!" yelped Bailey. "You mean _excluding _us, right?" she hinted in her not-so-subtle way.

This time Kakashi sweatdropped. "Oh, right. Yes, of course," he said wearily, scratching the back of his head.

"Good."

"Well, we kind of scared Sakura off earlier, so she's probably out seeking Sasuke for comfort," said Abigail.

"Check: his house. Rooftops. Other places with good vantage points that creepy people will spy from. Etc." listed Bailey.

"And so Sasuke should be easy to find, hiding somewhere," Abigail continued.

"Check under rocks. In garbage bins. Etc."

"Next, Naruto."

"Ramen stand," they both concluded simultaneously.

Kakashi looked at their proudly smiling faces. "Good deductive skills there," he said.

"Of course!"

"We are… ninjas of the niiiiiiiight!"

"Well… I'll be off to find them, then," said Kakashi, backing away.

"Why are you looking for them? Do they, I mean, do we have a mission?" yelled Bailey excitedly.

"Well… I, uh, er…" _I don't want them to come, no, how do I get out of this! _Kakashi thought desperately. _It's hassle enough to look after Naruto, but with three Narutos… oh GOD!_

Bailey and Abigail were looking at him hopefully.

_Plus, _thought Kakashi, his kinder side kicking in, _this could very well be a more dangerous mission than the others they've been through… oh wait, the only other one they've been through was babysitting Konohamaru, so I guess that's pretty much a given anyways… and they're so inexperienced, I wouldn't want them to get hurt…_

"Is he meditating?" Bailey whispered to Abigail loudly. "Or just spaced out?"

Kakashi shook himself. "No… just thinking…"

"Well, it was a simple yes-no question, y'know…" said Abigail.

"Okay, okay, yes, we have a mission, but I don't think…"

"YOSH! A MISSION!" the two girls leapt off the bench and high-fived each other.

"I really don't think…" Kakashi tried again.

"Oh don't worry, we'll be so useful!" Bailey assured him. "We've practiced with our jutsu! We're really good at it!"

Kakashi glanced over at the blackened, still faintly smoking, part of the forest. "Yes… so I gathered," he said.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Come on, Kakashi-sensei! We'll help you find the other three!"

"Hai, hai… I guess I have no choice." Kakashi sighed and set off again, Bailey and Abigail bouncing around him in circles excitedly.

XXX

Sure enough, Naruto was at the ramen stand, his feet hanging down from the stool. Two empty bowls stood beside him, and he was wolfing down a third.

"Buy me some?" Abigail asked hopefully, leaping onto the stool beside him.

Naruto looked over at her in surprise. "Umm… I'm kind of… out of money…" he said apologetically.

Abigail sulked and turned away.

"What are you worrying about food for; we have a mission!" Bailey yelled. Naruto hurriedly finished his mouthful, spun around on his stool to face her, and saw Kakashi. "Really? Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi nodded. "Hurry up so we can get going."

Naruto grinned broadly. "Yes! I'm gonna kick ass! Just hang on, I've got to finish my ra—" he started, spinning back around on his stool. He stopped in the middle of his sentence, staring in shock at the empty spot where his ramen bowl had been. "Where'd it…?" he started, and looked suddenly over at Abigail, who suddenly had her hands behind her back in a lightning-fast flash. The end of a noodle stuck out of her mouth. Naruto stared at it and she slurped it into her already bulging mouth quickly.

"You… you stole my ramen!" Naruto cried disbelievingly at the injustice of it all.

"Sorry?" said Abigail uncertainly.

"How could anyone… why would you…" he sputtered. "That's just low!"

"It was good," muttered Abigail.

Naruto gave her the evilest glare Bailey had ever seen and swung himself off the stool. "Well, let's go then," he said grouchily, his good mood ruined.

"Geez Abigail, how could you be so inconsiderate!" Bailey said loudly, as they fell into step behind Kakashi and Naruto. She dropped her voice to add "save me some next time."

XXX

Sakura was found at Ino's flower shop, arguing loudly with her friend. She perked up at the mention of a mission, but within seconds was yelling at Naruto as they wandered around looking for Sasuke. It turned out Sasuke found _them _first, and, seeing them all together, remarked "mission?" to which, of course, Sakura went all fangirl and squealed "Ohhh, Sasuke-kun, so _cool_!"

So, they were finally all together. Kakashi, ignoring Naruto's yelling "What's the mission? What's the mission?" led them back to the Hall, where they assembled in front of the Hokage to receive details (Bailey glared at the Hokage and pretended to choke, remarking on how smoky it was in here, until he got fed up and put his pipe away).

"Your mission is…" the Hokage said, leaning slightly forward.**

* * *

**

Oooers, cliffhangerrrrrr! Buahahahaha. BTW, as it is spring break, HOPEFULLY I will be able to update this story soon! Although I have to go to a piano concert over the weekend and then I'm going camping for a night, so that'll take a while... but I'll still have a week to write another chapter. Hopefully.

So... this was pretty much my longest chapter ever! -cheers- I'm so proud! This deserves five reviews, right? -nods wildly-

I wrote a poem for you guys, cuz I love you so much. Here it is:

I dug deep down within my soul

And found in it a story for you

I wrote it down so I could share

My unaltered thoughts, so pure and true

But somehow, something wentslightlywrong;

My story wasn't quite as strong

As how I'd intended; itended up

Like a tinny bell to a royal gong

Like a dying cat to an opera song

Like a needle to a trident's prong

Like something as ugly as Donkey Kong

But luckily, this story isn't it

So this rhyme pretty much doesn't fit

In fact, I wrote it to waste some time

Because I don't want to go to bed at nine

But that's another story,

Which I'm too lazy to tell, I'm sorry

But still, I wrote a story for you

And really, the very least you can do

Is...

Review!

'Night!


	16. The Worst Mission Ever

Here it is! Chapter sixteeeeen! I hope you _aime _it beaucoup, haw haw haw! (Laughs like a mad French person)

Is it rude that I haven't been thanking my reviewers at the beginnings of my chapters anymore? (I've forgotten.)I hope not. I love my reviewers! You are my besssstest buddies! Only not quite. Because believe it or not, I do have a life outside the computer (amazing, eh?). But inside cyberspace you are! Whee! Thank you! Thank you thank you! Keep sticking to this story!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I don't own Mr. Miyagi or anything from The Karate Kid, either. (You'll get it when you've finished the chapter. Hopefully. Unless you haven't watched The Karate Kid, in which case I'll just tell you it's a movie in which there is some wise old Japanese Karate master named Mr. Miyagi. How is this relevant? As I said, you'll see.)

* * *

CHAPTER 16

Bailey, Abigail, and Naruto all leaned forward eagerly. Sasuke stood nonchalantly, as always, and Sakura looked torn. She would shift feet excitedly, and then abruptly stop, look quickly over at Sasuke to see if he'd noticed her totally uncool behaviour, and try to conceal her anticipation.

_I wonder what it is… _she thought curiously. O_oh, I'm getting these vibes that it's important… I hope the mission's not too hard; I spent hours on my hair…but… I really wonder what it is… stop shuffling your feet, Sakura! _She scolded herself quickly. She glanced anxiously over at Sasuke quickly and then looked back, relieved that he wasn't looking at her. In fact, he never really was, but for some odd reason she was always paranoid that he was staring at her whenever she did the slightest thing he might not approve of. (A/N: Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that, too? Can you say… egotistical?) She looked back at him and looked away, then looked back.

Out of the corner of his eye, Sasuke saw Sakura's head bobbing back and forth like a confused chicken. He slowly looked sideways up at her in a not-too-friendly way.

_Eeeeeek! Sasuke's looking at me! Look away, look away! _Blushing furiously, Sakura's head snapped down to the floor.

Sasuke made an effort not to quirk an eyebrow. _She gets dumber every day._

At that moment, the Hokage decided the suspense had been stretched out long enough and opened his mouth to finally announce the mission. But right as he did so, the sliding door to the left of the room rolled open and someone stepped through, one hand on the doorframe and one on her hip, looking distressed. "Hokage-sama, I really must—" she stopped mid-sentence, her head lifting a little in surprise as her glance fell upon the members of Team 7. Her gaze shifted swiftly from delicately anxious (with a hint of impatience), to astonished, to condescending, which she covered up quickly with faked respectfulness, and then, when she saw Bailey, back to astonished.

"You!" Bailey and the woman both exclaimed at the same time, Bailey in an incredulous, accusing snap and the messenger (in case you haven't yet figured out who it is) in a haughty, disbelieving, more inquisitive tone.

Their mouths snapped shut. If looks could kill, both of them would have been suffering most painfully in an excruciating death.

"Ahh, I see one member of your team has met our client already," the Hokage said to Kakashi cheerfully as the two glared daggers at each other. "Wonderful. To you others, this is Satou Yuroko-san." (A/N: "Satou"sugar. I thought it would be ironic to give such a detestable character a name like that )

Kakashi's one visible eye was wide. He sweatdropped. "Uh…" _That doesn't look too wonderful to me… _he thought. _Geez, I thought a simple escort mission would be fairly easy, but then FIRST, I have to bring these two pain-in-the-necks along, and THEN it turns out one of them is already on bad terms with the client._

"What's the mission?" Abigail, the only one who still seemed interested in that subject, howled. Kakashi was off in his own miserable little world wishing he was at home with a good book (cough, Icha Icha Paradise, cough); Sakura and Sasuke were both wondering how and where Bailey could have met the lady before; Bailey was, of course, still trying to kill the messenger with the daggers shooting from her eyes; and Naruto was staring in awe at the beautiful lady. Abigail knew Bailey would tell her later when she'd met the woman, so she wasn't really interested in that. "I know it has to do with this lady, but what's the mission?" she repeated, bouncing up and down.

"Are these children really to be my security?" Satou Yuroko asked superciliously, finally breaking the staring contest with Bailey and looking back at the Hokage. She looked significantly over at Abigail, jumping madly up and down.

"We are not 'children'! We're ninjas!" yelled Naruto indignantly.

"Baka. Keep it down," said Sasuke coldly.

"You shut up!"

"Wanna try and make me?" Sasuke challenged.

"Quit fighting, you two," said Kakashi calmly.

"It's not your place to question what team I have seen fit to be your protection," the Hokage said to the woman sternly.

"Besides," added Kakashi, the small amount of pride he had for his team making him feel it necessary to say something in defense, "only a fool allows appearances to deceive." He looked around and realized that the entire team _did _look pretty useless. "Um… yeah. Trust me," he said, his Pride-O-Meter sinking back down to zero at an alarming rate and start inching towards the negatives as he looked over to see Naruto yelling swear words at Sasuke, who was still chiding him for being childish, and Abigail continued to bounce, not impatiently anymore, but because she'd realized it was pretty fun.

The lady raised her eyebrows. "Right," she said coolly.

"Naruto! Sasuke! What did I just tell you?" Kakashi snapped, desperately trying to get everything back in order. The two boys jumped and stopped arguing. "Sakura! What on earth are you doing?"

Sakura, who had been standing, unnoticed up 'til now, as close to Sasuke as she possibly could, trying to identify what he smelled like (he smelled pretty good. And in fact it was the mixture of his deodorant and Garnier Fructisse, but she didn't know that), leapt backwards as everyone (except Bailey and Abigail) turned to look at her. Sasuke gave her a horrified look and edged away.

"U-um, I was, I only, I j-j-just—"

"Never mind, don't tell me," said Kakashi quickly. Sakura's stammering petered away. Kakashi turned his gaze to the other two. "Abigail… please. You're making me sick."

Abigail reluctantly came back to earth. "Whoa…" she said, swaying and looking dizzy. "Gravity."

"Okay, thank you," said Kakashi wearily, before his eye fell upon the last member. "Oh yes, and Bailey. Bailey? Bailey!"

Bailey was still glaring venomously at the messenger, oblivious to everything else around her.

"BAILEY!" Kakashi roared. Bailey screamed and spun around.

"What?" she asked grudgingly.

"We have a mission; pay attention!"

"Yeah, yeah," Bailey snapped. "Grouchy, grouchy. Geez," she muttered under her breath. "There's this handy little pill you should invest in…"

Kakashi's eye twitched. "Do you want to stay here?" he warned.

"No!"

"Then keep your mouth shut and pay attention!" he yelled.

Sakura looked scared at Kakashi's loss of temper. Naruto and Abigail looked fascinated by it. Sasuke looked bored, as always, by life in general, the messenger looked impatient, and the Hokage had a huge sweatdrop by his forehead. He pulled his hat down farther over his eyes and sank down into his chair, trying to become invisible. Bailey stared blankly at Kakashi for a second, then put a hand in front of her mouth and sniggered.

"What's so funny!" Kakashi demanded furiously, anger marks ticking up around his head.

"Nothing," said Bailey seriously, forcing her face back to neutral.

"Okay! Now," said Kakashi, struggling to regain his composure. _Shit, I'm turning into a second Ebisu, these two girls strain me so much. Okay. Okay. Deep breaths. _Slowly his eye went back to its lazy, placid expression and he calmed down. "Now, what was the mission, Hokage-sama?"

Everyone turned to the Hokage, who sat back up in his chair, pushing his hat back slightly to show his eyes again. Right as he opened his mouth to say something, Abigail and Bailey both burst out laughing again simultaneously.

"Would you two stop that?" Kakashi, Sakura, and the messenger all snapped at the same time.

"Sure thing," promised Abigail, and they both shut up, right as Sakura giggled about how all three people had said the exact same thing. Everyone turned to look at her. Terrified, she swallowed back her laughter.

Once again, Kakashi turned back to look inquiringly at the Hokage. Sasuke, also quite impatient right about now, stepped back a tiny bit and trod on Naruto's toe.

"Ow!" Naruto complained, as Sasuke looked over his shoulder, surprised, and moved away. "Watch where you put your fat feet!"

"Shut up, dobe."

Bailey and Abigail had burst out laughing again, and Sakura was back to giggling. Kakashi put a hand to his forehead in helplessness.

It was one of those situations where all it takes is two or three people who can't calm down, and every time finally everyone gets back under control, the tiniest thing suddenly appears hilarious, and someone starts laughing again. It took about ten minutes, but finally the Hokage managed to convey the message of the mission across to Kakashi, despite all the team members snickering away and trying to keep straight faces. Except Sasuke, of course, who looked like he wanted to murder them all.

But finally, they were on the road out of Konoha, Abigail gaily traipsing around everyone, Naruto ogling Yuroko-san again, and Kakashi still trying to calm down. The messenger walked primly, head held high and acting like the incident in the Konoha Hall had never happened. Bailey was glaring at her again.

"How long is this walk gonna be?" Bailey asked finally, merely five minutes after setting off.

"Depends on how fast we walk," Kakashi replied, smiling and apparently thinking his answer tremendously clever. Bailey shared a bit of her glare with him as well as Satou.

"Why do you need escorts anyway?" Bailey snapped at the lady. "You're a _messenger. _How pathetic is that if you need bodyguards to help with something you're supposed to be a _professional _at."

Satou gave her an acidic smile. "Actually, my dear girl, I have just successfully delivered a message. To _your _village. I need the protection for getting home safely."

Bailey sweatdropped. "It's the same thing!"

"Bailey… you don't know the whole story," Kakashi said, staring straight ahead. Bailey looked up indignantly at him.

"Oh sure, just side with her cuz you've got the hotts for her," she said accusingly.

Kakashi twitched. "_What?" _he snarled. Yuroko-san looked disgusted.

"You ill-mannered little brat," she hissed like an angry goose. "How dare you speak to your betters that way!"

"Ohh, I think she likes you too, Kakashi-sensei," Abigail piped up, receiving two deadly glares from the adults.

_Stupid kids… although… hmmm, _thought Satou, eyeing Kakashi. _He's not bad-looking… I do like mysterious men. _She batted her eyelashes at him when he looked over at her, sensing her watching him.

_Oh GODDDDD! _thought Kakashi, horrified. He inched away from the messenger. _Why me? Why me?_

They all walked in silence for a while, broken only by the usual enthusiastic outbursts from Naruto about how he was going to kick ass, and Sakura's occasional attempts to start conversation with Sasuke. Finally Sasuke spoke up to Kakashi.

"Kakashi-sensei… you said there was a 'whole story'? Is there something bigger behind this?" he asked in his customary, I'm-going-to-kill-you-you-baka voice.

"Hmm… perhaps you could say that. I'm not sure it's for me to say much about why Yuroko-san needs our protection, either." He glanced over at the messenger in a silent inquiry as to whether or not he was allowed to discuss this mission with his students; she was in the process of drawing a folding fan from her kimono sash,.

"Oh, go ahead," she said graciously, flicking open the fan. It was red, with a spray of white flowers painted onto the thin wooden blades. "I'm sure they're too dense to understand much of it, anyways," she said haughtily, eyes closed and eyebrows raised self-importantly.

"Oh, they're quite bright," Kakashi assured her. "With the exception perhaps of…" he glanced at Naruto. "Oh, never mind." He turned his eyes back to Sasuke. "Anyways, Sasuke, I'm not sure you'll be aware of certain political matters, or at least I'm not sure what the extent of your knowledge is. So… do you know which village is at the moment acting border-line hostile towards Konoha?"

"Oh! I know!" Sakura interrupted excitedly, but Sasuke beat her to it.

"The Sand Village," he said. Kakashi nodded.

"Good. They are becoming a slight problem, and Konoha doesn't want war. What this has to do with our mission…"

Abigail gasped. "You're from the Hidden Sand Village!" she accused, pointing at Satou.

"Don't be stupid," she sniffed. "I'm from the Grass Village."

_Inner Sakura: We have a long walk ahead of us…_

Nobody noticed Sakura wilt dejectedly at this realization because Kakashi was talking again.

"Yuroko-san is a very important messenger of high ranking in her village," he said. (Satou straightened and smiled smugly, looking importantly over the top of her fan at them all; Bailey gave her a disgusted look. Sakura appeared envious.) "They are also closer to the Sand Village than we are, and have also been receiving not-too-friendly vibes from them. As we are the only two villages recipients of these aggressive visits, our two villages have been communicating a lot more these days, discussing what to do, and if we should form an allegiance, or if it will look too hostile if we start taking action that could be misinterpreted as offensive…"

"You're being rather vague, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura pointed out.

"Psst! Can you tell me what he's talking about?" Naruto whispered in Bailey's ear. She started rapidly translating Kakashi's speech into "Naruto-talk" (which was amazingly similar to the "Bailey-talk" that Abigail had to translate into frequently). An example of this was along the lines of "Sand Village being mean. Grass Village and Leaf Village not know why. They talk. They wonder what is good thing to do."

Kakashi waved a hand dismissively at Sakura's reprimand. "I don't know exactly what the high authorities talk about. That's something only the Hokage knows. I only know the main gist of it all. But anyways, the Hidden Sand Village is, of course, wondering what we're doing, and they've realized that our village and the Grass Village have started communicating, and they're wondering what we're planning, if anything. Many, many messengers have been mobbed by Sand Village ninjas; it's getting more and more unsafe for them."

"But isn't that the messengers' problem?" asked Sasuke.

"Ohohh! Attitude!" Bailey and Abigail both crowed, delighted at having found a flaw in the All-Supreme Sasuke.

"It's not attitude; it's true," Sasuke said, glowering at them. "When you become a messenger you should be prepared for things like this."

"Oh come on, I distinctly heard…"

"A-_hem," _coughed Kakashi. "To answer your question, Sasuke, yes, it is usually a risk that the messenger is to be prepared to take. But…"

"But Yuroko is just a pansy who doesn't want to get her nails dirty?" Bailey suggested.

"How _dare _you!" Satou screeched. "And to not even end a polite suffix onto my name! Why, you brat, I could…"

Kakashi held up his hands in a panic. "Now… settle down please, Yuroko-san… Bailey, do _not _continue with this, please."

"Mmph," huffed Bailey. _You want a suffix? _She thought evilly. _How about '-teme'?_

"Bailey," Kakashi warned.

"She calls me 'dear girl'! That's even _worse!" _

Satou pretended to be shocked. "It's an affectionate phrase! Oh my, you must have been raised to be a savage little brute indeed, to not recognize…"

"You see?" Bailey snarled, waving a hand towards the messenger, who raised her fan in front of her mouth to hide her smirk. "You think _that's _respectful?"

"Well…" Kakashi lowered his voice and bent down towards Bailey. "Not particularly. In fact I think she's as aggravating as you do, but, I'm getting paid for this. So please?"

There was a short pause.

Then…"Your breath stinks. Even through your mask," said Bailey nastily.

Kakashi straightened up. "Yeah, well… I was eating onion rings earlier today…" he admitted, scratching the back of his head.

"What are you two talking about?" Abigail asked, one eyebrow raises.

Bailey sighed. "He thinks I should be more polite," she said as they continued walking.

"Don't we all," said Sakura.

"I'm plenty polite, Forehead Girl! So shut your fat gob!"

Sakura's eye twitched. "At least I wear nice clothes!"

Bailey looked down at her olive-green shirt with the white anime kitty and black pleated skirt. She looked over at Abigail, who in turn looked down at her dark blue top and light blue skirt overtop black shorts, and then looked back at Bailey. They both looked at Sakura, who was starting to clue in on something. "Er… you _gave _us these," they chorused.

"Ehehe… oh… oh yeah…" said Sakura nervously, going red, as the other two cracked up.

"Naruto! She's giving you a run for your money for stupid comments!" Abigail told him. "Quick! Keep your fame! Become stupider!"

"What?" asked Naruto indignantly. "Are you calling me stupid?" he asked brilliantly, displaying the world's best deductive skills ever to exist.

"Touché. You keep the gold," said Abigail quietly.

"What?" Naruto looked miffed. "Well, are you?"

"Oh, no no no. Not at all."

Naruto gave them a suspicious look.

Sasuke seemed to be the only one who could stay on topic, though he was watching the other four with faint amusement. "Anyways, Kakashi-sensei. You were saying?"

"Right… Yuroko-san delivered the initial message from her village to ours successfully. Now, usually the way this goes is the messenger then goes back to their village and our village sends its own messenger with our message. But by bad luck, our last messenger was one of the ones who got attacked and is in the hospital recovering, and the others were all out delivering messages. This note is quite urgent, so instead of waiting for our own messengers, Hokage-sama asked Yuroko-san here to carry the letter with her back to her village. She did not have to accept, but she did, and as this was a favour done to our village without owing any debt, the least our Hokage could do for her is provide safety back home. Not to mention," he added, "we can keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't change the letter in any way, although that would be rather a stupid thing to do considering nobody would benefit from it in any way."

_Sounds like something I'd do just for a laugh, _Abigail thought.

_That would actually be pretty funny, _thought Bailey.

"Are you finished talking about me as if I'm not here yet?" asked Satou icily.

"I'm so sorry, Yuroko-san," Kakashi apologized.

"We most certainly acknowledge your presence," added Bailey sarcastically, with a deep, mocking bow.

"It's too damn colourful not to," Abigail said. Naruto, Sakura, and Bailey snorted, and Sasuke smirked. So did Kakashi, but luckily for him nobody could see that.

"I'm warning you two…" he said menacingly. "We're still close enough to the village that I could send you back without a bad conscience…"

"Nooooo!" they wailed.

"I'd just sneak behind you anyways," Abigail said with a cackle. "So there."

"Attitude!" yelled Bailey. "You rebel!"

"Please just ignore them, Yuroko-san," Sakura told the older woman, who she admired greatly already on account of her job and looks. "I certainly hope they don't bother you the entire trip. And I think your dress is very lovely."

"I smell… browwwwn-nosinggggg," Abigail sang quietly.

Sakura glared at her. "_Especially _with all the colours," she added to Satou.

"Nnn, looks like som'un barfed onnit," Bailey muttered into her chin, shaking with suppressed laughter.

Sakura and Satou glared at her. "Unfortunately I think they're always like that…" Sakura apologized.

"You, at least, are mature for your age. Some children never seem to grow up," sighed Satou, fanning herself as she looked imperiously down at Abigail and Bailey. Abigail had picked up two twigs from the road and was pretending to be Mr. Miyagi catching a fly with his chopsticks, and Bailey was mimicking Satou, gliding along beside Sasuke pretending to fan herself and talking to him in a snobby voice. Satou looked back down at Sakura. "So you're a ninja, are you?"

"Um… yes," Sakura said, faltering for a second and then strengthening her voice to remind herself that she was _proud _to be a ninja.

Satou "tsk"ed gently. "A well-brought up girl such as you; it's rather a shame that you chose such a brutish career to undertake…"

"Brutish? Oh, no, it's not brutish at all," Sakura said quickly, almost sounding pleading. "We female ninjas learn flower arrangements and everything!"

"Is that so. Well… perhaps…" said the messenger doubtfully.

"Hey! Ninja is the best thing anyone could hope to be!" shouted Naruto out of the blue, barging into the conversation. "You're just jealous because you're a lowly messenger!"

Bailey and Abigail cheered "Go Naruto!" right at the same moment that Sakura said "Naruto! Shut up!" and Kakashi pretended not to have heard.

"As I was saying…" Bailey said primly, turning back to Sasuke as Naruto continued to reprimand Yuroko-san, who was looking at him like he was a disgusting bug stuck to her shoe. "Uchiha can be pronounced "Uchiwa", which is a type of fan, I understand."

"Hn," said Sasuke, which Bailey took to mean yes.

"Is it a pretty type of fan?"

Silence.

"Prettier than this one?" Bailey persisted, waving her hand which was position like it was holding a fan in front of his face.

Sasuke finally looked at her. "Your hand is a fan?"

"No, I'm _holding _the fan, you silly little boy."

"I don't see it."

Bailey sighed and brought her hand back to below her chin, where she continued to mime fanning. "Such a dense little child. How can I count on these children to protect me?"

She was interrupted by Naruto raising his voice again. Apparently Satou had offended him. "Yes! Go Naruto! You tell her!" she applauded again.

"Why do you encourage him?" Sasuke asked.

"It's funny! And she deserves it anyways."

"Yeah, but…" Sasuke shook his head. "It figures. You're just like him anyways."

"What would life be like without the Narutos of the world? Boring, that's what. I can be serious. I just don't want to. I'm sure Naruto is the same."

Sasuke just shook his head. "Whatever."

Abigail trotted up beside them. "Sasuke-san! Bailey-san!" she croaked in a low, raspy voice like an old person. She bowed quickly as they looked. "I have caught fly in chopsticks," she announced proudly, holding up her two twigs with a fly pinched in between them.

"Yeah right," Bailey scoffed.

"Look; the proof stares you in the face through its dead buggy eyes!" Abigail persisted impatiently in her Mr. Miyagi voice, thrusting the twigs right up to Bailey's nose where she went cross-eyed trying to look at them.

"No, because it's all smashed! You just caught it with your hands first and then stuck it between those sticks to pretend you caught it," Bailey said, smacking the twigs away. They flew out of Abigail's hands onto the road. Abigail gaped at her.

"Sticks? They're chopsticks! And you would be so disrespectful to your elder to do such a terrible act? Bad, bad Bailey-san. Man who catch fly in chopsticks accomplish anything!"

"You're a man?"

"Who are you trying to be?" Sasuke asked impatiently, as Abigail bent to pick up her "chopsticks".

"Meester Miyagi, Sasuke-san."

"Who?"

"Never mind. You wouldn't know anyways," Abigail said in her normal voice, clacking the chopsticks around in the air. "Watch me catch another fly," she said confidently, lunging around. They walked like that for a while, Abigail leaping around trying to catch flies with her twigs, and Bailey commenting derisively. After a while Bailey lost interest in watching, and Abigail seized her opportunity to quickly smack a mosquito that had landed on her shoulder and then pinch it between the twigs. "See!" she yelled at Bailey, waving them around. "I catch mosquito now! Now I can accomplish _doubly _anything!"

"You're so full of it! I saw you kill that thing on your shoulder!"

"Nu-uhh!"

"Yeah-huh!"

Abigail's eye twitched. She tossed the twigs aside and started performing hand seals. "Forbidden Jutsu: S—!" she started to yell.

Bailey screamed and leapt at Abigail, tackling her before she could kill her. She smacked her hands apart and, for good measure, started trying to break her fingers, when someone had her by the shoulders and was yanking her off.

"She was trying to kill me! At least let me punch her!" Bailey yelled, struggling as Kakashi held her arms.

"Settle down."

"Geez, I was kidding!" Abigail said, nursing her fingers, which had already been bent back painfully.

"Okay, not punching! Just a slap!" Bailey said, trying to bargain with Kakashi.

"No."

"Hair-pulling?"

"No, Bailey. Just settle down. It was a misunderstanding."

Bailey huffed a sigh and glared at Abigail. "Okay, whatever," she snapped at Kakashi. He released her.

"Good. Now, we'll never get this mission done if we're fighting amongst ourselves. Being a ninja is about—"

"Teamwork, I know," Bailey and Abigail said grouchily.

"Good, you've learned quickly." Kakashi smiled with his eye. "Now let's keep going."

"You were _so _trying to kill me," Bailey grumbled at Abigail as they resumed walking, this time with everyone else in front and them in the back.

"I'm sowie," Abigail said, eyes filling with huge crocodile tears.

"Better be!"

Abigail howled and buried her face in her hands, pretending to sob. Bailey ignored her. When Abigail realized she wasn't getting the attention she'd expected, she raised one eye above her fingers in front of her face. "I wuv ya, Baiwey?" she said encouragingly.

"Hmph."

"I wuuuuv ya, Baiweyyyyy."

"Okay, okay," Bailey sighed.

Abigail grinned and bounced back to her original cheery self, all traces of tears gone. "I'll let you punch me if you want," she offered generously.

"Hmm, no, I couldn't…Well, if you insist!" Bailey said enthusiastically, whipping around to pummel a fist straight at her face. Abigail, who had been bluffing, shrieked and ducked just in time.

"Hey! You weren't supposed to duck!" Bailey protested, right as she heard "BAILEY!" yelled angrily, and suddenly Bailey felt the back of her shirt grabbed and she was yanked around to face Kakashi. "What did I just tell you!" he growled.

Bailey shrugged and tried a grin. "Beats me. Weren't you listening, either?"

Kakashi's eyes practically blazed fire. "What are you doing attacking Abigail again? She _told _you it was a joke!"

"But…"

"Have you no pride in becoming a ninja? Is this a game to you?" he snapped.

"But she…"

"But she nothing! It's _you _who won't let it go!"

"But…"

"I don't wanna hear it! You are not coming on any more missions with this team when this one's over! No, don't say anything," he ordered as she opened her mouth again. "Go walk over there," he pointed over at the area farthest from Abigail, a bit in front of and to the right of Satou.

Bailey tried one last desperate attempt. "But she said—"

One look from Kakashi and her mouth snapped shut again. She trudged over to her appointed walking space, fuming. _I'll get you for this, Abby, _she thought vengefully. _Oh, I will get you for this._

_I'm going to get killed later, _Abigail thought with a sweatdrop.

_This is the worst, _thought Kakashi wearily. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Satou peering shiftily over the edge of her fan at him with a look that he did not like at all in her eyes. _No, _he corrected himself. _NOW it is._

_

* * *

_Awww, poor Kakashi. I don't like how I've been making him kind of OOC as well (because Kakashi-sama's awesome the way he is!), but... it's kinda hard to keep them all in character. So now he's a slightly grumpier version of Kakashi. Awww, that makes me sad T-T. I'll justify it in later chapters, I guess. 

A second note: I love the ideas people are sending me! Please don't think I'm a snob if I haven't used them yet (I haven't used ANY yet, actually) but I'm saving them for one of those terrible times when I have writer's block and no ideas of my own, but at the moment I'm just overflowing with creativity so... yeah. But I promise,I _promise, _you people who I said I liked the ideas of (you know who you are), I'll use them sometime.

So... I'm going to bed now. I hope to find many reviews in the morning! Hahahaa, goodnight!


	17. Encounter of Ratman

Hello everyone! Happy Easter! I gotz chocolatessssssssss

Well (cough) anywhom, I hope you all are having a good Easter holiday... and here is chapter 17!

Disclaimer:I do not own Naruto. I don't even own the computer I'm typing at.I do, however, own chocolate. I will not be getting over that for a while.

* * *

CHAPTER 17

Birds chirped. Sunlight beamed. The patter of blue-sandalled feet (with one exception of red high-heeled feet) fell softly on the hard-packed earth. Clouds drifted. Unseen villains lurked in the shadows, waiting for the opportunities to slit some throats to arise. Well, or so Naruto thought.

"There!" he yelled, whipping a kunai towards a shadowy area by a tree.

"Naruto!" Sakura bellowed (Attractive word, eh? It's funny coz it's ACCURATE (snort, snicker)), slugging the top of Naruto's head with her fist and causing an oddly gong-like noise to reverberate through the air. "It's probably another poor bunny, you baka!"

Meanwhile, Kakashi slunk towards Naruto's targeted spot, seeing as last time they would probably all have been killed if Naruto hadn't drawn Kakashi's attention to something which he otherwise wouldn't have noticed. (And yet Kakashi got all the credit. Poor Naruto.) Of course Kakashi had never admitted this; he just kind of let the gratitude and admiration wash over him and add to his ego, which he cultivated carefully, letting it get just big enough to let himself feel good about himself (so he could skip training once in a while and eat something fatty) but not overblown like… cough, Gai, cough… oh, nobody in particular…

Luckily, there was nothing there. Kakashi yanked the kunai out of a tree root and tossed it back at Naruto, who dodged it just in time.

"Ahh! Kakashi-sensei! There's no need to be violent!" he yelped, looking at Sakura resentfully as well as he said this.

"Oops. I thought you'd be a bit more alert than that, Naruto," said Kakashi, managing to turn the tables so all of a sudden it was Naruto who'd done the wrong thing. Naruto grumbled and picked up his kunai.

"But I'm sure they're around here somewhere… I can hear them…"

"I'm sure you can hear loads," Abigail assured him soothingly. "But you have to understand, they don't talk to all of us…"

"Huh?" Naruto asked, not getting it, while up front, Bailey snickered.

"Oh, nothing. Keep up the good work." Abigail patted his shoulder.

"No, Naruto, don't," contradicted Kakashi firmly.

Sakura glared at Naruto, who shrunk a few feet.

Bailey trudged along a few feet away from Satou, still fuming. _What if, _she thought, _I created some kind of genjutsu that looked all horrifying and stuff, and then, when everyone's at a loss for plans, I "defeated" it… then Kakashi would owe me and I wouldn't be kicked from the team. _She mused for a moment. _Hm… no, I don't think so. Between Kakashi and Sasuke, I'm sure one of them would go all super-genius star-of-the-show and save us all. Argh. And isn't Sakura supposedly all pro at figuring out genjutsu? Crap. Although she sure didn't seem like it when Kakashi made her see that illusion of Sasuke dying… hehehe… that was funny…_

Something bounced off her shoulder blade and bounced in front of her—a pinecone. She whipped around and saw Sasuke looking surprised.

"Oh, sorry," he said abruptly. He had just been scuffing his feet along the ground and had accidentally kicked a pinecone into the air.

"Better be," said Bailey, turning back around.

"You can kick pinecones at me, Sasuke-kun," Sakura supplied hopefully, furious at Bailey being chosen as a target rather than her. (Such an honour, to get things kicked at you.)

_It's tempting… _thought Sasuke musingly. He chose to ignore her instead.

"Sasuke-kun? It's important to vent your anger. I will be willing—" Sakura continued enthusiastically.

"I don't want to kick pinecones at you," Sasuke snapped. "I'm sure Naruto will, though."

Naruto looked shocked. "No! I would never kick something at Sakura-chan!"

Sakura gave him a deadly glare. "Good! You'd better not _dare _to do something like that!" She turned around huffily and a pinecone zinged past her ear with the force of a bullet. She screeched and spun around, grabbing Naruto by the front of his shirt. "I just _told _you—" she started, grinding her teeth. She stopped abruptly when she saw Abigail snap her fingers and say, "Rats, missed."

Sakura let go of Naruto and gave Abigail an angry look. "You kicked that?"

"No," said Abigail, sounding surprised. "I threw it."

"Big difference!" Sakura snapped.

"Well, I needed to vent some of my anger…" Abigail said innocently.

"I didn't volunteer to be the recipient of _your _anger. I said ­_Sasuke-kun _could kick pinecones at me if he wanted." Sakura turned her head back towards the Uchiha child, who was ignoring their "stupid immature" conversation. "Are you sure you don't—"

"Dammit Sakura yes!" Sasuke snarled.

Sakura blinked. "Really sure?"

"Yes!"

"I'm sorry, am I bothering you?"

"Yes!"

"Do you want me to leave you alone?"

"_Yes_!"

"Will you go out with me?"

"_Ye—NO!" _Sasuke barely managed to stop himself mid-word. Glaring at Sakura for almost fooling him, he turned his head back to the road.

Inner Sakura: _SOOOOOO CLOSE!_

"Hey! Hey! Sakura-chan! What about—" Naruto started, trotting up beside Sakura.

"Shut up Naruto!"

Naruto fell silent and sulked. From a stranger's point of view, he and Bailey looked remarkably like siblings at the moment: both short, blonde, and disgruntled, walking with their arms folded.

"Well," Satou remarked, after a few minutes of silent walking. "This is much more pleasant, I must say."

_Actually, it seems pretty freaky to me, _Kakashi thought.

"Children are so much easier to like when they are quiet, if you ask me," Satou continued, her eyes closed in a self-satisfied way.

"No one asked you, ya stupid wench," snapped Bailey.

"Bailey," Kakashi said warningly. "Will you lay off Yuroko-san, please?"

Satou fluttered her eyelashes again. "You can call me Satou," she breathed. "I don't think we need be restricted by last-name terms, Kakashi-sama."

Kakashi gave her a horrified look. "Uh… but… er, with all due respect, I would feel it rude to, ah, call you by your first name," he stuttered, trying to think up an excuse.

"Oh, on the contrary," Satou said seductively. "I would find it more… intimate."

"Oh, look! An opposing ninja!" Kakashi yelled at the top of his lungs, whipping a kunai from its pouch and hurling it randomly into the bushes. "I think I wounded him! Stay there, everybody!" he announced, bolting into the trees.

There was a stunned silence.

"Um. He threw the kunai _that _way," said Satou slowly, pointing towards a direction quite different from where Kakashi had run.

"I didn't see a ninja," remarked Bailey, looking from side to side shiftily.

"There wasn't one. It's hush-hush," Abigail whispered to her.

"Then why did he—"

Sakura looked amused; Sasuke looked disdainful at his teacher's childish antics. Satou, now that it was beginning to dawn on her that Kakashi had been running from her, appeared offended. Naruto and Bailey still didn't get it, and Naruto was busily jumping around trying to find more of the "opposing ninjas".

"You know, I'm beginning to think I make him nervous," Satou commented.

"That might be one way to put it," said Abigail carefully.

After a while, Kakashi re-emerged from the bushes, looking pale. Abigail suspected he had been throwing up.

"Ha… false alarm," he said, shifty-eyed.

"Kakashi-senseeeei!" Naruto howled, bitterly disappointed. "How could you make such a mistake?"

"Ehe." Kakashi sweatdropped. "Let's keep going, shall we?"

"I'm hungry," Abigail said about five minutes later, as her stomach agreed loudly. Sakura gave her a disgusted look.

"That wasn't your _stomach, _was it?" she asked incredulously.

"What was?" Abigail asked nervously.

"That sort of… gurgling, roaring noise…"

"Oh come on! You make it sound like the ocean!" Abigail said indignantly.

"It _did _sound like the ocean!"

"Just because I'm not anorexic!"

"I'm not anorexic! I just maintain a slim body," Sakura said smugly.

"Oh, really? Why is your dress ripped at the side?"

Sakura yelped and looked down in panic at her dress, twisting around to try and see the side. "Where?" she asked fearfully, inspecting the other side hastily.

"Haha, gotcha." Abigail snickered.

Anger marks popped up by Sakura's head as she realized she'd been fooled. "Now look here…" she started menacingly, shaking her fist.

"No thank _you._ I'll probably be blinded by the light flashing off your overly-large forehead," Abigail responded, carefully avoiding looking at Sakura.

"Not to mention your hair clashes with your dress horribly," said Bailey from up front, not even turning around. "I mean, haven't you heard redheads should _never _wear pink? That goes the other way around, too…"

"Shut up!" Sakura snapped. "At least I _wash _my hair!"

"Ex_cuse _me?" Bailey yelled, whipping around. "My hair is _perfectly—"_

"Girls, please," Kakashi said. "Concentrate on the mission at hand."

Sakura snapped to attention. "Yes, Kakashi-sensei," she said smoothly.

"Kiiiiss-uuuup," Abigail whispered. Sakura made an effort to ignore her.

"Wow, I feel mature," Naruto said suddenly. "It used to be me that got in trouble all the time, but now I haven't even gotten scolded!" He paused. "It's kinda creepy."

"Are we there yet?" Bailey asked with a huge sigh.

"I'm still hungry," Abigail muttered. _It never shows them eating on missions in the show… _she realized. _But they must eat somewhere when they're on long missions… hmm. I hope. _

"Why do you keep mentioning it?" Sakura asked, exasperated. "Maybe we're all hungry, but we don't have time to laze around and eat anyways."

_Noooooooooo! _Thought Bailey and Abigail in horror at the same time.

"You don't eat during missions?" Bailey asked faintly. She had dropped back to walking along with the other four; Kakashi hadn't noticed yet.

"No, it would let down our guard," said Sasuke, speaking up for the first time in a while.

"Well, our guard isn't exactly…" started Bailey, frowning, when she was cut off by a sudden yelp from up ahead. Their heads snapped up and swiveled in that direction.

Kakashi had his left arm around the neck of a scrawny man who was clawing hopelessly at it, trying to break free.

"I… please…" the little man whined. He was wearing a suit that was scarily like Gai's, except that it was black and had a hood that covered his hair. His eyes were beady and constantly darting back and forth, and he had a large nose and moustache that put to mind one of those fake nose-and-moustache pieces that little kids like to wear. (A/N: Actually, I do, too ;…) His teeth were small and sharp. He looked rather rat-ish.

Kakashi looked down at him with a mixture of scorn and pity. "You're pretty pathetic. I've never seen such bad skulking. That was a rather clumsy charge, too."

"I was… I just… um…" the man stuttered, still kicking his legs. He was turning rather purple in the face.

"Yes?" Kakashi prodded politely. "What were you sent to do?"

"If you could… I could… hang on…" the captive indicated for Kakashi to loosen his grip.

"Well, since you don't seem remotely dangerous…" Kakashi slackened his arm on the guy's skinny neck. He gulped in a huge breath of air.

"Now… hang on," he repeated shakily, digging in a pocket. It was a mystery as to how he could find it, in such stretchy material. He finally produced a piece of paper, which he peered at shortsightedly. "I was sent to… umm… follow stealthily… yes, check," he muttered to himself. "Attack—check…oh. The lady. Well, two out of three…" his gaze swiveled to Satou, who arched an eyebrow. He looked back at Kakashi with a nervous grin that squinted his already squinty eyes. "My mistake… I was actually after her… so no hard feelings… if you could let me go… uhh…"

"You expect to let me go so you can try and attack who I'm supposed to be protecting?"

" 'I'?" echoed Abigail, Bailey, and Naruto indignantly from behind him.

"Oi! What about us?" Naruto demanded.  
"Sorry, 'we'." Kakashi corrected himself. "Well?"

"Urrr… I suppose that just about sums it up…" the man tried a nervous giggle.

Kakashi gave him a dull, bored look. "Is this really the best they can do?"

"I resent that," the man said faintly. He struggled again against Kakashi's chokehold.

"So who sent you anyways? Where's your headband?" Kakashi asked conversationally, as if he was chatting with someone over a cup of tea.

"Psst. This can't be all," Naruto whispered to the other four. They all huddled in. For once, Naruto was in a serious mood.

"Yeah," Sakura agreed. Sasuke nodded.

"This is obviously a diversion," he said.

"But Kakashi-sensei must realize that, right?" Bailey said, glancing briefly up and then back to the others.

"Of course. But he'll play along so whoever's out there will think he doesn't know, so they'll come out into the open. Likely that Kakashi is a clone, if he'd already seen that rat-man 'skulking' after us a while ago," Sakura said.

"And he must have faith that we've realized this as well, without him having to tell us," said Abigail. "Which means…"

"…we should be guarding Yuroko-san closely right now," Bailey finished.

"…Yeah. Yeah," said Naruto, nodding vehemently. He hadn't followed most of the conversation except for the bit where he'd talked at first.

"Good." Sakura drew away and the others broke apart the huddle and fell into defensive places to their advantage, though trying to look inconspicuous. They waited, vaguely listening to the conversation between Kakashi and Rat-man, but tensed and ready for battle.

"My headband…? Why… I must have forgotten to put it on…" Rat-man was saying, touching his forehead and looking surprised.

"Or you're just hiding who sent you?" Kakashi suggested.

"Sent? I don't know… what you're…"

"You just finished looking over a list of instructions to "follow stealthily" and "attack the lady", for crying out loud! Of course you were sent!" said Kakashi, exasperated.

Rat-man looked from side-to-side shiftily, at a loss. "Nuh-uhh," he finally said stubbornly, his lower lip poking out defiantly.

"You're being difficult."

"Don't care," said Rat-man sulkily. He feebly tried to kick backwards at Kakashi's shin, and then stopped with a strangled choking sound as Kakashi's grip on his neck tightened.

"Shall I just… dispatch of you now, then?" said Kakashi calmly.

"Oh, ugh," said Satou daintily, averting her eyes. "I hope it's not too messy."

"No, no!" squealed Rat-man. "Okay… I was sent!" he breathed in relief as Kakashi loosened his grip a bit again to let him breath.

"And by who…?" Kakashi pressed.

Again the nervous darting of the eyes. "I… don't remember? Urk!"

"Wrong answer," said Kakashi, choking Rat-man half to death again.

"Gh… I… okay!" Rat-man gurgled, flailing. Kakashi let him breath again. "I was sent… by…"

"Oh shut up, I already know," said Kakashi, cutting him off. "You're a sand ninja. Who else would want to attack a messenger coming from Konoha? Good God, you are the dimmest assassin I've ever encountered." He let go of Rat-man, who staggered forward, massaging his neck and gasping. "Why don't you go run on home and ask them to send someone who actually knows what he's doing?"

"I know what I'm doing," Rat-man contradicted sullenly. "I'm…" he consulted his crumpled piece of paper hastily again. " '…doing a duty for the supreme Kazekage, and if this duty is fulfilled, I will be richly rewarded…' "

It was at that moment that the second black figure leapt out of the bushes. Unlike the first, it did not "skulk" or "charge clumsily". It streaked towards Satou in a blur of black fluidity, and even though it had been anticipated by the four young ninjas, it was faster than they had expected…

Satou shrieked and threw her arms up in front of her face as the figure from the bushes shot towards her in graceful, deadly fluidity. It streaked right between Sakura and Abigail, who registered what was happening much too late. Abigail managed to whirl fast enough to grab at it, though, and her hand clamped onto its right arm, which was extended behind it with a kunai. It had been moving so quickly that when Abigail grabbed it, its momentum swung it around in a circle towards her, but it used this to its advantage. Its left hand came towards her face in a blur. She barely managed to bring up her own hand to block it in time. _Thank you, Neji, for training with me! _she thought grimly, glaring into the eyes of her attacker. They were an icy blue-green. Other than that, however, the mysterious ninja's face was covered with a black mask similar to Kakashi's.

There was a split-second pause, before a foot suddenly swept sideways and tripped Abigail's legs out from under her. The figure whirled away as she collapsed with a yelp, wrenching its arms free and bolting towards Satou again.

But Abigail had delayed the attacker long enough for the others to get ready. Naruto was in front of Satou, face set. The assassin charged straight at him and they were immediately a complex tangle of punches and blocks that made Bailey's eyes buzz as she tried to follow the procedure of their fight.

"Bailey!" she heard Sasuke suddenly yell in warning. She whirled around and ducked as a katana sliced through the air above her.

_Oh my GOD, _she thought in sudden horror. _I'm getting _attacked. It suddenly hit her that, fun though the first few days being sucked into a computer screen had been, it was actually _dangerous. This isn't a real world, _she thought wildly, trying to reassure herself. _Can I actually _die _in here?_

She didn't want to find out. Her hand slipped into the pouch on her leg in a flash and she brought up a shuriken just in time, catching the katana blade in the Y between its points as the ninja wielding it sliced down with it at her face.

The ninja, which was similarly clad in black, with a green cloak and black mask, as the other dueling Naruto was, growled and bore down on the katana blade. Bailey's hand shook as she struggled to keep the shuriken up, knowing that if her hand slipped the katana would slash into her face. On a moment of inspiration, she whirled to the right and let go of the shuriken. The upper body of her attacker flew downwards towards the ground from the force that her foe had been exerting on its katana, and Bailey finished her spin in a complete 360 degree rotation, but at the end brought her leg up so that it slammed sideways into the ninja's neck. He (or she?) collapsed. A quick glance sideways sowed that more opponents had emerged from the bushes. Sasuke and Sakura were both involved in battle now with two separate ninjas, and Naruto was still battling the first one. It appeared stronger than the others, however, and was slowly gaining advantage over Naruto; he was too preoccupied fighting for his life to even summon up his famous clones.

Kakashi was suddenly behind Naruto's foe. He sent it a tremendous punch to the face, and it went sprawling sideways… with a poof.

He was surprised for a second. The same thing that suddenly registered in his mind clicked into place in Bailey and Abigail's brains at the same time. Bailey looked quickly over at where her vanquished foe had lain. Sure enough, only a few wisps of smoke were left over from the clone. At that moment, Sakura and Sasuke both dealt the finishing blows (actually, in Sasuke's case, stab) to their opponents, and they vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Not good?" Abigail suggested.

There was a shrill scream from Satou's general direction. A quick look confirmed why: she was no longer there. And neither was Rat-man.

"Kuso!" Kakashi swore.

* * *

Wow, I never imagined how fun it would be to write fight scenes! I am SO going to start a new fanfic one day soon, and it'll be action genre... speaking of which, maybe I should change the theme of this story to comedy/action or comedy/general rather than /romance... cuz you know that hasn't even really happened yet, lol. I'll get around to it though, you'll see. But I still think I'll change it to comedy/general. Then I can fit in more. 

Well, hope you liked the chapter! I was stuck on it for a while, trying to come up with an encounter with evil ninjas that would be more than just a mundane little tussle with some wimpy hit-men,and finallythis grand master idea came to me (insert maniacal laughter)... which will be revealed in chapter 18! Yes, it has to do with Rat-man.

Soooooo... you know you're just absolutely burning to find out what it is... so reviewwwww!


	18. A Deception

Ohayouuuu!Actually, it's not exactly morning anymore, so nevermind about that. I've missed you all! Maaaan, I am getting bored with my story like this... I mean, what happened to the comedy? I still try to make it funny but it's slowly becoming an action story... I dunno, maybe it's better like this, but hell, it's harder to write. (I mean, this way I actually have to _think.) _So anywho... I'm gonna be making the action die down pretty soon (around the end of the next chapter, or sometime there, most likely), and BACK TO THE NONSENSE! YOSH!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I mean, have you seen any Naruto episodes that consist of him with black marker all over his face and Sasuke with blonde hair? No, no you have not. (Or if you have, you've GOTTA tell me where you found them.) Which means I do not own it.

P.S. I don't own the guest stars of this chapter, Rascal Flatts, either. (Well,a song of theirs is mentioned, which makes them guest stars.)Or their guitarist would be getting violated by my friend Caroline. After, of course, she'd married Keith Urban and cheated on him for Ruki of Gazette... or something like that.

* * *

"What happened, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto yelled, looking around for Satou.

"I'm not entirely sure... but I can guess," Kakashi said angrily. "Damn! I've been careless. Our little friend is a good actor."

"What are you talking about?" Sakura asked. "You mean that little man?"

"No time," said Kakashi hurriedly. "You five, hurry back to the village and notify the Hokage about this. I'll go ahead and see if I can find them."

"Nani!" Bailey, Abigail, and Naruto cried.

"_Don't _question me," Kakashi snapped. "This is important."

"But Kakashi-sensei," Sakura quavered. "What do we tell Hokage-sama? We still don't know what's going on..."

"Exactly what happened. He'll understand what I do. Now go!"

The five genin discussed what could have happened as they leapt through the trees in their custom tree-leaping style. They were, of course, so good at it that they didn't need to look at where the branches were and could exactly pinpoint their course while looking at each other and talking. (Amazing, isn't it?) But anyways.

"The Ratman took Satou, right?" Naruto said. "I don't see what else there is about this that's got Kakashi so uptight." (Leap, boing.)

"I agree," said Bailey, frowning. "Wasn't it obvious right away that they were after Satou? Why does the Hokage have to know about this? I mean, I guess it was a bit surprising that Ratman had just been pretending to be incompetent so we didn't think of him as a threat, but other than that it was all to be expected, right?" (Boing, boing, next branch, boing...)

"We must remember the other ninjas were clones. I think Kakashi is worried about who they're clones _of," _Abigail mused.

"No, I don't think that's it," Sasuke countered. "I think they were just clones of Ra--that man. They were just the distractions from the distraction, if you know what I mean." (Leap, leap, next branch, leap boing.)

"Yes, yes, I agree!" said Sakura quickly. "You're so smart, Sasuke-kun!"

"You're so smart, Sasuke-kun! You're so brave, Sasuke-kun! Let me lick your feet, Sasuke-kun!" Bailey sneered under her breath.

"Well then, what is the 'big picture' Kakashi's looking at?" Abigail asked in frustration. "What's so weird about Satou getting kidnapped? It's what we were expecting!"

No one answered. (Boing, boing.)

XxxxxX

The Hokage was sitting peacefully at his desk reading a cheap paperback mystery with an unrolled scroll on the outside hiding it from view, when suddenly footsteps charged up and someone slammed on his desk. The inkpots and scrolls cluttered across it jumped, but not as high as the Hokage, who guiltily flung the book under his chair and clamped a hand down onto his square hat before it could slide off from the shock of his start. "Um! Uh, excuse me, yes?" he said quickly, flustered. When he looked up all he saw was a blinding blur of orange. It took him a second to realize it was Naruto, jumping up and down like he had to pee urgently. Before the Hokage could ask what was going on, Naruto had started yelling.

"Hokage-sama! Ratman took off with the hot lady, and--"

WHAM, Sakura hip-checked him violently out of the way. She looked exhausted (judging by her flushed, sweaty face and messed hair) but her voice was controlled and even, though she spoke in a rush. "We encountered a funny little man who didn't seem to be a threat -I mean, he was so incompetent he forgot his headband and all- but then we got attacked by some ninjas who turned out to be clones, and when we defeated them, the guy who had seemed harmless had taken Yuroko-san!" she blurted. "Kakashi seemed to think it was more serious than it appeared; he sent us back here to tell you exactly what had happened."

Bailey's head popped up behind Sakura's shoulder, looking disgruntled. Her hair, being longest, was even worse than Sakura's. It was slightly frightening. "Even though it would have been easy and quick to just find them if we'd all looked," she said grouchily.

"Yosh! I agree!" Abigail added from Sakura's other side, glaring at the Hokage as if it was his fault.

"Shh!" Sakura hissed. "Kakashi-sensei knows what he's doing!"

The Hokage, however, looked alarmed enough to even take his pipe out of his mouth for once. "Yuroko-san was captured?"

Sakura bowed her head. "We're really, really sorry! We should have protected her better! How incompetent we've been--"

"_We've _beenincompetent; speak for yourself," Bailey said.

"Bailey!" Sakura snapped.

"That's my name!" Bailey cheered, clapping her on the back. "Did you figure that out all by yourself?"

"What's so alarming about this, Hokage-sama?" Sasuke asked, ignoring Sakura snarling at Bailey in the background and Bailey and Abigail laughing.

"Wait. First..." The Hokage got up quickly from his seat and hurried a few metres away to say something quietly to Iruka. Iruka looked alarmed, but nodded and rushed out the door. A few moments later the warning gong sounded.

"What's going on?" Naruto asked, startled.

"The villagers are being notified that Konoha will likely be attacked very soon."

"But why?" Abigail asked in alarm.

"Wait a bit longer. This is important and must be done quickly." The Hokage sat back down and swooped a scroll from the desk towards him. He unrolled it a bit and, when satisfied that it was blank, weighted it down with his frog-shaped paperweights. Picking up a brush and dipping it into the thick black contents of his ink bottle, he proceeded to make rather rushed strokes down the paper. Everyone edged forward to read it, but the Hokage flicked ink at them and they backed off. He finished quickly, blew on the ink to dry it, and rolled the scroll up again, tying it with some plain twine. "Iruka!" he called.

Iruka, who had just re-entered the building, hurried up to the desk. "Yes?"

"Find a messenger as quickly as possible and tell them to get this to the Sand Village immediately." The Hokage thrust the scroll into Iruka's hands. He bowed and sprinted out the door.

"What?" the five ninjas exclaimed incredulously.

"The Sand Village? But--!...I thought we-- just got attacked-- what the-- why--!" Bailey spluttered.

There was a long silence as the Hokage waited for her voice to peter down.

"I don't geeeeet iiiiit," Abigail mourned very, very quietly into the silence.

"You did not just get attacked by Sand Village ninjas," the Hokage said finally, which just started them all off again.

"Yes we did! You stupid old man," Abigail roared, leaping forward with apparent intent on grabbing the Hokage and bashing his head against his desk. Sasuke and Sakura held her back.

"Yeah! Yeah! We did!" Naruto and Bailey were agreeing vehemently.

The Hokage surveyed them through the puffs of foul smoke from his pipe. "Do you want to hear what I have to say?"

"Not really," Abigail muttered.

"Yes," Sakura said, glaring at her.

"Then stop interrupting. I repeat, you were not attacked by the Sand Village."

"Well, of course we weren't attacked by the Sand Village; we were attacked by ninjas from the Sand Village," Bailey chuntered. "Because villages are inanimate, and kinda... rooted to the grou-"

A glare from the Hokage shut her up.

"The reason Kakashi and I know there is something completely wrong with this is that... Satou-san is a master Jounin."

"WHAT?" everyone exclaimed.

Bailey let out an ungainly snort of laughter. "HAH! _HER? _A toothless fish would be a better ninja than that pansy, tartly, fruity..."

"Are you talking about food?" Naruto asked, his brow furrowed in confusion, wondering how she had gotten from the topic of Satou to the topic of fish and fuity tarts so quickly.

Bailey paused in her derisive banter. "What?"

"What?"

Everyone else sweatdropped.

"As I was _saying," _the Hokage continued in a long-suffering voice, "Satou-san _is _a very talented Jounin. She would not be captured easily at all, so the fact that she got 'kidnapped' so easily, without a struggle at all, is fishy."

_Talking about fish again? _Naruto wondered, baffled.

"Chotto, chotto..." Sakura said, waving her hands in front of her. "Yuroko-san is a ninja? A jounin? Then why did she need an escort?"

"Despite how powerful she is, the threat that she would be attacked was still just as big, and perhaps they'd even heard of her skill, and so were planning on sending stronger assassins. So we still thought it safest to send her with an escort."

"Hey, so that means this was a dangerous mission?" Naruto asked excitedly, his eyes going all starry.

"It's even more dangerous now."

"Yeah, but, pssht," Naruto waved his hand, apparently thinking this irrelevant. "We were chosen for a dangerous mission?"

"..." The Hokage deadpanned. "Er... yeah..."

"YATTAAAA!" Naruto, Bailey and Abigail all cheered, doing a group high-five, or at least attempting to. (Abigail smacked Naruto in the chin.)

"All dobes..." Sasuke muttered.

"Please go on, Hokage-sama," Sakura requested politely, as the other three settled down and started listening again. "Why do you think Konoha is about to be attacked?"

"You see, if Satou was captured like that, it would obviously mean that she was actually on their side all along, staging the 'capture'. No wonder she seemed grouchy when I suggested it would be safer for her to have escorts; it would have inconvenienced her plan to simply carry the message easily to her allies. But it would have been rude and raised suspicion to refuse."

"Oi. You're talking to yourself," Bailey said, waving a hand in front of the spacing-out Hokage's face. He blinked and twitched.

"Oh. Excuse me."

"I still don't get any of this," Naruto said. "Why do you think that our attackers weren't from the Sand Village?"

"You said the strange man was so incompetent he forgot his headband? Ninjas are proud of who they are, extremely proud."

"Damn straight," Bailey muttered. "So how come _I _don't have a headband yet..."

"Not even an assassin would leave their headband behind. So this means he was simply hiding his real headband from sight so as not to give away where he was actually from, and he obviously didn't have an actual Sand Village headband."

"Oh! That makes sense!" Sakura said immediately.

(Inner Sakura: WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?)

"So the timing would all make sense... and it would explain why they staged the capture. Satou-san must be working with a different village who has been simply watching the other three villages quarrel, and has realized that this would be a convenient time to attack for themselves. As long as they made it look like it was the Sand Village, they would be perfectly safe and we would, of course, falsely accuse the Sand. Then as we fought, we would be even more open to attacks from a third party."

"But I thought that stupid wench was from the... that other village?" Bailey said, confused. She'd forgotten exactly which village it had been.

"She is. I just said _working _with a different village."

"So she's a spy!" Abigail yelped.

"Exactly."

"But wouldn't they realize that as soon as Yuroko-san was captured without a fight we would see that it was all wrong?" Sakura questioned.

"No. Satou-san never told me that she was a Jounin; it is simply my job to know these things and so I did., and I told Kakashi before you all left, so he knows, too. She thinks that we are ignorant as to her standing."

"Well, she ain't too bright, is she," Bailey commented.

"So, we do have an advantage then," Abigail said. "We know what they don't know we know."

"And we know we know they don't know we know," said Sasuke.

Everyone stared.

"That was _my _line, Sasuke," Bailey said. "Since when do you say things like that?"

"Um..." Sasuke looked around uncomfortably, realizing that saying things that could be taken as (gasp!) humorous, were not things he should _ever _say. "Well, it's true," he said defensively. "I mean, it makes sense."

"Yeah, but, but...! Sasuke! It's just not _Sasuke, _Sasuke."

"What?"

"What?"

"Anyways, you five should go take up defensive positions around town," the Hokage told them. "You seem to have forgotten that we are probably going to be attacked any minute, now that Satou-san and her allies think that we think that... oh crap I'm doing it now!" He smacked a hand to his forehead.

"Hahahahaha!" Abigail laughed in a voice much louder than necessary.

"En francais, s'il vous plait!" Bailey sang, waggling a finger.

"Hawhawhawhawhaw," Abigail corrected herself.

"Okay! Let's go man our stations!" Bailey yelled, starting to race out the door. Everyone else took their cues from her and followed.

"I resent that! That is sexist!" Abigail was saying.

"Fine, you go woman your station, then."

"I will!"

"Have fun!"

XxxxxX

Ten minutes later, the five of them were spread around everywhere, each of them with no idea where any of the others were. Bailey was up on the wall bouncing from foot to foot excitedly. Though people were hurrying about in a panic down in the streets, and men with grim faces were running all over trying to calm them down and get things organized, Bailey couldn't wait to get attacked. She had a huge grin plastered across her face. She'd even acted out the part of a calm, mature ninja long enough to get one of the "important-looking-organizer-calmer-downer-warrior-thingy" type people to give her a katana to fight with. And then, of course, she dropped the act and started dancing with the long sword like she had used to do with the broom. With the point in the wood of the top of the wall and her hand on the top of the hilt, she spun around in a sort of tango.

"Dahnse with me, Fernahndo," she breathed, dipping backwards and nearly falling off the wall. "Dahmn you, Fernahndo," she added, regaining her balance. "Where's my rose, unchivalrous bahstard?"

A clover bounced off her ear. "I said rose!" she squawked involuntarily, before coming to her senses. "Who threw that--oh."

Abigail grinned from a few metres away, where she was walking towards Bailey, and waved madly. Bailey waved madly back.

"Isn't this awesome?" Abigail cheered, bouncing up to Bailey and Fernando. "And... where did you get that sword!"

"From one of the chuunin dudes running around," Bailey said cheerily.

"Lucky! I want a sword!" Abigail whined enviously.

"Well you can't have mine!" Bailey snarled, yanking the tip of the katana out of the wood and holding it defensively. "Go on, try to take it," she challenged, a psychotic glint in her eye.

"Holy, you creep!" Abigail backed up.

"Just kidding," Bailey assured her, looking innocent again in the blink of an eye. "What sword, anyway? This is my microphone." She whirled around and grasped the hilt of the katana with both hands, bringing it up in front of her mouth, the tip pointing down so she didn't accidentally skewer herself. "Ah k'n take th'rayne on th'roofuv this empteh hooouse, that don't bother meh," she started to wail in a country twang. "Ah k'n take a few tears now'n'then'n jus' let 'em oouuut, ouch," she finished, as Abigail clonked her across the head with a fist.

"Do us a favour. Don't sing."

"AND WHAT HUUUURTS THE MOOOOOOST," Bailey caterwauled at the top of her lungs, just to spite Abigail.

"WAS BEING SOOOOO CLOOOOSE!" Abigail cracked and joined in.

"And having so much to say..."

"And watching you walk awayyyyyy-ayy."

"AND NEVER KNOOOOWIIIIN'..."

A deep gong reverberated through the air. And this was not the warning gong; it was the alarm. It was from the other side of town. Both girls jumped. Around them, other ninjas that had posts on the wall leaped to attention and raced around to get over there and help defend.

"Ohhhh, those bastitches are going to pay now," Abigail growled. "They interrupted my turn to sing!"

"Wait, Abby!" Bailey grabbed the back of Abigail's shirt before she could run off. "If everyone runs over there to fight, the rest of the town will be left undefended! What do you want to bet that this is a decoy?"

Abigail paused, and then turned around with an incredulous look. "When did you learn to use your brain?"

Bailey looked startled. "No idea. I might be sick."

"Okay, well..." Abigail peered over the side of the wall. At the moment there was no sight of enemies. "I guess you're right. So we should stay here."

"And stay vigilant!"

"Yosh!" Abigail saluted. Bailey saluted back, and yanked Fernando/the microphone out of the wood.

"I'm ready," she said with a grin.

Abigail twirled a kunai around her finger. "Me too. Because of those losers,a verse of one of my favourite songs was interrupted; _they will pay."_

_

* * *

_

I was listening to"What Hurts the Most"when I wrote this chapter, so I just had to put it in. Now I'm listening to Morning Musume. But anyways, that's pretty much irrelevent. I'm dreading writing the whole battle scene thing in the next chapter. Especially because I'm not sure if I should make the attacking village one that actually exists, or make up a new one. I think I'll make up a new one, because... well, just because. I screwed up when I made Satou from the Hidden Grass Village, because I just remembered that's the one Orochimaru is from, and so any hopes of mine of connecting this all to him are shattered. MEH. But as I said, these complex plots are annoying because I have to think, so it should all be over soon.

Bai! Long live the insanity.


	19. Everything Uncovered

HELLOOOOOOOOOOO! Wow, it's been awhile since I've updated so quickly. Actually, I don't know why I'm doing this when I only received two reviews for the last chapter, but it must be just out of the pure nicenosity of my heart. As soon as I started writing this, I was like "I can't wait to get out of this action/adventure rut!", but I also didn't want to rush through it and make it uber lame... but FINALLY it's over! Yattaaa! (Well, not at the beginning. But about three-quarters of the way through it ends.)

So I'm in a very good mood. I think I'm gonna go write a heap more after I upload this. Maybe I'll do something weird and update tomorrow. But don't get your hopes up, because most likely I'll forget.

Disclaimer: How many times must I say this? I don't own Naruto. I don't even own the computer I'm typing at. How tragic it all is.

* * *

CHAPTER 19

It had been fifteen minutes.

"Bailey… you know I'm proud of you and all for thinking of battle tactics and whatnot…" Abigail started slowly. "But maybe you were wrong."

Bailey glowered at her. In the distance, yells, explosions, clashes and clangs and other loud sounds echoed through the air. "Only retards would not send a distraction of some kind when they're attacking. Those _can't _be the main forces."

"Well, they probably _are _retards. I mean, Satou works with them."

Bailey pondered this. "You have a point there."

"So let's go! Pleeeease." Abigail gave Bailey big puppy eyes.

"But then what if others come up the wall here when no one's guarding it?"

"What could two girls do against them anyways?" Abigail asked, exasperated.

Bailey would not be brought down. She grinned. "A helluva lot." She indicated the direction of the blackened forest.

Abigail cracked a smile grudgingly. "Nevertheless… I'm sick of just standing here while everyone else fights," she persisted, the smile fading.

"Me too…" Bailey admitted.

"Well, let's go then!"

"Never!"

"Well, _I'm _going," Abigail said vehemently, charging off before Bailey could stop her. Bailey was torn. She wanted desperately to fight, but she felt it her to duty to stay lookout here, since nobody else had thought to.

"This sucks," she told Fernando sadly.

---------------

Abigail was right in the fray. She spun around to deal a high spinning kick to another attacker, and ducked down in time to dodge a shuriken whirling through the air towards her.

When she had been racing towards the most chaotic part of the village, she had seen the patterns of the invaders: they didn't seem to have any clear intent; all they did was charge blindly through the streets attacking anyone they encountered, or kicking over garbage cans, from the most juvenile acts to the most dangerous, it seemed, all their intent was to cause confusion.

_But Kakashi-sensei and Hokage-sama's conclusions were wrong, _Abigail thought worriedly, as she momentarily ducked into an alleyway to catch her breath. _They _are _Sand Village ninjas. _The invaders' headbands clearly depicted the Sand symbol, and they were all wearing the attire of the Sand.

"Well, what are you doing here?" someone sneered from the roof of the house that was forming one side of the alley in which Abigail stood. She looked up, startled. A Sand ninja leered down at her derisively. "You should be hiding safe in your house, little girl. Or are you playing ninja?"

Abigail smiled disarmingly. "Yes, I'm good at it! Look, my daddy even taught me how to throw a kunai!" She mimed throwing a kunai, casting out threads of her chakra as she did so.

The ninja on the roof laughed. "Oh, very good. How would you like a tutorial? I'll show you how I throw a _real _kunai." The evening sun glinted on the metal of the kunai as he brought it out of the pouch on his leg.

"You're holding it wrong," Abigail told him, and with a twist of her finger, wrapped one of the threads of chakra that had reached him around his wrist. He yelped in surprise and realized that if he had a chance to jump away, it was now. But just before he could, the rest of Abigail's chakra threads reached him. She flexed her fingers and they immediately wrapped themselves around his body, tangling him up in a matter of seconds.

"How do you like it? It's a chakra web. If you struggle, they'll cut you. For that matter, if I move one of them this way…" slowly she started to crook the pinkie of her left hand, which was controlling a thread of chakra hooked behind the Sand ninja's arm as it had been raised to throw his kunai. The opposing ninja's eyes darted to the side in horror, but he didn't dare move his head, feeling the threatening threads of chakra pressed all around his neck. Abigail bent the finger a tiny bit more until the chakra cut through his skin on the back of his arm, and he whimpered. "Shall I slice you to ribbons right here and now?" Abigail questioned. "Or would you rather I… played ninja… a bit longer?" She lowered her voice tauntingly and smiled scarily up at the horrified ninja on the rooftop. "Because I have a whooole lot of other tricks to test."

---------------

Bailey leaned on her katana, watching the sun creep towards the horizon. "I wonder where Kakashi is. For that matter, what's he doing? Oh right. He probably followed Satou and Ratman to find out where they were going…" She sighed. "Nobody's coming!" she squealed in frustration. "Should I go fight? Or keep… standing here… bored out of my _skull!" _she yelled angrily.

"Screw this!" she decided finally. "I'm gonna go fight!" She turned away from her vantage point on the wall to head down towards the commotion.

Something made her pause. She wasn't sure if she'd heard something or if it was just instinct. But when she scanned the ground past the village gates, she saw something moving.

_Finally! _she thought, leaping from the wall onto a tree branch, and onto the ground behind the person.

To her astonishment, however, it was Kakashi, not an attacker. He was staggering and walking slowly, and looked very beat up.

"Kakashi-sensei!" she yelped. "What happened?"

Kakashi looked at her wearily. His headband was pushed up; he had been fighting with his sharingan. "Did you notify the Hokage?" he asked, speaking with effort. He looked on the verge of collapsing.

"Yes, of course; in fact, the whole town is under attack as we speak," she said cheerily. "But it's under control. I think. Actually, I don't know. But you should get to the hospital."

Kakashi nodded.

"Um, I'll go get someone to help you," Bailey offered as he swayed on his feet, and raced off.

----------------

The battle didn't last very long. The sun was just setting in a brilliant smudge of scarlet across the sky when the attacking ninjas retreated. Not many had been defeated, actually; the manner of their attack: reckless, and yet cowardly, so none were captured, was still a mystery.

Stranger still was how no bodies were left. The few that were killed must have been carried off by their allies.

"They just were trying to prevent interrogation, or investigation, I'll bet," Sakura said to Naruto, who she had just met up with, as they trudged through town looking for someone who could shed a little light on the odd attack.

Naruto nodded, pretending to know what she was talking about.

"Oi! You guys!" someone called from an alleyway. They jumped and scrutinized the dark passage.

"Abigail?" Naruto called, squinting his eyes.

"That's right. You said they didn't want to be interrogated, Sakura?"

Sakura stepped towards the alley. "Yes… that's what I'd guess…"

"Well, with that huge forehead, you must be right. So it's good I've got a live one to question, ne?"

"What!" Sakura exclaimed in surprise. Abigail stepped out of the shadows, dragging a ninja by the wrist behind her. He looked terrible; angry red slashes crisscrossed across him _everywhere _in thin slices, and on top of the damage inflicted by the chakra threads, a huge bruise bloomed on his forehead. It was likely this blow that had brought him to unconsciousness. But the odd thing about him was that he wasn't dressed as a Sand ninja anymore; though his clothes were similar, they weren't identical. When he had fainted, there had been a puff of smoke, and his appearance had changed. Abigail told this to Sakura and Naruto.

"Ah! That must have been Henge. So… right…" Sakura looked slightly confused. "Well, let's tie him up and tell the Hokage."

"I'll go get the Hokage," Naruto volunteered, and took off.

"Oh sure, leave us with the dirty work," Abigail said.

When Naruto came back with the Hokage in tow, the strange ninja was tied up to a pole (don't ask where they got the rope), still conked out.

The Hokage took one look at him and said, "So that's what it is."

"Huh?" the other three asked.

The Hokage reached into the ninja's pocket and drew out a headband. It had the Grass Village symbol etched onto it. "It was the Grass Village using Henge."

"Grass?" they yelped.

"I thought that was who we were talking to about all of this!" Abigail yelled, thoroughly confused. "We were practically allies against the Sand!"

"And that would mean Satou wasn't betraying the Grass; the Grass was betraying _us?" _Sakura exclaimed. "I don't get it!"

"That is all there is to get. The Grass must have started this entire thing. Or else why would they suddenly turn on us?"

The three ninjas were staggered. "So the Sand village didn't even have hostile intents towards us in the first place?" Naruto yelled.

"Yes, they did, but they were most likely invoked by the Sand village." The Hokage sighed and adjusted the hat on his head. "It's all clear to me now. At any rate, the message I wrote to the Sand was sent a while ago, so I should be getting a response fairly soon and we can sort this all out."

"But what was the point of the Grass doing… everything?" Sakura asked incredulously.

"I'm not entirely sure, but I can guess…Turning the Sand and Leaf against each other would have provided opportunities for them to attack and plunder each village and not be suspected. I don't think the purpose of this attack was anything more than to deal the final blow to our suspicions; they used Henge so we would think we were being attacked by the Sand and charge blindly into war. Luckily, though, we already knew it wouldn't be the Sand attacking because of the mistake they made of letting Satou get 'captured', so we were on guard."

"This is too confusing," Naruto complained. "And I'm hungry."

A drop of rain splattered onto his cheek. "And now it's raining."

"Go home, you three. The whole town should be a lot clearer-headed in the morning."

---------------

"Bailey, what are you doing here still?" The nurse paused in surprise as she came out of Kakashi's room and saw Bailey slouching against the wall.

"I want to ask what happened," Bailey said eagerly.

The nurse sweatdropped. _You'd think when someone waits over half an hour on a patient, they'd at least ask how they are first… _"Well, he's sleeping at the moment," she said. "Why don't you come back in the morning?"

Bailey's face fell dramatically. "But I want to be the absolute first person to know, and by the time I come back in the morning, someone else will have asked already, I just know it!"

The nurse sighed. "It doesn't matter if you're the first to know or not."

"Damn rights it does, woman!" Bailey insisted.

"I'm sorry; you'll have to wait until he wakes up," the nurse said with an air of finality, sweeping past.

"Oh, all right then," Bailey said, getting to her feet. She crept up to Kakashi's door and put her face close to the keyhole. Before the nurse could ask what she was doing, she'd bellowed "KAKASHI-SENSEI!" into the door.

The nurse yelped and clamped a hand over Bailey's mouth. "Hush up, you crazy kid! You'll wake up the entire hospital!" she hissed angrily.

Bailey shook free from the nurse's hand and smiled serenely. "Well, that includes him, at least."

"What's going on?" came a groggy voice from Kakashi's room. Bailey smiled triumphantly.

"He's awake; I get to go see him now," she said. "You promised!"

The nurse glared at her, but knew it was no use to argue. Reluctantly she opened the door and Bailey skipped inside.

"Bailey? What are you doing?" Kakashi asked wearily. Bailey was dismayed to see he still wore his mask.

"I'm not Bailey… I am a hallucination of your deliriousness," she announced in a hushed voice, walking in a wonky way and going cross-eyed to confuse him. Kakashi groaned.

"Shit…" he muttered, clapping a hand over his eyes.

"So what happened?" Bailey asked enthusiastically, sitting in the visitor's chair.

"You're just a hallucination; I won't talk to you."

"Oh yes you will, or I'll call in for reinforcements and hallucinations will dance on your bed all night long."

Kakashi's eyes snapped open. "Ok, what do you want?"

"I already told you. What happened? Did you fight lots of bad ninjas?" she asked enthusiastically, leaning forward in the chair.

"Just two."

"Oooh, cool." Bailey was struck with a sudden realization. "Was one of them Satou!" she asked incredulously. Kakashi nodded.

"You busted her up, right!" Bailey asked hungrily.

"More like the other way around…"

"Oh come _on! _You were beat up by a _girl?" _Bailey howled with laughter. "How lame!"

"I won in the end!" Kakashi defended himself indignantly. "Anyways, she was fighting with that ratty little man as well, and he turned out to be a jounin."

"Yeah, yeah, excuses." Bailey tsked. "How disappointing, Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi muttered something about "sticks and stones" and passed out again.

"Well, that was interesting," Bailey said to no one in particular. "Hah… he thought I was a hallucination, hehe, talk about gullible," she snickered.

The nurse popped her head in through the doorway. "Are you done?"

"Yeah, he's asleep again," Bailey said nonchalantly. "I'll head home now."

Once she was outside on the street, she was surprised to see it was dark out already. _Crap. Lost again, _she thought, deadpanning. She had no idea which way Sasuke's house was. _I wonder if the hospital rents rooms, _she mused, before dismissing the idea.

"Oh well, I'll find it eventually," she muttered to herself, setting out in a random direction.

AN HOUR LATER

"So… tired…" Bailey groaned, dragging her feet through the streets. She had this sneaking suspicion that she was going in circles, but she was too tired to bother checking. She just continued letting her feet lead her.

She tripped over a dog. They both yelped equally loud.

"Hey!" someone yelled at her. "Watch out! You could've hurt poor Akamaru!"

"I could've hurt Akamaru? Ex_cuse _me; who's the one sprawled across the ground?" Bailey said indignantly, looking up at the figure standing above her in the dark. His face was in shadow, but she knew just by the voice and shape that it was Kiba.

"Yeah, but Akamaru's small."

"Are you calling me fat?"

Kiba sweatdropped.

Bailey, still on the ground, watched as Kiba called Akamaru and started to walk away. "Oh, so you don't even bother helping me up? What happened to the old days of chivalry?" she said indignantly. Kiba's head dropped wearily.

"My sincerest apologies, m'lady." He bowed and extended a hand. "Dost thou require assistance in getting to thine feet?"

Bailey smacked his hand away and got up on her own. "Not anymore," she said snobbily. "You failed the etiquette test. But I'll give you a passing grade if you can tell me how to get to the Uchiha house," she added quickly.

"Sasuke's house? Why do you need to go there?" Kiba asked suspiciously. "He would kill me if he found out I'd directed a fangirl to his house."

The next thing he knew, Bailey had him by the front of his coat and was snarling into his face. "_Fangirl?" _she growled dangerously.

"I mean…" Kiba stuttered nervously. "Sorry, I just thought…"

"Just because all the other girls around here are ninnies over Sasuke doesn't mean _I _am."

"Hinata isn't," Kiba corrected her.

"Oh yeah. She's cool, too." Bailey released Kiba. "But most of them are. Anyways, so can you help me out or not? Abigail and I are boarding at Sasuke's house."

"Sure. If you look that way…" he pointed "it's the highest roof. Not too hard to find."

"That one?"

"No, I said _that _way."

"Oh, ehe, oops. Thanks, Inuyasha-wannabe!" she chirped, prancing off through the dark streets. When she arrived at the door to the Uchiha house, it was locked, though. "Helloooo, let me in?" she yelled through it, but apparently everyone was asleep.

"Dammit people! I'm tired and I want in!" she said, frustrated, banging on the door. Still nobody answered. _Well, there is no way I'm sleeping on the street like a hobo, _she thought stubbornly, getting up and starting to circle the house, looking for a back door. She didn't find one, but she did see a window up on the second floor. _Excellent, _she thought happily, focusing her chakra into her feet and walking straight up the wall. When she came to the underside of the balcony, she felt a bit nervous about walking upside down, so she hooked her arms over the side and pulled herself up. Not wanting to wake anyone up, she silently pried the window open with a shuriken blade and slid inside. The room she entered was pitch dark, and she cautiously tiptoed as closely as she could to the wall, feeling behind her for the door. She suddenly banged her shin against something and stuffed her fist into her mouth to keep from yelling out. Cautiously she knelt down and patted her hands out in front of her to feel what she had run into; it seemed like a desk. She skirted it carefully. _I guess I'm in a study room, _she estimated. Her foot suddenly padded onto something soft and fluffy. _Heyyyy, a blanket! _she thought happily. _Pay dirt! _She sat down on the cozy material and silently pulled her sandals off. Curling up on the blanket and resting her head on her arm, she drifted off to sleep immediately.

---------------

Sasuke woke up, as usual, at the crack of dawn. For a second he just lay on his mattress comfortably, enjoying the sunlight coming through the crack of his window, when suddenly he realized something was wrong. Very wrong.

Someone was snuggled against his side.

There was a second of that ultimate shock, when someone is stunned to the verge of incomprehensibility. He stared in horror at the blonde girl curled up on top of the covers, nuzzled up next to his arm like it was a teddy bear, and then finally reacted.

"What the HELL!" he screamed, spazzing out and shoving Bailey away as hard as he could. She woke with a little shriek as the covers snagged on Sasuke as he leapt up, yanking them out from under her and depositing her on the cold floor.

"What… uh…" she said in groggy confusion, her eyes hazy and sleep-filled. When she finally looked up to see Sasuke still staring at her in shocked horror, clutching the blankets to himself to cover up his bare chest, her eyes finally snapped open and she went fire-engine red. "Um, oops," she said nervously. "I didn't know this was your room…"

"Get out," he ordered. "You had better have an excuse, but first I will get _dressed, _if you don't mind!" he snapped. He marched to the door and flung it open, pointing outside.

The initial shock wearing off, Bailey suppressed a smirk. "Yes, yes, geez, keep your hair on," she said, rolling her eyes. "I need my shoes." She sat down and pulled her sandals on slowly, looking around the room at her leisure. The mattress was right beside her (A/N: this would be one of those super-thin Japanese sleeping mats, hence why she managed to lie on it without noticing), and there was the desk she had run into. The room was actually extremely messy, as opposed to the rest of the house. A large Uchiha fan hung on the wall; it appeared to be Sasuke's target practice, for it bristled with kunais and puncture holes. She felt a pang of pity towards Sasuke and his bitterness towards the entire Uchiha clan. As she took her time pulling her second sandal on, she noted the clothes, weapons, scrolls, and various other things dotting the floor.

When she turned around again, Sasuke had hurriedly pulled on a shirt. In his navy blue pyjama bottoms and a black shirt, he looked so different it was quite disturbing. Bailey stared unabashedly.

"I believe I told you to get out," he said icily.

"Aww, don't be so inhospitable."

"Don't. Try. My. Patience," he snarled through gritted teeth.

"Wow, you have patience? I never got the hang of that, myself. Hey, how do you keep your hair so perfect even after it's been slept on? That's just weird," Bailey said, squinting at his hair, which looked the same as it always did. She was envious.

Sasuke didn't say anything more, but grabbed Bailey by the shoulder and practically threw her out the door. The door slammed behind her as she grabbed at the banister of the stairs before she could fly down them.

"Well, that was rude," she called at him. She crawled up the few stairs that she'd started to topple down and lay in front of the door to talk through the crack underneath it. "But really, your hair is better than _mine," _she continued conversationally."That's just odd. What's your secret? It's the Garnier Fructisse, isn't it?"

"My door opens outwards!" Sasuke threatened from inside. Bailey quickly shut up and scurried away from the door.

Inside his room, Sasuke paused. _And how did she know about the Garnier Fructisse?_

_

* * *

_It is my opinion that it _is _the Garnier Fructisse.

A small note: I must give credit where credit is due. I took the "are you calling me fat?" line from a friend of mine; because she reads this story I will admit that it is not original with me.

Anyways, remember to review!


	20. Back to Randomness

Whooo, guess who updated ALREADY! (gasp!) Yes! Our loveable Karaoke! Heheh, I'm so immodest. But didn't I say I might update the very next day? Oohhhh. Yes, I know I'm amazing.

Some messages... a hundred and one reviews! YOSH! This calls for celebration! (blows one of those weird party things that make a honky noise.) If I could hand out cake over the internet, I would, to all my wonderful reviewers. Or if I had cake, for that matter. Ah, well.

To Dragonist: (if you still read this story)I finally got around to using your excellent idea of making it a competition between Bailey and Abigail to see who can embarrass the "princes" most. MUAAHAHHAA! Thank you for the idea; I hope I depicted it well!

To Up4Laughs: Maybe I should send you a PM for this, but nah, I'm too lazy. Plus this way you have to read my story to get this message (kekeke). Here it is:...why won't you update "The Switch"? WAHH! I miss your story! T-T

I think that's all I have to say for now. Oh wait, no it isn't. For you who haven't watched "Anger Management" (Disclaimer: which I also do not own), "goosfraba", which I mention in this chapter, is basically just a word that is repeated like a mantra to soothe angry people. It also sounds funny.

So, NOW that's all I have to say. Again, thank you to all my reviewers, and enjoy chapter 20!

Disclaimer: Naruto own not do I.

CHAPTER 20

Bailey traipsed downstairs, checking the clock on the wall as she went. She halted in her tracks. "_4:30?"_ she screeched. "Who gets up at _4:30!" _She glared up in the direction of Sasuke's room. "He deprived me of at least four hours of sleep!" she exclaimed to no one in particular. "Stupid kid."

She continued to mutter as she made her way down to her tent in the living room. "There's no way I'm going to miss that much sleep," she grumbled, kicking her sandals off again and crawling into her blanket tent. "Hmm, so comfy," she sighed contentedly, burrowing into the covers inside the tent. It was nice… and dark…

She felt herself drifting off to sleep when the lights in the living room clicked on. The red trimming of her tent blanket lit up like a flashlight. Bailey screamed, making Sasuke, who had just entered the room, jump.

"What the…" he drew a corner of the tent aside to see if that's where the scream had come from. There was a resounding SLAP! sound and he staggered back, a hand at his cheek, which was a stinging red.

"How dare you look in at a sleeping woman!" Bailey accused in a scandalized tone from within her tent.

"Says the girl who friggin' _crawled in bed _with me!" Sasuke shot back.

"I said I didn't know that was your room!"

"Bull! And while we're on this topic, I said I wanted an explanation! Get out here," Sasuke commanded.

Bailey muttered a filthy curse at him.

"What was that?" Sasuke's eye twitched.

"Say please."

"No."

"Then I shall stay here, until the end of time…"

Sasuke grabbed a handful of the blanket set up as a tent and whipped the entire thing away. Bailey shrieked and buried her face into the pillow. "Auuuuugh! The light, it burns, it burns, hissssss…" She shot up and glared at Sasuke. "And by the way, you will be helping me set that back up again, mister."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Oh, will I?"

"Oh, yes you will."

"I still don't have an explanation for your invading my privacy!"

"You don't beat around the bush, do you? You're like a bloody semi or something; you have a purpose and you just plow right through until you get to it. No distracting you."

"Are you just trying to keep going off topic?"

Bailey wasn't listening. She tapped her lower lip thoughtfully. "You know what else does that?"

"No, and I don't ca—"

"A bowling ball." She looked up at Sasuke's peeved face thoughtfully, and quietly mused, "Are you a bowling ball, Sasuke?"

Sasuke gave her a glare that could have crumbled a mountain. "No, I don't believe I am."

Bailey shrugged. "Well, if you're sure. Now, back to the topic at hand." She gave him an irritated look, like a teacher gives a bratty student. "I hope you don't give me any more interruptions."

"What? _You _were the one—"

Bailey threw up her hands. "What did I just _say? _See, there you go again!"

Sasuke gaped like a fish out of water.

Bailey continued placidly. "Anyways, I didn't try to get into your room like some kind of creeper or something. I got lost last night, so I came back here quiet late, and no one would answer the door when I knocked. So I walked around until I saw a window, and climbed in. I had no idea it was your room; it was too dark to see. I was just walking around looking for the door when I ran into your blankets, and I thought they were empty, so I just lay on them and went to sleep. And then you woke me up rather rudely," she added reproachfully.

Sasuke gave her a long, penetrating stare, wondering if he should believe her or not.

"It's rude to stare," she reprimanded him. It was this comment that made him decide to believe her: she wasn't like the other ditzy, drooling girls; she and Abigail were some of the few who didn't seem interested in him, and they were the only two that talked back to him or teased him. It was actually this that made him like them a lot more than most of the others.

"I said it's rude to stare!" A pillow hit Sasuke in the face. He shook himself and apologized.

"Yeah, you better be sorry."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'm going to go make some breakfast. If you want some you have to do dishes."

_Dishes... dishes... dishes… _echoed through Bailey's head. Her eyes went all huge and white, while the background behind her looked all psychedelic. She shuddered. "I'll starve, thank you. Anyways, I'm not eating at 4:30 in the morning; I still want to get some more sleep. Oi! You're not going anywhere!" Somehow Bailey had gotten to her feet and before Sasuke realized it, she had grabbed his wrist.

Sasuke felt a sudden lurch somewhere above his stomach, a feeling strangely similar to the drop of the stomach that comes with panicked horror, like seeing a child fall, face down onto a rock. His wrist seemed to be burning where she had grabbed it. The feeling was strange, and in a scary sense, weakening, and yet somehow exciting. He looked at Bailey in his usual irritated way; trying to hide the nervousness at the sudden sensation in his gut made his gaze involuntarily harsher. Her golden eyes stared straight back, not intimidated in the least.

"I said you're helping me set my tent back up," she said stubbornly.

He yanked his wrist away as his chest pounded with the completely alien, almost frightening sensation. "Feh." But he helped anyways.

"Yey, it's better than before!" Bailey dove into the cover of the new-and-improved tent. He heard her plotting evilly under her breath from behind the tent wall." I shall extend it. I shall add new rooms, make a condo…"

He half-smiled to himself as he walked out of the room to make breakfast.

---------------

Bailey woke up again feeling much more refreshed and rested. She sat up and stretched. "Time to annihilate another day," she said happily, crawling out of her tent. "Abby, you up yet?" she yelled, trudging towards Itachi's room. She opened the door and peeked in.

Abigail was sprawled all over the bed drooling like a mad dog, snoring loudly. Bailey rolled her eyes. "ABBY!" she roared. Abigail twitched and sat up slowly.

"Nehh, what d'you want?" she asked grouchily, wiping saliva off her chin.

"Time to get up!" Bailey chirped. "It's…" she ran back into the hallway to look at the clock, and raced back. Abigail had fallen asleep again.

"NINE O'CLOCK!" Bailey bellowed into her friend's ear. Abigail squawked and toppled off the bed.

"Okay, okay, I'm up," Abigail muttered. "What d'you want?"

Bailey thought for a moment. "Actually, you know what I really _do _want?"

"Enlighten me, by all means."

"A _shower! _And a change of clothes!"

Abigail blinked, looking horrified. Now that Bailey brought it up, they both realized that being caught up in the excitement of being inside an anime, they had forgotten hygiene existed in television shows as well. They both looked at each other and grimaced.

"I wonder if Sasuke would lend us some clothes," Abigail mused.

They trooped out of the room, calling for Sasuke, but stopped when they found a note on the table announcing that he was training. Go figure.

"He needs to get a life," Abigail said, shaking her head.

"Well, we have a mission now!" Bailey said, smacking a fist into her palm. "Find someone who can lend us clothes! Then we can have showers… ahh, the prospect of a shower…"

"Yes, yes, snap out of it. Let's see… I don't feel like bothering Hinata; she's too timid. Plus her dad is scary."

"I like the shirt Tenten wears. Tenten might lend us clothes?"

"Maybe. I hate Ino's outfit; it's slutty; so scratch her."

"Heck no! I love her outfit!" Bailey contradicted.

"Are you kidding? She wears _bandages, _for Pete's sake!"

"I'm not talking about the bandages; you could just replace those with shorts or anything. But her top is cool."

"Meh."

"Anyways, the clothes Sakura gave us weren't anything like the outfit she always wears, so we can't exactly judge anyone's clothes before we've seen them, remember?"

"Yeah…"

"I say we ask Ino. She's the one we talked to most other than Sakura, and I don't wanna impose on the Harunos anymore. Especially because her mom would probably kill us."

"Fine, whatever." Abigail threw her hands up in the air.

"Let's go!"

FIVE MINUTES LATER

"Umm…" Bailey and Abigail carefully avoided looking at each other. "Where… does Ino… live…?"

They both sweatdropped.

TEN MINUTES LATER

"I got it," Sakura called as the doorbell rang. She opened the door and blinked. "Oh. You two."

"Thank you for the warm welcome," Abigail said dryly.

"Is that how you treat two partially-somewhat-sorta-ex-sisters!" Bailey gasped dramatically. "What is the world coming to?" She struck a tragic pose.

Sakura deadpanned. "You are _not _in any way my sisters."

"Yes, I know, thank God, or my mom would have thrown rocks at the hospital," Bailey said truthfully.

Sakura's eye twitched. Her good mood evaporated as Bailey snickered and Abigail elbowed her violently. "What do you want?" she asked brusquely.

"Um, could you tell us where the Yamanaka Flower Shop is?" Abigail asked.

Sakura eyed her suspiciously. "Why?"

"Don't worry, we have no intention of stealing your lesbian lover, OUCH!" Bailey yelped as Abigail stomped on her toe.

"What was that for?" Bailey whined.

"When you are asking someone for a favour, you insult them _after," _Abigail said impatiently, sighing at her friend's dimness.

"Ahhh."

"When you are finished discussing when to insult me!" Sakura snapped. "I don't know why I should help you out now, but whatever gets you away from my doorstep sooner." She gave them some rushed directions and practically closed the door on their noses.

"Well. That was _quite _rude," Abigail said huffily. "And it wasn't like we showed her anything but utmost courtesy."

The duo headed off towards Ino's house. With Abigail to guide her, for once Bailey didn't get lost. They reached the flower shop and slammed the door open. The little bell that announced every time the door was opened was ripped from the wall and went shooting across the room, shattering a vase on the shelf and dropping to the floor with one final, farewell jangle.

Bailey and Abigail stood, wide-eyed, in shock. So did Mrs. Yamanaka, behind the counter.

"I hope you can pay for that," she said finally.

"Ehhe… actually… I'm afraid we're somewhat broke…" said Abigail nervously, scratching the back of her head.

"I was afraid of that, too…" Mrs. Yamanaka said with a sigh. "Well, it was just a cheap display thing anyways… I guess it's alright. Can I help you?"

"We're beyond help, I think," Bailey said with a straight face.

"That's right. _She_ has passed the valley of the crazy and gone into the hills of the completely insane," Abigail said, jerking a thumb towards Bailey, who grinned scarily at the announcement. "And I… I… have two months left… to live." She hung her head and wiped away a tear.

Mrs. Yamanaka raised an eyebrow.

"But it's okay!" Abigail continued suddenly, grinning madly. "Because I'll be reincarnated as Tweety Bird!"

"Anyways, we're here to see Ino." Bailey concluded. "We promise we're not bad influences or anything." Haloes popped up over both of their heads.

They received the oddest look ever before Mrs. Yamanaka trotted to the back of the shop, calling for her daughter. A second later, Ino came out of the back room. She frowned when she saw them.

"Aren't you those two girls staying with Forehead Girl?" she asked, her forehead creasing a little as she tried to remember. "Um, Bailey and Abby, right?"

"_Abigail!" _Abigail snarled. Ino jumped.

"Oh! Abigail. Sorry."

Abigail spun to glower at Bailey, who smiled serenely at the ceiling. "Because you always call me that retarded name, everyone thinks it's my real name!"

"What, you mean it isn't?" she asked in mock surprise.

"So, whatcha need?" Ino asked, intervening before they started fighting. "Ooh, are we gonna pull a prank on Sakura?" she asked eagerly. "Cuz if you are, you came to the right person!" She grinned mischievously.

Bailey and Abigail exchanged a look. An ally.

"Unfortunately, not right now, but good idea!" Bailey spoke up.

"No, we were wondering if you could… lend us some clothes?" Abigail asked tentatively. Ino looked surprised.

"Um… I guess, sure. You don't have any others than those?" she asked, sounding faintly horrified.

"Just a pair of pyjamas. We, um, hadn't been expecting to go on a journey, so we didn't pack."

"You poor, smelly creatures. Come on to my room; you can look through my stuff," Ino said cheerily. They followed her behind the counter and through a hallway past the back room until they turned through a doorway and found themselves in a room decorated in pale green and pinks. Ino promptly started emptying her drawers onto her bed. Bailey and Abigail stared. Both were wondering the same thing: why did the characters in Naruto have so many clothes and yet they never changed?

"You can look through those," Ino said generously. "But check with me first to see what you can take; I do have some clothes I want to keep."

"What is _this?" _Abigail asked in disgust, holding up a red shirt that looked like it had gone through a shredder.

"A shirt," Ino said swiftly.

"Well, it's the ugliest thing I ever saw!" Abigail exclaimed at the same instant Bailey said, "ooh, I like that!" and snatched it.

There was a pause.

"You _like _it?" Abigail exclaimed incredulously. Bailey stuck out her tongue.

"Yeah, I do!"

Abigail let out a very loud cough that sounded like "skank!"

"I heard that," Bailey muttered as they sorted through more clothes.

After about twenty minutes, they each had an armful of new clothes and they left thanking Ino, and promising to return sometime soon so they could plot the downfall of Sakura. Ino was friendly enough, but both Abigail and Bailey knew she would not be nearly as chummy if she knew they were staying with Sasuke.

They got back at the Uchiha house and deposited their clothes in Abigail/Itachi's room, as Bailey didn't have her own room.

"I call shower!" Bailey yelled, charging towards the bathroom.

"Nooooooo!" Abigail howled, tripping after her. Bailey skidded into the bathroom and slammed the door shut, locking it with a cackle.

"Unfair!" Abigail wailed.

"Ho-LEE!" Bailey suddenly exclaimed from inside.

"What?" Abigail asked curiously, abruptly forgetting her disappointment.

"I swear, Sasuke is a walking Garnier Fructisse advertisement! Geez! Hair gel, shampoo, conditioner, hair wax, hair spray…"

Abigail's eye twitched. "WHAT?"

Bailey was laughing her head off. "The only thing he's missing is mousse, and frankly, thank GOD he doesn't have that, or I would seriously have to start questioning his sexuality!"

"I don't think there's anything questionable _about _it!" Abigail exclaimed.

"Oh hush." There was the sound of running water. Abigail sighed and went back to her room to wait.

Forty-five minutes later, Bailey pranced into the room sporting some of her new clothes proudly. She was wearing the shredded red shirt and some black baggy pants. The shirt actually wasn't as bad as Abigail had thought; it had slashes all the way up the long, semi-tight sleeves, one right below the neckline (but not too low), and three on each side. She had also pulled her still-dripping hair, which smelled very Garnier-Fructissey, into a low sideways ponytail instead of its customary high one.

"Wah-la!" she announced, striking a pose.

Abigail wasn't impressed. "You took almost an _hour!" _she said loudly.

Bailey crossed her arms defiantly. "Well, I haven't had a shower in like, five days; I should think I would take a long time."

Abigail "meh"ed and picked up some clothes to change into, heading over to the bathroom. A few seconds later, there was an ear-splitting screech from the bathroom.

"_There's NO hot water left!" _she screamed, slamming the door open and wrapped in a towel. "Bailey you wench!"

Bailey snickered, then ran and hid under the bed. Abigail was scary at moments like this.

Finally, about an hour later, Abigail could take a shower. Both finally clean and not so smelly, they wondered what to do next.

"Well, nothing interesting is gonna happen if we stay all cooped up in this dungeon all day," Abigail said wisely. "Let's go walk around outside."

"Yosh! We can ask people exactly what was going on with the attack last night… which I missed out on," Bailey said grumpily as they trooped out the front door into the sunlight. Abigail looked at her in surprise.

"You still don't know?"

"I _told _you I missed out on it all! I was still guarding the gate and then I had to help Kakashi get to the hospital."

"_What?"_

Bailey grinned. "Looks like each of us has some stuff to tell. Kakashi fought with Satou and Ratman and got all duffed up. But he's recovering."

"Oh! Well, that's news. The whole story behind the attack is kind of weird. Turns out it wasn't the Sand Village in the first place; the Grass was behind it all."

"Oh, how lame. That's just copying James Bond."

"I know, eh."

They walked around the streets leisurely. "Oh yeah! And I forgot to tell you!" Bailey said, snapping her fingers. She glinted a sly grin at Abigail. "I saw Sasuke's room."

"_WHAT?"_

"It was an accident, but still!"

"What was it like! He did have alcohol, didn't he!" Abigail said triumphantly, getting worked up.

Bailey smacked a hand to her forehead. "I forgot to look!"

Abigail gaped incredulously. "How could you _forget! _Here, let me help you with that!" she said as Bailey continued to smack her forehead, and bashed Bailey over the head with her palm with a gong-like sound.

"Itaiiii!" Bailey clutched her head. "Whoa…" she let go of her head and looked around in wonder with slightly out-of-focus eyes. "The world is vibrating. Oooh, if I spin at a moment like this…" she started to spin around rapidly and giggled. "Whooo, I wonder if this is what drugs are like!"

"Uh, Bailey, look out—"

Bailey spun into a passing Neji, who was drinking a smoothie (A/N: even fierce ninjas like smoothies). He toppled over backwards, spilling smoothie all over himself.

"HAHA!" Abigail cheered, while Bailey continued to fall in slow motion, going "nooooooo…"

"You drama queen, just get it over with," Abigail remarked. Bailey finished her fall at regular speed with a CRASH, sat on the ground, and sulked.

"Thanks a lot," Neji glared at her. The front of his jacket was a murky, not too attractive shade of purple (A/N: his smoothie had been blueberry/watermelon… blue + pink purple! (nods wisely)

E/N: okay, nobody cares…

A/N: are you kidding? My words of wisdom are crucial!

E/N: Pssht, crazy people can't provide wise words.

A/N: I'm not crazy!

E/N: Then how come you just created an editor that doesn't exist simply so you could argue with it?

A/N: You don't exist?

E/N: No. You are typing both sides of this conversation as we speak.

A/N: …)

"No problem," Bailey said helpfully.

"I have to go change now."

Abigail twitched and whipped an invisible walkie-talkie out of her pocket to hold up to her mouth. "Kggh, Abigail in! Bailey, do you read me? I repeat, do you—"

Bailey imitated the invisible walkie-talkie movement. "I read you loud and clear," she said, doing the "kggh" radio-static sound effect as well.

"Good! Hyuuga-san is heading for home to change," she said, though Neji was standing right in front of her watching them both like they were mental, not heading for home. "Install hidden cameras A.S.A.P!"

"Roger!" Bailey replied. They both burst out laughing.

"You are disgusting," Neji said, his eye twitching.

"To deny human instincts, Neji-kun, is to deny—" Abigail started. Neji's eye twitched more.

"I don't care about your so-called philosophy, you baka."

Abigail huffed and turned away, pouting. "Fine, be an uppity, jerkish, uh, uh, jerk."

Meanwhile Bailey had picked up the not-quite empty smoothie container that Neji had dropped. She scooped a bit out with her finger and stuck it in her mouth. "Mmm," she mumbled happily, starting to eat the smoothie with her fingers and getting it smeared all over her face.

Neji and Abigail looked down at her simultaneously. "Gross, what if he backwashed into there?" Abigail said.

"You don't _drink _smoothies, you moron," Bailey said.

"In that case, I want some!" Abigail plopped down beside Bailey and held out her hands pleadingly.

"Neverrrr," Bailey growled, twisting away. "Miiine, all mine."

"Meanie!"

Bailey snickered. Abigail glared at her for a second, then whapped her hand upwards on the bottom of the smoothie container, sending it flying upwards.

Slow motion. The smoothie sailed, not straight up, but outwards as well. Neji's eyes widened as it came straight for him.

"Nooooooooooooooooo—" he yelled helplessly. Time sped up again abruptly.

SPLAT! Abigail and Bailey froze momentarily. Neji gasped. "COOOOLD!" he wailed as smoothie slid down his collar.

"Oh, that lucky smoothie," Abigail smirked. Neji gave her one last glare, though as his composure was already shattered at the moment, this time he couldn't hide the blush. He tore off through the streets to go change.

"HAH! You saw that, right? I embarrassed him gooood," Abigail said victoriously.

Bailey smiled evilly. "Oh yeeeah," she drawled triumphantly. "I embarrassed Sasuke and you embarrassed Neji. We have done what none have done before." They high-fived.

"We must keep a tally," Abigail said. Chibi Abigail whipped out a clipboard and drew a quick t-chart. One section she labeled "Uchiha" and the other, "Hyuuga". She made a careful little checkmark in each column.

"Yo! I embarrassed Sasuke _twice, _remember?" Bailey reminded her. "I demand two checkmarks!"

Chibi Abigail sighed, shot her a competitive look that clearly said she intended on beating Bailey at the "embarrass-they-who-cannot-be-embarrassed" game, and grudgingly made another tick in the Uchiha column. Then the chibi Abigail with the clipboard vanished.

What they had just seen finally hit them.

"That was weird," Bailey said after a short silence.

"Yes, come to think of it, it was."

"I want a chibi self!" Bailey said enviously. "Wahhh!"

"Oi." Someone tapped her on the shoulder. She turned her head. Chibi Bailey waved at her.

"Oh, excellent," Bailey groaned as her chibi self vanished. "I have officially gone insane."

"You were always insane, remember?" Abigail reminded her.

"Yes, but now it's official."

"Nah, you haven't gone insane."

"When you start seeing leprechauns that look like you sitting on your shoulder, yes, you have gone insane!" Bailey yelled.

Abigail looked thoughtful. "Not in anime, I think. Lots of weird things happen in anime and are perfectly normal."

Bailey looked skeptical, but shrugged. "I guess."

"So what should we do now? Go bug Neji some more?"

"Nah. We need something really different to do."

"Hmmm."

They stood motionless for a minute, then Abigail said, "oh good, you have an idea!... Of sorts."

Bailey started. "How do you know?"

"Well, judging by the melting candle that has just appeared over your head." Bailey looked up at the stubby, flickering candle and her eye twitched.

"Isn't that supposed to be a _light bulb?"_

"I don't think you quite qualify for 40 watts yet."

Anger marks ticked up around Bailey's head. "Even my own _ideas _mock me!" she yelled indignantly.

"Goosfraba!" Abigail said quickly. "Deep calming breaths. What's your idea?"

"I forgot," Bailey said grouchily. The candle dropped a bit of wax onto her head, sputtered, and went out.

"Oh dear," Abigail sighed.

"Oh, now I remember!" The candle guttered back to life. "Let's go… to the Sand village!" she exclaimed excitedly.

"The Sand Village?"

"Yeah! I wanna meet Gaara! He looks like a panda!" Bailey squealed, with the n-n face.

Abigail sweatdropped. "Bailey, if you call Gaara Panda-chan or something retarded like that he will kill you."

Bailey's fist punched into the air and she grinned competitively. "HAH! I'd like to see him try!" She bounced around in circles around Abigail. "C'mon Abby, let's go, puh-weeeze? Now that it's all cleared up that they aren't attacking Konoha, we can visit there! Come on come on!"

"You do know that's it's like, ten hours away," Abigail said, deadpanning.

"ROAD TRIP!"

A smile crept across Abigail's face at her irrepressible friend. "Oh well, fine."

"YES!" Bailey glomped Abigail. "You're the best! Aside from Chickenhair-kun and Hentai-sensei and Panda-chan," she added, listing her favourite Naruto characters.

(Camera zooms outwards slowly. Figures of the two girls, starting to walk out of the village, get smaller, their voices floating up.)"I said you'd better not call him Panda-chan! He'll kill you until you're dead for the rest of your life! And then I'll ground you!"

"How come _you _get the mother role? You're _younger _than me."

"I'm more mature."

"(GASP!) You said the M word!"

"Augh! I did! Kill me nowwww!"

Wow, long chapter, ne? Now I think I'll go eat some toast.

Remember to review!


	21. Gaara, alias Pandachan

HELLO! I'm back! Yay! Yay! I'm still, of course, banned (that's why this chapter has taken so long... OHH, the injustice!), but the opportunity to sneak on and update finally arose! And so, here it is!

Disclaimer:I do not own Naruto, Ayumi Hamasaki, Cover Girl, Bonnebelle,or whatever else I may have mentioned in the chapter. But I own Bailey!

Abigail: HAH! You hear that? You _owned! _(makes whipping sound effect)

Bailey: SHUT UP!

Disclaimer: ...and Abigail.

Abigail: nooooooo!

Authors note: Also, to some people who have started expressing that they're waitin' on the romance... (snicker) (snicker) Well, be patient, my little friends, this isn't some big fluffy love story. Geez.

* * *

CHAPTER 21

"Anata wa-a mukashi i-imashita-a, mezemereba makuramoto ni wa-a suteki na-a, PUREZENTO ga o-i-te a-aru yo to, kami o nadenagara-a-a-a-a," Bailey sang in what she thought was a very pretty voice.

Abigail apparently disagreed. "I thought I decreed no singing unless you kept your mouth closed while you did so!" she reminded Bailey, who heaved a sorrowful sigh.

"Abby, you're so mean!" she sniffed, tears streaming down her face anime-style. "I thought it sounded pretty!"

Abigail decided to be nice and not tell Bailey the truth about how she sounded much like a violin string being chewed on by a cat with a spork shoved up its butt. "Sure it sounded pretty, but it ruins the song to be sung without piano accompaniment," she lied through her teeth.

Chibi Bailey appeared out of nowhere, floating on a sheet of piano music and seated at, of course, a chibi piano. She abruptly started to play the intro for Teddy Bear (the song Bailey had been singing).

"That's not fair! My leprechaun has a piano!" Bailey whined, glaring at her miniature self happily traipsing its fingers across the keys. At her angry tone the music slowed down, hit some flat notes and the cute little scene withered and vanished. A dark cloud hung over Bailey's head.

"Dobe, you could have sung along! Right when you had the chance for piano," Abigail said scornfully, shaking her head in disappointment at Bailey's miss of the opportunity.

"I play piano better than my leprechaun does, anyways. She plays it all tinny," Bailey sniffed haughtily.

"It's not a leprechaun, it's a chibi."

"Whatever."

They walked in silence for a while. Every once in a while Bailey would make a small choking, humming noise as she tried to figure out exactly how to sing with her mouth closed. It was quite puzzling.

Finally she spoke up. "By the way."

"Yes?"

"Not to complain or anything…"

More warily: "Yes….?"

"But…"

"No singing."

"… That's not what I was going to say…"

"Well, just so we're clear on that."

"…But I'm thirsty."

"Don't even start with me, Bailey."

"But…"

"Zip it. Ziiiip."

"(siiigh) Yes, Abby."

"Abigail."

After a few more minutes, Bailey spoke up again. "By the way."

"Yes?"

"…Not that this isn't exciting, but…"

More warily: "Yes…?"

"We do have water, don't we?"

"Don't even start with me, Bailey."

"But…"

"We'll get there soon enough."

"This means we don't, doesn't it?"

"Zip it."

"But…"

"Ziiiiip."

"(siiigh) Yes, Abby."

"Abigail."

A few more minutes passed. Bailey cleared her throat. "By the way…"

"Yes?"

"…Not that I don't trust you or anything, but…"

More warily: "Yes…?"

"Are we supposed to be in the middle of a desert?"

"Shut up, Bailey."

"But…"

"Shut up, Bailey."

"(siiigh) Yes, Abby."

"Abigail."

About fifteen minutes later, Bailey couldn't take it anymore.

"Just admit you're lost!" she said, aggravated. "I mean, it's no big deal; it happens to me all the time."

Abigail turned a grief-stricken face to the sky. "Okay, I'm lost!"

"I knew we weren't supposed to be in the middle of a desert," Bailey muttered.

"Baka! We're going to the Hidden Sand Village! Of course we're supposed to be in a—"

"No, but I mean the middle middle of the desert! Like, with no signs saying, 'Sand Village this way' or 'oasis: 2 km'…" Bailey explained, making hand gestures all over to get her point across. When she was upset, she tended to wave her hands about a lot like Captain Jack Sparrow.

"If you mention oases again I shall bite your head off."

Bailey looked puzzled. "But I didn't mention an oases. I don't know what that is. I was talking about oasises."

Abigail's sighed wearily. Chibi Abigail jumped onto her shoulder with a chart and yardstick, which she busily pointed around with as Abigail explained. "The plural form of 'oasis' is not 'oasises', but 'oases'. Just as the plural form of octopus is octopi."

"And 'theory' becomes 'theorii'," Bailey said quickly, nodding with her eyes closed in a self-satisfied way.

Abigail stared at her for a long time. "No."

"Oh."

"So…" Abigail shoved her hands into her pockets; the clothes she had gotten from Ino were a pair of light blue harem-style pants and a black tank top. "Um… what should we do?"

"Hmm." In a drastic situation like this, there was only one obvious answer. Bailey bent down and grabbed a handful of sand. "SAND FIGHT!" She threw it into Abigail's face. She coughed and screeched about her eyes, but quickly retaliated.

---------------

So it was that they were found, alternately laughing hysterically and yelling "owowowowIcan'tseeyouwenchyoublindedme" or both at the same time.

Temari stared for a long time.

The two girls hadn't noticed her yet. "Take THAT pucha!" Abigail had come up behind Bailey, snagged the hem of her pants, and dropped in a handful of sand.

"AUUUGH! It itches!" Bailey started to hop around in a very uncomfortable jig.

"HAH that's what happens when you wear baggy pants!"

"Oh yeah… well… take this!"

"What is… OH MY GOD BAILEY THAT'S A SCORPION! PUT IT DOWN!"

"Well, that was the point, silly."

"PUT IT DOWN—GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"But he's cute…"

Temari decided to take pity on the black-haired girl, who was backing away in horror from the blonde who was apparently intent on throwing the scorpion she held at her. She drew the huge fan from where it was bound to her back, and swept it forcefully in a wide, graceful motion to the side. A thick wall of sand rushed up and swirled out in front of her, assaulting Bailey and Abigail, who coughed and mewled as stinging sand burned into their eyes. "What are you two dipshits doing?" Temari asked coldly, stepping forward.

Bailey dropped her scorpion and Abigail's hand fell limp, sand trickling out between the fingers.

"CIVILIZATION!" Both of them yelled in relief. They scurried forward and dropped to their knees in front of Temari. "Thank you, thank you for finding us, thank you…" they started bowing.

Temari raised her eyebrows. "Who the hell are you?"

Abigail looked up at Temari and shook her head slowly, "tsk tsk"ing. "Foul mouth, bad girl, bad bad girl," she said solemnly.

Bailey chipped in. "Didn't your mommy teach you not to swear," she reprimanded.

"Sure she did. Before she died," Temari hissed, leaning down towards them with a dangerous look on her voice.

"I like your fan…" Abigail said dreamily, not paying any attention to the hostile looks on the older girl's face. "Can I touch it?"

"No!" Temari squawked, jerking away before Abigail could poke at the fan. Abigail dropped her head sadly, disappointed. "Who are you two, anyways?" Temari asked, looking incredulous about how two totally incompetent-appearing little girls were alive in the desert.

They both leapt to their feet. "Bailey Vernes, at your service!" Bailey shouted, striking a pose remarkably similar to Gai and Lee's. The background went flashy and showy. Abigail appeared beside her with a different pose, which contained a snobby look over one shoulder and a hand flopping girlishly from the wrist. "You may call me Abigail Wilson, peasant." The background behind her was colourful and flowery.

"'Peasant'?" Temari remarked, raising an eyebrow. "Are you trying to start a fight?"

"Umm, not really." Abigail looked around shiftily.

"Oh me! Pick me! I am! I am!" Bailey volunteered. When Temari looked at her, she withered a bit. "I mean… well, depends on how strong you are…" she added quickly.

Temari shook her head wearily. "And what are you two morons doing out here?"

"We're assassins sent to kill everyone in the Hidden Sand Village. Could you tell us where it is?" Bailey said with a straight face.

"Too bad for you I know that's not true," Temari said. "Also too bad for you I intend to know what the answer really is. And I will get it." She fingered her fan menacingly.

"We're just trying to find the Sand Village for fun," Abigail said quickly. Temari eyed them suspiciously.

"Where are you from?"

"Konoha."

"Mmm." Temari regarded them. "For fun?" she repeated dubiously.

"Also for mindless slaughter of the elders and corruption of its youth! BUAHHAAHAAHAH," cackled Bailey, refusing to let go of her "assassin" cover.

"And sushi!" Abigail chipped in, though sushi wasn't exactly a renowned desert food.

Temari smirked. "Fine."

"You'll lead us?" they asked hopefully. "Thank—"

"Oh no no nooo," Temari crooned, her smirk growing wider. "Did I say that? No… I have a better idea." She suddenly had her fan up in her hands. "AIR EXPRESS!" she yelled, and swirled around, creating a very huge, very strong current of air. Bailey and Abigail shrieked as they were buffeted up, up, and away.

Gaara was walking the sandy streets nonchalantly, when he heard a faint sound. He paused and listened. It was a very quiet "aaaaahhhhh", but as he stood listening, it suddenly started growing louder very, very quickly… "aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Before he could react, a sudden large shadow had loomed over him, and as he turned…

The sand from his gourd, of course, sprang to life and created a solid barrier above him before the things falling from the sky could hit him. They bounced off the sand and toppled to the ground.

"Oww," groaned Abigail, slowly staggering to her feet and spitting out sand. Bailey got up unsteadily, rubbing her eyes. She looked up and saw Gaara staring at them with a "wtf?" expression, while his sand swirled back into the gourd on his back.

"PANDA-CHAN!" she screamed, forgetting everything Abigail had warned her about. She dove forward with a maniacal glint in her eye, apparently intent on glomping him, but the sand slammed her out of the way. " 'Panda-chan?'" Gaara repeated quietly, not even apologizing for his sand's rudeness, his eyes narrowing in confusion. Bailey wasn't listening. "Owiiee," she sniveled, getting to her feet once again, only to have Abigail wallop her upside the head. She screeched again. "What was that for!" she yelled angrily.

"I told you not to call him Panda-chan!" Abigail yelled. There was a split second of silence, and then Abigail squealed. "He's a raccoon!" she corrected with a huge smile, her eyes squinting shut like Kakashi's. "AWWWW KAWAII!"

"What?" Gaara snapped as his sand battled madly against Abigail, who was charging at him from all directions, singing, "waccoon waccoon wacky wacky wackoon," and Bailey got up slowly once again.

Bailey sighed. "Don't mind her. She's delusional. I mean, clearly you are a panda, but she thinks otherwise." She shrugged apologetically.

Gaara glared at both of them. He made a gesture and the sand scooped up Abigail mid-rush and threw her at Bailey. They both fell over again. "I am not a panda or a raccoon. You're both annoying brats. Shut up or"

"Wait for it, waiiit for iiiit," Abigail and Bailey said simultaneously.

"I'll kill you," Gaara finished, and paused suddenly to add "wait for what?"

"Your catch phrase, of course," Abigail said. "I mean, you'd think you'd come up with something slightly more original, or at least something with flair, but…"

Gaara clued on that she was making fun of him. He raised his hand. "Desert coffin!" he yelled. Abigail screamed as sand swirled up around her.

"No, no, I was kidding; I'll leave you alone!" she protested frantically. "NO PLEASE," she gasped as the sand zoomed in towards her and took her in its grasp. Gaara watched, emotionless. "I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIEEEEE," she wailed, struggling uselessly.

The sand constricted. An ear-splitting shriek tore through the air.

----INTERMISSION----

(All readers:…. What…? Me: (peaceful smile))

Yes, that does say intermission. This is where you imagine some catchy music and refreshments being passed around. And you can all discuss in horrified voices what just happened, and voice your personal opinions on it amongst yourselves. Gaara killed Abigail! OMG! Yes, I know it's shocking, but I had to end the story somehow, right? I'm thinking when they die in the Naruto world, they end up back in their original world. So it works pretty well.

The refreshments are good, ne? I especially like the little cakes.

Anyways, sorry if I'm ending the story too quickly. And in such a way! (tragic look) Well, I had to put some tragedy in there somehow. I still have to get Bailey killed too, but that'll be easy. So, hopefully I get lots and lots of reviews on my last chapter!

Well, back to the story, if you want to finish…

(Catchy music dies down. Refreshments are withdrawn back to the kitchen where I can scrounge from the leftovers.)

----story resumes----

Gaara lay curled up on the ground, clutching his head. The sand exploded off Abigail to whip around and clobber Bailey out of the way, but not before she had managed to kick Gaara one more time.

"Whoa, that was pretty scary," Abigail remarked, blinking and brushing sand from her clothes. Bailey, landing on the ground next to her, was laughing hysterically.

"Did you hear that shriek? He screams like a girl!"

----let's pause this scene for a second----

(A/N: HAHAHAHAH! I gotcha, didn't I? Did you actually think Abigail was killed? MUAHAHAAH oohhhh the horrified looks on your faces! Not that I saw them, but I'm sure they were there! PRICELESS! Anyways! Not to worry! This story is FAR from over!)

----time resumes it's natural speed…----

Gaara got up to his feet, looking very, very angry now. Bailey's smile faded and she gave him a deathly glare. "Don't you dare try killing my friend," she spat.

Abigail, having regained her composure in the blink of an eye, huffed. "I didn't need your help anyways; I had it allll under control," she said snobbily. "Like a wimpy jutsu like that could kill me. Geez."

"Well, nevertheless, if anyone gets to kill you, it's me. So don't even try something like that again, Mr. Panda. If you're a bad panda we'll have to put you in a zoo." Bailey shook an admonishing finger at the furious Gaara.

"I'll kill you!" Gaara yelled, his eye twitching. Unfortunately the intimidating effect was ruined by both the girls mimicking him at the exact same time in low, over-dramatic tones.

"See? So predictable," Abigail pointed out. She turned to Bailey. "By the way, since he will most likely try killing us again, what did you do to him?"

"Well, the sand was all occupied trying to snuff you out, so it was too late in trying to fend me off. So I performed…" she lowered her voice menacingly and, out of nowhere, suddenly had a flashlight that she shone upwards on her face, "the GLOMP OF DOOM! MUAHAHAAHAHAHAHAA!"

The other two stared numbly. Bailey went back to normal in a split second. "And then he fell over screaming girlishly."

Abigail looked over at Gaara. "What's the glomp of doom like?"

Gaara suppressed a shudder. "Horrible," he said with a haunted look. Bailey grinned.

"Damn rights. That's why you don't mess with me or my buddy."

"Incidentally," Abigail mused, "where did the flashlight come from?"

Bailey looked surprised. "I have no idea." Her face darkened and she looked arond shiftily. "If it has something to do with that horrid little leprechaun..."

"Why do you hate your chibi so much?" Abigail asked, as chibi Bailey appeared with the classic T-T crying face. Bailey stuck her lower lip out and mumbled something. "What was that?" Abigail pressed. Bailey changed the topic quickly by pointing out, "Gaara's getting away!"

"Noooo! Raccoon!" Abigail howled, leaping for Gaara in slow-mo. He stepped aside. Abigail landed on the ground with a crash that shook the nearby buildings.

"Baka," Gaara hissed, and continued walking away.

"He thinks he can shake us off that easily. Hah! He is mistaken. Get up, fat-lard," Bailey chuntered, pulling Abigail to her feet without waiting for her consent and procceeding to drag her along as sheslunk after Gaara.

"Did you say he thinks he can shake it?" Abigail asked in amazement. Her head whipped around to stare at Gaara. She didn't want to miss this.

Bailey's eyes snapped open. _"What?"_

"I wouldn't think he's that kind of person, but hey! That would be a sight to see!"

"What in the name of pantyhose are you talking about?"

"Didn't you say something about Gaara 'shaking it'?"

There was a very loud silence.

"Ex_cuse _me?" Bailey finally asked. "Can't say I did, no!"

"Oh." Abigail was faintly disappointed. It would have been quite amusing.

They continued to stalk after Gaara, and then Bailey nudged Abigail. "It would be funny, wouldn't it?"

"What would?"

"What do you _think_, numbskull?"

Abigail racked her brains to remember what they had been talking about, then a lightbulb appeared above her head. "Oh, right! Oh... ohhhhhh, yes," she cackled.

They both laughed like stuffed animals, picturing it.

"But unfortunately, he doesn't quite have that kind of walk," Abigail said eventually, watching Gaara ahead of them walk along.

"No, not really. He kind of trudges. But with a military aspect."

"A military trudge? How is that possible?"

"I don't know. But you know what I mean! It's kind of like..." she tried to imitate Gaara's walk. Abigail watched skeptically.

"I guesss... yeah, sort of. Like Kakashi's, kind of. Only Kakashi shuffles his feet more." Abigail mimed having her face buried in a book and shuffled along. Bailey laughed.

"And then, of course, there's Naruto's walk." She clasped her hands to the back of her head, puffed her chest out, and marched along with her legs straight, swinging them up in the air in an exaggerated motion.

"And Lee!" Abigail punched a fist in the air and strutted along like Lee.

"And Sakura," Bailey said scornfully, mimicking Sakura clasping her hands behind her back and slinking along.

"And Sasuke! Oh! Check it out." Abigail thrust her hands deep into her pockets and executed a very exaggerated Sasuke stance. Shoulders back, chin down, hips out. She slouched forward.

"Not even!" Bailey yelped, her eye twitching. Abigail burst into laughter.

"Even!"

"No! Sasuke does _not _sway his _hips!" _

It was at that moment that Gaara decided to turn around and demand, _"Why _are you _following _me?" in a very irritated tone (he had known they were behind him all along, what with them being not too sneaky). Abigail hurriedly went back to her normal stance.

They stared at Gaara.

He stared back at them, feeling a bit freaked out when neither of them moved or said anything. Or even blinked.

"What?" he snapped.

Silence.

He turned and started walking. Behind him, he heard _shuffle shuffle shuffle. _He whipped around and Bailey and Abigail screeched to a halt, looking statuesque and like they hadn't moved, except for the fact that they were a few feet away from where they had last stood. Gaara turned slowly and took a tentative step forward, then spun around. Neither of them moved. He walked a few more steps. They pranced after him, standing still and staring at him with bug-eyes when he turned again. This proceded for a while, much like how Konohamaru's gang pursued Naruto around Konoha. Finally Gaara broke into a run. _Shuffle shuffle shlup shlup shlup _announced that they were following. He halted abruptly and spun, ready to yell at them, and they bowled into him, or rather, the wall of sand that sprang up to protect him.

"What is your problem!" Gaara yelled as the sand subsided and the two girls were standing like stunned rabbits again, unsmiling and apparently fascinated by his nose, or some point on his face that they were staring at.

"Panda-chan," Bailey spoke up finally, in a dreamy voice like a little kid. "Why does your eyeliner never smudge?"

"_What?" _

Bailey snapped back to her normal self in a split-second. It was rather alarming. "Well, I looked _everywhere _for eyeliner as good as that, and they were all like, 'unstoppable!' and 'waterproof!' and 'smudgeproof!' and I was like yesssss!and I tried them and it looked all cool and I was like yessss! but then half an hour later it was like bleaaaaaah" (she pulled the lower lids of her eyes down and made a disgusting face) "and I was like noooo! but yours like never smudges or smears or makes you look like a frumpy trailer-court housewife not even after a battle and so I need to know where on earth you buy it, I mean, is it Bonnebelle or Cover Girl or what and I am very jealous and it's not fair!" She said all this in one breath, took a huge gasp at the end, and fainted.

Abigail stared for a minute at her unconscious friend. "Uhh..." she jerked a thumb towards her. "What she said."

"I couldn't even understand what the moron was gibbering," Gaara snapped.

"She was talking about your eyeliner, of course! The coolest part of you. Let me see... analysis. Is it actual eyeliner, or some horrible disfiguration of the face?" Abigail's finger came out of nowhere. Even the sand was too slow to catch it. The next second Gaara was clutching his eye and screaming.

"AUUUGH! _That was my eye! What are you doing, you crazy --" _Gaara uttered some foul swear words that do not bear repeating.

"Oops, I missed.I was trying to wipe some eyeliner off, that's all... bad hand-eye coordination, y'know..." Abigailexplained apologetically.

---------------

(Camera swings slowly across screen to show vast landscape of sand, sand, sand, sand, etc., and, above that, sky, sky, sky, sky, you get the picture. It is dark. And scary. Wait! Camera passes over small object visible in distance, and then swings back. It is a bonfire. Camera zooms in.)

Bailey and Abigail hunched around the fire. Bailey seemed quite cheery, singing campfire songs under her breath, catching mosquitoes, painstakingly tying a hair plucked from her own head, or preferably, Abigail's, around them and dangling in the fire while laughing maniacally; you know, the usual stuff. Abigail didn't look too thrilled with the world in general. She was huddled up glaring at the night sky. Eventually Bailey spoke up over the crackling of the fire.

"Ah, what a nice cheery little fire."

"It would be nicer if you hadn't used my pants as fire-starter," Abigail snarled. (It is only then that the camera swivels down and you see that she has her knees pulled up to her chin to hide her bare legs. This would explain why she doesn't look too impressed.)

"Well,the wood wasn't catching on fire!"

"You could have used your _own _clothes!"

"But I'm wearing them," Bailey pointed out, in the tone of voice that an adult uses when having to explain the most obvious matters to a slightly dim child for the thirtieth time. "Anyways, I only tried to tear a little piece off. How was I to know the whole things would rip right off?"

Abigail knew it was no use trying to get her dense friend to understand. She muttered angrily under her breath.

"Besides," Bailey added, "we wouldn't _need_a fire to prevent death by frozenessation if you hadn't made us leave right away. If we had stayed in the village overnight we could have left in the morning, but noooo, now we're caught in the desert in the middle of the night."

"We couldn't have stayed in the village overnight! If we hadn't run away right then we would have been killed gruesomely!"

"Oh, exaggerations, exaggerations," Bailey sniffed haughtily.

"I'm not exaggerating, you retard! You quite clearly saw him transforming into the Shukaku!"

"I quite clearly saw him transforming into a big, fuzzy panda!" Bailey hugged herself and squealed. Abigail sweatdropped.

"Anyways, it's nothing the Glomp of Doom couldn't have handled," Bailey said airily.

"Riiiiiight. Ow!"

Bailey had pinched another hair from Abigail's head. She fastened it in a tiny noose around a mosquito, which was still alive. She watched in fascination as it zoomed around, tethered by its leash. "Heigh ho, silva!" she whooped as the insect spun in dizzy little circles.

Abigail looked at the mosquito with supreme distate. She hated insects. "Hey, hey, gimme," she said, snatching the hair from Bailey's hand. She flicked the mosquito with a finger to stun it, and held it over the fire. "Muahahaha!" she cackled, as Bailey said "hey!" indignantly. This was _her _game. "Roasty roasty, skeeter gets toasty," Abigail chanted evilly.

"Ewwwww," Bailey said enthusiastically. She set to trying to catch more insects attracted to the light of the fire. It wasn't going to be such a boring night after all.

(Camera fades slowly out.)

* * *

(continued disclaimer): I also own Abigail's mosquito-killing chant, and I'm proud of it! (made it on the spur of the moment) 

A little end note: It iswith great sorrow (and ANGER!) that I tell you this... I had started writing a big huge chapter dedicated solely to writing little notes for each and every one of my reviewers, like every one who reviewed at least once since the whole story started (even the flamers), and I was more than halfway through, and was saving it, when my computer froze. And glitched. And erased it all. NOOOOOO! Really, I kid you not. I hope you don't mind that I'm not about to write the whole damn thing over again, but I wanted to tell you that so you know how much I appreciate you all! (I have a witness; if you don't believe me, PM snuggles-n-hugs and ask. She was there whenI was writing it.) So, thank you to all my reviewers in general, if I can't give you each a private message. You mean the world to me!

...Plus I'm kissing up so you'll give me good reviews.

Bye!


	22. Bailey plus Sasuke equals,,Palm Reading?

Hellooooo, my pets! I got over my writer's block! Eyyyosh! (Thanks largely to "Reiko And Sai Rhymes With Pie In Your Eye", which I hadn't read for a long time and then suddenly remembered to. Anywhom. It inspired me, so thank you to ghostioanddaigona!)

Answering a rather snarky reviewI received for chapter 20 (shakes head sadly... some people.)... no, I do not own Captain Jack Sparrow either; if I did... MUAHAHAH! Well, more's the pity. But yeah, you just HAD to point out the one thing I didn't disclaim, didn't you?

Sooooo, this chapter is pretty much mostly dialogue, but I like it. Hope you do too! BYEEEEEEEEEEE MY MINIONS!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, the Cheshire Cat, Charles Dickens, or ANYTHING ELSE I may have mentioned in passing in this chapter. (To appease smart alecs. Haha)

* * *

CHAPTER 22

"Yesterday morning, you say?"

"Well, that's when I left, and I didn't return home until the evening. So they could have left at any point in the day."

"Hmm." Kakashi scratched the back of his head, as he tended to do when distressed, nervous, anxious, embarrassed, or actually, now that I mention it, pretty much any time. I suspect lice. But that's off topic. Anyways. "You're sure they didn't leave a note, then? Or mention anything?"

"What, you mean assuming that they can write?" Sasuke said nastily. He was in a rather bad mood, which of course isn't unusual.

Sakura spoke up, anxious to put the theory that had been developing behind her enormous forehead to use. "Well, they said that they're from a different place, right? And they appeared here pretty suddenly and without warning… so maybe they went back, just as impulsively." There was no mistaking the hopeful note in her voice.

"That's so rude, though!" Naruto exclaimed indignantly.

Sasuke stayed silent. Right now he was not feeling very friendly towards Sakura.

"Really though," Naruto went on. "They just barge into Konoha and act completely… themselves… and then leave. Without even saying goodbye. How hard could it be to leave a note? I hate people like that! They may not have known it, but they left an impact—"

"Right, yeah. Okay," Kakashi interrupted quickly, before Naruto started crying and the custom sad-parting music started playing, as so frequently happens. (I.e. Inari, etc.) "Still, we shouldn't jump to conclusions too quickly; with these two it's quite likely that they're just hiding somewhere. So before we notify the Hokage or make a big deal of this, we should all just split up and look for them for a bit."

"I'll be on your team, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura yelped before Kakashi had even finished talking.

"Um…I said _split up_, Sakura."

"Okay. So Sasuke-kun… me and you?"

Kakashi sweatdropped. She wasn't listening at all. "Sakura!" he said loudly. "I said _split up!"_

It finally seemed to hit her. "Oh." She gave him a cross look. "Well, why didn't you say so right away?"

Very deliberately, Kakashi chose to say nothing about this. "Alright, let's go."

They all wandered off in different directions, though Sasuke saw Sakura trailing deliberately close behind him out of the corner of his eye. In a burst of aggravated lash-out, he spun around and doubled back to go in a totally different direction; he knew she wouldn't be able to follow him that way without being completely conspicuous. Unfortunately, as he turned down another alley, he ran straight into Ino, his number two stalker-fangirl, along with two girls he didn't know the names of. Before he could turn and flee, he was viciously glomped.

"Why, _Sasuke-kun_!" Ino shrilled, arms latched tightly around his neck. "What are you doing here?"

"Get off, Ino!" he shook himself free of her stranglehold. "Have you seen Abigail and Bailey?"

"Who?" All three of them were gazing at him with heart-shaped eyes.

"Bailey and Abigail, you know. The new girls."

"Who?"

Sasuke sighed and turned. The girls snapped out of their reverie. _"He's getting away!" _sounded behind him and he took that as his cue to run like hell.

Five minutes later, he was pretty sure he'd lost them. He tensed, ready to run again, when a girl suddenly turned the corner in front of him and started walking towards him, but he relaxed when he saw it was only Bailey.

"Heya. Watcha doing?" she asked.

"Looking for those two morons Abigail and Bailey," he muttered.

"Oh yeah. How come?"

"They disappeared yesterday and…" Who he was talking to suddenly hit Sasuke. He whirled around to face Bailey, who was grinning like a Cheshire Cat. "Bailey!"

"Yes, sir!" she announced proudly.

"What the—where were you?"

Bailey blinked, looking blank. "When?"

"Since yesterday, whenever you disappeared!"

"Technically, we didn't _disappear… _I don't think that's even possible. We went to the Hidden Sand Village!" she announced proudly.

"_What?"_

"Yup! We got to see Gaara and he even displayed his Shukaku form thingy for us! I think we made a good impression!"

"_WHAT?" _Sasuke gagged on his words. "Sand Village… Shukaku…?" He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. "What is the _matter _with you people?"

Bailey blinked at him, stunned. "Please don't resort to violence. Geez. We just went on a little road trip. What's the big deal?"

"You didn't tell anyone; you're both… inexperienced… you just had everyone worried," Sasuke muttered.

"Really?" Bailey looked thrilled. Sasuke's eye twitched.

"_It's not something to be proud of_!"

"Of course it is! It means people care about us! Whee! By the way, your hands are on my shoulders. That is sexual harassment, you know."

Sasuke turned bright red at her blatant comment. Before he could yank his hands away, though, a look of dawn brightened up Bailey's face. "Oh wait! I get it!" She slipped her hands around his waist, not seeming to care that she was in the man's position and Sasuke in the woman's. (A/N: Though _I _personally find it pretty damn funny! Hah! OH! What a blow to Sasuke's ego! Guess who ain't gonna be on top! AHAHAHA! Sorry, I know I shouldn't have said something like that. But I couldn't resist.) "This is where we exchange top secret governmental issues concerning the downfall of this planet and much death and destruction, but to passersby we would look like an innocent couple." Her voice leaned in closer to his ear. "I saw it on The Matrix," she whispered confidentially.

Sasuke jerked free. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Hey! Well, _that's _not inconspicuous. Now the enemy spies will be all over us." Bailey sighed.

"I wasn't disclosing any 'top secret governmental issues,' you dobe," Sasuke said, rolling his eyes slightly.

"What? So it _was _sexual harassment!" Bailey gave him a scandalized look.

"You're so stupid. It was just because I'd been shaking you by the shoulders and then I forgot."

"Mhmm." Bailey gave him an "I-think-we-both-know-better" look. "You _know _you enjoyed it."

"You wish!"

"Is that why you're blushing…­_Sasuke-kun?" _For once her voice wasn't taunting. Rather, it was completely, very artificially innocent.

Sasuke couldn't even meet her eyes now. Part of him was fuming, and yet… part of him was burning with the strange feeling he had experienced yesterday morning when she'd grabbed his arm. He knew what it was, he hated himself for it, and yet he couldn't deny it to himself any more. Bailey was… important to him, more so than he'd ever wanted anyone to be again, for fear that they would only be taken from him again. He gritted his teeth and tried to reason with himself. It was ridiculous! She was as completely daft, loud-mouthed, and annoyingly irrepressible as Naruto; what was there to like?

And yet… wasn't Naruto his best friend?

He glanced up. Bailey was looking at him quizzically, her head tilted slightly to one side. He looked away again quickly, trying to open his mouth to tell her. Tell her he was thankful... thankful for someone who could always cheer him up; though constant cheeriness pissed him off to no end in the present; in the long run, though he hated to admit it, it always eased his anger slightly. Tell her that it was impossible to stay selfishly morose when she was around, and he felt grateful for her—along with Abigail and Naruto—for making him realize this. Tell her that he wished he could be like her, happy and carefree. Tell her that, even though it was impossible for him to be completely happy until he'd had revenge, she had helped him realize that there was more to live for, as well. Tell her that he wished she could teach him… that he would be willing to learn.

But of course he didn't, couldn't. He just reached out and took her hand.

---------------

"Damn you, Bailey!" Abigail stumbled through the streets in a barrel with the bottom kicked out. Bailey had promised she wouldn't take long in bringing her some clothes, but either she had gotten lost, distracted, or simply forgotten (all very likely); for she hadn't returned yet and it was fifteen minutes later.

Everyone in the streets stared as Abigail stomped in the direction of the Uchiha house, quite a sight to see holding a big barrel up to her waist, yelling curses at the empty sky. The Hokage, walking by, saw her, rubbed his eyes a few times, and decided he'd better put his pipe away for the rest of the day.

Finally Abigail reached the house, slammed the door open, wormed out of the barrel, and started stomping to her room.

"Bailey, are you in here?" she yelled as she went. "Because I swear I will skin you alive—oof!" Entering her—or rather, Itachi's—room, she had walked straight into someone as they were coming out. She stumbled back with a muttered "fatso!" and looked up to see who she had bowled into.

The dark eyes of Uchiha Itachi locked in an astonished stare with a pair of blue ones. There was a very long silence. It was when Itachi's gaze flicked downwards in a vaguely confused expression at Abigail in her underpants that she finally reacted.

_"**PERVERT!" **_she screamed, and WHAM! Out of nowhere a fist connected with the side of Itachi's face. He went sailing sideways across the room. Slightly dazed, he didn't even react as she said huffily, "I'm going to go change!" and slammed the door to his room behind her, locking him out.

A few seconds later she emerged in cargo pants and a black shirt, indignation forgotten. "Hey," she remarked brightly. "Did you know Itachi means 'weasel'?" She gave Itachi a pitying look. "Now why would someone name their kid weasel? Isn't that cruel? I think I can see the real reason you hated your family. I mean, _'weasel'…"_

Itachi glowered at her. "I don't know who you are, but I don't really care. I'm not even going to bother wasting time on you." He turned to leave. Abigail trailed after him, talking.

"And you know what's weird? The word "watashitachi". It's like… "watashi" means "I" and 'itachi' means weasel… so is 'watashitachi' like saying 'I, weasel'? Or maybe 'me and the weasels?'" She tapped her lower lip. "Weird."

Itachi's eye twitched vaguely. Abigail burbled on, oblivious. "I like your cape! It's all swirly and PRETTY!"

"_Pretty?" _

Abigail jumped and latched onto the edge of his cape, snuggling her cheek against it. "And silky," she crooned with a little smile.

Itachi whirled around and there was a "dsh!" sound effect; Abigail was suddenly the one flying across the room.

"OW! You _kicked _me!" she wailed from where she had hit the wall, in a "how-could-anyone-be-so-mean" voice.

"I'll do worse if you don't leave me alone," Itachi threatened.

"Oh, is that so?" Abigail leapt to her feet and started walking menacingly towards him. "I wouldn't try threatening me if I were you; I am an all-powerful kami-sama and you had better RESPECT me!"

"Ah, an all-powerful god, is it? Oh dear me, how lowly I am in your presence." Itachi taunted. "Tell me… can gods die? I think we're about to figure out." He started to position his hands into a seal.

"Don't believe me, do you?" Abigail responded calmly. "Then how would I know this… your middle name is Ounezumi!"

This wasn't true, but it at least stopped Itachi mid-hand seal. "_Rat?" _he bellowed. "My middle name is _NOT _'Rat'!"

Abigail choked hysterically on her laughter. Itachi's eyes narrowed. Seeing him start another hand seal, Abigail suddenly realized this was her cue to run away. She squealed and pattered away into his room, slamming the door behind her again. _"Times!" _she yelled through the door.

Being rude as he was, Itachi took no consideration of the rules and instead kicked the door in. Abigail grinned nervously and waved from the far wall. "Ehe… honest, I am a God; you'd better not hurt me," she tried again. _Why do people keep trying to kill me? _she thought grumpily. _Bailey's a helluva lot more annoying than me and no one's Desert Coffining and Creepy Bad Guy Killing her all over the place…._

"Or course you are," Itachi remarked sarcastically. "Tell me, Kami-sama, how would you prefer to die? Slowly and painfully, or shall I be quick and merciful?"

Abigail shrugged. "Oh, doesn't matter either way, just so long as it's stylish. With a big bang, y'know? Maybe purple smoke and something glittery?"

Itachi stared.

"Oh come on, it can't be too hard to manage," she said, rolling her eyes. "Look, I'll give you a demonstration!" Right as she said that, she realized she didn't know any jutsus with purple smoke or glitters, so she improvised and threw a smoke bomb. In the puffs of smoke billowing everywhere, she quickly hid in the closet and waited for it to clear.

There was a dead silence when the air cleared. "What the…" muttered Itachi condescendingly. "What an idiot."

"HEY!" Abigail yelled indignantly, forgetting that she was hiding.

There was another silence, and then the closet door was whipped open. Itachi looked pissed. "Are you _honestly _this incompetent, or are you making it up?"

"How could I be incompetent," Abigail huffed, shoving past him out of the closet. "I _told _you I'm a _God. _If you're nice to me I'll let you be my little sidekick," she added generously.

Itachi was having second thoughts about picking a fight, actually. He had never met anyone this careless and taunting around him; it wasn't normal. He suspected that the girl must have extreme power or something; _no one _could be stupid enough to be so blatantly fearless unless they were confident in their abilities.

Abigail suddenly spoke up. "I have a mosquito bite on my big toe. Wanna see?"

Itachi sweatdropped. Or could they?

A foot was suddenly waved in his face. "See? See? It's really bloody because I gouged a hole in it to drain out the itchiness."

Itachi grabbed the foot and yanked. Abigail crashed to the floor. "That's nice," he told her coldly. "Now, fascinating though this encounter has been, I shall take my leave."

"Ooers, I'll come!" Abigail volunteered enthusiastically, bouncing back up to her feet. "Can I try on your cloak? Or wait… you're wearing something under there, aren't you?" She eyed him apprehensively as if expecting him to strip right then and there.

Itachi's eye twitched madly. Before he could open his mouth to yell at her, Abigail was suddenly peering closely at his face. "Is there something in your eye?" she asked, frowning.

This had gone on for long enough. Itachi shoved her away and started to leave, for about the fourth time. He had to finish what he had come here to accomplish in the first place: find the Jinchuuriki Naruto. He already regretted stepping foot into his old house (memory's sake) when it resulted in a most-likely very dangerous ninja undercover as an incompetent girl clinging to him like a wet rag. For that matter, he wondered why she was staying in the house in the first place. Surely Sasuke hadn't sold it. Or perhaps… my oh my, what kind of person _had _Sasuke turned into?

Still mulling over this, he disappeared in a swirl of cape, and Abigail was left gaping at the empty space where he had been. "Hey!" she protested. "That was rude," she muttered. Well, he obviously wasn't as good a ninja as he was so hyped up to be. Couldn't even produce purple smoke or glittery things when he disappeared.

---------------

Bailey stared down at Sasuke's hand clasped around hers. The gears clicked through her brain, occasionally getting stuck due to rust. She blinked a couple times and finally with a faint "ka-ching!", said metaphorical gears pulled a trolley which sprang a button which pulled a lever which, in turn, provided power for a small conclusion to spring to life.

Bailey sighed and looked up at Sasuke in exasperation. "Look, Sasuke, I'm not really into hand-reading; if you really want to practice I'm sure Sakura wouldn't mind."

Sasuke gaped. She _still _wasn't getting it? "But—" he started.

"Really, I'm sorry," Bailey apologized. "But you know, I really don't believe all that karma and 'let's-mess-around-with-tarot-cards' and horoscopes stuff. I used to, but then I took a course in palm reading and it gave me all these guides as to, you know, how to read each line and whatnot, but then I tried on myself and it turns out I have no life-line! Honestly! So apparently I should be dead, which I think I can be quite confident in saying I am not, so you know, ever since then I've never really be—"

"Idiot!" Sasuke told her. "Oh, forget it." He let go of her hand. A horrible feeling was sinking in. What if she was merely pretending to be dense like this to avoid having to tell him right out that she was _rejecting _him? Him! Uchiha Sasuke! It was unthinkable.

(Camera zooms out and swivels a bit so comes into view three girls who happen to be watching, peering over a fence.) Ino and her two friends were too far to hear what had been said, but they had all clearly seen him take her hand. For a good minute they were rooted to the spot in shock. Then one of them let out a heart-rending wail and tore off down the street, unable to take it any longer. The other, her sister, followed suite, howling. Ino was numbed with shock. She took a stumbling step backwards before coming to her senses and following. She ran blindly through some streets, before slamming straight into someone, who yelped.

"Watch it, Ino Pig!" a familiar voice snapped. "Your potbelly nearly bowled me over!"

Ino grabbed Sakura by the shoulders and shook her like a rag doll. "SASUKE-KUN LIKES BAILEY!" She emphasized her statement with a loud wail.

"What? WHAT?" Sakura yelled, alarmed. Her forehead seemed to grow in her anger until pretty much anyone would see from the distance was the glare off it. She yanked herself away from Ino's grasp and stared at her rival in disbelief. "How could… how do you… _what?"_

Ino was frothing at the mouth slightly like a rabid dog. "He… I saw… his arms… shoulders… hands…"

Sakura frowned. Was this an education on various body parts? Oh dear. Sasuke in the same chapter as body parts, left to mulch over in Ino's brain? That didn't bode well. (…That was for _her _imagination only! Ahaha. Just kidding. Maybe. Well, I wouldn't know. You'd have to ask Sakura, that sick little girl.) "What are you babbling about?"

Ino's eyes came slightly back into focus enough to assume a furious look. "What do you say we stop being rivals long enough to spread the word? That girl will pay for this. How dare she just march in here and steal _my _Sasuke-kun?"

A vein throbbed somewhere in the enormous vicinity of Sakura's forehead. "_MY Sasuke-kun!" _she snapped.

Ino was wise enough to not let themselves start to fight when there were bigger problems at hand. "_Our _Sasuke-kun," she improvised.

Sakura thought about this for a minute and then reluctantly shrugged assent. "Let's go."

Arm-in-arm, they marched away like a pair of pompous geese.

(A/N: Not sure how "pompous geese" came to mind, but it seemed somehow fitting.)

---------------

Bailey skipped home. Well, not home, seeing as her home was somewhere a couple universes away, but to her temporary home in the anime world. Sasuke had for some reason seemed even quieter and more sullen than usual after calling her an idiot about ten more times in between muttering to himself and scuffing the ground with his sandal, so she had decided to be considerate and leave him to his PMSing or whatever.

"Dun dun dun, ohhhhh ooooohhh," she sang to herself as she skipped through the streets. Surprisingly enough, she managed to find her way in only about 15 minutes, a new record. (For the average person, it would take about three.)

"Honey, I'm ho-oooome!" she yelled, smashing the door open to the Uchiha household. Silence greeted her. "Why hello, silence," she greeted it back.

"Hellooooo, my pretty," a raspy voice whispered in her ear.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHHHHH!" Bailey screeched at a unit of about 490 decibels. Abigail toppled over, clutching her ears and her eyes going all swirly.

"MY EARDRUMS HAVE IMPLODED! OH GOD! OH GOD!" she screamed, rolling back and forth on the floor. "WAAHHAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Bailey poked a finger to her lower lip in her custom "I made a booboo, didn't I," style. "Oopsie. Did I hurt your ears?" she asked brilliantly.

Tears leaked out from the corners of Abigail's eyes. "Just because _you're _freaking deaf doesn't mean everyone else is immune to your inhumane loudness!" she wailed accusingly.

Bailey's lip quivered as she stared down at her friend. She let out a loud sob. "I hurted my Abby! Uwaaah!" She flung herself down onto the floor and wrapped her arms around Abigail's neck, burying her face in her shoulder and wailing loudly. "I sowie, I sowie!"

"Okay, okay, get off, you lesbo," Abigail said, shoving her away and leaping back up to her feet. Bailey sat on the floor and blinked up at her with watery eyes.

"Is Bailey forgiven?" she asked in a small voice.

Abigail realized this was one of those moments to take advantage of. "Hmm…" she mused. "Maybe… if…" A light bulb went on above her head. "Heyyyy… you must join me in a shmall quesht, my little fiend, I mean, friend."

"Okay!" Bailey leapt up enthusiastically. "What is it?" she asked eagerly.

"Well, you see, I met Itachi not too long ago, but he was rude and left without staying for tea, so now the Amazing Duo has a New Quest! We must find Itachi!" She squealed.

Bailey stared in amazement. "You. Met. _Itachi?" _she choked.

"Mhmm!" Abigail nodded proudly. "Jealous, aren't you?"

"_JEALOUS? _He killed Sasuke's family! He's my LEAST favourite Naruto character of all time, remember? WHY DIDN'T YOU KILL HIM?" She grabbed Abigail by the neck and started strangling her. Abigail squealed like a rat and knocked Bailey's hands away.

"Oh, don't be that way! He's cool! Besides, he played hide and seek with me!" Abigail smiled sunnily.

Blink.

Blink.

Blink.

When Bailey finally got her voice back, it was in a deadly tone. "Hide and seek?" she said quietly.

"Well… erm… kind of…" Abigail said shiftily, remembering hiding in the closet. "Anyways! We can go find him and then you can see how cool he is! _So _much cooler than Sasuke," she added evilly.

"I," Bailey said hatefully, folding her arms, "would rather saw my fingers off one by one with a butter knife than lay eyes on that ugly cow."

Abigail raced off and came back with a butter knife. "Here!"

Bailey grabbed it and inspected it. Yes, it was a butter knife. She looked at Abigail in exasperation. "I'm not actually going to, you sadist!"

Abigail's shoulder sagged. "Oh come on, you have to do one or the other; else it's no fun!"

Bailey put her hands on her hips. "I refuse to do either one on your deranged whims."

"Well, I'll do it, gimme…!" Abigail made a snatch for the knife, but suddenly stopped. "Waitaminute… did you just say 'whims'?"

Bailey looked uncomprehending for a second, and then her face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Ooo! I did! Three point vocabulary word!" She struck a proud pose.

"Good job!" Abigail patted her kindly on the back, and suddenly jerked her hand back. "Gross! Do you have a sunburn or something?"

"Huh?" Bailey tried unsuccessfully to look at her back. Unfortunately, though her eyes apparently looked like owl eyes, her head didn't have that handy swiveling ability. "I dunno, why?"

"Your shirt has a low back and your skin is all nasty and peeling!" Abigail said. Of course, as it was with all things gross and nasty, she just had to look again. "Ewww, you do have a wicked bad sunburn," she said, looking over Bailey's shoulder at her reddened shoulder blades. The skin was flaking off in large patches like scales. "Scaly Bailey," Abigail remarked with a laugh.

"Oh yeah? Scabby Abby!"

"_What _did you call me? Just because the mosquitoes like how I taste…!"

"Yeah, mhmm, sure. We all know it's because you have leprosy, you lepresotic lemur."

"I do not—_Lepresotic_? Lemur? Bloody hell, Bailey, where did you come up with that?"

"Well, leprosy is a disease, and leprosotic is the state of having the disease, and lemur is a person with leprosy," Bailey said stubbornly.

"Bailey, a lemur is a kind of animal. I think you mean _leper. _And lepresotic is not a word."

"Oh yeah? Oh _yeah?" _Bailey insisted. "Then why is it in the _dictionary?" _She triumphantly thrust a small pink book with "Dikshunary" (which she somehow conjured up out of thin air… hey, it's anime, peoples, you can do that kind of thing…) scrawled on it towards Abigail, who took it in surprise and opened it.

"Bailey, didn't you write this in grade two when you decided for God knows what reason that it was your utmost calling in life to write a dictionary by hand with a system of colours instead of page numbers? In felt marker, I might add," she added with a small sweatdrop.

"Yup," Bailey said, unfazed. "And see? See? Page red-with-two-green-dots-and-yellow-squiggle clearly says lepresotic is the state of having leprosy, like the hero Pip the Lemur from that well-known classic novel Great Pesky Nations, by Darles Chickens."

"Bailey… what in the name of pantyhose are you talking about?"

Bailey looked superciliously at Abigail. "What, you don't know what I'm talking about because you don't read the great classics like your more intellectual friends—ahem—do?"

"You're right, I've never read a great classic called Great Pesky Nations by Darles Chickens. I _have _read one called Great Expectations, by Charles Dickens, though."

Bailey laughed pityingly. "Oh, yes, that one. Well, this one was a lot better… erm… wait…"

"You are an idiot," Abigail told her, sighing. The dictionary disappeared; Abigail noticed that the butter knife had also somehow been hidden about Bailey's person at some point in time.

Bailey's face fell tragically. "Why do people keep saying I'm an idiot?" she sniffled. "You're just like Sasuke! Except not really, because Sasuke is, in fact, a boy," she added.

Abigail rolled her eyes. "We just happen to point out the obvious. But don't worry; it's one of your more loveable features," she reassured her fondly. "Things like the scorpion-throwing and using-pants-as-firestarter features are the not so loveable ones. Why did Sasuke call you an idiot, though?"

Bailey folded her arms sulkily. "I don't know. I think he was annoyed that I wouldn't let him read my palm."

"He was trying to _read_ your _palm_?" Abigail echoed. "Honestly?"

"I know, right?" Bailey said. "It's so weird! But in a burst of nicenosity I told him I'm sure Sakura would like him to read her palm, because you know, she could just imagine that he was holding her hand because he liked her or something. I'm sure that would be a pleasant little delusion for her. Oh! Delusion! Two point vocab word!"

"Yes, yes, good job. Okay, let me get this straight. He said, 'Bailey, I want to read your palm,' and you said 'go read Sakura's; she would appreciate you touching her hand in any way'?"

"Well, not exactly, but that was the nub and gist of it."

"Not exactly? What exactly happened?"

Bailey scratched her head wearily. "Uhh, well, first he did the little Neo-Trinity thing where he whispers top secret stuff into my ear _inkunskipuously_, and then I guess the Matrix reminded him of the Oracle, because then he grabbed my hand to read my palm."

Abigail didn't even bother correcting Bailey's pronunciation of 'inconspicuous', she was too busy bashing Bailey over the head.

"OWIE! You make Bailey's head go squish when you punch it, Abby, please stop," Bailey requested, her hands over her head and anime tears squiggling down her cheeks.

Abigail withdrew her fist, not sure whether to laugh or scream at her dim-witted friend. "Sasuke wasn't trying to read your palm, idiot! He _was _just holding your hand because he likes you!"

Bailey gave her a pitying look and then suddenly burst into laughter.

"What are you laughing about?" Abigail asked, bewildered.

"You're funny, Abby. Though violent. But funny. Eheeheehee!"

"Why am I funny!" Abigail demanded.

"Of _course _Sasuke likes me; everyone likes me because I am a person they like to like. But that has nothing to do with holding hands. So you see, unless he was going to start dancing, which would have been wildly funny, now that I mention it, if I do say so myself, anyways where was I before I so rudely interrupted myself…"

"Quit blabbering, idiot. I mean _like _like."

Bailey's mouth closed. She gave Abigail a blank stare. It lasted for a very long time. Finally she said, "…huh?" in the same blank tone.

"Okay, look, I'll explain this to you, young grasshopper, in the simple way." Abigail put an arm around Bailey's shoulder. "You know your mommy and daddy?"

Bailey blinked. "Uh-huh," she said innocently.

"Do you know why they are called a mommy and daddy?"

"Oh! Oh I know that!" Bailey jumped excitedly, putting up her hand like she was in class. "It's because… so I don't have to call them by their first names!" She twisted her head to give Abigail a very solemn look. "Because that's _rude."_

Abigail put a hand to her forehead. "Noooo, Bailey," she said slowly. "It's because "mommy" and "daddy" are terms for parents. They are parents because they have a daughter."

Bailey's eyes widened. "They do? They never told me!"

Abigail sweatdropped. "Her name is Bailey," she tried to clarify.

"_No way! _Coincidence? I think _not!" _Bailey said in a tone of revelation. "Oh wait…" she said suddenly. There was a short silence. Then her head whipped around to grin hugely in Abigail's face. "Oh, that's _me!"_

Abigail wondered how long that had taken her to figure out.

"Anyways," she continued. "Do you know _why_ they have a daughter?"

"So they have someone to do the dishes," Bailey said furiously without hesitation.

"Nonono, Bailey, okay, let's try this again. When two people love each other…" Abigail started with a smirk.

"_No! No sex ed!" _Bailey squalled, horrible memories of short "educational" classes they had gone through once in grade 6 coming back to haunt her. "Just get to the point!"

"Okay, okay, I'm trying! Geez! Alright, you know how, oh, say, I like you, right?"

Bailey gave her an uneasy look. "Excuse me?"

"Get that out of your head, you creep! Okay, there is a thing called platonic love. That is how friends like each other. Right?"

Bailey nodded slowly, trying to memorize 'platonic', which would surely be another good 2 or 3 point vocabulary word. "Right."

"And then, you know how, oh… Sakura likes Sasuke?"

"Uh-huh."

"That is the _other _kind of liking. Right?"

"Right. That's the creepy kind where you try to touch their hair and imagine them in the shower," Bailey said knowingly.

"Um… no." Looked like that hadn't been a good idea. "Not entirely. Alright, you know how Naruto likes Sakura?"

"Yeah…"

"Alright, that other kind of liking? Where you want to be with the person and go on dates with them and stuff?"

"Sure."

Abigail felt she had finally managed to get the point across. With a touch of finale, she concluded, "_That's _how Sasuke likes you."

Bailey gaped. "Why?" she asked bluntly.

Abigail threw her hands into the air. "'Why'? How on earth should I know?"

"Well, you knew all that other complicated stuff…" Bailey scratched her head. "But… then what did The Matrix have to do with it?" she mused, slightly perplexed and scratching her head in puzzlement.

Abigail sighed. "Bailey, Bailey, Bailey. Not everything has something to do with The Matrix. You just happen to be obsessed beyond reason and what is now borderline scary with The Matrix."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

At that moment, the front door opened and Sasuke walked in. Bailey jumped and elbowed Abigail violently in the stomach. Apparently a bit too hard, though, because Abigail doubled over with a gasp, clutching her abdomen. Sasuke looked at the scene in surprise, Bailey apologizing again, Abigail cursing under her breath, and deadpanned. Normal scenario. Nothing out of the ordinary. He shook his head and continued out of the room.

"Ahhhhh, now he's gone!" Bailey said, exasperated, as Abigail straightened up, still wheezing faintly. "I needed to ask you what to say!"

"What to say? What are you talking about?"

"Oh, I dunno." Bailey scratched her head. "Don't I have to act differently around him now or something? Or try to read his palm too?"

Abigail sighed. "You are really clueless about this. Do you like him?"

"Of _course _I love my Chickenhair-kun!" Bailey said cheerfully. "Along with Panda-chan and Hentai-sensei and…"

"Nono, Bailey. Not your maniacal glompy anime-love. I mean like, like him like he likes you."

Bailey sighed. There were too many "like"s in that sentence. "Can we change the topic? I am getting queasy. Can't we talk about hate for awhile?"

Abigail sighed. "Look, nevermind. Just keep acting normal. Well, your idea of normal anyways, which isn't normal but whatever. And maybe try not to say too much about The Matrix. Or palm reading."

"Why not?"

"Because I said so and you must listen to me." Abigail cackled.

"Alrighty then! I'll just go talk with Sasuke who likes me," Bailey said cheerfully. "SASUKE!" she bellowed, bouncing out of the room. Abigail snuck behind to eavesdrop.

Sasuke, who was at the top of the stairs to go into his room, turned as he heard Bailey charging into the room. "Yeah?"

"Apparently you like me!" she said in her idea of a subtle approach.

Sasuke coloured faintly. "What?"

"I dunno, something about how The Matrix… wait…uh, scratch that, but apparently when you want to read someone's palm… wait… crap!" Bailey cut herself off, tapping her lower lip pensively as she tried not to say anything about The Matrix or palm reading, because Abby-sama had said not to and Abby-sama was wise. Finally she shrugged. "Well, the nub and gist of it was that you like me! Abby-sama told me and Abby-sama is wise," she explained, nodding solemnly.

"…Ah." Sasuke blinked awkwardly. _YOU got yourself into this, _he told himself as he sweatdropped.

"So how come you don't laugh at my jokes then?" Bailey demanded, folding her arms.

------------

(outside of the room, listening at the doorway)

Abigail grinned. She was learning fast; she already knew how to scold him right off the bat!

------------

Sasuke looked at her blankly. Laugh… laugh… He flipped through his mental dictionary desperately. It turned out the pages containing that word were stuck together, but finally they unstuck and he had a vague understanding of the definition of laugh: something to do when you killed someone you didn't like, saw someone get hurt who you didn't like, etc. He didn't see the connection. "…Sorry?" he asked finally, raising an eyebrow.

Bailey sweatdropped, seeing the problem. "Uh, nevermind."

"Also, Bailey, your jokes are usually lame, not to mention, incomprehensible, and not even worthy of laughter," Abigail called.

Bailey twitched. "They are so!_ I_ laugh at them, so they must be worthy of laughter!" Realization struck her. "Plus, why are you eavesdropping, you eavesdropping eavesdropper!"

There was a short silence. "Uhh…" came the voice. "No one's eavesdropping. This is your conscience. Yeah. That's right."

Sasuke sighed. "And yet I can hear it too?"

The disembodied voice rallied magnificently. "Yes yes yes, but that's because Bailey's conscience has simply possessed a passing mosquito and is speaking through it, ahahaha! So there! Betcha didn't think of _that!"_

"Mosquitoes don't have mouths."

Pause. "Oh yeah?" came the voice, somewhat uncertainly. "Well… well… there is an explanation for that, too!"

"Let's hear it, then."

"Well, ahem—oh NOOOOO vapona strips! I'm doomed, urrrrrrrghhh…"

Abigail scuttled off before Sasuke could ask any more difficult questions. _Hah! That sure fooled them! _she thought proudly.

"Moron," Sasuke muttered. He didn't _have _any vapona strips in the house.

"Hey!" Bailey said suddenly, her face joyful. "If a mosquito which was being possessed by my conscience died, that means I have no more conscience! Excellent, you know how annoying that thing was?" She did a little dance. "I've gotta go tell Abby!"

"…" Sasuke managed to say, as Bailey raced off, pausing to call over her shoulder, "Later, Sasuke who likes me!"

Why, oh why, did she have to be so damn clueless?

"Abbbyyyyyy," came a voice from another room," let's go vandalize something!"

* * *

A/N: Vapona strips are those yellow things that emit toxic odors for bugs, for anyone who didn't know.

Anywhom, hope you enjoyed! Next chapter shouldn't be too long in coming!


	23. A Flower Pour Vous

Konbanha, minna! Actually, does quarter after eleven PM count as evening? Answer: yes. Night is when you go to bed. So anything before 2 in the morning must technically still be evening. ( ---Karaoke logic.)

Well, thank you for the reviews--I seem to have a new reader called wyrvvn who says I am her God. I must say I am flattered. Let's all say hello to wyrvvn.

...Or not. It's up to you. That's just what the kindergarten teachers say. Anywho, I appreciate all my readers equally, so I guess I'll skip the extra attention thing. Sorry, wyrvvn.

Alrighty, it is time for the disclaimer.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

See? I knew it would be thrilling.

* * *

CHAPTER 23

Bailey woke up to the sound of Sasuke crashing around in the kitchen. She scowled into her pillow. Much as she lurved her lurvely little tent, she was starting to wish she had requested a guest room. It was getting annoying being deprived of her sleep because Sasuke made so much noise preparing his breakfast at four/five in the morning and the living room was close enough to the kitchen that it woke her up. She grumbled and flopped over in her blankets, pulling a pillow over her head to block out the sound, but it wasn't enough. Finally she resigned herself to getting up. She changed out of her pyjamas (which, incidentally, were the same ones she had from the day she and Abigail had entered this world, and had only been washed once, about a week ago) into a white long-sleeved shirt and blue capris (compliments of Ino).

She gave herself a few moments to yawn, stretch, and rub her eyes. Then she leapt out of her tent, or at least attempted to; what actually happened was that she forgot it was low, and as she leapt out, she clotheslined herself on a piece of rope that she had rigged up to hold up the tent, which in turn ripped down the corner of tent it was supporting, and the whole thing collapsed in a puff of fabric.

"Itaiiii! My neck is severed, AUUUGHHH!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Keep it down!" Sasuke snapped from the kitchen, apparently not caring that her neck was severed. On a closer inspection, it turned out it her neck was still perfectly intact, but that was no excuse for his rudeness. Bailey grumbled to herself as she untangled herself from her tent and stomped out of the living room. At first she was filled with intents of giving Sasuke a piece of her mind—though not too much, because she needed some for later—but by the time she'd gotten to the doorway, her rage had died down, and she'd forgotten already what she was mad about in the first place.

"Good morning, Sasuke who likes me," she chirped, entering the kitchen and sitting down at one of the Tatami mats around the table. "What's for breakfast?"

Sasuke looked over at her and raised an eyebrow. "What is this now, a Bed and Breakfast? Make your own."

Bailey gave him a furious look. "What! But I thought you liked me! Doesn't that mean you cook me breakfast and stuff?"

Sasuke blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Doesn't it?"

"…No."

"Well then what's the point?" Bailey huffed. "Seems stupid to me."

Sasuke wondered if she ever experienced emotions on her own, or had to get other people to explain them and then got it wrong, as it was with "like". Exasperated, he sighed. "Look, you can have some breakfast if you wash the dishes, remember?"

Bailey blanched. "NEVER! I'm out!" she yelled, leaping up from the table and racing out of the room as if expecting the dishes to attack her. _Might as well go outside… maybe I can mooch breakfast from someone else, _she thought, making her way into the front hall and slipping her sandals on. She opened the door.

A huge shadow loomed over. Bailey looked up at the huge mass of probably all of Konoha's females aged six to eighteen. They glowered down at her. An angry red and black aura seemed to surround the whole crowd. There was a silence broken only by the sound of many of them cracking their knuckles.

"Oh bugger," Bailey remarked. (A/N: I pretty much stole this scene from POTC 2 (an awesome movie, incidentally). So if you've seen it, remember the part where Captain Jack Sparrow steps out of the cabin and says the same line. There's the tone of voice I was aiming for.)

(Camera points up at the sky so all you can hear is the sudden sound of a lot of war-cries, screams, and various crashes, thuds, etc.)

(Camera slowly points down again.)

Bailey sighed as if regretful at all the violence that had to be done in the world, poked a toe against the nearest unconscious girl, and walked away, shaking her head sadly and leaving an enormous mound of limp bodies piled in front of the Uchiha door.

---------------

Abigail's window was slightly open. Screams and bashing sounds drifted through the air into her room.

She smiled fondly in her sleep and rolled over contentedly.

It was actually the sudden lack of the sounds that woke her up. She frowned, remembering the sounds. Had it been her dream or…?

Sasuke looked up from his meal at Abigail as she clomped into the room, having hurriedly dressed and, he noticed, put her sandals on the wrong feet. She frowned at him groggily. Her eyes were half-closed and had dark rings under them; in fact, she looked pretty much like death warmed over. Sasuke couldn't help staring (after all, he was a natural pretty boy; he couldn't understand ugliness or, horrors of horrors, messy hair…).

"What?" he asked irritably, returning to his food, as she continued to merely frown at him wordlessly.

"Did you, erm, hear anything?" Abigail asked.

Sasuke's eyes snapped open; his chopsticks froze to a halt in mid-air half way to his mouth. "What—? Hear something like…" he started suspiciously, before alarm kicked in. "Wait.. _why!_? Oh GOD, what did you do _now—!" _he started to yell immediately. He didn't notice that the clump of food held between his chopsticks had dropped onto his lap.

"_NOTHING!" _Abigail said loudly. "Geez! Never mind, you uber-suspicious freak. Where's your mistress?"

"Ex_cuse _me?" Sasuke snapped, knowing perfectly well she was talking about Bailey and not too impressed with the title she carried.

"Eeheeheehee," Abigail giggled, walking from the room. She glanced into the living room quickly as she passed, but Bailey's tent was collapsed and her friend wasn't in the room. _Outside, I guess, _she concluded, and took a corner into the entrance hall. She rolled open the front door.

Sasuke jumped and dropped another glob of food into his lap (_"crap!" _he swore) as Abigail screamed from the front door. There was a brief pause in which Sasuke started to get up, sighing, and planning on investigating, before Abigail yelled, shock worn off: _"**Dammit** Bailey, not again!"_

Curiosity and dread mingled, Sasuke got up (brushing the spilled food off his lap) to go see what Bailey had done. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it definitely _wasn't _the sight of Abigail with a huge broom sweeping manically at a towering pile of duffed-up girls, swirly eyed and sprawled all over each other.

Sasuke smacked a hand to his forehead and closed his eyes. He had forgotten what a normal life was like. When he could trust himself to speak, he yelled "what are you _doing?" _as Abigail attacked the pile with the broom vehemently, managing to budge it a couple more inches (remember, the key word here is _anime). _

"Taking out the trash," she answered calmly and sounding at complete peace with the world.

Sasuke's eye twitched. "You are sweeping at a pile of dead girls with a broom."

"Yes, I believe I noticed, actually." Abigail paused for a second and examined the casualties like an artist critically scrutinizing a piece of her work. At the very bottom of the pile a hand stuck out, twitching occasionally. "Actually, they're not quite _dead…" _she corrected Sasuke. Catching a glimpse of tell-tale pink hair, she added "shame."

Taking a deep breath as if trying to summon patience from the air's nutrients, Sasuke said, "Might I ask _why_?"

"They were in the way," she clarified obviously.

"You said Bailey did this?"

"Well, I dunno, seeing as she's not here, but I would imagine so." Abigail stopped sweeping and leaned against the broom with a small sigh. Sasuke thought it was annoyance at her friend until he saw the nostalgic look on her face. "I remember this one time when she pissed off the whole Girl Guides crew; similar incident…" She got slightly misty-eyed. "But that was only fifteen of them! This must be, what, fifty? How she's grown, bless her little soul…"

"'**Soul'? What _soul_**_?" _Sasuke squawked, finally snapping. "Jesus Christ! One of my teammates is in there! What am I going to tell people when they hear about the pile of dead bodies on my doorstep?"

"Oh, no worries; they'll likely just think it was Itachi again. Seeing as he's in town and all."

**(Sudden, very loud, very long silence.)**

"…………What?" Sasuke finally said, his voice a deathly quiet tone. Abigail clapped a hand to her mouth.

"Er… I mean, uh, oh wait! It was just a dream I had. Ahha. Particularly vivid, it was, that's all." Abigail quickly resumed her sweeping to avoid Sasuke's penetrating gaze as he tried to see if she was telling the truth or not. When Abigail finally looked up again, he was gone.

"Oh, fine! So don't even help!" she yelled at the empty space.

---------------

Bailey strolled through the streets, strangely empty of kunoichi this morning. Actually, it was pretty empty of other people as well, being not quite five in the morning, but the more vehement ninjas were already up and about, and a few of the shops were opening already. She walked for a couple minutes before realizing she didn't know where anyone lived and was therefore incapable of mooching food off them, and also, she was now lost.

"Why does this keep happening?" she asked no one in particular, screeching to a halt and frowning. "I get this feeling that half the time I'm lost. Maybe I need a compass…"

While she was mulling over this, she decided she might as well walk some more and see where her feet lead her. This, unfortunately, turned out to be right into some tall person's back. She stumbled back as they turned around.

"Why do little girls keep running into me?" came a voice. Bailey looked up.

First her mouth fell open and she blanched. Then her mouth snapped shut, her eyes narrowed swiftly into dangerous, almost feral slits and she stared at Itachi in absolute loathing, a hundred times more despising and venomous than the look even that she'd given Satou. "Well, it certainly isn't your sex appeal or anything, you fugly cretin!" she snarled.

Itachi blinked. He certainly wasn't used to _that _kind of greeting. "I see. It breaks my heart to hear it," he remarked sarcastically. "So I suppose it must simply be because they are stupid little children that don't watch where they're going?" He leaned down slightly and lowered his voice. "Ignorant children like that should be more careful. All this running into things… they might end up running into… trouble."

Normally Bailey would have been petrified if she'd run into Itachi, but she hated him so much that at the moment she was too busy fuming at him to remember he could kill her quite easily. "Oh yeah, yeah, spout your oh-so-intimidating nonsense. Mah buddeh and I could kill you like _that." _She snapped her fingers. Actually, what really happened was she _attempted_ snapping her fingers and made the faint, dry little sound of someone who obviously has not mastered the art of finger-snapping. She tried a few more times unsuccessfully. "Like _th… _like, _tha—_well, whatever, you get the picture."

Itachi raised an eyebrow. This girl was suspiciously similar to the other one he had earlier encountered; both seemingly clueless as to what was dangerous and what wasn't, and because of that, bluntly fearless. "I don't suppose your buddy is a tall girl with black hair?" he said, deadpanning.

"Haha! Oh yeah!" Bailey said proudly. "That's my Abby!"

Itachi sweatdropped. "I don't think a million of you two could kill me."

"Oh yeah? Oh YEAH? Neji said we have the potential to be way stronger than a jinchuuriki, so I think we could take down a loser like you without much trouble!" she shot back with just a hint of smugness.

Itachi blinked, and his expression had swiftly changed to that of badly concealed interest. "Is that so," he said slowly. "You were told this by whom?"

"Don't go all whoming on me, you dumb person," Bailey muttered. "That is such a Shakespeare-era word; hello, live in the present, people."

Itachi twitched and bashed Bailey over the head. "ITAIII!" she screamed, clutching her head.

"I asked you a question," he snapped.

Big anime tears squiggled down Bailey's cheeks dramatically, before she spun around to pummel a fist at Itachi, her expression alarmingly turned to rage in a split second. "Don't hit me!"

Itachi deflected her punch with a bored expression, knocking her fist aside with a simple sweeping motion of his arm. "Ho-hum. That was feeble," he remarked. "So much for your awesome power."

"I said POTENTIAL, idiot!" Bailey yelled, anger marks ticking up around her head.

"Which brings me back to my question. Who told you about this 'potential'?" Itachi pressed, keen on finding out if she was bluffing, or if she actually had that potential. If she did… well, perhaps it wouldn't be dear Naruto-kun as top priority for Akatsuki.

Bailey sighed and rolled her eyes. "Just like your silly little brother, you can't be dissuaded. Hyuuga Neji told me, not that it matters. Anyways, now I'm going to go recruit Abigail and we'll kick your ass," Bailey told him.

"Oh, by all means," Itachi said smoothly. "Go right ahead." _How stupid and naïve can you get? _He thought, smirking. _They'll just follow me right to Akatsuki if I ask._

"I will!"

"Okay then!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

Bailey took a tentative step backwards. She actually was a bit perplexed that Itachi wasn't killing her or something. He raised an eyebrow. She decided to just take the bait and raced off.

"Oh wait. Which way is the Uchiha house?" she asked herself suddenly, screeching to a halt several streets away from where she'd left Itachi. "I think…thataway!" she pointed randomly to her right in a very exaggerated motion and started speeding off. She raced around a corner, tripped over her own feet suddenly, and went flying through the air. She skidded on her chin before tumbling to a halt on her stomach at the sandaled feet of someone.

She stared at the feet. "Those toenails… it must be Sasuke!" she gasped, looking up.

It was Sasuke. He stared down at her blankly, and blinked once. "You identify people by their toenails?" he asked, his face not changing.

Bailey blinked once as well, looked back down at his toes, and then back up at him. "The fact that they're painted purple and glittery is a bit of a tipoff. Not many people have toenails like that."

"_What?" _Sasuke exclaimed. "I do _not _have—!" He looked down despite himself, making Bailey crack up that he had looked, despite the fact that the thought of Sasuke painting his toenails purple and glittery was completely absurd. (A/N: Or is it? Hahah.)

Sasuke sighed. "Look, I have a bone to pick with you about a pile of corpses I found outside my doorway—" he cut himself off to first bend down and offer a hand in a somewhat reluctant gesture to help Bailey up. She reached up and shook it pompously, then burst into laughter at his expression. He dropped her hand and straightened up in exasperation, trying to say something but constantly getting interrupted as Bailey would burst randomly into another fit of laughter. Her body quivered on the ground with her hysterical fit; it looked quite comical. Though, of course, to Uchiha Sasuke, whose vocabulary did not include the word comical, it just looked very, very odd. Finally Bailey gasped past her laughter, wiped a few tears of mirth from her eye (as best as one can do when sprawled on their stomach), and then lay limp.Sasuke waited for about thirty seconds. When she still didn't move, he grew a bit alarmed. There was a term of "laughing to death", and though it wasn't meant to be taken literally, if anyone could manage it, he was sure it was Bailey. His way of showing this, of course, was prodding her with his toe. "Are you alive?" he asked dully with a deadpanned face.

She lay still for another long moment. Sasuke was on the verge of actual concern when her hand slowly, slooowly stretched out. She was face down in the ground, but somehow she directed her hand perfectly to a shriveled, bedraggled little dandelion that looked as though it had been stepped on quite a few times sticking out of the ground. Sasuke watched as her hand oh-so-slowly stretched out, opened delicately, and then, and then… plucked the flower out of the ground daintily.

Her head lifted up slowly, streaked with dirt. She stared at him almost pleadingly. Sasuke stared back and quirked an eyebrow. There was a very long silence. Then Bailey held up the poor-excuse for botany slowly and said solemnly, in a very low whisper, "a flower _pour vous."_

And then let out a howl of laughter that collapsed her again.

"What are you _on?" _Sasuke snapped.

Bailey's fit of hysteria finally ended in a small gurgle. "I'll tell you, but first you have to help me up, you rude kid," she said, suddenly sounding perfectly serious.

"I tried!" Sasuke yelled, his eye twitching.

"You did? Oh right, you did. Well, no matter." Bailey hoisted herself up and rubbed dirt off her face as she got to her feet. "I am on… the ground!" she announced proudly.

Sasuke was not in the mood for her antics. "Good for you. Now, about the battlefield on my front step…"

"It's not my fault!" Bailey protested, for once telling the truth. "I stepped outside and they just mobbed me! _Their _problem for underestimating me," she sniffed superciliously.

Sasuke actually let a tiny smirk steal onto his face. "Well, that's all right then, I guess," he admitted grudgingly. "But why did they mob you? …Ah… wait," he said suddenly, as he realized what the problem was. The pile of beaten up people had all been girls. Their target had been Bailey, and the day after he had held her hand. He sighed inwardly. _Figured _he would have fangirls spies posted all over to observe his every move.

Bailey, however, had her own ideas. "Oh, they're just jealous that I manage to be cuter than them _without_ being a daft, completely useless kunoichi. Something the vast majority of them can't manage," she said with a self-satisfied smirk.

"Get over yourself," Sasuke told her dryly. "Anyways, I can't say I'll object to the occasional beating up of those dumb fangirls, but I don't want them in a big heap in front of my house. At the moment Abigail is trying to sweep them away. Literally. Being the cause of it all, I think you should go help."

Bailey raised an eyebrow. "Ah ah ah, Sasuke who likes me. If you like me you must learn manners."

Sasuke glared at her, but added, "_please," _in a not-too-sincere sounding tone. Ah, well, it was better than nothing.

"Which way is your house?" Bailey asked. Sasuke gaped at her.

"You _still _can't find your way?"

Bailey fidgeted nervously. "I can't help it," she said sulkily. "My internal compass doesn't point North."

"Oh, very poetic." Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Nah, I mean it. I swallowed a compass when I was little."

"What?"

"I know, I know. You're thinking… _it didn't point North?" _Bailey said, sighing as if this were the most tedious subject in the world. "No, it didn't, but that was because Abby had taken to wearing this stupid magnet as a pendant on her necklace, so you see…"

Sasuke sweatdropped hugely. "Why would I be thinking, _it didn't point North? _I was more thinking, _how can anyone swallow a compass?"_

"Oh, well, you know the old lady who swallowed a fly? So you see, when I first swallowed a map, I thought the compass would—"

"Okay, look, forget I asked!" Sasuke said quickly. "The house is just that way—_that way… THAT way!" _He grabbed Bailey by the shoulders again and spun her around to face the right direction as she continuously started marching cheerfully in the wrong directions. "Gods dammit, _look _where I point!" he yelled. He gave one last point in the right direction, and a little shove in the small of her back to start her off.

"Chugga chugga chugga chug," Bailey burbled as she shuffled off in a rocking, half marching, half speed-walking motion. Honestly, she was like a little sister, Sasuke thought.

About ten feet away, Bailey remembered something with a jolt. She spun around. Sasuke was starting to walk away back the way she had come. "Oi, Sasuke who likes me!" she called hurriedly.

"What?" Sasuke asked, stopping and looking over his shoulder.

"Don't go that way!" she said, wide-eyed. "Go THAT way!" She pointed in a random direction, which, it turned out, was a wall. She improvised quickly and pointed the other way.

"Why?"

"Because, erm, um, well, just because it's such a nice view. Besides, the way you are going is so uninteresting. There is definitely nothing of any matter or that involves you in any way in that direction. It would only bore you and would definitely not, erm, involve you. As I said before. Yep, you should definitely go that way, though not for any reason in particular, seeing as there's absolutely nothing out of the ordinary in either route. Especially that one," she finished, pointing at the route which he had started going down.

Sasuke stared. Bailey felt rather proud of her monologue, and was quite sure it had swayed his mind. It seemed to have worked because he said, "Yes, you're right, I would much rather go this way, actually." He stepped to the left towards the other alley she had suggested, the one that lead to a completely different place.

"Oh good." Bailey beamed at him and strutted off again.

Sasuke watched her go, shook his head, and purposefully turned to go back the way he had started down in the first place. She really wasn't too subtle.

----------------

Bailey found the Uchiha house with, amazingly, absolutely no wrong turns. She was still marveling at her own cleverness at dissuading Sasuke from going towards the way where Itachi was when she found herself looking at the house, with Abigail, having given up on the broom, dragging the girls one by one off the doorstep and into the alley next door. Only about ten or so were left.

"Sasuke who likes me said I'm to help you," Bailey said with a long-suffering sigh. She grabbed the wrists of another girl as Abigail did the same, and they each towed them into the alley. Very soon there were none left, except for the girl on the very bottom of the pile, who turned out to be Sakura. Bailey had a laughing fit when she saw her. Abigail started to drag her away to join the rest of the pile, but Bailey said "nonono!" quickly. Abigail paused to look up in inquiry. Bailey was holding a black marker.

"It's the same one we drew on Naruto with," she explained. "Kept it this whole time."

When Sakura had a detailed, intricately-drawn face on her forehead, which looked very scary, as at first glance the actual face couldn't be told apart from the fake, Bailey re-pocketed the marker and said, "Much as I hate to be, in the end, going along with your plan, you will be thrilled to know that we are going to go see Itachi."

Abigail's jaw dropped. "You decided to help me find him, my schmall minion?" She asked happily, clapping her hands together in a thrilled gesture.

"Oh no, much better. I _already _found him."

Abigail looked perfectly joyous. "And you realized what a cool person he is?" she squealed.

"QUITE INTERRUPTING ME!" Bailey yelled. "And… gross no! No, the reason we are going to go see him is to beat him up."

Abigail poked her lower lip out sadly. "But… whyyyy? That's _mean," _she pouted.

"If we beat him up you can steal his cape," Bailey reminded her with a little nudge. She knew how Abigail loved the cape.

Sure enough, her friend's face lit up like a greasy lantern. "Right on! Let's go! Lead the way!"

"Onward!" Bailey shouted, punching a fist into the air. She spun around and took one big step, before suddenly stopping. Abigail walked into her.

"Why are we stopped?" Abigail asked.

"Um…" Bailey said nervously. "I forget where he was."

There was a loud silence for a second, before Abigail fell over anime-style, going "nooooooooooooo!"

"It's _your _fault!" Bailey accused. "It was _your _magnetic necklace that ruined my internal compass!"

"Dammit Bailey, how many times do I have to tell you that stupid compass would _not _have given you good bearings even if it _had _been intact!" Abigail yelled.

"It would so have," Bailey insisted stubbornly. "It was the necklace's fault. I'm glad you finally stopped wearing that dumb thing. Although it was pretty funny when it stuck to your braces," she added as an afterthought.

"No it wasn't. That hurt," Abigail grumbled.

"But it was funny anyways. You tried to scream but your teeth were magnetized together…" Bailey got misty-eyed at the memory of the humorous event.

"You have a sick sense of what's funny…" Abigail told her with a sweatdrop.

"And then we went to the doctor and he couldn't help you for a long time because he was too busy laughing…"

"Bailey."

"Yes?"

"Shut up now."

"But…"

"Try to remember where Itachi was!"

Bailey heaved a sigh. "I can't! I was too busy telling Sasuke not to go there to remember where it was."

Abigail looked alarmed. She knew how Bailey tended to tell people in her inconspicuous way to "not do" something. "How did you tell him not to go there? I hope you didn't just say, out of the blue, "oh, don't go there, by the way, not that it's anything important, but don't go there anyways" or something like that."

"Of course not!" Bailey huffed indignantly. "I was perfectly subtle! I simply told him it would be much better to go a different way because the way he was going definitely didn't have anything of interest to him anyways."

Abigail groaned. "Bailey, I hope you know Sasuke is probably dead by now because of you."

Bailey's eyes snapped open. "WHAT?"

"That is _not _subtle!" Abigail yelled. "He most _definitely _went that way!"

"But…but… how do you know?" Bailey asked, looking alarmed.

"I'm smart, okay? Now _where was it?" _Abigail hissed, putting her face very close to Bailey's. Her blonde friend looked on the point of tears.

"I don't remember!" she wailed. "And now Sasuke who likes me is dead!" She started to howl.

"Bailey, Bailey, settle down," Abigail snapped, shaking Bailey by the shoulders. "He's not dead, okay? Villains always make long monologues before killing someone; haven't you learned anything from The Matrix?"

Bailey's tears stopped as suddenly as if someone had switched off a tap. "What? What? What did you say about The Matrix?" she asked eagerly, Sasuke completely forgotten.

Abigail sighed. "Okay, forget I said the… "M" word. Focus, Bailey. Sasuke is not dead, but we have to find him soon or he might be. Now you _must _remember where Itachi was."

"But…"

"Or else Sasuke will die and it will be all your fault."

It was cruel, Abigail knew, but it was the only way she thought she might be able to unearth some instinct in Bailey that could find her way with the right incentive. Bailey blanched, but started off hesitantly, then faster, mumbling under breath. Abigail hurried along after her.

---------------

Sasuke was screaming. Of course, Itachi had monologued first, as any good villain does, but it was Sasuke (the stupid git) who had interrupted him to attack. It just turned out that Itachi happened to be stronger. The older Uchiha brother was smirking as he held Sasuke in the grasp of the tsukiyomi, writhing on the ground in agony.

"BASTARD!" someone screamed from behind him, and there was the sound of something whistling through the air towards him. Itachi stepped to the side casually, but to his irritation, another shuriken came from a different direction, to his right. It was easy to dodge it, but he had to break the concentration on his tsukiyomi, and Sasuke, quivering on the ground, stopped screaming and lay still.

A blonde flash streaked by Itachi and Sasuke disappeared. A couple metres away, Bailey set him down (how she had managed to pick him up she later puzzled over; he was pretty damn heavy) and straightened up with a deadly glint in her eyes.

"See, weasel-face, this is why I don't like you," she explained. "You're just too… friggin'… mean."

A small, reluctant sigh sounded from Itachi's right. He looked over, mildly curious. Abigail waved at him. "I really didn't want to do this," she said apologetically. "I'm sure we could have gotten along. But you know, if you attack Sasuke, Bailey attacks you, and if Bailey attacks you, you'll attack her, and if you attack her, I'll have to attack you. Sorry."

"No problem. But what if I attack… you?" Itachi said, and Abigail suddenly felt herself flying through the air. She smashed into a nearby building and lay there, slightly dazed.

Itachi gave her a slightly disappointed look. "What, defeated already by one punch? And I was so looking forward to seeing this 'potential' you supposedly had."

Bailey's hands tightened into fists. "You _don't…" _she started quietly.

Itachi turned. "What?"

"You _don't _attack two of my favourite people in the world… without…" Bailey stopped. She actually didn't have a good intimidating warning to spit out as she had hoped. _No fair; Naruto always comes up with one on the spur of the moment, _she thought enviously.

"Yes?" Itachi prodded, sounding amused.

"It doesn't matter!" Bailey shouted instead. "_You're going to DIE!" _

She charged. But it wasn't Bailey who charged suddenly; it was a small brown rabbit.

Abigail stared in shock as the small creature charged straight at Itachi. It had all been cool and dramatic enough when Bailey had shouted her death-warning thing, but… if she transformed into a rabbit or something when she was mad… _that _was just lame.

Itachi seemed as put off by the rabbit as she was. He merely kicked the poor thing as it approached, but another charged at him from behind and sank its teeth into his leg. Next was a squirrel, and then a little bird. He swatted at them with the same irritation someone smacks at mosquitoes, while scanning around for Bailey. Abigail was doing the same, and wondering if Bailey even had a plan.

Apparently not much of one, besides suddenly chucking a kunai down from a tree branch which she suddenly appeared on. Itachi caught it, saw the explosive note, threw it at her (she dodged and it went sailing into the depths of the forest to detonate) and looked at her with a bored expression.

"That's all? You try to distract me by using Kawarimi with a bunch of animals and then make some feeble attempts to throw an explosive note?"

"It wasn't a feeble attempt! The throwing part worked perfectly well!" Bailey said indignantly. "It's more the hitting part that I had trouble with, actually."

"All in all, it was feeble. Do you think I can be taken down that easily? Please."

"Where's the hand flapping motion with the 'oh, _please', _ya gay pansy?" Bailey asked. "Anyways, of course I didn't think it would work. Actually, I was more counting on you coming up with a plan, Abby," she said sheepishly to Abigail over Itachi's shoulder.

"What? That's not fair," Abigail protested.

Itachi found this rather amusing. All he had to do was stand there and they wouldn't even be able to hurt him, they were so incompetent. He was mostly keeping an eye on Sasuke to make sure he wouldn't jump up and attack again. Well, and he had to keep swatting off small woodland creatures which Bailey would possess for a short amount of time and then switch back from.

"You're really lame, you know," he told her.

"You're ugly," she said.

"I can tell that's a clone, by the way. The Sharingan is just handy in that way," Itachi remarked casually.

"Oh, I would expect nothing less," Bailey on the branch said. Inwardly, she went _…damn. _

The real Bailey dropped her bird disguise and dropped onto Itachi's head. She didn't pretend to be stylish, or, actually very effective; she was just doing whatever she could to hit him. She was satisfied that she'd managed to at least punch him in the ear before he'd thrown her about five thousand miles away (or so it felt).

Abigail sighed. "You're so inefficient, Bailey."

"Oh, could _you _do better?" Bailey snarled from the ground.

"Probably." Abigail stuck her tongue out.

"I have no use for standing here listening to you two gabble," Itachi remarked. "I'll just finish this small argument my darling brother started and then I must finish what I came here for." He was vaguely disappointed that all Bailey's boasts of potential surpassing that of Naruto's were untrue—it would have been a pleasant bonus to find two more people to –study- in Konoha—but he hadn't really expected it to be true anyhow. There was a flash of red cloth, and he streaked towards the motionless Sasuke on the ground.

As he plunged a kunai into his body, however, Sasuke vanished with a puff of smoke.

"Did you really think I would simply leave his _real _body there for you to maim, retard?" Bailey asked condescendingly from where she was standing. "I may be inefficient, but I'm not _that _inefficient! Abby, do I get double points for using a vocabulary word twice in a sentence?"

"No."

"Rats."

Itachi sighed slightly. "You really do want to make this more painful for you, don't you?" he asked Bailey.

"Excuse me? I'm not into that kinky stuff," she said in a disgusted tone. Abigail snorted with laughter. Itachi didn't look amused. Bailey suspected he was merely too square to get it.

"Well, I can tend to him later then," Itachi said, unfazed. "I actually have other business here, rather than petty family affairs." He started one of the custom leap-off-Kakashi-style ninja jumps, but Abigail tackled him mid-jump, to Bailey's surprise.

"I know what you're here for," she snarled, trying to punch him (he merely tossed her off, and she promptly started throwing shuriken at him like a madwoman instead). "You're here for Naruto!"

Itachi smirked as he dodged her rain of weapons. "And?"

Bailey joined in in her own way… that is to say, several sparrows overhead started to dive-bomb him.

"You won't take Naruto!" Abigail yelled.

Itachi was getting tired of dodging their attacks; he charged forward towards Abigail, who was closest, and at that moment a fireball erupted from the forest right onto the spot where he stood.

"Sasuke who likes me! I was wondering when you'd wake up again!" Bailey remarked.

Sasuke gave her only a passing glance. His eyes were red with the Sharingan, and in the furious state he was in, she doubted he even heard her. All he probably heard was "kill Itachi kill Itachi kill Itachi" or something along those very original lines.

"Oh, Sasuke-chan. You've come back for more?" Itachi remarked, standing unscathed on a roof. "Happy to oblige." He leapt off the roof and landed neatly in front of them. Sasuke tried to shut his eyes right away, but before he knew it, the world around him had gone familiarly black again.

All Bailey and Abigail saw was him collapse again, clutching his head in agony.

"STOP ATTACKING SASUKE!" Bailey screamed, and at that moment she had a horrible thought.

_"Don't step on Sasuke-kun!" Sakura screamed. _

_"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura screamed._

_"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura screamed._

_"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura screamed._

This went on through about ten million scenes where Sakura would gasp her catch phrase: "Sasuke-kun!" and then stand there being helpless.

_I'm turning into Sakura! _Bailey thought in absolute horror. _FUCK NO! _She had to do something, and she wasn't going to stall anymore.

A black aura flared up around her. Abigail saw it out of the corner of her eye, and her head whipped around. "Bailey?" she gasped.

Bailey's skin had gone red. The aura of chakra around her strengthened into a thick black flame. The next thing was a blur. The ground shattered in a line towards Itachi, which Abigail suspected was where Bailey was moving—she couldn't tell, because it was too fast. All she knew was that next thing she knew, there was a loud smashing sound, someone's cry of pain, and a lot of dirt and debris flying through the air.

* * *

This was an astoundingly long chapter, I think. Though it might just feel that way because I've been typing it for about four hours straight. (It took mea long time for the battle, even though the battle is lame. Still, that's the effect I was aiming for.)

Although I must say I am kind of annoyed with myself for making Sasuke the damsel in distress in the battle. Hahha, actually, now that I mention it, it's kind of funny. But I just generally get annoyed with myself when I depict a character weaker than I think he really is. For instance, I'm sure Sasuke would manage to inflict some kind of damage on Itachi, however minor, before being sucked back into the tsukiyomi. It's just that I'm not creative enough in the way of new jutsus and battle tactics and all that to do that very well. So. There is my little rant. Anywhom, I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Fare thee well, my pets!

P.S. I just remember something else I have to mention! A couple chapters away, when I closed withthat kissing up bit... well, then I got some reviews saying "I hate kissing up! (eye twitch)" or something to that effect. Anyways, I just felt I had to point out I hate kiss ups too. But it's still fun to annoy people that way.

Okay, NOW I'm done. BYE!


	24. Movies

Konnnnnichihaaaaa! .:waves madly:. Iiiiiiiiit's time for a new chapter! Squee! (She is in a very happy mood.) (She is also refering to herself in third person now.) (She doesn't know why.) (Anyways.)

ENJOY! (Author's notes are on the end of the chapter)

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, aaaand I'm happy, so it doesn' t matter anyways! n.n

* * *

CHAPTER 24

The debris slowly cleared. Abigail, coughing as she ran into the cloud of dust, waved a hand in front of her face and desperately tried to discern if Bailey was alive. "Bailey?" she called anxiously.

And then she saw the figure of her friend not far away, doubled slightly over with her hands hanging in loose fists by her sides, breathing heavily, glaring in a direction slightly farther away. As more dust cleared, Abigail saw, with complete amazement, Itachi getting slowly up to his feet, wiping a trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth (where blood tends to be spilled first in anime when someone gets punched. It's because it's that sexy, not too messy, part of the body. :P)

Itachi stood tall and gave Bailey a slight smirk, though he looked a little bit uneasy at the sight of her red skin and the deathly black arua rippling around her. "So... opened some gates, have you? The harm gate, if I'm not mistaken."

Abigail blinked and her mouth fell open slightly. "That's..." she started, though no one appeared to be listening to her. "...NOT FAIR!" she finished in an envious snarl. "How come I'VE never managed that?"

"The thing is..." Itachi continued in an unconcerned tone,"opening the inner gates weakens you at an unimaginably rapid pace. You caught me by surprise just now, but I'll be able to avoid you now until it catches up to you and you will, most likely, die. You shouldn't make such rash decisions. In fact, it would probably be safer to--"

"Do you ever shut up?" Abigail was about to say, but Bailey didn't even seem to have been listening in the slightest to Itachi's droning, and instead simply charged again. Itachi flicked a hand outto block her oncoming attack, and instantly spun to deflect her again when she zipped around to the other side, the opened gates lending her speed that made Abigail's eyes buzz as she tried to follow it. Even Itachi, with his Sharingan, was starting to falter as the red and black blur that was Bailey (A/N: Alliteration!) flew around him.

There was another crash. Itachi flew backwards into the trunk of a tree, and Bailey raced towards him to deliver another blow. However, despite having just been hit and despite her temporary unmatchable speed, Itachi managed to block this, and with a quick twist, dealt a left hook to Bailey's jaw that sent her spinning. It appeared to be now that the effects of the opened gates caught up toBailey. She tumbled sideways across the ground and then lay still. Abigail ran up to her friend's side with a gasp, kneeling down and checking her pulse in her wrist. It beat faintly and erratically.

"Stupid. It would seem she was never even told the consequences of opening the inner gates; probably never trained for it or anything. No wonder she didn't last long," Itachi was saying calmly.

Sasuke and Abigail both glared metaphorical holes in his skull. He looked them over.

"And now you will both be wanting to avenge her? Ah, how sweet. Your turns will come."

"Oh, don't tell me I'll be missing out on the fun!" came a voice.

Abigail and Sasuke's heads turned to find the source, and a blue-skinned guy with a huge sword stepped out of the shadows of the trees. He grinned at them and displayed sharp teeth.

"You might wanna get dental," Abigail told him, cringing.

"Oh, Kisame... you're late," Itachi told him.

"Oh? It seems I'm right on time, rather. Look at these two little rats to step on!"

Abigail and Sasuke each flew forward. Kisame raised his sword, and Itachi whirled away, hands forming a seal...

And instead Itachi ducked,as about twenty kunai whistled straight through the air where his head had been a second ago. Kisame deflected the weapons that flew towards him with some trippy matrix-style (A/N: I will NOT say Matrix! I will NOT say Matrix! Crap. I said Matrix.) moves. Despite their anger, Sasuke and Abigail turned to see who had thrown them.

Kakashi, Gai, Kurenai, Asuma, several other jounin, and the Hokage, stood silhouetted against the light from the streets.

"Lowered yourselves to attacking children, have you?" the Sandaime (A/N: Remember... screwy timeline here!) said dangerously. "What are you doing here?"

"Ah... Sandaime... I see you're still in charge here? Such a shame Konoha's genin don't seem to amount to much," Itachi said dryly. "Not to worry, we won't be staying long."

"That isn't what I asked," the Hokage continued. "Get out of Konoha now. There are easily more reinforcements ready for you if you try anything."

Kisame, still grinning like an idiot, looked at Itachi for directions. His buddy's face was unreadable as he stared back at the Hokage, apparently measuring his own strength against that of the crowd facing him. Finally he turned to Kisame.

"It appears we aren't wanted here. We'll leave your town alone, Sandaime... nothing of value here anyways." With a sweep of his cloak, he had disappeared, and Kisame followed close behind.

There was a silence as several people let out their breath slowly. Sasuke's jaw was clenched, and he was looking as if he'd like to follow his brother and Kisame, but Kakashi laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Sasuke... now is not the time," he told him. Sasuke jerked away without a response, and started to walk away. A few steps away he paused and looked back as he remembered Bailey lying on the ground.

"Sensei... Bailey's hurt," he said, though Abigail was already tugging anxiously at Kakashi's sleeve and telling him the same thing.

The Hokage, seeing Bailey curled on the ground (her skin had gone back to normal and the aura was gone), started towards her solemnly. He stood over her prone figure and sighed. In a soft voice, he asked, "what happened?"

"What do you think? We were battling some uber-strong freak, moron!" Abigail yelled. "She opened the inner gates or something, though I don't know how many... are we going to get her to the hospital now, or what?"

The Hokage bent to check if Bailey was even in the range of saving still, and took the pulse in her neck.

"_**AAAAAUUUUUGHHH**! Someone TOUCHED me!"_ Bailey screamed, leaping to her feet and scrubbing at her neck with her hands. "Blech blech blech blech blech..."

Everyone stared in shock. Abigail moved first. "BAILEY!" she yelled, jumping forward to glomp Bailey.

"Idiot! She's not well, don't--!" Sasuke started to yell, but cut himself off as Bailey started doing the hokey-pokey with Abigail. He stared in shock for a second and then sweatdropped along with everyone else.

"So... good recovery powers, is it?" Kakashi asked.

"You might say so," the Hokage replied, deadpanned expression on his face.

"So so so! I was like, waDSH, and he was like, whoooosh--!" Bailey was saying excitedly, narrating her battle with Itachi with a lot of wild gesturing and imitating Itachi flying through the air in slow-mo.

"I know Bailey, I was there," Abigail said, deadpanning.

"Yeah but! Yeah but! You shoulda seen, it was like--!" Bailey continued.

"Hey, Old Man-sama, I know why Itachi and Kisame were here," Abigail said to the Hokage, remembering for once her top priorities, especially when the safety of Naruto-kun was involved.

Kakashi came up beside her. "Don't worry, so do I. I'll explain to the Hokage," he said. "You'd better get back to calming down your friend."

Bailey was bouncing around, now telling Sasuke her exciting Bailified version of the story, seeming not to care that he wasn't listening in the slightest. Abigail looked over and sighed. "I guess."

"Bailey," she said solemnly, walking over and looking at Bailey sternly. "Neo is dead."

Bailey's eyes snapped open. "NOOO!" she screamed. "HE SIMPLY PRETENDED TO BE DEAD TO APPEASE THE BAD GUYS! HE IS REALLY ALIVE AND WELL!" Her eyes blazed.

_Shit, _thought Abigail with a sweatdrop. _So much for that calming her down. _"Okay, okay, I was kidding. We all know Neo is still alive and will come visit you one day and teach you how to slow time and walk through walls and various other cool things."

"That's right," Bailey said, slowly going back to normal.

"Who's Neo?" Sasuke asked, sounding bored.

"Bailey's hero," Abigail supplied. Bailey nodded vehemently, off in her Matrix fantasy.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"And I'm YOUR hero! Right, Sasuke?" Bailey said, elbowing Sasuke in the stomach.

Sasuke frowned. "Why would you be my hero?"

Bailey gave him a furious look. "I saved your hide, ingrate!"

"Pfft." Sasuke looked away, not quite blatantly defiant about facts that kicked him in the face as Naruto was, and so unable to deny it, but too proud to admit that she was right.

Bailey narrowed her eyes at his stubbornness. "Admiiit itttt," she hissed.

"Feh," Sasuke said, apparently thinking this covered it.

"Shall I beat him up?" Abigail offered, but Bailey was now sulking and wouldn't answer. They all walked in rather awkward silence for a while, until Bailey spoke up.

"I get it!" she said suddenly, her face lighting up in what would have been called a radiant expression on someone slightly prettier. As it were, we shall call it... the closest thing to radiant that can happen on a face that isn't by nature what you would call radiant.

"Get what?" Sasuke asked, giving her a weird look, at the same moment that Abigail said "Good job, little buddy!" in a cheesy voice.

"It just hit me!" Bailey said in a tone of revelation. "It would appear... Sasuke, I like you!" she said in a proud voice.

(CHIRPING OF CRICKETS)

"Um... good for you?" Sasuke said, raising an eyebrow.

"Ahh, I see you want some alone time," Abigail said wickedly. "I shall melt into the shadows like a... melting into shadows thing." She melted into the shadows. Like a melting into shadows thing.

Sasuke looked at Bailey quizically. He would have looked down at her, but the thing was, she wasa bit taller than him, which proved this impossible. "And you have decided this suddenly why?"

"Hmm, well, if when someone tries to kill someone and it makes you feel really really mad like you want to rip the one dude's liver out and feed it to a chicken, and feel really worried about the other person, that means you like them, right?"

Sasuke cracked a tiny smile. "I guess so."

"So! I like you!" Bailey said, grinning.

Sasuke shook his head slightly and rolled his eyes. "I like you too, though you're incredibly stupid and incompetent... well, usually," he added quickly, before she could remind him again that she had "saved his hide".

"Yes, yes, I know," Bailey said, looking at him like he was an idiot. "Abby-sama told me."

"Told you that I like you or told you that you're incredibly stupid?"

"Both! But where did Abby go?" Bailey put a hand over her eyes in he exaggerated searching pose and looked around. "ABBBYYYY!" she yelled.

Abigail emerged from the shadows that she had before melted into, looking vaguely disappointed. "What? You're calling me back already? No confessions of undying love or anything? And Chibi Abigail got out the popcorn all for nothing." She pointed at Chibi Abigail sitting on her shoulder and looking thwarted, holdinga tub of chibi popcorn. (A/N: No, I've never seen chibi popcorn either.)

Sasuke, unable to take any more of this, decided it was time for him to go. He would actually haveliked togo home and sleep--he didn't feel all that peachy after his encounter with Itachi--but, being fanatical as he was, he, of course, decided that training it was.He muttered somethingand slouched off in his normal Sasuke-like way.

"Dang," Abigail said with a sigh. "No ammo for blackmail."

Bailey stuck out her tongue. "Har har. Eavesdropping creep. So, whatcha want to do now?"

"Actually..." Chibi Abigail vanished with a poof as Abigail's face slowly changed to a serious expression. "...I kinda wanted to talk about... have you thought really about how we're going to get home?"

Bailey blinked. "H..." She opened her mouth slightly, and closed it again. For pretty much the first time since entering the world of anime, she started to wonder about exactly that. "Um... not really. But now that you mention it..." A saddened expression covered her face.

They stood in silence for a while. When Abigail looked back at Bailey, her friend's face looked stricken with grief.

"Geez! Bailey, don't be too worried! We'll find a way eventually--" Abigail started to say.

"_Has anyone been feeding Doikles_?" Bailey wailed, now bursting into tears.

"WHAT?" Abigail screamed. "I thought you were being serious for once and now you're talking about your pet SPIDER?"

Anime tears streamed down Bailey's face. "I AM being serious! He's just a baby! How will he manage without me? Mom probably... no!" Horror raced across her face, and she gave Abigail a terrified look. "_Not the vacuum cleaner!"_

Abigail bashed Bailey across the head. "Look, Doikles is FINE!" she yelled. "For God's sake, he's killed _wasps! _And your mom doesn't vacuum your room, remember? Hence why there is about two feet of dust on the floor."

"Oh yeah." Relief scudded across Bailey's features like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. "Well, that's alright then... OMIGOD WHAT ABOUT MR. PONG?"

"HE'S A TEDDY BEAR! TEDDY BEARS DON'T DIE!" Abigail yelled, anger marks ticking up around her head.

"No, but they can be disemboweled and then they're like sad little limp pieces of cloth with faces--"

"Bailey, Bailey, don't worry about your little friends and pets. Worry about us."

"Why?"

"Well... though we may not really miss home yet, we probably will... and there's also something that's been nagging on my mind."

Bailey sighed. "What?"

"Well... you haven't seen many actual episodes of Naruto, but I've seen all of the ones out so far. I don't know why when we got sucked into the computer thatsome of the events haven't happened or anything... for instance... um..." she thought for an example, quickly dismissing the one of Sasuke betraying the village. Somehow she didn't think Bailey would like to hear that too much. "Erm, nevermind. But now we've completely screwed up the storyline."

"We have?"

Abigail deadpanned. "In the actual show, two girls don't pop up out of nowhere. That hadn't really bothered me before, because neither did the Hidden Grass Village send spies and ratty men and stuff like that, so I figured it's just a whole different story. But Itachi _was _supposed to come, looking for Naruto, and he did. But we messed that up by being there. It might have some kind of effect on the whole story."

Bailey looked bored. "...So?"

"DammitBailey! Small things can have butterfly effects on things!"

"Butterfly effects?"

Abigail sighed. "Never mind... but say Itachi realized that we have great potential like Naruto! Then we would be in trouble."

Bailey swallowed nervously, remembering yelling pretty much those exact words at Itachi. "Um... why would we be in trouble?" she asked, trying to sound casual.

"Because he wants Naruto FOR his power. He might come after us if he sees our potential."

Bailey sweatdropped. _Oh dear... _she thought. _But still... he didn't believe me... so we should be fine._

----In the forest----

Itachi and Kisame stood a ways in the forest, out of view from the rest of the village.

"Wasn't that interesting how she got up so quickly? I guess Itachi-sama's suggestion to watch a bit longer was a good one," Kisame reflected in an absent tone.

Itachi was gazing off into the distance, remembering how the girl had recovered so amazingly. "Indeed..." he murmured. He had dismissed her boasts as stupid babbling, especially when he saw how they fought. But then... _nobody _should have the power to recover from opening the inner gates so quickly. So she had been telling the truth. Interesting. And... intriguing.

Sasuke opened the door wearily, feet dragging behind him after a long day of training. Crashes and screams from another room told him that at least one of the girls was home, too.

"Hey!" he yelled as he closed he door behind him. He was holding something red and dirty.

There was a brief silence, punctured by little whispered exclamations like "_shit, he's home!" "Clean it up!" "Hide hide hide!"_

Sasuke, eye twitching, braced himself as he followed the voices. He walked into the kitchen and was confronted with a scene that was obviously the result of a violent food fight. Two pairs of feet were visible beneath the hem of the filthy tablecloth.

"Bloody hell!" he yelled, whipping the tablecloth up to reveal two guilty faces peering up at him. "Can't you get through _one _day without wreaking havoc on SOMETHING? Clean this up, dammit!" He gestured around at the kitchen, which was in shambles.

They crept out, faces like kicked spaniels. "I thought you said he probably wouldn't be back before dark..." Bailey whined in a mutter to Abigail as she slowly started prying cutlery from where it was lodged in the walls. Abigail merely responded with a small grumble. Sasuke, fuming, watched for a second as they halfheartedly flicked dishrags over grimy surfaces and threw remnants of food missiles into the trash.

"I found this close to where you showed up the first night," he said abruptly, tossing the object he had been carrying onto the floor. "It's probably yours." He stalked from the room.

Abigail gaped at the small red and orange plaid backpack in a heap on the floor. "My backpack!" she yelled, dropping the dishrag she had been holding and leaping for the bag.

"How did it get there?" Bailey asked, amazed, as she abandoned her cleaning efforts also. If Abby didn't have to clean, she didn't either.

Abigail shrugged as she loosened the drawstring on the bag. "The same way we did, I guess. I remember now... it had been on the back of my chair when we were watching anime that night!"

"Does that mean Chair-Chair is there, too?" Bailey asked gleefully.

Abigail gave her a deadpanned look. "...I don't know," she finally said. "But I wasn't aware that you had even named my _chair, _as well."

"Everything needs a name, else how will you recognize it?" Bailey said. "Is there anything in there?"

Abigail pulled out the objects that were in the backpack one by one, listing them off. "One discman--sweet!---; one Gazette cd--ditto--; one--ew--" she held up a ziploc bagcontaining something that might have once been a sandwich with two fingers, and dropped it with a disgusted face. It splatted softly against the floor. She continued her rummaging. "One lipgloss; one water bottle; one camera cord and--AWESOME, my camera!" She whipped out a small silver digital camera, her pride and joy.

"WICKED!" Bailey yelled. "Gimme gimme gimme!"

Abigail held the camera out of Bailey's reach. "_No, _it's _mine, _ya greedy kid!" She jumped to her feet. "But let's take some pictures!"

They trooped out of the kitchen, all cleaning forgotten, though first Abigail grabbed her backpack and its contents and dumped them in her room (excluding the sandwich).

"Take a picture of my tent! My tent!" Bailey yelled, grabbing Abigail's sleeve and towing her towards the living room.

"Your tent collapsed, remember?" Abigail told her.

Bailey's face fell. "Oh yeah... well, take a picture anyways! It can a 'before' and 'after' thing, you know..."

Abigail sighed, but clicked on the camera and trudged into the living room just to oblige her. When she pressed the capture button, however, the screen displayed a message saying the camera's memory was full.

"What the... oh crap, there's a bunch of pictures and stuff on here from back home..." Abigail said. "We'll have to find a computer to put them on--hey!"

"What?" Bailey asked, puzzled. Abigail looked like she'd just had a brilliant idea.

"We can explain to Team 7 about how we came from a different place! Look... we have pictures of us in _non-anime! _We can tell them everything! Oooooh!"

"Do you think they'll be really thrilled to hear that they're nothing more than a TV show?" Bailey asked in a dull voice, raising an eyebrow.

There was a pause. "That... made sense," Abigail said quietly, and suddenly spun around and started shaking Bailey violently by the shoulders. "**What have you done with my Bailey-chan?"**

"Wahhhhah, I'm not even allowed to have intelligent thoughts once in a while," Bailey squalled, jerking away from Abigail. "No wonder I've ended up so stupid." (Anime tears, anime tears, anime tears.)

Abigail sighed and slung an arm around her shoulder comfortingly. "No no, Bailey, intelligent thoughts are simply unnatural on you. We must prevent them from happening on account of...erm... for the sake of nubbins."

Bailey had no idea what she was talking about, so she blinked a few times and just said, "Ohhh, of course," as if she did. Abigail patted her on the back.

"Good job. ...Yoshi!... let's find a computer!"

---------------

Bailey looked around while Abigail sat down and booted up the computer. "...Erm... did it ever display in the show that Konoha has an internet cafe?" she asked slightly dubiously. It was just a bit too weird to step from streets full of ninja and people who fought with old-fashioned weapons, to walk into a completely modern internet shop.

"Nope," Abigail said absently, plugging the camera into the computer. Bailey looked over and scowled.

"Why do you get the chair?" she demanded.

"Heh heh heh." Abigail jerked a thumb over at a blue plastic chair beside hers. "What are you talking about? There's one right there."

"But yours is spinny!" Bailey said with swirly eyes.

"Ya snooze ya lose!"

There was a second of silence while a dark thunderhead grew above Bailey's head. Suddenly she lunged forward, grabbed both sides of the spinny chair, and gave an almighty twist. Abigail shrieked as the chair spun around on its axis in a blur. She reached out to grab the computer desk to stop herself, but her timing was off and she instead merely grabbed at the air behind her, lost her balance, and fell off with a "thud", She lay on the ground twitching while Bailey stepped primly over her, stopped the chair, and sat down with a very smug expression.

"Bailey, you have just shortened your life span greatly," Abigail snarled, staggering to her feet.

"Make yourself useful. Go get Team 7," Bailey said, flapping a hand dismissively.

Abigail's eye twitched madly. "That's what I told _you _before!"

"Yeah, well, what goes around comes around," Bailey said wickedly, before adding. "And around... and around... right Abby?"

Abby blanched, clapped a hand over her mouth, and raced off. There was a distant sound of throwing up.

"Score: Abigail-0; Bailey-1," Bailey announced to herself, doing a little victory dance in her seat. She double-clicked on "My Computer" and opened up the digital camera's screen. Once she'd cut and pasted the contents into a new folder, she leaned back in her swivelly chair and looked around at other people in the place. They were at one of the computers in the row farthest from the counter and right by a wall. On Bailey's right, an enormous woman had pulled two chairs together so she could sit in them and was munching cheesies at marathon speed while reading something on her screen. She laughed and sprayed wet orange crumbs all over her lap, or rather, where her lap should have been. Bailey shuddered and looked to her left. A young man in a dark blue sweater with thick glasses and greasy orange hair that hung down past his shoulders was typing madly at the keyboard. At first Bailey couldn't see much of what he looked like, as he was hunched over and his hair shielded his face, but then he paused for half a second to briefly flick his head in that classic Herbal Essences advertisement style, his hair soaring backwards to rest behind his ears. Bailey cringed at the sight of his face; his skin was such a pasty white that she wondered if he glowed in the dark. She hurriedly went back to looking at her computer screen instead, opening up internet explorer to check her e-mails.

She looked over to her right. "Can I have a cheesy?"

----ten minutes later----

Bailey heard the door of the shop slam open and a "GREETINGS, EVERYONE!" followed by four familiar voices sighing "do you have to make such an entrance?"

_Abby's back, _she thought. Sure enough, two seconds later, Abigail came bursting around the corner.

"_Hiiiieeeeee Baiiiileyyyyyy!"_ she squealed, waving madly, apparently having forgotten all about being mad at her.

"_Hieeeee," _Bailey waved back with her whole arm, as if they had a football field between them. Team 7 came slouching around the corner. Kakashi looked mildly interested in the shop in general--probably the options of dirty internet contents were suddenly registering in his brain-- but the rest of the team didn't look too thrilled.

"Hey, hey, what's all this?" Naruto asked grumpily, his eyes screwed shut and his lower lip poking out. "Why did you say we have to come here?" he asked Abigail.

"All in good time, my pet--where'd you get the cheesies, Bailey?"

The cheesy woman had left awhile ago, so Bailey didn't even bother answering. "Ne, Abby," she said suddenly, beckoning Abigail to lean down so she could whisper in her ear. "Do you think that guy glows in the dark?" she asked quietly, pointing discreetly at her neighbour with the orange hair.

Abigail straightened up and scrutinized the greasy teenager. "I dunno, let's ask him. Hey buddy, do you glow in the dark?" she asked loudly, tapping him on the shoulder.

The guy jumped and resurfaced to the outside world. "...huh?" he asked.

"Is that a natural skin colour or were you born in ultraviolet light in a tub of radioactive gunk?"

Realizing he was being insulted, the guy's face darkened and he suddenly launched into a tirade of reproval. Sadly, no one could understand what he was saying, because his words were each about seven syllables long and mostly had greek background. (A/N: I have taken the stereotypical nerd image for this guy, just so you know. And if a nerd is reading this, don't be insulted, for I am a fellow nerd! Though I do wash my hair and don't glow in the dark.)

After Bailey had dragged Abigail back to the computer and sat her down (though she, of course, kept the spinny chair), she instructed Team 7 to pull up some chairs and sit down, which they did grudgingly.

"So... you know how we said we come from a far away place?" Abigail said, as Bailey opened up the media player and waited for the say-so from Abby to start playing one of the movies that were on the camera. They nodded.

"Well, we're going to show you what it looked like! And what we looked like, though it will be hard to believe," she announced dramatically.

They waited while Bailey looked around for a good movie to play. Sakura glanced out the window. "It's starting to rain," she said absently. She sighed dreamily. "I just love the sound of rain drumming on the roof in a warm house. Don't you, Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke didn't answer, as usual. Abigail, eavesdropping as usual, put her face really close to his and stared at him reprovingly. "YOU WERE ASKED A QUESTION," she boomed. Sasuke's eyes snapped wide open and an eyebrow twitched.

"Hey guys, it's ready," Bailey said, just in time to prevent unnecessary bloodshed. Abigail spun back around in her seat to face the computer.

"And... play!" Bailey announced, clicking once.

A messy room appeared on the screen. Abigail was sitting on the floor crosslegged, posing with a hamster cuddled close to her cheek.

"What are you doing?" came Bailey's voice, really close to the microphone part of the camera.

"Posing!" Abigail said, with a big cheesy smile.

"Idiot! I'm making a movie, not taking a picture."

Abigail grinned sheepishly. "Ehhe." She scratched the back of her head.

Outside of the computer screen, Team 7 gaped and leaned forwards in their seats.

"What's with... that's some weird animation!" Kakashi said.

"It's not animation, moron. That's _us. _That's what our world looked like," Abigail told him.

"You expect us to believe _that?" _Sakura said incredulously.

"You're idiots," Abigail huffed, turning back to the screen. Abigail-and-Bailey-on-camera were now fighting for use of the camera, the hamster scurrying across the room in a bid for freedom. There was a lot of scuffling and the screen was a blur for awhile, until finally there was a yank, and someone cheered "victory!" Next thing, the camera was focusnig on Bailey sprawled across he floor.

"Muahaha," Abigail snickered, off-screen.

Bailey looked up at her dangerously. The camera backed away slowly, Abigail whispering into the mouthpiece, "she's getting that scary look again..."

Bailey lunged.

That was the end of the movie. "Ahh, good times," Bailey said, minimizing the screen and turning to face the rest of them cheerfully. The rain outside had gotten worse, thundering down onto the roof. "So what did you think?"

"That is so weird! That's _you?" _Naruto exclaimed.

"Yep!" the two girls said simultaneously. Sakura scoffed.

"Naruto, you can't possibly _believe _them? Please."

"Oh... I dunno..." Naruto said uncertainly.

"Well, we may as well watch another, right? Can't really go outside in this rain, right?" Abigail said. They all looked out the window; it was a positive flash-flood now.

They shrugged consent. Bailey opened up another of the movies.

"Annnnd, it is one minute to midnight," Abigail's voice sounded in a whisper. The camera view was very dark and nothing could really be made out except for a lot of vague shapes. "Bailey is in the next room, still on the computer, go figure. Let's see what she is doing, shall we?" The camera crept forward, bumpily; it was apparent that Abigail was trying to hold it smooth and steady as she walked, but it was an uneven trip anyways. The camera peeked around a doorway. The next room was lighter, lit by the glow of a computer. Bailey sat in front of it, giggling at something on the screen, oblivious to the fact that she was being watched. The camera withdrew silently.

"Shh," Abigail whispered quietly into the mouthpiece. "We don't want to disturb our little Bailey." The camera viewpoint swung down slowly and focused on a wristwatch, lit up by its indigo light button. The digital numbers flashed 11:59:48.

"49... 50... 51," Abigail breathed quietly, counting the seconds. At 55, the camera straightened up slowly and started to creep through the doorway towards the oblivious Bailey. Abigail paused one last time to just barely whisper, "59..." and then suddenly lunged forward. _**"THE WITCHING HOUURRRRRR!" **_she howled at the top of her lungs right in Bailey's ear. Bailey shrieked bloody murder and toppled off her seat sideways. Abigail went into hysterics, her laughter warped from being too close to the camera mic. The camera focused on Bailey as she got up, looking mad. It looked for a second like this movie was going to end the same way as the other, but instead Bailey sat down again huffily.

"Aren't your parents trying to sleep upstairs?" she demanded.

"Oh shit..." Abigail said. Right on cue, there was a thudding noise on the ceiling of someone banging on the floor upstairs. Someone yelled something in a muffled voice.

"Righto," Abigail said quickly. "Time to end this--"

The movie ended.

"Ahh, better than a horror show," Abigail said cheerfully.

"Frick. _You _weren't the victim in it," Bailey grumbled.

Naruto and Sakura were both snickering. Bailey turned to glare at them. "What're you laughing about?"

"Hehe... your expression was pretty funny..." Naruto chuckled, before seeing her expression _now. _IT wasn't too funny. He shut up.

"Let's watch it again," Sakura said.

"Yes, le's!" Bailey said sarcastically. "We can put it on an overhead projector and use your forehead as a screen!"

Sakura's eye twitched.

"I second that we watch it again," Abigail said, reaching over and clicking.

"No!" Bailey started to turn it off. She struggled with Abigail for control of the mouse.

"Sakura, catch!" Abigail said, tossing the mouse at the pink-haired girl. She looked stunned for a second, then smirked, directed the cursor over, and clicked.

Quite a few things happened in a very short sequence. The movie started to play, right as Bailey lunged at Sakura with evil intent, and there was a flash of lightning from outside.

Everyone flinched. A second later, they opened their eyes. Abigail starting to snicker, "deja vu... eh, Bailey?"

Some people nearby were staring, but only because of the fight that had been going on. They turned back to their computers, unconcerned. But Abigail was staring at an empty chair. "Bailey? _Bailey?" _she looked around wildly.

"Where's Sakura-chan?" Naruto said suddenly.

TO BE CONTINUED...

* * *

Wahahahahah! Some scenes just DEMAND the phrase "to be continued..."... this is one of 'em!

Sooo, I have decided from now on, for no particular reason, I will write responses to each of my reviews (only from this chapter up, though... it would take just a leetle too long to catch up on all 160 or so reviews :S) So... be careful of what you write this chapter! Muaha!

And lastly... this topic has been coming up repeatedly in my reviews... A pairing with Abigail. Um, well, originally, I hadn't even planned to pair her with anyone, but I of course cater to my readers. So tell me what you think and if she should pair up with someone, and who (though I have an idea already, I'm not completely set on it, so... as I said, cater to the readers:P), and I'll decide.

Peace!

KarAokE


	25. What Is The Narutrix?

O-haYO! Not that it's morning. But potato potahto. Here is ze latest chaputaaa! Which I know you have all been awaiting and anticipating and marinating and whatnot.

Disclaimer: I specifically mention Masashi Kishimoto owning Naruto in this chapter, so I really don't think I need to say it again. ... Do I? Well, I refuse.

* * *

CHAPTER 25

"Hello?" Bailey asked tentatively, waving her hands out in front of her in the darkness. One of them smacked into something that felt distinctly face-ish. "Abby?" she asked, flapping her hands more in that general direction.

"Stop hitting me!" someone snapped. Bailey froze, and her eyes narrowed. "You're not my Abby," she growled.

"No duh! Sasuke-kun? Sasuke-kun, where are you?"

"Oh GROSS! I touched your face?" Bailey exclaimed, horrified. "I wonder how much it hurts to chop a hand off…." She mumbled.

While Bailey was shuddering and calling for Abby, it hit Sakura that something felt odd. There was an absence of voices. Shouldn't the entire cafe be pretty noisy and clamorous in a power outage? Yet Bailey was the only one who could be heard mumbling to herself about needing to disinfect her contaminated hands.

There was a sudden silence, as Bailey seemed to finally realize the same thing. "…Are they dead?" she asked brilliantly.

Sakura sighed. "We need light."

Bailey gasped. "Oh, wowwww! Gee! You _are _the bright one indeed, aren't you!" she exclaimed in a tone dripping with sarcasm. "Who woulda thunk it, maybe we need light!"

"Shut up," Sakura snarled, her cheeks colouring. Hopefully Sasuke-kun hadn't heard that.

Bailey started to stumble around, trying to find the doorway. If she could open that, light from outside would come in… wait a minute….

"Er… wasn't there a window?" she asked suddenly.

Sakura was silent for a second. "You know… yeah," she said suddenly. "It shouldn't even be this dark… and…." her voice suddenly was edged with apprehension. "Was the floor carpeted?"  
Bailey's eyes widened in the dark as a possibility hit her. At the same time, she also hit something. "Owie!" she squealed. "Hey… is this the computer?"

Sakura sighed. "Well, we _are _in a computer café, brainiac. But it's no use trying the computer for light; the power's out…"

There was a beeeoop sound as the computer started up. Sakura's mouth snapped shut.

"Hey, looks like the power's back on," Bailey said happily. They waited in darkness as the computer booted up, and then the desktop lit up. It was the familiar desktop to Bailey of Abigail's computer. Sakura let out a yelp as Bailey groaned, "I knew it…"

"What! What? Where are we? Bailey! What have you done?" Sakura shrieked, head snapping back and forth as she took in Abigail's room. There was a thud on the ceiling and she leapt into the air with another scream. "What was that!"

Bailey grabbed the nearest object beside her on the computer desk and hurled it at Sakura. It happened to be a dictionary. Sakura ducked before it could kill her. "Pull yourself together, ninny!" Bailey grumbled, mildly disappointed that Sakura had dodged her missile. She knew the thudding upstairs was Abigail's parents kicking on the floor, their way of telling them to keep the noise down. It was, after all, 2:13 AM, according to the clock on the computer. Looking again, the computer told her it was also July 21, the day she had been sucked into the computer with Abby. _So no time has passed? We're back on this night… I see… _

Sakura was suddenly gaping at Bailey, and as Bailey glanced back at her, she knew why. They were no longer anime.

"What's… what…" Sakura whimpered, looking terrified and backing away. "B...Bailey? Is that you…?" Her hand drifted down to her leg, which, Bailey suddenly noted, still had the kunai strapped on. Sakura's outfit looked the same, and her features, such as pink hair and green eyes, were the same, though her hair was not quite as vivid and looked slightly more reddish, so that while it wasn't by any means a common hair colour, it didn't look too wildly unnatural. But that may have been the lighting. Bailey was pleased to note that even in the real world, her forehead was also not the most delicate of things.

"What are snickering about?" Sakura snapped. _Definitely Bailey, _she thought with displeasure, as Bailey stared at her and sniggered.

"Oh, nothing," Bailey said. "Look…" she sighed, glancing back at the computer. It stared impassively back, showing no signs of being an other-worldly transporter. _Maybe Abby will show up, _she thought, though with not much hope. She would worry about this later; at the moment, she had to explain to Sakura what had happened before other girl went crazy. Although that would be pretty funny.

"You know how Abby and I said we came from far away?" she asked.

Sakura looked back and forth incredulously. "Yeah, but… no way. What's with.. everything looks…weird!"

Bailey snorted. "Like in the movies we showed you? Ms. Know-it-all? I _told _you that was us."

"But…"

"Anyways," Bailey said, grinning evilly. "You should see yourself."

DEAD SILENCE

"WHAT!" Sakura shrieked again. There was another thud on the ceiling. Sakura looked down at her hand and looked close to passing out.

"No, no, no," Bailey said, "you have to see the whole thing. Come on, there's a mirror in Abby's room." She smiled cheerily and traipsed out of the room, Sakura following behind her and gibbering.

Bailey whipped open the door to Abigail's room with a flourish. "Wahla!" she said, clicking on the light and pointing across the room to a full-length mirror on the wall. Sakura stared at it.

And stared.

And stared.

Finally, she slowly brought a hand up and waved it once. Her mirror image did the same. She took one hesitant step forward, then another backwards.

"Geez, you look like my dog did when she first saw a mirror," Bailey said. "Come on, Abby and I got used to being anime pretty fast. Don't be a wimp. Although," she added nastily, "looking like that, I guess you have more to be devastated about…"

Sakura's eye twitched, one of the few motions that worked in this world as well as anime. She ignored Bailey and instead took a few steps until she was really close to the mirror, inspecting herself. She looked up and down, and appeared crest-fallen.

"Yep, flat-chested as ever," Bailey said cheerily. In the anime, this would be where Sakura's expression would have dropped someone dead. Unfortunately, in the real world, even her most fuming expression looked kind of silly. Bailey giggled. Sakura looked ready to explode.

"You're _such! _A! A… a…." Sakura choked through her rage.

"Right, well, when you decide, let me know," Bailey said, sitting on the floor and picking up a comic book peacefully.

Sakura gaped at it, and Bailey suddenly realized she'd picked up a Naruto.

"What… what…Oh my God…" Sakura exclaimed, staring in shock. She looked up at Bailey and looked to be on the verge of tears in panic. "Are you… Gods?" she asked.

There was a stunned silence, before Bailey burst into hysterical laughter, toppling sideways onto the floor and rocking back and forth as she howled uncontrollably. Meanwhile Sakura sat awkwardly, still too stunned at the sight of the Naruto comic to know exactly what to do. She couldn't think of Abby and Bailey as gods, really, but how else would they have so much power, and then have books on them? What if… she cast a wild glance around at the floor strewn with various anime books… all these were different worlds… were Bailey and Abigail controlling them?

Bailey, choking on her laughter, realized what Sakura was thinking. A small evil grin broke across her face. This, she could use to her advantage. But looking at Sakura's terrified face, she decided to take pity on her for once and explain everything to her truthfully. She sighed. "No, I'm no god… though I guess I live in the same world as your god," she added, thinking of Masashi Kishimoto. "But listen up," she said sternly. "Put that forehead to good use and try to understand what I'll tell you."

---------------

"Sakura-chan? Sakura-chan?" Naruto repeated like a broken record. Abigail tip-toed along behind him as he bobbed around, looking under computer desks as if he actually expected Sakura to be hiding there, and mimed his every move.

"Enkkgh, Sakura-chan! Sakura-chan!" she squawked in his ear like a parrot. Naruto jumped and toppled over. Abigail cracked up. Naruto glared at her as he got back to his feet.

"Well, where is she, then?" he demanded grouchily.

Abigail chewed on her lip, unsure of how to tell them of what she suspected. "Oh, Bailey, you had to go and leave me all alone to clarify things to all these psychos," she whined quietly to herself. "Although… you do have Sakura to deal with… poor you."

"Abby?" Kakashi asked, frowning. "What are you muttering to yourself?"

Abigail's eye twitched. "It's ABIGAIL! ABIGAIL! ABIGAIL!" she roared, grabbing Kakashi's head and bashing it against the wall. Sasuke and Naruto stared, jaw-dropped, as their sensei, taken by surprise, went swirly-eyed and had to shake Abigail off. She sat fuming at him when he finally shoved her off and staggered a safe distance away.

"Okay… erm… Abigail." Kakashi said nervously.

Abigail smiled breezily, her eyes closing cheerfully Kakashi-style. "Yes?"

Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi sweatdropped.

"Do you know what's happened to Sakura and Bailey?" Kakashi asked carefully.

Abigail gave him a shifty look. "Mebbe."

Sasuke made a small exasperated sound. Abigail turned to look at him dangerously. "What was that, Chicken-hair?"

"Screw you," Sasuke said coldly, displeased at her nickname. Abigail's eye twitched.

"What?"

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto called again, apparently bored with this conversation that appeared to be going nowhere.

"Shut up, blondie. Okay, here's the story: Bailey and I are from a completely different world where your world is a TV show, which we somehow got sucked into by watching it one night, and now from watching videos of our world Bailey and Sakura have been transported into it and I don't know how they are getting back or how I will get back either, for that matter," Abigail droned in a bored tone. "Happy?"

There was a long silence. Then…

"Don't be ridiculous," Kakashi said, sounding irritated, while Sasuke went "Pft," and Naruto rolled his eyes and continued to search for Sakura.

Abigail shrugged. "Never said you had to believe me. Well, I don't…" she stared at the computer suddenly and something hit her. "Heyyyyy," she said slowly, and slowly reached for the mouse.

"What are you doing?" Sasuke asked, as she logged onto her hotmail. "Don't you even care that your friend's gone missing?"

"You're her lova, go look for her yourself," Abigail said irritably. Sasuke ground his teeth and glared daggers at her, which she didn't pay any attention to.

"Alrighty… new email," Abigail muttered to herself, and addressed it to BAILEY!" she wrote. "You're back in our world now, aren't you? I dunno how worried our folks are, but they probably haven't even noticed our absence. Well, if my parents ask where I am, tell them I'll be staying with you. But you're smart enough to figure that out, right? Actually don't answer that. And is Sakura there? Wow, sucks to be you. Well, I doubt you'll be on the computer at a time like this, even an internet junkie like you, so email me back when ya can! And we shall figure this junk out! HUGS AND KISSES! –ABIGAIL"

"Send," she muttered, her tongue sticking out the side of her mouth as she clicked on the send button. She wasn't sure if it would work, but it appeared to. "Hmm… so computers connect anime worlds with the real ones, do they?" she mused, looking at the screen. "…Interesting…"

"You weren't even kidding?" came a voice in her ear. She jumped. Sasuke was staring over her shoulder blinking at the screen.

"You read my e-mail? You rude kid!" Abigail yelled, smacking at him, but he leapt backwards in time.

Kakashi scratched the back of his head. "Well, you all don't seem too worried, but people aren't supposed to just disappear like this—I'm off to notify the Hokage." He strolled out of the café.

"Yeah! Yeah! I'm gonna go look for Sakura-chan!" Naruto announced, eyes flaming.

"Isn't that what you were just doing, dobe?" Sasuke asked.

"Shut up! I'm gonna look… outside!"

"I'll come help!" Abigail announced helpfully, logging off the computer and grabbing her camera. "See ya, Chicken-hair! You can mourn the loss of your number one fan and your… lova," she said with a big fake swoon.

"Quit calling her that!" Sasuke's eye twitched madly. Abigail cackled as she followed Naruto outside.

---------------

"Got that registered?" Bailey asked, as Sakura stared blankly. "Yeah? No? Maybe so? Alrighty, well, I'm gonna read while it gnaws its way through your skull and enters your tiny brain—"

"Can I see that book?" Sakura reached for the Naruto comic.

"Uh, sure," Bailey said, handing it to her. It was one of the earlier episodes, unfortunately—Bailey thought it would be amusing to show Sakura the incident of Sasuke betraying them. Kehehe.

They read far into the night, until Bailey finally went to sleep. Sakura read her way through all of Abigail's manga until the sun came up.

* * *

Sorry, I know it's very short... but I know you can forgive me, because the next chapter is going to awesome! I needed this as a, you know, segway thingy to get into the action once more. Next chapter... Abigail's parents "where is our daughter? And who is this ugly redhead?" and BUBBLE CHAKRA! Yes, I know you must be madly curious already. Well, end of author's note! As promised, I now have my likkle messages to each of my wunnerful fans who reviewed last chapter.

Suko-chan: Heh, I can't believe some people weren't sure about if Sakura had been transported into the real world or not. It bamboozles me. Anywho, no problem with short reviews! It's the thought that counts. (Although watch out, I may start using that as excuse to write short chapters like this all the time. 3)

Song of a Fallen Angel: Aww, can't refuse the puppy dog eyes. But don't make it a habit. (stern voice) Because... puppy eyes get goopy. Hahahaha.

The Magical Whatever: "Yay saying yay!" Hehehe, I like that... (steals)... looks like someone had a fewww too many marshmallows... :P ... So, yes, hideous slimey monsters on alternate planets... well, I had a very difficult time deciding between that and them going to the real world... but I decided in the end. But of course, this doesn't mean they won't be battling brain-sucking aliens anyways. O.o Ya never know. Well, thanks for the entertaining review!

pyro-fire-love: I know it sucks... I want a cloak like that... (sad sigh) Anywhom. Hmm, another vote for an Abby pairing. Hmmm. Alrighty, thanks for the input and review. n.n

huffpuff: Yoshh, camera clips are soooo fun! I do that all the time 333. But... Itachi? (siigh) I never really understood Itachi fans, unfortunately. I've got a few reviews saying an Abby/Itachi pairing would be cool (including some nagging from my Abby-based friend, who loves Itachi (rolls eyes)) but I don't think I'm going to be able to make that happen. For one thing... erm... I -hate- Itachi. Hahaha. But also just because it would be too hard to pair someone like that up with a protagonist. :S That's also the reason I didn't pair her up with Gaara, which I had actually been thinking about at first. It's just too... hard. He would kill her. Hahaha.

Up4laughs: Hehe, I M A G nee us! Yey! Thanks! Sorry if this chapter wasn't quite as interesting as you were hoping for... just you wait! Next one! Next one. (nods slowly and sagely)

Crimson Dragongem: You are a smart kookie. Indeed it does. Hehe. P.S. Yay for insanity!

2the1broken6angel: No waiiii! I'm your favourite? D'AWWWW! (bursts into tears) You're so .:sob, sob:. kind! .:snuffle, choke:. Hee. Well, I shall definitely check out your story when it comes out! Hehe, and I don't exactly have a patent on cafes, so go right ahead with them in your story, hehehe. (I'm so kind.)

Duff-Duff: Thanksez. I have just realized I have reviews from someone called "huffpuff", and I have a review from someone called "duff-duff". Huffpuff... Duff-Duff. Huffpuff... Duff-Duff. It's kinda weird. And funny. :P

summer-loven-2: Yay for kitty faces! Heh. Thanks for the review.

tweetybaby2: Wahhh, don't talk about how Bailey left Sasuke and merely break my heart! ToT. Here comes the bad conscience soaring back. Ah well, have faith in me, my pets, it will all work out in the end... there's still more chapters and events to come! P.S. Yeah I know... stuck with Sakura... (shudder). I can almost not believe how cruel I am.

PurpleNek0: Kehehe. There will be more on Sakura's looks... but I won't tell you in what way and ruin it for you. (angelic look) I'll just let your brain hurt some more. :P

Scribbie: I like your justification and opinion on the Abigail pairing thing. That's actually pretty much how I felt (well, not about Itachi, as you can tell :P). But I think I'll be pairing her with someone anyways, seeing as that's what the majority of everyone wants. But yeh... just between you and me (confidential tone), I agree. Ooh! And you're a Bailey fan! Yay! You have returned the self-esteem that I lost when Bailey lost the popularity poll, haha. Anywhom, thanks for the review!

Wyrvvn: You like Sakura? Weird... I can't imagine why you're reading this, actually... hehe. Well, actually, I guess I can... I read loads of fanfictions that make fun of Sasuke, Kakashi, and Gaara, and they're my favs. Anywhom. I hold nothing against you for liking Sakura... I don't mind her in the waayyy later episodes, either. But I wouldn't go so far as to say I like her. And her old self (the self I am using for this fanfic)... well... hate her. So muahahahaha! Now. Your rant. It made my brain go -squish- and my eyes go -swirl-. I am still trying to figure it out. Hahaha. Oh yeah! I should read more of your story, shouldn't I? I thought I put it on my alerts list though? .: ponderous little frown:. Well, bye!

snuggles-n-hugs: Hokey pokey! Hee! .: dances around like you-know-who:. Wheee! Wait... you know what's going to happen next? You do? How? Oh wait... you mean what you suggested? Hehehe. Yes, that is going to happen next. But no one else knows, so shhh. And there's also the case of the bubble chakra. Which you don't know about. MUHAHAHA! P.S. .:eyetwitch:. I'm not THAT pale dammit!

Allllrighty, I'm done! Gee, that took longer than I thought it would. But it's fun. Aywhom... bye bye until later! And this later will not take very long, just so you know. Because I'm kind. Plus I really want to get around to the bubble chakra. Keheheh!


	26. Olga Burboose and Bubble Chakra

Yo! The "insert line here" thingy doesn't seem to be working. So I will use the ------s that I use in the middle of the story, as substitutes for the lines I usually use. Quelle dommage.

Disclaimer: I keep Bailey and Abigail in a little cage to release into the Naruto world when I feel like it. But the Naruto world I can only influence in my own little stories. T.T

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CHAPTER 26

Bailey stretched luxuriously, cat-like, as she woke up. "Nyup nyup," she mumbled, smacking her lips, and opened one eye a sliver. "What the—!" she exclaimed in shock, shooting up into a sitting position before remembering the events of the previous day. She kicked the blankets aside (there were always plenty of blankets on Abigail's floor to snuggle into, so sleeping on the floor was quite comfy) and looked around groggily. A couple feet away, Sakura was sitting in front of the mirror and staring intently at herself, poking and prodding at her face and hair occasionally.

"Geez, get over it. There's always surgery if nothing else can make you prettier," Bailey told her. "Though they may have a hard time with that, too…"

Sakura ground her teeth, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. Finally she turned to Bailey and pointed at her cheek. "What's this?" she demanded.

Bailey quirked an eyebrow, a trait she'd learned from Sasuke. Unfortunately, while on him it looked cool and aloof, on her it merely gave her the look of someone who was fifty percent surprised and not too intelligent. "A cheek?"

"No, stupid!" Sakura snapped, shuffling up close to Bailey, who shuddered and leaned back as Sakura put her face close to hers, pointing insistently at her cheek. "_This!"_

"Please, I don't want to see your face this close up… and you didn't brush your teeth last night…" Bailey gagged, but Sakura was looking so dangerous that she grudgingly looked at wherever the other girl was pointing, and eventually saw what Sakura was implying. She snorted. "Hah! That, is a pimple. You've got one on your nose, too," she added helpfully.

"A what?"

"It's a zit! A very unattractive feature that happens to anyone. Sucks to be you," Bailey supplied cheerfully.

Sakura wailed and sat back. "It looks ugly!"

"No problem! So do you."

"You've got one on your forehead!" Sakura yelled angrily.

"You've probably got one on there, too, but it got lost!"

"At least I have a pretty eye colour!"

Bailey twitched, remembering that she no longer had her cool golden eyes in this world, and instead they were merely light amber. "What, tinged red like a rabbit?" she snapped back at Sakura instead. It was kind of true; Sakura looked pretty tired.

Sakura huffed. "How can you expect me to sleep in a situation like this?"

"Hell, I did the first night I went into your world."

"Yeah, well, you're just in a comatose state half the time anyway! Duhhh," Sakura mimicked, putting on a stupid expression and imitating Bailey.

_Oh my,_ Bailey thought. _She's gotten pretty nasty in this real world. _Her eye twitched madly. "You accuse _me _of being half comatose? Who's the one following Sasuke around in a dithering stupor all day?"

"Sasuke-kun needs some attention!"

"Yeah, like he needs a hangnail!"

"You're just jealous! He'll realize I'm the only one who can make him happy by caring for him!" Sakura said the last part dreamily, clasping her hands by her cheek; in the anime she would have been surrounded by little hearts.

"You actually think he enjoys being stalked? I'm sure when he wants another forehead following him around, he'll ask…"

This may have gone on for hours on end, but at that moment the door suddenly opened and Mrs. Wilson stood in the doorway, talking animatedly.

"Good morning girls; up already? I thought you would sleep until noon, what with how late you— " She cut off suddenly, finally seeing who she was talking to. "Well, hello. I didn't know Abigail had invited more than one friend!" She frowned. "And you are?"

Sakura opened her mouth, but at that moment Abigail's dad appeared behind his wife's shoulder. "Who's this ugly redhead?" he asked.

Sakura's jaw dropped indignantly. Bailey burst into laughter. Mrs. Wilson said "Rick!" sharply, giving her husband a reproving look.

"Sorry," Mr. Wilson said quickly, catching himself. "I didn't mean you were ugly, kid, erm, just your hair….uhhh…" his voice trailed off as Mrs. Wilson turned and glared daggers at him. Sakura joined in.

Bailey was always eager to clarify. "It's tragic, isn't it, Mr. Wilson? She used to have this gorgeous crimson hair, but, you see, she always envied my hair. So the thing is, she tried to bleach hers one day, but she got impatient and washed it out too soon, leaving her with this unfortunate faded colour… Owwiiieee!" she yelped, as Sakura snarled and bashed her over the head. "Only Abby is allowed to do that!" Bailey growled, cracking her knuckles. "Prepare to die, pinky!"

"Girls, girls!" Abigail's mom said quickly, while Mr. Wilson laughed and snickered "'Pinky!'"

Sakura snapped back to good-girl pose in a second, realizing what she'd just done. "I'm very sorry," she said humbly, lowering her eyes and clasping her hands in her lap. Bailey gaped at her, thinking something along the lines of _kiss-uppy fakeys MUST DIE._

"So what's your name?" Mrs. Wilson asked Sakura.

"Haruno Sakura," she supplied.

Mrs. Wilson frowned, and then let out a light laugh. "I've heard that before… isn't that one of the characters in that silly show Abigail and Bailey watch? I suppose you're a big fan, then?"

Sakura frowned. "Well, actually…"

"She goes by Haruno Sakura because she's so infatuated with the show," Bailey said. "Plus with the huge forehead, she bears a striking resemblance to the Haruno Sakura in the show."

"Indeed," Mr. Wilson agreed. Bailey smiled happily.

"But her real name is Olga Burboose," she said, with a huge smile at Sakura that was astonishingly friendly-appearing. To anyone watching, it would have looked like a smile between best friends. Sakura gaped at her.

Mr. Wilson snorted and turned away quickly, his shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. Even Abigail's mom looked startled and caught herself just in time. "O…Olga?" she said quickly, smiling weakly. "Well, hello… Olga…."

Her husband squealed with laughter faintly.

Sakura, jaw dropped, turned a stunned face towards Bailey, who grinned hugely. "What!" she nearly screamed.

Abigail's parents didn't take notice of this, for now Mr. Wilson, who had calmed down slightly, said, "So, where is our daughter, Bailey?"

"Uhhh…." Bailey faltered, not bright enough to come up with a response. "Er, she, uh…"

"She's hiding from us at the moment," Sakura said. "We're going to see how long it takes her to realize we're not searching."

Bailey blinked. _Damn smart kids, _she thought grumpily.

"Oh," Mrs. Wilson laughed. "Hasn't Abigail done that to _you_ countless times, Bailey?"

Bailey grumped something into her chin.

"Okay, well, we're off to work… tell her goodbye for us, will you?" Mrs. Wilson said cheerfully, sweeping off. Her husband cast one last glance at Sakura, stifled a snicker, and followed quickly, calling goodbye to them.

There was a moment of silence. Then Sakura turned to Bailey, expression murderous. " 'Olga Burboose?'" she screamed.

"It was the first thing that came to mind!" Bailey said innocently. "We couldn't exactly tell them that you _are_ Haruno Sakura, or they'd put us in a nutcase home!"

"But … _OLGA BURBOOSE?"_

"I'm very sorry, I thought it was a pretty name." Bailey looked to the side innocently.

"I hate you."

"Thank you."

"So very much."

"Your forehead does, too; it's making faces at me."

Sakura made an angry noise and got up, walking over to where she had deposited the manga books as she read them last night. She picked up the top one, a Fruits Basket, and waved it at Bailey.

"What exactly _are _these?"

"Books. You read them."

Sakura gritted her teeth. "You know what I mean! Do all of them have… worlds inside them?"

Bailey shrugged. "Beats me. I guess so. Did you read all the Naruto ones?"

"She only had four, right?" Sakura asked, and Bailey nodded. Sakura sighed and sat down, rubbing a hand across her immense forehead. "It's just so weird…. I could read things that happened to me… exactly… it's just…" She scowled suddenly. "And why is it called 'Naruto'? It should at least be 'Sasuke'! He's _so _much a better person to write about," she said matter-of-factly.

"Or maybe it should be called 'Annoying Pink-haired Girl'," Bailey said.

"Or maybe you should shut up—" Sakura started furiously, then cut herself off, looking back at the books on the floor. "So…" She looked up carefully. "You _aren't _gods?"

Bailey gave her the best deadpanned look that one can manage in the real world. "Maybe we are…" she said mysteriously. "But we're minor gods that don't affect your world. But… nevertheless, you should show respect…"

Sakura scowled. "No."

Bailey's face darkened. "That's some tarnished karma you're spinning there…"

Sakura looked away snobbily. Bailey was getting ready to unleash her Super Bailey Spinning Kick And Mess Up Hair move when she remembered something that stopped her mid-warm-up deep breath.

"DOIKLES!" she screamed, leaping to her feet. "MR. PONG!"

Sakura stared at her. "What?"

"Never you mind your forehead about it," Bailey said. "I'm off! You can stay here and mourn over your lost Sasuke or whatever." She tore out of the room and down the stairs. It was weird for her being in Abigail's house when her friend wasn't there. At the door she looked down and saw her shoes, where she had left them yesterday—yesterday which was also about a week ago. It was only now that she realized she was still wearing the clothes from Naruto's world. "Cool!" she said out loud, looking down at her red shirt. "But anyways."

It was sunny and warm already at about nine in the morning. Bailey set off down the street towards her house, which was a couple blocks down. About thirty seconds after leaving, Sakura suddenly caught up to her. Bailey looked over at her in disgust. "What are you doing, forehead girl?" she asked, frowning. "Did I invite you to come with me?"

Sakura scowled at her equally hatefully. "I would rather stick my head in a barrel full of eels than have to spend more time with you than absolutely necessary. So it just goes to show how desperate I am in this messed up world to follow you around. Because I don't have a single clue about what to expect from here…. Err… are the ninjas around here really powerful?" she asked, remembering Abigail and Bailey's mad skills (A/N: mad skillz! I love that saying, haha.) in her world.

"Yup," Bailey said promptly. "Very. Kakashi-level people are genins around here."

Sakura gave her a suspicious look. "I don't believe you."

"You don't have to," Bailey said nonchalantly, shrugging. "Don't blame me when ignorance is the death of you, though."

Sakura swallowed nervously. Inner Bailey cackled.

"My house!" Bailey announced with a flourish as they arrived. "Stay here, forehead girl." She took a couple steps towards the house and turned, frowning, as Sakura followed. "No! Stay! Stay! Bad girl!" she said, pointing at Sakura.

"I am not a dog!" Sakura snapped.

"No? My bad. Well, leave your cooties outside when you enter, please." Bailey skipped towards her door and smashed it open. "MOMMMMMYYYYYY!" she yelled.

Sakura grimaced. Poor Mrs. Vernes.

However, suddenly a tall lady, the spitting image of Bailey except with light brown hair pulled back into a bun came sweeping into the room. "DAUUUGHTTTERRR!" she yelled back in response. Sakura's jaw dropped.

Bailey grinned with a "hee!" sound. "Hi," she said to her mom, waving, though they were about five feet apart.

Mrs. Vernes laughed and rolled her eyes. "You are so loud," she sighed. She craned her neck to see who was standing behind Bailey and smiled at Sakura. "Hi. You are?"

"This is my pet poodle. She worships me," Bailey said, trotting past her mom and disappearing through a doorway, calling "DOOIIKLESSS!"

Sakura started to edge away nervously, but Mrs. Vernes noticed. "Don't be shy. My daughter's a bit weird, though I guess you know that, if you're walking around with her. I thought she was at Abby's last night, though?"

"Uh, Abigail invited us both over," Sakura said nervously. "Um… who's Doikles?"

At that moment there was a loud scream from a different room. "OH MY GOD DOIKLES, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN _EATING?" _Bailey shrieked.

Mrs. Vernes cleared her throat. "That's her pet spider."

There was a pitter-patter-thud-thud-THUD of footsteps coming closer, and then Bailey burst back into the room, clutching a ratty teddy bear in one hand and a humongous spider that could probably have killed a small bird dangling from the other. "Mommm!" she wailed. "What have you done to mutate my poor Doikles!"

"Well, I was bored yesterday, and there were a lot of bugs in the house, so I decided to help Doikles out with his supper," Mrs. Vernes said, looking proud of herself.

Bailey's lip quivered. "But he's HUGE! He's gonna eat me!" She looked down at the spider hanging from her hand. "I liked him more when he was a little bitty spida," she said in a small voice, her lower lip poking out.

"It's how kids are," her mom said nastily. "As soon as they start growing big and not so cute, it makes you want to drown them."

"You're one to talk about what's little and cute! Hag!" Bailey yelled.

Mrs. Vernes scoffed. "I'm three times your age and sexier than you!"

Sakura, who had been horrified at first glance of Doikles, watched incredulously as mother and daughter sparred. Bailey's mom was exactly like her daughter in every aspect except perhaps smarter.

"I'll prove you wrong!" Bailey said haughtily. "I love my Doikles even though he's a bit chunky; I'll raise him lovingly until he's as big as my pillow!"

Sakura couldn't suppress her shudder. Unfortunately for her, Bailey noticed. A wide grin cracked across her face. "What, Olga? Don't like spiders?"

"_Olga?" _Mrs. Vernes repeated with a loud snort. "You poor kid!"

Sakura's eye twitched, but was too occupied with watching Bailey's evil grin apprehensively to be offended.

"Do you want to hold Doikles?" Bailey offered generously, dangling the behemoth closer to Sakura. Sakura shrieked bloody murder and leapt away.

"NO! Get it AWAY!"

"Aw, Bailey, don't be mean," Mrs. Vernes said. "Why don't you put Doikles back?"

Bailey sighed. "But he was nibbling on Mr. Pong when I left him there. He'll eat him if I don't relocate him. See?" She held out her teddy bear to display a small hole chewed in his paw.

"That SPIDER did that?" Sakura yelled. Bailey's mom looked slightly horrified as well.

"Well, I'm sure he was feeling a bit peckish," Bailey said calmly.

"There is no way a spider could gnaw a hole in Mr. Pong's foot, Bailey," her mom said, frowning. "Are you sure that wasn't from Rattish?"

"Oh yeah. Rattish. Hm. Well, it might have been," Bailey nodded assent. "But I guess that was before Doikles ate him."

"I see…." Said Mrs. Vernes, blinking carefully and eyeing Doikles nervously.

_Please, put it back, just put it back, _Sakura thought woozily, trying not to look at the gigantic spider which was now clawing its way up the line descending from Bailey's hand up to her finger. She seemed completely unconcerned when it clambered up over her finger and settled on her hand.

"Okey doke, time to go back to bed, right Doikles?" Bailey said cheerily, skipping out of the room again. When she came back, spider and teddy bear free, Sakura breathed a sigh of relief.

"Now, what are you doing today, then?" Mrs. Vernes asked.

Bailey punched a fist into the air. "We're searching for ways to bridge into different worlds to rescue Abigail from where she was sucked into a different dimension!"

"Oh, okay. The usual, then?"

"Yup!"

"And, erm, Olga is going to help you, then?" Mrs. Vernes placed a delicate stress on "Olga".

"Psht, nah, she's gonna walk behind me and get tomatoes thrown at her."

Mrs. Vernes laughed wryly. "Honestly, Olga, why do you put up with this? Bailey's not this mean even to Abby usually."

Sakura scowled. "I am only putting up with her because I'm… new here, and don't really know where to go."

"New? Oh! Well, Bailey, you should show her around!" Mrs. Vernes said accusingly.

Bailey smiled widely. "No problem! Of course I will! Well, we're off then, Mommy! Let's go, Olga."

"Quit calling me that!" Sakura snapped as they left again, Mrs. Vernes waving crazily at their backs.

They walked a couple metres down the street. "So… show you around, newcomer?" Bailey said, and suddenly whipped around and lunged at Sakura, shoving her into a dumpster. "Welcome to my world, bitch!" she yelled maniacally, as Sakura flailed about in the garbage. "MUAHAHAHHAHA…uh-oh."

Sakura emerged from the trash. She didn't look too impressed. Bailey looked from side to side nervously.

"God or not, I don't care….you will _pay!" _Sakura hissed. _Focus chakra into feet, and… leap! _she though, and leapt up.

…and came back down, stumbling slightly. She had only jumped about two feet in the air.

"What the…?" she muttered, blinking in astonishment. She clasped her hands together. "Bunshin no jutsu!" she yelled.

Nothing. Bailey watched in amusement, as did a group of kids passing by, A couple of them muttered, "freaky" and "weirdo".

Sakura looked hysterical. "My chakra! What's… what's…! Bunshin! Henge!"

Still nothing.

Bailey waited until a flustered Sakura looked up desperately for assistance before glinting a sly grin and saying, "Our jutsus around here are a lot different than the wimpy little ones of your world."

"Hey, Naruto freak!" some guy yelled from the group of kids passing by.

"Why would I be a Naruto freak?" Sakura yelled in disgust. "He's so dumb!"

"Get a life!" they responded.

Sakura twitched. "Get a haircut!"

"Hey, good one," Bailey said. "Much as it pains me to say it. I suppose the occasional thought passing through your forehead that isn't about Sasuke might contain some comebacks once in a while. Kudos."

"Shut up."

---------------

Abigail straightened up from looking under a rock—after all, that was where she would expect Sakura to be found. "Well," she said matter-of-factly, "I think it is safe to say, Naruto, that she is no longer in this world."

Naruto scowled, crossing his arms. "Stop going on about being sucked into a different world! No one believes you!"

"No, I mean she's dead."

"What!" Naruto's head whipped around.

Abigail snickered. Naruto's face darkened as he realized she was making fun of him.

"Hmph," Naruto grouched. "Well, you don't have to look. I'm going to go ask other people to be lookouts." He started to stride purposefully away. Abigail waited about five seconds, and then spoke up.

"Why don't you just use Kage Bunshin?" she asked. Naruto stopped mid-step. He turned slowly to see Abigail leaning against a building inspecting her fingernails.

"I don't like your tone!" Naruto yelled.

"My tone doesn't like you!" she retorted. "Hi, Kakashi."

"Huh?" Naruto asked blankly.

"Right here, Naruto," Kakashi said directly behind him, where Abigail could see him and he couldn't. Naruto jumped and toppled over.

"Don't scare me like that, Kakashi-sensei!" he yelled, getting back up to his feet.

"I was just to see the Hokage," the jounin said, ignoring the indignant Naruto. "He's forming a search party. Meanwhile, I think we should go see Sakura's mother—we were the ones there, and she should hear the story firsthand."

"Yeah, yeah, any excuse to see Haruno-san, ne, Kakashi-sensei? Dirty hentai," Abigail said, winking.

Kakashi's eyebrow twitched. "Don't wink at me; it's disturbing. Please."

"Disturbing like you like it, right?" Abigail winked again cheekily. Kakashi sweatdropped.

(A/N: No, I am not pairing up these two, hahaha. Abigail is just a freak. XD)

"Let's go… where's Sasuke?" Kakashi asked, directing the question at Abigail.

"Northeast," she said promptly. Half a second later, she blinked. "What the hell? Why did I just say that?"

"Because I asked you and so you answered?" Kakashi suggested, raising an eyebrow.

"No, but I didn't even—and why did you ask _me! _I am _not _a fangirl, dammit!" she yelled angrily.

"Oh yeah, my bad. Sorry, but you're a girl, so automatically it seems like—" Kakashi said, scratching the back of his head. "Anyways, how did you know where he is, then?"

Abigail looked terrified. "I dunno…but I can tell! He's moving… farther east now…" she started to walk dazedly. "Bloody hell!" she exclaimed, eye twitching. "Don't tell me girls in Konoha automatically develop a tracking instinct for that Uchiha!"

Naruto and Kakashi exchanged a glance. "Probably," they said together.

Abigail sweatdropped.

"Alright, lead the way, girl with tracking instinct who is definitely not a fangirl!" Kakashi said cheerfully.

"Do you want to get your head bashed in again?"

"Sorry…"

----Ten minutes later----

Mrs. Haruno wrung her hands together. "Oh, Sakura," she moaned. "Where are you?"

Abigail folded her arms with a "hmph!" sound. As far as she was concerned, if nobody was going to believe her, they could damn well wallow in their misery and she would snicker at their suffering.

Sasuke, who they had recruited with some difficulty—he seemed loath to entering a female's house, but they got him in the end, thanks to some subtle threats from his sensei and some not-so-subtle intimidations from Abigail—cast a glance at Abigail, then sighed slightly, as if speaking up was not holy enough by far for him to bother with. "Abigail has an idea as to where they could be," he said dully, not even looking at anyone as he spoke.

Abigail blinked, startled. _Does Sasuke believe me? _she thought, weirded out. _Either that or he's just being considerate… okay, so definitely the former. Well, I guess he did read my e-mail._

Mrs. Haruno shot a stare at the black-haired girl. It clearly said 'Oh God, not you again. Whatever your story is, it will probably be something stupid and will just make the situation worse.'

Abigail smiled cheerily, aware of the poison dripping from Sakura's mother's glance.

_I need some time to gather my wits first, or I will probably lose it when she starts to talk, _Mrs. Haruno thought, deadpanning. She had a short temper and could spaz quite well; as you can see, she was rather similar to her daughter in that way. "Okay… look, all four of you can go sit down in the living room… I'll bring us some tea," she said. (A/N: This is half very traditional Japanese culture, and the other half is terribly Western. I know that it's polite in Japan to offer tea when you have visitors .:sweatdrop:., but I don't know the whole ritual thingy that goes with it. I don't think the host directs them to the living room, though… and why am I talking about this:S)

The fractured Team 7 shuffled off to the living room and knelt around the table while Mrs. Haruno disappeared into the kitchen. Abigail scowled down at her knees; she had yet to become accustomed to sitting like this. It hurt her knees and put her legs to sleep. _Eh… screw it, _she thought, shifting slightly and sitting cross-legged instead. "Much better," she said happily.

Everyone stared. Kakashi sweatdropped and decided not to mention it… Sasuke and Naruto simply stared. Abigail looked back and forth between them for a few long moments.

"What?" she asked finally.

"Nothing," they said simultaneously, staring back down at the table. Abigail raised her eyebrows.

There was a very long silence.

"Beans, beans, the musical fruit," Abigail chanted. Nobody joined in, so she desisted.

Silence.

"I have a beauty mark on my thumb," Abigail announced loudly.

"I used to think beauty marks were dirt, and I would scratch at them for a long

time and wash them for hours on end," Abigail said.

"With yummy-smelling soap," Abigail said.

"Then my mom told me if I picked too long at one spot, I could get cancer," Abigail said.

"So I stopped," Abigail said.

"But I ate some of the soap," Abigail said.

"It didn't taste quite so good as it smelled," Abigail said. "But I told Bailey it did."

"She fell for it… she was all foaming at the mouth and stuff…" Abigail said.

"My toe, is itchy," Abigail said.

"Really itchy," Abigail said.

"Want to scratch it?" Abigail asked, waving her foot in Naruto's face. The spell was broken; Naruto twitched and smacked her foot away.

"Gross!" he exclaimed.

Abigail pouted. "You're mean… where is the Naruto I used to know?" Anime tears squiggled down her face.

"You replaced him," Naruto grouched.

Abigail looked shocked. "What?"

"It's not fair. You talk even more than _me."_

"Well then, talk more!" Abigail chirped. Naruto seemed to perk up. Noticing this, both Kakashi and Sasuke yelled, "No! Don't!"

"You know who's got the right idea… listen to your heart…" Abigail said in a ghostly tone, swishing her hands back and forth in front of Naruto's face. "But anyways. I'm bored! I'm gonna go help Sakura's mom with the tea!" She leapt up. Before any of the others could protest, she had pattered into the kitchen. There was an immediate CRASH, two yelps, and a "hehe, my bad!"

Sasuke deadpanned while Kakashi sweatdropped. Naruto, who seemed to have cheered up immensely, grinned. "So, Kakashi-sensei!" he said loudly, back to his old self.

_Thanks a lot, Abigail… _Kakashi thought wearily.

Meanwhile, Abigail was picking up the pots that she'd knocked over. "Who would hang up a pots rack right by the door… geez…" she muttered, making as much noise clanging them together and dropping them in the sink as she'd made running into them. Mrs. Haruno winced at each noise. Finally Abigail dropped the last one in the sink with gusto, and Haruno-san waited until the echo had died down.

"Um, Abigail, what are you doing?" she questioned nervously.

"I'll help you with the tea!" Abigail said cheerily. She looked back and forth wildly. "What can I do? What can I do?"

"Ahh, well, the tea is actually ready, so you can just go sit down…" Mrs. Haruno said, sweating. All she was hoping for was for Abigail to manage to leave the room without creating a disaster in her wake.

Abigail scowled. "I know what you're thinking! That's _Bailey _that's the clutzy one, remember? _I _didn't blow up no oven. So quit giving me that look! I know! I'll bring the tea out!" she said helpfully.

Mrs. Haruno sighed, defeated. Perhaps the girl was right… it had been the blonde one that destroyed the oven, and though Abigail was just as manic when they were together, creating a duo of disasters, perhaps on her own she was slightly more responsible. "Alright, then," she said warily. "I'll bring the cups out first…" she grabbed a stack of yunomi (A/N: I looked up the word for that Japanese tea cup that's used for green tea…. .:proud look:.) and swept out the door.

Abigail picked up the teapot by its handle daintily. She had taken one step when her eyes fell on something by the sink. She halted.

Mrs. Haruno set the yunomi down in their respective places and knelt down at her place. Everyone waited in awkward silence until Abigail came skipping into the room holding the teapot up high and singing to herself. She plunked it down on a placemat and threw herself back onto the floor, this time sitting with her legs stretched out in front of her. Everyone deadpanned.

Mrs. Haruno poured the tea. It frothed into the cups with suspiciously large bubbles, but nobody noticed that except Abigail, who went into chibi-mode and snickered behind her hand.

With a small bow, everyone picked up their yunomi and took a deep swig (Kakashi turned away to hide his face), except for Abigail, who set hers down at the last second. There was a second of silence, and then a collective gagging around the table. Abigail burst into laughter, falling over on her side at the looks of pure nausea on everyone's faces.

Sasuke was still clutching his throat and gagging, while Naruto roared "Abigail!" Sakura's mom was wobbling on her knees and looking slightly green. Kakashi turned, his mask pulled back up, but his visible eye was swirly.

"I should have known," he croaked.

"What did you put in there?" Mrs. Haruno demanded, eye twitching madly.

Abigail blinked innocently. "Me?"

"Yes, you!"

"Nothing! I left the room momentarily and when I came back, this little potato demon from Mars had just finished pouring dish soap in there, though, and it made me swear not to tell!" she wailed dramatically.

Sakura's mom smashed her hands down on the table, eyes flaming. "FINE! You have messed up pretty much everything you have done in this house! Alright, tea and dish soap aside, let's just get right to the point, so I can get you out of my house! Where is my daughter?"

Everyone stared with huge eyes. _Scary woman… _Abigail thought, one eyebrow twitching.

"Uhhh…" she giggled nervously. "Well, she's kind of in a different world."

There was a long silence. Mrs. Haruno flopped back down onto the floor and rubbed a hand across her forehead. "I should have known better than to even ask. Alright, that's over with." She looked up, her eyes still slightly demonic-looking. She pointed at the door. Abigail scurried out without a word, the others creeping behind her and past Sakura's mom like she was a set bomb.

"Geez, Sakura-chan's mom is a madwoman!" Naruto exclaimed, once they were back outside.

"Tell me about it!" Abigail said, shuddering. "No wonder where Sakura's forehead gets that attitude."

"Don't talk about Sakura-chan as if she's ruled by her forehead!" Naruto said, anger flaring up immediately.

"What? You mean there's something else under that thing?"

Naruto gritted his teeth. "You can't make fun of someone even when she's not here! That's just so low! And I won't allow it!"

Abigail stuck out her tongue. Naruto seemed to snap. His hands flew together in a hand seal. "Kage Bunshin No Jutsu!" he yelled.

Two Narutos appeared on either side of him, but the strange thing was, they were green and frothy. "_Eh?" _Naruto exclaimed, looking at them. Sasuke and Kakashi, who had been on the point of leaving and letting them fight it out, even stopped in their tracks and stared.

"Kakashi-sensei, what's going on?" Naruto yelled, as his clones took a couple of squelchy steps and then disintegrated with a gurgle into a mass of bubbles on the ground.

Kakashi blinked. "Uh…"

"Muahahahahaha!" Abigail cackled. "Bubble clones can't defeat me, buddeh boy!"

"I don't know what's wrong with them!" Naruto cried, at a loss. The remnant of his clones was now simply a small puddle on the street.

Kakashi scratched the back of his head.

"Pfeh. Your jutsus always have something messed up with them," Sasuke said, with a tiny high-and-mighty smirk.

"Shut up! Sasuke-teme!" Naruto's eye twitched. "_You _can't even make clones!"

"I bloody well can so!"

"Not _shadow _clones," Naruto continued to brag. "Nyaaa!"

"Oh yeah… Shadow clones," Sasuke said sarcastically. "Oh so useful. Can your shadow clones do this?"

"Once you're finished spitting testosterone piss at each other," Abigail said, eye twitching, thinking _boys… _in a disgusted tone. Nobody was listening, however, as Sasuke performed the hand seals for his fireball jutsu. "Gokakyu!" He abruptly spewed out a huge mouthful of bubbles.

"Uh… no, I don't think they can," Naruto admitted, staring as Sasuke started gagging and spitting out suds.

"What the… hell? …Abigail… this is _your _fault…" Sasuke snarled, as it dawned on him that the dish soap must be the cause of this.

"Well, gee, I didn't know ninjas couldn't hold their bubbles," Abigail said. "Maybe you're just really bad ninjas!"

Naruto and Sasuke shot her glares that could have cut through stone. "Has it affected you, Kakashi-sensei?" Sasuke asked, a muscle twitching slightly in his face still.

"Huh. Yeah, right," Kakashi said, but did nothing to prove it.

"Suuuure…" Abigail said quietly.

Kakashi blinked at her dully. "You want me to prove it?"

_He seems pretty confident. Hmm. Maybe he's eaten it before? _Abigail thought, mildly disappointed.

"Lightning Edge!" Kakashi yelled, going all dramatic and flashy. Chakra gathered in the palm of his hand, and suddenly burst into an illuminating ball of! Bubbles! (A/N: Betcha didn't see that coming!) Kakashi blinked and looked at the frothing sphere of green bubbles swirling and crackling around. His eye twitched.

"Hah! Looks like Mr. High-And-Mighty isn't immune to the bubbles after all!" Abigail said triumphantly, as the bubbles slowly disintegrated.

"Well, I ate shampoo once, and it didn't do anything like this… err…" Kakashi cut off suddenly, realizing what he'd just said out loud. Naruto laughed loudly.

"HAH! Kakashi-sensei eats shampoo!"

"Shut up dobe, you're hurting my ears," Sasuke snapped.

"You're just pouting because you spat out soap instead of fire! Doesn't look so flashy then!"

"HAH! Sasuke pouts!" Abigail crowed.

Sasuke's eye twitched. "And whose house is being lent to you at the moment, you dobe?" he reminded Abigail.

"…Er…." Abigail looked around shiftily. "I said nothing…" Changing the topic quickly, she looked at Kakashi with starry eyes. "Your lightning edge looks cool even as bubbles! How do I do it?" Without waiting for an answer, she clutched her right wrist with her left hand and yelled "LIGHTNING EDGE!"

She yelped as chakra suddenly flowed from her hand. The area around them lit up by the glow of the lightning flashing from her fist.

"OH MY GOD! HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP?" she shrieked, running back and forth flailing her fist. Kakashi ran after her, yelling instructions on how to make it stop before she put the town to ruin. Naruto and Sasuke sweatdropped, as the two of them careened back and forth across the screen in chibi mode.

Unbeknownst (A/N: I love that word. I really do.) to them, there was another spectator….

Dun dun dun duuunnn! TO BE CONTINUED!

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huffpuff: Hmm... I will have to puzzle over that one a bit...

fizzyxkool-aid: XD. I know, I know... that's why I can't sleep when I don't update for a long time... ahh, the pressure! T.T

Wyrvvn: hahahaha, you're scary! But in a good way of course! Thanks for the review (in play format, no less :P)! n.n

The Magical Whatever: Yay reviews! Yay you! Yay me for flattery:P Ooh... so I guess I definitely better listen to that song pretty soon... n.n

snuggles-n-hugs: Of course you don't. But now you do. (insert freaky smiley with tongue sticking out and squinty eye (you know the one. Right?))

Mixy Lang: Hahaha! If it looks like a chicken and clucks like a chicken, it must be Sasuke... ohh, so true! Excellent! Haha, I salute you. And wow... doesn't your neighbour have a life? Hehehe XD

Song Of A Fallen Angel: hehehe... it may not be for a while, but there will be a reaction... oh, there will... (insert maniacal laughter)

Up4laughs: Oooh! SOUKE! I'm DEFINITELY going to watch that! When I remember. Soon! And I will write you a comment, if I can remember my username on youtube. (shifty eyes)

Crimson Dragongem: Hehe. Hope you enjoyed the encounter with Sakura and Bailey's mom. n.n (Bailey doesn't have a dad... I might go into details on that in later chapters. Then again, I might not.) Anywhom. Hehehe... INSANITY RULES! There. Got that over with as well. n.n

Purplenek0: I got the idea of bubble chakra from my cousin, who reads this story but doesn't know where to find it on the internet. (I send it to her with the swear words edited out... she's kind of sensitive about those, haha XD) But yes. I'm glad I piqued the interest of -someone-:P

ghostioanddaigona: For one thing. I hope you know I hate writing out your username. Haha. But I've developed this way of remembering it! It's like... "ghostia. and. daigona"! Wow! Coicidence... I think not. Hm. I may be on to something here. Anyways! Glad you're back, and thanks for the review!

Scribbie: Thank you, thank you... I don't rush my story (hence the uber-long breaks once in a while (shifty eyes)) but I'm glad to hear someone encourages it instead of being all "UPDATE! UPDATE! NOW, BIATCH!" (me: O.o) Although I like those reviews as well, as they're a form of flattery. n.n Ah heck, I like all reviews. But anywhom. Bailey has fans? Omg, she'll be glad to hear that. Yay! Hehe, well, bye!

Jay-chan: My first anonymous reviewer since chapter 1! Whoo! The weirdness. Nostalgia! Well, not really. Whatever. Heh. As I said to Song Of A Fallen Angel, there will definitely be a reaction of Sakura's to the whole Bailey-Sasuke thing coming in later... later, but it will be there. Kehehehe. Thanks for the anonymous review!

Sevenlevels: Hmm. Well, I read a little blog thingy of Masashi Kishimoto's once saying his original role for Sakura was actually that of an ugly, annoying girl (he changed that later as she started to grow on him, but that's why she was so detestable in the first episodes), so I feel justified in merely agreeing with him, hehe. But hmm, it is a point to ponder that she does have this odd, unique ability... to get every guy to protect her incompetent self... :P. And now I'm just bashing her. I can be really very cruel sometimes. So. AbigailxShino! Omg! I LOVE Shino! He is so uber-cool and it makes me sad that he's neglected. T.T I agree... I would love to pair someone with him, but the thing is... I have based Abigail on a friend of mine who is terrified of bugs... so yah, even if I thought "kehehe, that makes it even cuter! 3" (which I do, haha), she would not be too thrilled with my decision... so that's a no-no, unfortunately. :(

summer-loven-2: Yeey! Thank yew for yo kind words! n.n And I updated fairly quickly, I think? Riiight?

Eryn Goddess of Chaos: Ooh! Another anonymous review! That's a pretty thorough name for an anonymous signature. If it were me I would probably be like "cf" or something. Hehe, I did contemplate Gaara. And yes... Sakura bashing! Wahoo! Always fun.

minimuffin-on-acid: I. LOVE. your. name!


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